Sunday, June 9, 2019

When Your Personal Life is Material for Your Work by Jenn McKinlay

Jenn McKinlay: In a different lifetime, I was a part-time librarian. It was a great job. I loved my coworkers, the books, the public, the books, the atmosphere, the books, well, you get the idea. The library was my happy place.

That was right up until a patron got the wrong idea about my smiling helpfulness. He was asking for books on how to care for his hamster and I gamely jumped in, making his mission my mission as I did with any and all reference questions. When he left the building, he had a stack of hamster books in his arms, and I felt as if my mission was accomplished. 


Sadly, this patron took my friendliness the wrong way. The next time he appeared at my desk, he had a stack of planning your wedding books for me. He pushed them towards me and said, "I think June 1st would be a lovely day to get married." ACK!!!




It got worse. He sat near my reference desk and stared at me for hours. He waited for me when I left the building. I started looking over my shoulder constantly and spent my days on edge. The administrators at the time (they've since retired) were hesitant to kick him out of the building for fear of violating his civil rights. Excuse me?! And we wonder why women don't feel heard.

Finally, a detective from the Phoenix PD came to see me, sent by a friend who was the head of the liquor commission at the time. He listened to my story and told me he'd never seen a case of stalking handled so poorly by the powers that be (library admin) in all his years on the force. He and a partner went to talk to my stalker and convinced him to stay clear of me and the building I worked in for at least a year. Turns out, the guy had a history of stalking and had done jail time before. 

September 2019

So, when it came time to write WORD TO THE WISE, I knew I wanted to settle some old scores, right some wrongs, and exorcise some demons. Here is a snippet as librarian Lindsey Norris struggles with how to handle a patron, who is overstepping:

