Monday, November 5, 2018

A Tantalizing Question


DON'T FORGET TO VOTE TOMORROW!


HANK PHILLIPPI RYAN: Here's a question for you. A tantalizing one. And your first answer might change.


On some random #HankonTour television, I saw a fragment of a show where panelists were talking about how there was a new medical test that would calculate how long you would live. They do nine separate tests, and then it gives the estimate of how many more years you have left  to live.


I keep thinking about this. 


They asked: if you could know, would you want to know? My first answer was no. Then yes. Then I started analyzing, over-analyzing, you know me, and thinking well, there are so many possibilities of what might happen that how could anyone know anything and so, all in all that is really silly.


On the other hand (you know me) if the doctor said whoa, your cholesterol (or whatever ) is what's hurting this number. If you change this, and take the test again next year, your "years-left" number could change. 

Is it more...persuasive if there's a number?  They revealed someone's results on the show--to a person who didn't know them--and she was 40 or so, and was told her life span would be 42 years longer. Her face--I wish you could have seen it. Well, actually, I don't.


I almost decided this was too morbid to discuss. Is it? Or what do you think?  Or is this not only realistically impossible but medically impossible? 


RHYS BOWEN: I'd absolutely want to know. If they said two years then I would say all the things I'd meant to say, make all the time for friends I'd meant to make, travel to all the places I wanted to see, not worry about spending big bucks on a meal or a necklace.

 I'd stop to gaze at sunsets, watch the waves, listen to music. . Essentially live knowing that my days were numbered. But there are so many variables, aren't there? I was in a major car accident the other day. Hit from behind. Knocked into oncoming traffic. You can do everything right and then fate intervenes. So who can actually tell how long they have? I think the answer is to make the most of every day.

HANK: Rhys! SO scary. And we are...so happy you are okay. There are no words for how happy.


JULIA SPENCER-FLEMING; No, no, no. Far better to live as if any day (or week, or month) might be your last. How do you do that? Keep in touch with your loved ones. Be kind as frequently as possible. Do your work well, with pride. I can tell you from my experience, when the end is in sight, people who have lived well don't spend time regretting they never made it to that bucket-list cruise or concert or ball game. Because they remember the cruises and concerts and ball games they DID get to. 

Scripture says, "No man knows the day or hour..." That seems about right to me.


JENN McKINLAY: I don't want to know just like I didn't want to know if my babies were boys or girls or had three heads or not. (Spoiler alert: I had boys. One head apiece).
I like surprises, yes, even the bad ones. I like mystery, yes, even the unsolvable. And I like living every day as if it's my last, precisely because I don't know if it is or not. What is that George Strait song? "Life's not the breaths you take. But the moments that take your breath away." I'm good with that.

LUCY BURDETTE: I have to say that this question gives me the shivers! I’m not entirely sure that if I learned my time was very short that I wouldn’t retreat into a quivering blob. On the other hand, Rhys and Jenn make excellent points. Shouldn't we be living as though our time was short anyway because who knows? And, to Hanks point about how knowing might help make lifestyle changes, isn’t that what a physical is for? My intention is to try to live as though I have A lot of time left, while straddling the line of seizing every moment just in case. Because really, I think that’s the best we can do anyway. And make sure we read enough and talk enough and do enough good along the way...


INGRID THOFT:  This is the second time this year I’ve contemplated this question.  The first was at a book event celebrating “The Immortalists” by Chloe Benjamin, a terrific book in which four siblings learn the date of their deaths when they are still children and the effect it has on their lives.  My answer then, and now, is hell no!  I try to live knowing that there are no promises in terms of life span, so go for it:  write that book, say you’re sorry, take that trip.  But you also can’t live your life dreading the end, and I’m afraid an end date would color my remaining days.  As Muhammad Ali said, “Don’t count the days…make the days count.



HALLIE EPHRON: What an interesting question. Thinking... I would want to know if I had a limited time left, like a year or two. Or maybe not – because then it could become a self-fulfilling prophecy. So don’t tell me. Please. Or do. Or...

-->
My related question: what if you knew for sure that you were coming back after. Would that make a difference in how you lived your last years?

DEBORAH CROMBIE: I absolutely would NOT want to know. I can't even contemplate what it would like to have that hanging over me, whether it was two years or thirty. And even if it was medically possible to be that accurate, that doesn't mean you might not get hit by a bus tomorrow. But thinking about this is a good reminder that we should make the most of every day, appreciate our lives, be the best people we can be, do some good in the world. (Ingrid, that book sounds creepily fascinating.)

