Poly-WHAT????

JAN: The Boston Globe seems preoccupied with personal relationships these days, running a cover article on its G Magazine Saturday about why some spouses can forgive infidelity and others can't, and following it up with Sunday's cover story on Polyamory.

For those of you who aren't as hip as we are in Boston, polyamory is the latest. It's for people who reject monogamy in favor of multiple relationships. We aren't talking about cheaters, though, we are talking about an open acceptance, of three, four, hey even five or six, people into an adult, sexual relationship.

Generally though, it's a married couple who carry on longterm relationships with either another couple or separate boyfriends or girlfriends. Or a married couple that's allowed to still date others. Unlike Tony Soprano, you aren't allowed to lie about it. And unlike Tony Soprano, it's important to spend a lot of time intellectually just-

ifying it.

Where these people find the time, I don't know. But the more pressing question is: Could you do it??

I have married friends with a higher tolerance than I might have for a spouses' one night stand. But although I know it happens, I don't know anyone personally who would put up with a long-term affair. And even the fictional people I know who put up with it, like Carmela Soprano, all women. I don't

know any men who would stand for it.

But maybe I'm just so 2009, and this is so 2010. But how about you??? Are you hip enough?? And do you have any husbands out there who would be willing to go bowling with you and your new boyfriend?

HALLIE: First of all, it sounds like a skin disease. I saw the article about who can and can't forgive, but I missed the follow-up. As for me, boring boring boring and strictly monogamous, and I would NOT forgive, so don't even think about it. Even when I was single, I was a one at a time girl. Dumped the cheaters and never looked back.

ROBERTA: I didn't see the articles but the psychologist in me lights on the phrase "important to spend a lot of time intellectually justifying it." Because it seems quite unlikely that a second or third or fourth relationship wouldn't drain some of the life and intimacy out of the first one. Certainly there are relationships where the third party keeps the marriage in balance--like a three-legged stool. Take the girlfri

end (or boyfriend) away, and the marriage falls apart. Dr. Rebecca Butterman would say these folks might want to take a look at what they're avoiding in their marriages:).

JAN: Oh, I forgot to mention the part of the article where these people have to go to counseling to make the relationships work, or to make sure the other party doesn't feel neglected.

RHYS: I suppose there are women who like being married to a rich, powerful guy but are glad that some other woman provides the sex. I'm sure the idea appeals to a lot of men, but aren't women programmed to be monogamous? But I find it hard to picture a partnership in which both partners are happy with a boyfriend/girlfriend taking the time and affection of their spouse. On the other hand I've always enjoyed close, non-sexual friendships with men. Luckily I have a spouse who thinks it's fine if I want to go to lunch with a guy, but a couple of these friendships ended when the wife got upset and jealous.

HANK: Oh, no no no. NO. It's just--cringe-worthy. And sounds like people trying to justify something that emotionally cannot work. I mean--can you imagine? And you're so right, Jannie, who would even have time? But even if I had time, that isn't what I'd do. I'm sorry, I'm being judgmental, but its creepy, disrespectful, dishonest and impossible. Yes, pals with other people, fine.

JAN: Yes, close friendships with men are, well friendships. That's okay. They tend not to cause the same kind of havoc as say, dating. At least in my house. So tell us, is this polyamory stuff the wave of the new decade or just a reconstituted version of the sixties' free love?