     Lindsey was going over the agenda of the next library board meeting with the president, Milton Duffy, in the main part of the library when Mayor Hensen and his right hand man, Herb Gunderson, came into the building. The mayor was known for his politician’s thousand-watt smile but at the moment, there was no sign of it. Not even a twitch of his lips.
     “Good afternoon, Mayor, Herb,” Lindsey greeted them.
     “A word, Lindsey,” Mayor Henson said. He kept walking, not even slowing down, towards Lindsey’s office. She gave Milton a wide-eyed look and followed the mayor into the workroom to the back where her office was. She felt Ms. Cole watching, and she turned and shrugged with a bewildered expression. Ms. Cole, who was not a fan of the mayor, smiled.
     Once in the office, the mayor and Herb took the two seats across from her desk and Lindsey sat down behind it. 
     “Can I get you anything?” she offered. “Coffee, water, soda?”
     “No thank you,” Mayor Hensen said. Herb didn’t say anything and Lindsey knew that the nature of their relationship meant that the mayor was answering for Herb as well. 
     “We’re here to discuss a matter of concern brought to us by a resident of Briar Creek,” Herb said.
     Lindsey felt her heart sink. This was how they always began a discussion when someone wanted to ban a book. While the mayor and Herb tended to be more interested in placating the patron, Lindsey took a hard line on not banning books. Period.
     She straightened her back. If they tried to get rid of one of her paper bound babies, well, there was going to be a fight.
     “Mr. Aaron Grady stopped by my office and told us that he’d been banned from using the library by the chief of police,” Mayor Hensen said. “Is this true?”
     Lindsey felt her face get warm. She did not want to have to explain this situation to the mayor. It was awkward and embarrassing and in a town where most of the department heads were male, she was afraid this was going to make her look weak and ineffectual. Her resentment spiked. She decided to stick to the facts.
     “I believe Chief Plewicki spoke to him about his inappropriate behavior,” Lindsey said. “Last I saw, she followed him out of the building and I haven’t heard from her since. I expect she’ll be in touch to give me more details when she gets the chance. If she banned him from the building, that’s welcome news to me.”
     “What was inappropriate about his use of the library?” Herb asked.
     “At the time, he was sitting at a desk and staring at me,” she said. 
     The two men exchanged a look. 
     “For an hour,” Lindsey said. “Just staring. And when I came into my office after being out there, he dragged a desk and chair into the shelving so he could continue to do so.”
     She pointed out the office window at the stacks but the desk and chair had already been moved back to their original location.
     “Do you think you might be overreacting?” Herb asked. Lindsey glowered.
      “He brings me roses from his garden,” she said. They stared at her, clearly waiting for more. “He pops up in town, wherever I am.” They weren’t getting it. “He showed up at my house.”
     The men exchanged a look. Herb cleared his throat and said, “Lindsey, you’re an attractive woman, and I mean that as an unbiased observation of fact and not in any way inappropriately.”
     “Okay,” Lindsey said. She wasn’t sure what to make of this.
     “So, is it really unreasonable for a man to notice you?” Herb asked.
     The mayor nodded as if to say what he said.
    “I mean,” Herb continued. “Can’t you just take it as a compliment and not have him kicked out of the building?”
     Lindsey returned their gazes, studying the two men sitting in front of her. She liked them. They were both good, solid family men. The sort who went to church every Sunday, doted on their moms, coached little league and soccer in their spare time. They were solid, salt of the earth types of guys. They could never imagine what it felt like to be a victim of unwanted attention and Lindsey didn’t know how to explain it beyond the fact that it sucked. She went with the facts.
     “No, I can’t,” she said. “Because it’s not a compliment. It’s creepy and marginally threatening and if it was your wife, sister, mother, or daughter, I don’t think you’d want them to put up with it either.”
     “Oh, now, come on,” Mayor Hensen tried to cajole her. “I know I’d be delighted if a woman thought I was attractive enough to warrant a couple of longing looks and some roses. Surely, being complimented like that can’t be that bad.” He elbowed Herb. “Am I right?”
     “Absolutely,” Herb said. “We don’t want to punish a man for having a silly little crush, do we? You should be flattered, Lindsey.”
     “Flattered?” she asked. “Did you miss the part where the guy showed up at my house with flowers when I was home alone. I never gave him my address. I’m not even listed at that address. That’s crossing the line.”
     “Yes, he did admit that he might have overstepped,” Herb said.
     “Might have?” Lindsey asked. “There’s no “might have” here. Listen, there’s something wrong with him and I’m not willing to put my staff or myself in harm’s way if this guy decides to show up with a gun or a bomb or whatever. So, no, I’m not going to pretend that I find this flattering. I don’t. It’s wrong and it’s weird, and I expect your support on this.”
     The two men exchanged another look.
     “Here’s the problem,” Herb said. “Mr. Grady has threatened to sue the town for infringing upon his civil rights if he is kicked out of the library. Since he hasn’t threatened you in any way, we feel it is best to let him back into the building.”
     “You’re joking,” she

said.
     The two men simply looked at her and she knew that their fear of a lawsuit outweighed their concern that she and her staff could be at risk. In that moment, the disappointment she felt in these two men she considered colleagues and friends had no bottom.
     “I’m afraid not,” Mayor Hensen said. “Mr. Grady is allowed to use the library just like any other resident of Briar Creek and the Thumb Islands. I’ll be making my position on this clear to Chief Plewicki as well.”
     He rose from his seat and Herb followed. At the door, Herb looked back and said, “If you have any other information, if he does anything that warrants further consideration, let us know and we can discuss it again.”
     With that they left, and Lindsey felt betrayed on a level she had never before experienced. 

What about you, Reds and Readers, have you ever had anyone cross the line? How did you get rid of them?



79 comments:

  1. Oh, that’s soooooo creepy, Jenn . . . and I love how you used it for your story, but now I’m feeling really bad for Lindsey, and angry with the cowardly mayor, and anxious to know what happens next!

    Fortunately, I’ve never been in a position to have to deal with that sort of problem. If I’d had something like that happen to me, John probably would have just hauled them off to jail . . . .

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    1. It’s good you have John! Very helpful in a tricky situation!

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  2. That is so scary, Jenn. I'm glad your friend brought in the police and they took your concerns seriously. At least you got a story idea out of the ordeal!

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  3. Thanks, Marla! It’s all material :)

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  4. That is very creepy, Jenn - and I'm sure your Lindsey is going to show them by the end of the book! Such stupid and dangerous attitudes.

    I don't think I've ever been threatened or stalked like that, and for that I'm grateful.