HANK: So, see? It's a very unsettling question--and yes, of course, it underscores the need for us all to live in the present, be grateful, notice the world and be kind.  To accept the mystery of life.  


And, possibly,  to eat the French fries. 


But that aside, Reds and readers, would you want to know? Or what do you even think about that question? Or about being given that option? Let us know. 



106 comments:

  1. Rhys, automobile accidents are so scary; I’m glad to hear that you are okay.

    Put me firmly in the camp of not wanting to know how many days remain in my life. I’d much rather live every day being the best person I can be, remembering that it’s not the time I have that matters, it’s what I do with that time that counts . . . .

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  2. No, I would not want to know. But if I did learn something like that I probably wouldn't put too much stock in it unless my end was coming up really quickly. As mentioned, there are too many unknowns and medicine is always advancing. A disease expected to kill someone within ten years or so might be curable five years from now. And, Rhys, I'm glad you're okay too.

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    1. Exactly! But what if you could learn something to make you live longer?

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    2. I'm sure there are many things I could do to live longer, like ... give up French fries! But is a life without French fries really worth living?

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  3. Glad you are all right, Rhys! Whew.

    I'm with the rest of you - no. I'm going to keep writing my books, loving my lovies, enjoying the beauty of fall and the taste of wine and the smell of orchard apples - while still exercising and eating salads!

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    1. Of course! But even if there were one thing you could do that would change that number? That you wouldn’t have known about otherwise?

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  4. I don't really contemplate the question. I like to think that the Billy Joel song "Only The Good Die Young" is how my life will go.

    I suppose if the time frame was short I'd want to know to make sure I had everything in order so it's less hassle on those left behind.

    But if it was a long ways off, I'd probably not want to know.

    Call it a situational desire for the knowledge I suppose.

    Of course, I did have the French fries last night, so I think we all know which way I'm likely to be heading.

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    1. That’s why everyone wants to sit by you, Jay! To share the french fries! Well… One reason at least. Xxx

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    2. I don't know Hank, I would have to buy you your own French fries. I don't like to share mine...:D

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    3. Oh Jay, thank you! I'm going to roll the phrase "situational desire for the knowledge" around in my thoughts for quite some time.

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  5. I spent the weekend raking leaves, taking a break for a glass of fresh apple cider. Cincinnati has five months of summer, followed by a short fall, before the gloomy gray skies of winter. I savor every day and make the most of it. And eat healthy stuff and beat my body at the gym.

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  6. I never did want to know such a thing! I have read books where the characters find out when they will die and it seems to never turn out well! Of course, medically, they might be able to do the test and predict when you will die, but do they actually test for every disease? Then there is always that proverbial bus that you can get hit by or a plane crash, etc. I just don't think it is truly possible to predict when we take that last breath.
    I also never wanted to find out what sex or if there was something medically wrong with any of my babies. Seeing I needed c-sections for 4 out of 5 births, I already knew what date and time they would be born! I did have 5 healthy baby girls!

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    1. Yes, I always think that knowing the sex of your baby is such a debatable question! Pros and cons on both sides, right?

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    2. congrats on all your daughters Deb! I've noticed that young mothers are sometimes opting not to know the sex, which is hard to pull off these days with all the medical advances!

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    3. Our adorable next-door neighbors just had their third child, and they opted not to know the sex of any of them. Tally, so far: Boy, age 5; girl, age 17 months; girl, 6 weeks.

      We didn't want to know, either, although more than 30 years ago it was not the more exact process it is now.

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    4. Yes,I can see not knowing--but might knowing make the baby seem more like a real person? Lola, instead of "baby"? Just wondering...

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    5. I knew for the Smithie, my oldest, because I had so many ultrasounds (I was a high-risk pregnancy.) And I knew for Youngest, because I had amniocentesis due to my "advance maternal age" of 39. But we opted not to know in advance for The Sailor, and wow was I surprised when the doctor held up a boy!

      My advice to expecting parents would be: whether or not you find out the sex, DO NOT tell anyone the name you pick in advance. Everyone you know will weigh in on your choice.

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    6. Oh, so true! It is absolutely irresistible… Even if you stay quiet, you make a face. A tiny micro expression, right?