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    1. I’m glad you’ve never been stalked - it’s awful. And, yes, I am working out my issues!

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  5. I've been stalked and it was/is terrifying. I'm glad that your real-life situation was taken seriously, and hope that since it is a 'cozy' mystery, Lindsey will be fine!

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    1. Signed in the wrong way! Sorry!

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    2. I feel for you, Mary. There is nothing so unnerving as persistent unwanted attention.

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  6. It's scary the way women are still marginalized and in this case, dangerously so--the time-honored approach of issuing a restraining order doesn't seem much of a solution to me these days. Glad your local police force took your case seriously! And I can see the trouble brewing for Lindsey!

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    1. Me, too. After being ignored and told to just accept it, the detective in my case made me feel so much better. I’ll always be grateful to him.

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  7. Looks like a great read!
    I was bullied, harassed, and set up to take the rap for an inaccurate contract. I kept a paper trail off-site and a daily log. I was prepared when I was accused about the contract, and a client finally complained to another manager about the harassment she had witnessed. I said it was all true, but I knew I would lose my job if I complained. The culprit quit soon after. Thankfully, I was never stalked.

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    1. Brilliant of you to do an off-site paper trail! I did learn from this to document, document, document!

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  8. Jenn, I'm sorry you had the experience of not only having such a threat to your peace of mind, but also having your fear and disquiet marginalized in such a way.

    Raising daughters, and teaching them the fine art of self-preservation, was eye-opening for my husband. It took him a long time to realize that life is very different for girls and women than from his own life experience.

    I have had several incidents of flashers, particularly back when I ran alone every morning. One day there were two, for crying out loud, and when I called the police, they described a car that was different from either of the ones I saw. Nothing could be done, they said. Later, when I mentioned it to a man I expected to sympathize, I was shocked, bewildered and hideously disappointed when he laughed, and suggested that I 1) invited this unwanted attention/peek show, and 2) should have enjoyed it. Today, 40 years later, I'd tell him where to put his stupidity, but at the time I felt dismissed and diminished.

    And by the way, what a stupid thing for men to do.

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    1. Ack!! We had flashers and peepers at the library, too! I am so sorry you had to see that - good grief! I had one librarian friend push an entire shelf of books on top of a guy who was using a hand held mirror trying to look up her skirt!

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    2. Hahahaha! Love this, Jenn!! Take that, sucker!

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    3. I'm just mean enough to laugh and point and ask if that's all he had to show. Sorry but I'm tired of guys laughing it off like its harmless, time to turn the tables...

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    4. perfect idea to push an entire shelf of books on top of that pervert!

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  9. I think "Word to the Wise" is one of your best Library Lovers mysteries, Jenn. I really enjoyed it. The stalking is very realistic and scary.

    As for creepers . . . yes, I've had to deal with men behaving inappropriately. When I was in high school I used to take my dog for a walk every evening after dinner. In those days there was no nearby park, so I would go up and over a block or two and walk around a little spring-fed pond. One evening I met an older gentleman walking his older dog, and we began to talk. That first encounter was benign, but when I met him on later occasions his questions turned personal and creepy. I began to walk in other directions, and then one evening, when I was home alone, he knocked on my door. I hadn't told him where I lived. I didn't want him anywhere near my house. He was very insistent, to the point of banging on my door and saying he knew I was in there, and he just wanted to come in and talk. I holed up at the opposite end of the house and said nothing. Eventually he went away, but I have no doubt I would have been attacked if I had been stupid enough to open the door. I didn't call the police, though, or even talk about it with my mother that I recall. Not long after he moved out of the neighborhood, and I never saw him again.

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    1. Gigi, that is utterly terrifying. What if you had been a less savvy teen? I am boggled by the lengths some men and women will go to pursue the object of their desire even when it is perfectly clear that their attention is unwelcome.

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    2. It was really scary in the moment. My dog was inside the house with me, and barking and snarling at him through the door, which gave me some courage to stay away and not answer.

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  10. I don't have personal experience with stalking (thank heavens) but we had a similar situation to yours/Lindsey's, Jenn, at the public library in my town. I'm glad to say that the director and board (of which I am a member) banned the man from the property, with the full support of the local police department. And, partially based on his actions, we re-vamped our patron code of conduct and implemented better security measures for the building.

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    1. On behalf of all library staff, Chris, thank you! What was crazy to me was that the director of my library at the time was a woman! She refuses to do anything. Then when a patron sent a letter to her home, he was banned and I was left shaking my head. Basically, I could be stalked but she couldn’t - talk about feeling expendable. Ugh!

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    2. Sounds like she did not really understand until it happened to her!

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  11. Oh, Jenn, how horrible!

    I had slightly different experience with a violent student. He had a problem with women authority figures and one female professor had retired because of him. No one told me in advance because *it would violate his rights*! The other students knew and told me. When he made a threat against me I reported it to all the right people and, again, they couldn't do anything because of *his* rights. Apparently my rights and the rights of the other students didn't matter.

    I learned that even if you have a concealed carry permit, you can't legally carry a concealed weapon on campus. I was mightily tempted. Instead I carried pepper spray in my pocket until he left the university. Fortunately, a student in the class was a retired cop and we developed a plan in case the creepy student ever became violent.

    That was the semester of the Virginia Tech shooting. The day after that, my students came to me and asked what I was going to do about the creepy student. Again, I went to all the right people. Again, they did nothing. They DID offer to put a plainclothes cop in my class but I already had one.

    Thankfully for the rest of us, the rules have changed since the Virginia Tech shooting. My protagonist, a former cop who is a college professor, is braver than I and carries on campus. She's going to need it when I write a fictional version of this incident.

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    1. This is Cathy Akers-Jordan. I have no idea why my name didn't show up!

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    2. Hi, Cathy,
      That sounds gut clenchingly awful! I found writing about it helped me unbox the old feelings. I hope it does the same for you.

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  12. Yes. Only my situation went beyond this in that I was in college and sexually assaulted by another male student in the student residence. While waiting for the trial he was permitted to continue to attend classes at the college even though we were in many of the same classes. I also lost the student job that I had with the college because my pressing charges made the college "look bad." Even after he was found guilty and sentenced to time in jail the college allowed him to continue to attend despite that after his short jail sentence that he was not supposed to be anywhere near me. I was the person that stopped going to classes and eventually dropped out because I was terrified and mentally relived the experience every time I saw him.

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    1. This is infuriating! I’m so sorry this happened to you. It is completely unjust.

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    2. So horrible, and so unfair! I hope you had support from your family or friends or a therapist.

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  13. Powerful stuff! And what a horrifying real life experience.

    I was stalked by an ex boyfriend and did have to call the police to tell him to move on, but wow, never a stranger. Glad all turned out well in real life. I'm looking forward to reading Word to the Wise to see how THAT situation resolved.

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    1. I’m so glad it was resolved for you. What a horrible experience.

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  14. Being a guy, I know it isn't quite the same as what women face but there was a time that I had to deal with something resembling what Jenn described above. Of course, being a guy who was far more prone to threatened or actual violence back then, I took care of things myself.

    I worked at a convenience store as a teenager. It wasn't a customer though. It was a male co-worker. Now, this was more than 30 years ago and at best I might've just turned 18 years old. The guy was slightly older, in his 20's. He would hit on me whenever we worked together, not getting the hint that I wasn't interested for at least a couple of reasons.

    But the store had a deli counter and one night when we were closing the store together, he tried to do a bit more than just hit on me. And then he met as The Who sang about, "The Real Me". He was rebuffed and then I walked over to the big display of long carving knives. Took one off the rack. Put it down on the counter and said, "care to try again?"

    It was his last day on the job.

    As you can see, I tend to not liked to be trifled with. People who know me, know this about me. Those who don't and do screw with me, tend to soon find that out. Of course, I'm far mellower in disposition than I was back then. More reporting things to the powers that be, less carving knives.

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    1. Just realized I left part of my response open to darker interpretation than I intended. It was the guy's last day on the job because he quit!

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    2. I like the other interpretation better, Jay! What a great line for a book!

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    3. I'll try to remember it if I ever write the story for which I have the name of the character and title of the book already in mind.

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    4. Jay, I love how you handled that - very empowering! Most definitely a dark twist - glad you clarified. LOL!