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  7. Like Ingrid, I read the wonderful "The Immortalists" recently, and it was the first place my mind went. But that aside, I have to agree with Julia about just trying to live every day/week/month as though it may be your last.

    My father died at age 51, when I was only 13, and my mother was adamant in teaching me this one lesson: if you want to do something, do it now. Don't put off until retirement or some other "right time" as it may never come. She used to say it primarily in terms of having the fun, taking the vacation, etc., but as I've matured I've come to incorporate also applying it to saying the kind word, healing the rift in the relationship, expressing the love and appreciation, etc.

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  8. I was sure I'd posted a response to this! As the first one, I wrote that YES, I'd like to know if the answer was "within a year or two" - I might re-prioritize. But the truth is I wouldn't believe it if anyone told me they knew when I was going to die. So I'd probably behave as usual but be terrified most of the time. Not good.

    What I want to know is: DO WE COME BACK? And would I behave differently if I knew we did?

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    1. Oh, another blog for another day! (and your comment is back in...)

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    2. "To die must be an awfully great adventure." -PETER PAN

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  9. It's odd that this question would come up this morning. Last night I had a reoccurring dream. In this dream, we learn that our mother is dying--again. She had died and we had a funeral, then my father was ill and at the hospital we discover my mom is alive. Amazing, the doctors say, with no explanation, and send her home. And in this dream I'm trying to determine how many more years she was with us and she doesn't seem to be perturbed by the news. My sisters and I joke with her--can we give her the same tombstone this time?

    I come down on the side of not wanting to know the date of my death--if I had the test run three times in a row, would I get three different results? As for my dream, we cherished our mother every day we had her with us--and when she came back, we faced the fact that some day she would have to die again--and so we cherished every day we had her with us. No grand changes--no grand plans. Just loved her and realized that her love is always with us. This is the legacy I would want to leave behind me--

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    1. Oh, that is beautiful. SO beautiful. Thank you for telling us.

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    2. what an amazing dream Flora! and great lesson...

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  10. These are the sort of thoughts that make my brain itch. Kind of like infinity. best not to even think about it!

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    1. Or the universe, Judi! Like, if there is a universe, what's beyond it? Gah.

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  11. But as I said, not PHILOSOPHICALLY, because we all know "How" to live. But IF you could know that there was something you could do to prolong your life, and the test would show exactly what it was--and I'm talking medically only, not psychologically. THEN would you want to know??

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    1. I don't think so. I've already told my daughters not to keep my body alive via heroic measures. Quality of life is more important than quantity.

      But... I've also not been confronted with such a choice.

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    2. Medically is a different story, isn't it? I definitely would want to know if I was going to develop diabetes, for instance, unless I changed X (diet, exercise) and I'd want to know if I had something inevitable coming my way, like Huntingdon's Disease. But there's nothing you can do about the latter, is there, other than elect not to have kids to possibly pass it on to.

      So IF there's something that could be done to prevent my upcoming demise, then yes, I'd want to know. But if there were a test that showed I was going to come down with something hitherwise incurable, no, I don't want to know. As Hallie said, I'd still behave the same, but be terrified all the time.

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    3. Would you really be terrified, Julia?

      I've changed my mind about death over the years, and have lost most of my fear of it. Except for driving in traffic.

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    4. It is such a difficult thing! If I had some terrible disease, no, I would not want to know. But then there are stories about people who find something like that out, and go— skydiving or bungee jumping or something crazy risky, and then love it, and then get well. Sigh.

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  12. Good question! And interesting answers, too.

    My dad died unexpectedly at age 39, in June of 1969, one month after my high school graduation. I'd spoken to him disrespectfully the last time I'd seen him (my parents were divorced, and he lived about 20 miles away), and never had the chance to rectify the hurt feelings I know for sure I caused.

    That experience has informed my life ever since. I always tell my friends and family that I love them, and try not to leave anything on the table, relationship-wise. Naturally, this does not always work--I'm as human as anyone else. But this also means having no regrets, for the most part.

    It also means I use the good china, and take the opportunity to travel, including across the country if it means seeing a dear one. My father-in-law died at age 93, and he had LIVED his life, to the fullest. He was such an inspiration, and I don't think he would have changed a thing. My mother is the same, at almost 89. I hope I get to live such a long life, but if the cards are different for me, I really want to know I've done my best to wring as much out of my time here as possible.

    As for coming back, Hallie, I think we do. My personal belief system includes the idea of reincarnation, learning lessons in each of our lives, until we attain the perfection of total understanding. Which might explain why some people are not very highly evolved. In their last lives they were snakes.

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    1. Oh Karen, I feel for you losing your father like that. Sudden death can leave jagged edges in our lives that we spend a lifetime trying to heal in ourselves and others.

      As for reincarnation, I REALLY do not like snakes, but there are much lower life forms. For me, I would say that a human being who is willfully selfish, divisive, immoral, etc, etc, and is in a position to do great good but instead chooses great harm--that, to me, personifies one of the lowest lifeforms possible. Not that I'm gonna name any names, but....

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    2. My dad also died suddenly, at 62, Karen. Luckily I had no rift to mend, but I had delayed going home to California to see him that spring and always regret I didn't squeeze in that last visit in.

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    3. My mom lost her dad this way, too. She made sure my brother and I understood that you don't let time together end in angry words - ever. Very valuable lesson.

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    4. The most. It is very touching to hear this story…

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  13. I don't think about it and I don't want to know. I'd spend all that remaining time trying to jam as much as possible in, or worry obessessively, and I wouldn't enjoy it at all. It turns the list of "things I'd love to do" into a checklist. For me, that would strip the fun right out.

    And as others have said, medicine might say one thing and the next day you're hit by a bus. So be kind, have fun, help others, enjoy the sunsets, and eat the chocolate!

    Mary/Liz

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  14. Another warning on putting off the good things. A friend's husband promised they would travel when he retired. He had a heart attack and died on their first trip. She has plenty of money and travels alone. How sad. At least John and I have always traveled, even back in the days when we had no money and stayed in crummy rooms.

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    1. Yikes! Just wanted to say I'm glad you're alright.

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    2. Oh my gosh.... so complicated. So very very complicated .

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    3. Rhys, also happy to hear that you are okay after that frightening accident! Also, I think there is some statistic about increased risk of heart attack for men at retirement.

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    4. So scary, Rhys - I still have a muscle memory of a car accident I was in when I was 16.

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  15. I mean of course, we can’t REALLY know— because of the infinite variables. But I just found out a friend, reporter, took a test —not this one —- just for a story to illustrate how this test was available, and found out she had some sort of incredibly dangerous arterial blockage, something like that, and they threw her into the hospital and now she’s fine. So, I don’t know…

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    1. Well, after my older sister had cardiac arrest last Christmas (and rather miraculously recovered and is fine), I right away requested a full cardiac workup, because she had had zero symptoms or risk factors. Blessedly I don't seem to be verging on the same kind of attack.

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  16. I agree with Karen. Live life fully and don't worry about the end date. I think women in our culture are raised to put everyone else first--husband, kids, aging parents. While I certainly believe in being kind and caring for my loved ones, the things I regret are the things I didn't do. Many years ago I went to a gallery show and saw a pencil sketch I just loved. But I opted to use the money it would cost to pay the electric bill instead. It was the practical thing to do. Now I look back and see that I could have done both, and I'd still be enjoying that sketch long after I'd forgotten the electric bill. So screw the electric bill, and the end-of-life worries. Be here now, and make "now" as fabulous as you can. Don't get stuck in a rut. Eat the steak, buy the painting, travel to your dream destinations. Don't be boring.

    And Rhys, that accident sounds like the perfect excuse to schedule a whole series of massages for yourself. I know you'll be sore. It's time for some pampering.

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  17. Gigi, don’t be boring! Is so perfect! When I think of the times on those long days of summer, when I was 10, and my sister and I would whine— I’m so bored! I have to laugh… How could that have been? And it was probably because we could not pick from all the things we had available to do!

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    1. One of my favorite teachers in college said the Eleventh Commandment was "Thou shalt not be boring."

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  18. I would like to know, and from what Hank wrote, this is an estimate, not a "death date." The social security website has a longevity app if anyone is interested. It is based on date of birth, life style, a few other things, and it's free.

    Rhys and I are of an age. I wonder if that is why we'd choose to know? At some point I stopped being afraid of death and more concerned about dying. Whatever happens, I have DNR tattooed on my chest. It would be great to live each day as if it were my last, but I don't do that, and I'm not sure many people can. Otherwise who would resist the french fries, get up and go to work, or clean the toilet?

    Being of the smoking generation and now a long term non-smoker, if I knew I were going to die within the next year, the first thing I'd do is buy a carton of cigarettes. So shoot me.