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  15. Jenn, quick question. Will Mr. Grady become a murder victim? I hope so! Now I want to read your book! I love your Hat Shop series, though I am not as familiar with your Library series.

    On another topic, I am so sorry that happened to you. Working in the public puts you at risk and the library is a public place. I am glad that you found other people who had your back!

    Yes, I have dealt with people who crossed the line. Most of the time it is online and I had to block these people on Facebook. Some people really have issues recognizing boundaries. It is a judgment call. Some people are not aware of what is stalking exactly! I remember I was being harassed in person by someone and I mentioned this to someone else. The woman said she did not have that experience. She thought that the men were kind. However, she did mention that it is important that I go with my feelings. She said that my feeling are valid. I was impressed that even if she and I had different experiences with the same people, she still supported me when she said that my feelings are valid. And yes, I steered clear of these two! I have learned over the years about setting clear boundaries. I agree with the previous comment that I do not like to be trifled with and people who know me know this about me. And agree about more reporting things to the powers be.

    I was reminded of something. I was watching a I love Lucy show where Lucy was ? stalking William Holden and he turned the tables on her.

    Wonder if the stalker ever gets the table turned on him and is stalked by someone else? Or are there ever stories where the stalker in real life is killed in self defense?

    As far as I know, we Now have this anti-stalking law. And the stalker can be sued!

    Diana

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    1. Glad you followed your feelings, Diana, and that you were validated. It’s so important.

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  16. My sister was living with a guy who liked to hit her. No one knew this was happening until she showed up at my place one afternoon. I called the police and they arrested him. I did have to get a little pushy explaining that bruises didn't show up on my sister like everyone else due to having post polio syndrome. The guy did county time. Our favorite uncle (mom's side of the family) couldn't prosecute him but he made sure that his colleagues in the DA office knew that the victim was his niece.

    I have never, thankfully, had a stalking experience. Being the first born, my milestones moments where family events in Dad's family. When I was getting ready to leave for college there was a family dinner at grandma's. The new aunt mentioned to my mom that being rape would be a great learning experience for me. Thankfully the grandparents didn't hear her. We really hadn't embraced her warmly when she first married Dad's brother and needless to say she was never welcomed in my mother's home after that dinner.


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    1. What a horrible thing to say! Ugh. I swear people are awful sometimes! Glad you kept your distance!

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  17. This is really creepy and really makes me want to read the book too. A library can be such a confined space and on that often has places to hide. You have hit on something here as you have with your other Library mysteries.

    I have been stalked by a student. I had to go to the Dean with my department head and report it. My department head was also a woman and believed me. The Dean, a man, was upset because this was an all A student with a wonderful record but he listened. I don't know what he said to the student but he dropped my class and the stalking stopped.

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    1. Thank goodness - support from above is so important.

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  18. Shalom Reds and fans. I just finished reading the first seven chapters of Books Can Be Deceiving, so I’ve been introduced to Lindsey. Looking forward to reading the entire series.

    I’ve been lucky most of my life to have steered clear of “creepy” people. However, many years ago, when not even 20 years old, I moved in with a girlfriend who was to become my wife, we had a couple of strange things happen. One day, the phone rang and when she answered the phone, after a few seconds of silence, whoever it was played a recording of conversations we had had with each other in the few minutes before the phone rang. Then another time, we received an anonymous envelope in the mail, which contained a photograph of my wife’s father who had died the year before. The picture was of him lying in his casket. Now to put this in perspective, we were at the time radicals, somewhere to the right or the left of the lunatic fringe. So, it was quite possible that the FBI was keeping track of our movements and perhaps one or more of them thought these things might be cute jokes. When you suspect the authorities you are hesitant to report them to anyone.

    On a lighter note, when I was a kid and a regular at the local library, one of the librarians had a crush on my mother. We used to call him “prune face” because he was middle-aged, not particularly handsome, and did not like children. When my mother was with us, he always had new books to bring to her attention and set aside for her. I think now, that my mother was flattered by the attention and he never really crossed any red lines. I still like to hang out at the library.

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    1. Wow, David, what creepy experiences! And now I'm sure you have made us all very curious:-)

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    2. Yikes, David! When the authorities are the suspects, it’s even creepier! Thanks so much for picking up the book - that’s lovely of you!