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    1. My husband says the same thing, Ann. He would also buy a brand-new Corvette.

      Which is a waste, in my opinion, but it's his life.

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    2. So many interesting decisions! Yes, it’s really intriguing…

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    3. Ann, your comment made me think about what I've given up that I'd take back up if I knew I was about to kick it. I'd turn up the thermostat in the house. Eat potato chips.

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    4. My main thought is I'd eat whatever I want and not worry about my weight. And I'd drink alcohol whenever I damn well pleased, regardless of the time of day or (again, a recurring theme) the caloric burden. And I'd find a way to do some travel that I keep yearning to do but can't seem to afford.

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    5. Always eat dessert first. Just in case.

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    6. Wouldn't that be FUN? I often think--what if it just didn't matter? What would I do? Not mess with my hair, for one thing. Maybe.

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  19. Someone I grew up with’s Mom was given six months to live after she was diagnosed with an aggressive form of cancer. That was well over a decade ago, and she is living cancer free.

    Doctors don’t know everything despite what they try to tell you. They know a lot, but not everything.

    Not to mention this has no way of factoring in random accidents.

    It truly is better to keep your priorities in order every day.

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  20. PSA: Whether or not you know the how/when/why of of your demise, you should have a legal will; a living will; advance directive; medical POA; literary executor; etc. etc. all in place, notarized and in an accessible spot in case of emergency. If you have wishes about your medical care, get it in writing and choose someone to enforce it. If you have wishes about burial, put it in writing. There is a plain language document called Five Wishes that can direct you through all of the choices (medical, legal, funeral) and walks you through hard and soft decisions about end of life care. Also, record your passwords someplace so your social media accounts don't keep popping up to wish you happy birthday 5 years after you're dead! (end of unsolicited advice)

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    1. Ramona,

      That is excellent advice - which is now on my to do list. Thank you!

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    2. So right so right! And have you ever worried about what someone might stay at your funeral? That haunts me, actually, quite a bit.

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    3. Once it's done, it's a huge relief, Jenn. Hank, I don't want a funeral. I want my friends and family to hold a literary reading in my honor. Saves people the pain of writing a eulogy!

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    4. We have a "IF I GET HIT BY A BUS" file - it has accounts, passwords, where we hide the safe deposit box key...

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    5. Brilliant idea, Ramona. And so smart, Hallie !

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    6. Excellent advice. And to those of you with pets, please do your best to find someone who will agree to care for them if you die. They are counting on you to keep them safe, whether or not you are physically around to do so yourself.

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  21. Do I want to know when I might die? No thank you. I'd rather be surprised.
    My mom died six months ago and she had me make a list of people she wanted contacted when that happened. It was a short list since she was 98, but it was nice to have. My mother-in-law died last week and we are still preparing for her sendoff. She left a booklet with her wishes as to the kind of service she wanted and where. It is very handy to have since she suffered from dementia her last few years and wouldn't have been able to tell us anything.

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    1. Sounds like a good way to 'go out.'

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    2. Hmmmm, Pat D. Such a helpful thing to all involved, right?

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  22. No, I don't want to know. It would be a distraction in a bad way for me. The whole live life today as if it's your last day isn't going to happen every day, but to try and get something positive out of every day is a great goal. And, of course, we shouldn't put off talking to and being with family and friends. Also, don't be so damn hard on yourself all the time. I've had two friends diagnosed with cancer in the last week, and it does certainly make you sit up and take notice. Something I did was rather silly, but it was good for me. I hadn't had bologna in years, and I used to love a piece of bologna between two slices of fresh white bread, nothing else. I went and bought a package of bologna and have had several sandwiches. Now I know it's not the best food choice, and I don't plan on it becoming a regular part of my diet, but it was most satisfying and even comforting. So, I guess we all need to take care of ourselves and plan to live a long time, but every once in a while, have the bologna sandwich. Buses hit people, and you might just be such a casualty.

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    1. The balogna realization! That is so perfect…

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    2. Kathy, you have expressed my sentiments exactly!

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    3. Bologna. (Which I just sang as I spelled.)