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    3. In the '70s the FBI did approach neighbors and campus friends, sometimes our mail disappeared, and we sometimes heard mysterious clicks on the phone, to which we'd respond with offers to share recipes for the dinner we'd been planning. We'd also pose when we spotted the dark-suited photographers of demonstrations. I'm glad the agents in Minneapolis were more polite.

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  19. I had a guy follow me to where I worked cause he heard my mom and me (I?) Talking about work. He kept showing up and I complained to my manager and pointed him out.He'd show up and the manager on duty sent me to the backroom, and told the guy if he ever showed up again he'd be arrested for harrassment. Never saw him after that. Thank you Paul, it was great to have you stand up for me and all us girls at work.

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  20. Edith, you are the winner of the ARC of A Bitter Feast! will message you my email!

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  21. Jenn, I was furious for Lindsey when I read this book, and now I'm furious for you!! The only bright spot is that we get to work out these experiences on the page. So awful that this man felt he could do that to you, and almost worse that your library did not stand up for you.

    I was stalked by an ex-boyfriend (who had been violent and abusive) in my late teens. It's a terrible experience. I got a big dog, took martial arts classes, and eventually left the country for several months. Ugh.

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    1. Hugs, Debs, that is horrible! Leaving the country would have been nice at the time.

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  22. Too bad we women don't have superpowers like eyes that could fry you to a crisp. When I was a college freshman I had accompanied a dorm friend to her Houston home to do some Christmas shopping. Back in those days that meant we rode the Greyhound. When we returned to Austin we had our suitcases and "loot" in a pile when this stranger who had been on our bus came over, grabbed one of the suitcases, and offered to help. We declined and prepared to play tug of war. Fortunately my friend's boyfriend showed up at that time to pick us up and take us back to the dorm. When we got back we told her roommate all about it. A few days later her roommate and I were at the student union having a snack and talking about our geology class. This same guy invited himself to sit down with the weird excuse of "Did I hear you say geology?" He must have been in his late 30s or older, thinning hair, and weird eyes. My friend knew instantly that this was weird bus station guy. We jumped up with the excuse that we had to leave, exited, and ran into the ladies room. Which we realized was a mistake: only one exit. We stayed there quite a while, and then made a mad dash out. I think he was still in the hallway so we headed for the nearest set of dorms, not ours. We lost him and fortunately never saw him again. That was just creepy.

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    1. Good grief, so glad you were together. I swear, the buddy system is the way to go.

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  23. Yikes! Furious on your behalf -- and admiring your use of the incident to send a powerful message. We need to listen to women and to our own internal warning systems and stick up for each other when we need to.

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  24. I've never had anything that serious, though I did have one student whose angry vibe set off my alarms. When my student teacher was with me, I didn't worry, but when he finished his allotted time in my classroom, I always had "a meeting in the office, so we'll have to walk and talk" if that young man wanted to discuss something after class.

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  25. When the people in authority won't help it's the most lonesome, scary feeling in the world. I had a stalker for a very brief time. I was single. He was a guy a worked with at a big bank in Atlanta. I called him on it one day at work in front of the whole office and threatened him with bodily harm that he might have no idea about where it might come from, or when. He was such a weeny that he stayed away after than and I found a new job.

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    1. Ha! I can just see you letting him have it, Kaye. Bravo!

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  26. That excerpt makes my blood boil!

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  27. Jenn, kudos to you for using your terrible experience in your writing so that others can be aware. It infuriated me reading about your experience and the fictional Lindsey's. It's so typical that males consider it a flattering type of attention, that someone would sit and stare at you or bring flowers to you or show up at your home. To have to deal with the stalking and the lack of support from those in power above you must be such a helpless feeling. It's like your supposed allies are taking the side of the stalker. How many women have lost their lives to these "flattering" attention givers? One is too many. I can help but think of the young lady who was a high school senior here, who was smart and looking forward to a great future, but had her ex-boyfriend stalking her. I'm sure there were people who thought his attention was just a form of caring for her. He ended up shooting her and himself and sitting the car on fire in which they were in. He had shown up at her work and she had gone with him, thinking she could talk some sense into him. Women are right to be scared of stalkers.