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  23. I have mixed feelings about this. If I were diagnosed with a grave illness I would want to know the prognosis. But to just take a test out of curiosity about the results? I don’t know, unless there was a family history of something that could kill me prematurely. And still, I don’t know. Several people close to me have been diagnosed with cancer in the past few months or so, and I have been thinking about death a lot more than I would like to. One of them died not long after the diagnosis, and the others appear to be doing well, and I do believe they will survive. But it’s given me so much to think about! All my paperwork is in order, and has been for a long time. I wonder if I might want to make some legal changes if I knew I would die at a certain time; I just don’t know. When I was run over by a car last year and realized that I came within inches of suffering fatal injuries I started thinking about death a little more. As you can see, my thoughts on all of this are kind of scattered! I want to remember to be kind, to assume the best about people, to be a good listener, etc., so that I won’t die with regrets about my relationships with the people in my life.

    When I was in fourth grade, my grandmother’s brother, who rode a bike to and from work for the exercise was hit by a bus, and killed.So yes, you can do all the right things!

    DebRo

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    1. I think..seriusly. They are separate things. You can take care of yourself, and do the proper medical checkups. You can live like a kind and humane person, and be grateful and present. ANd--you never know. All that. All at the same time.

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    2. Seriously. I spend my days correcting typos. xoxo

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  24. Science cannot factor in fate. If you know and start 'designing' what you think is the perfect life for your remaining time perhaps you don't experince what you were supposed to or meet someone that was to have a profound effect on you.
    You will be writing and shaping your own story and perhps it isn't the one destiny (or whatever higher power you believe in) had planned for you.

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    1. Yup. Exactly. But there is science, which is valuable, and fate, which , um, is what it is. It's not one OR the other. It's both.

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  25. Another thought, late, because I've thought about Hank's question all day.

    My sister-in-law had ovarian cancer for 12 years. She took rounds of chemo and radiation, went through the hair loss thing, and smoking (then illegal) weed for the nausea. Her children were 12 and 9 when she was diagnosed, and the older one had to grow up fast. SIL got divorced, so her daughter ran the household. Every aspect of their lives was tinged with the cancer.

    At the very same time a dear friend and colleague was having what she thought was chronic back problems. All the years I knew her, through working for someone else, and then helping her and a mentor starting up a big-deal dot com, she smelled of Ben-Gay. She knew she could never have kids, and she was young, so she rarely went to a gynecologist. She got married, and I went to Vancouver for her joyous family wedding in the Mission countryside. At Christmastime that year she found out she, also, had ovarian cancer. Canada has very good palliative care, so after just a month or two of chemo, losing her hair and her eyesight, Lisa said no more, and she died in hospice just a month after my sister-in-law did.

    One knew, and lived her life in service of that horrible disease. The other did not know, and she lived life as fully as she could manage it. I think I would choose Lisa's route, myself.

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    1. What a moving story, Karen. And, for what it's worth, I agree with you - I don't want to know my end-date and I definitely don't want to live my life in service to cancer. Too much of that in my circle, thank you. Life is for the living and I'm doing it. Come what may. I'll deal with that when it arrives. In the meantime, I have things to do!

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    2. Brilliant brilliant brilliant, and a perfect explanation.

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  26. No, I wouldn't want to know when I would die. What if they said 2 years, so I spent money and did things, and then didn't die and didn't have enough money to live well anymore? Besides it would be scary and maybe self-fulfilling.

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    1. Sally, I am sorry. You are so beautifully practical, you made me laugh. xoxo

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  27. Ingrid, this reminded me of the book The Immoralists.

    Hank, Would I want to know? Yes. Yes, I would want to know for the same reasons that Rhys mentioned. On another note, I almost died when I had meningitis. I was on life support for 7 weeks and minutes after the doctor pulled me off life support, I was breathing on my own.

    Rhys, I am glad you survived and hope you are feeling better soon.

    Diana

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    1. Diana. That is..chilling. How old were you?

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    2. It was the summer before my 2nd birthday. I learned about this years later. Instead of losing my life, I lost my hearing! I came home from the hospital and I had to learn everything again. I was talking and walking before being stricken with meningitis. Now babies get vaccine to prevent meningitis. There was no vaccine available when I was a baby.

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  28. Oh--you how apprehensive I was about posting this--I truly wondered whether it was too morbid. But hearing your thoughtful, inspirational and moving posts, and hearing that you're thinking about it--well, that's so touching and so reassuring . Love you all so much. Tomorrow, FUN.

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  29. What a great question! I don't think I'd want to know because life and fate so often intervene.

    We have a good friend who is 102(!!!). She still teaches water aerobics and volunteers at the hospital. Of course, she's often asked her secret to being so long-lived. She shrugs and says that she has no idea, other than to love and be loved. <3

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