    I haven't had the intense stalking experience. I did have a guy in high school leaving notes on my car, talking about how pretty he thought I was and the usual creepy "compliments." However, it stopped after a few notes. After that though, I always considered him a bit scary. Thank goodness I haven't seen him in 50 years.

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    1. That is so tragic, Kathy. So many young girls don’t realize the peril they’re in. You can’t fix people. They have to fix themselves.

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  28. Writing really IS the best revenge. Reading all these comments is pretty eye-opening.
    A twist: when we lived in NYC a very strange woman lived in the first floor apartment overlooking the lobby. She'd look out her peephole all day and night and come out if she saw you out there. Very "friendly." When she started stealing our mail we called the cops - mail theft is a federal offense. Then thank goodness we moved out.

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    1. Sounds like you moved in a timely fashion, Hallie. People are so weird. Is this why we write crime?

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  29. Oh, and I did put her in a book - one I started and couldn't figure out where to take it.

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  30. Oh, I devoured this book! And I had no idea it was based on real life… Wow.
    As for me, let me just put it this way. Someone once asked me, after reading TRUST ME did you ever know someone who was a completely manipulative lying sociopath? I just looked at her, like: you have no idea. :-)?

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  31. My situation occurred in a bookstore while I was still in college. My fellow evening shift booksellers (both guys) decided they didn't want to talk with a particular male customer, so they called me over to talk with him. Turns out he was a big science fiction fan, and so was I. Apparently, this customer decided he liked me, so he kept coming in, night after night, and when the guys were working with me, they'd find someplace else to be. It got to the point that the customer was creeping me out, because his comments were more about me, and not about books. One evening, he started to come on really strong with sexual comments, so I told him he would have to stop because I was engaged and would get married in a couple of months (truth). He followed me to the back of the store and grabbed me, ready to drag me away. Thank goodness my coworker for the evening was an older woman, and when I raised my voice to tell the guy to let me go, she came running, saying she had called Mall Security. He let me go and left. I was so glad for support that evening. He didn't come back to the store after that. And then the next time I worked with the other two male salesclerks, I gave them a scolding for siccing that creep on me. They never apologized.

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    1. Ugh, you’d think those jerks would have had your back. I once had a male coworker stand between me and a very aggressive coworker who had cornered me (we were bartenders) and spell it out for him with his fists. Still have a soft spot in my heart for that guy.

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  32. I have read all the comments. It is such an indictment of the pre "Me Too Movement; so many of us have had this creepy experience. I suspect that if we found 100 people picked randomly, this statistic would be valid also.
    My experience, while not quite stalking was still scary. Working in the children's room at the Main Library, we tended to keep a close watch on single male patrons. After about an hour, the young, sketchily groomed male dropped a drawing on my desk. It was a pentagram with a goat's head. On the back was a Satanic curse directed towards me. Fortunately we had security. I reported this. I never saw him again, but was bothered for a very long time afterwards.

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    1. Soooooo creepy! Honestly, working in a library you get all kinds.

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  33. It wasn't stalking but I always rode the bus to work, and many years ago, a creepy, smelly guy used to sit next to women even if there were plenty of seats. He would sit way too close. One day I happened to have my umbrella, and he never bothered me again.

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  34. This book goes right on my "get" list. I am anxious to see how it all works out. and yes, your bosses IRL were idiots. Personally? I was a public librarian for several years and yes, it is vulnerable to this kind of problem. You are sitting out there dealing with - and obligated to deal with -any member of the general public and kind of a sitting duck. In some areas the library has become a haven for persons who are somewhat off-center and sometimes may truly be dangerous. I did have an experience- s short series of obscene drawings left on my desk in the children's room.(!) And definitely not drawn by children. He was sly and no one had seen him leave them, but staff rallied. We all kept eyes open. After a few incidents, we narrow it down to an ordinary-o, silent man in Dept of Sanitation work clothes. He must have guessed we were on to him, because he did not come back. If the actions had continued, we would have had to take it to the library system's security dept. Creepy? Yes.

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  35. PS They were drawings of me.

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    1. Oh, lord. That’s awful. So glad you chased him off!

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