What's in a Name

RHYS: Ever since early people realized the need to choose grunts to differentiate between a sabre toothed tiger and a squirrel what we name things is of vital importance. Studies have been done on our initial perception of people with popular names versus those with nerdy names. Until recently we'd always choose an Ashley over a Hermione (not any more, however which shows that our perceptions can be influenced by popular culture).
The same is true of the names we pick for characters in our books. The name has to be just right for the person. I have had problems with a character when I am writing. His scenes are just not going well. I don't have a real grasp on his motivation. And then suddenly in the middle of the book he'll look at me and say, "I know you keep calling me Anthony but actually my name is Ron." And as soon as I change his name, everything flows perfectly. I'm sure other writers have experienced this.

For this reason it is always with some trepidation that I auction off characters in an upcoming novel in the big charity auction at conventions. What if the name is hopelessly out of place for my historical period? What if it's just a difficult name and carries negative overtones? So far I'm always managed to do it, but I'm always apprehensive--especially since I've just volunteered to do so again at Malice Domestic and even promised to make the person royal or noble.

I'm writing about names today because on March 2 my new Molly Murphy mystery, THE LAST ILLUSION, comes out. It is the ninth in this series and the first in which I have deviated from a theme in the titles. The first books (Murphy's Law, For the Love of Mike etc) were all Irish sayings. With O Danny Boy the titles moved to Irish songs, then to popular songs of the early Twentieth Century. But this book is more thriller than mystery in many ways--Molly is hired to find who is trying to kill Houdini and finds herself caught up in the world of international espionage. So I wanted to make the title crisper and more thriller-like. The Last Illusion really describes the pivotal scene in the book and I think it captures the flavor well.

It is really important that the book title fit the tone of the story. If you see a catchy pun, you expect light hearted cozy. I made the mistake with the Constable Evans series of using puns for all my titles. As the series became meatier and darker they weren't really cozy any longer and I think I put off many people from trying my books. When one was nominated for the Edgar, I know quite a few people were surprised at the content.
So now I try to get the titles exactly right. And I'm wondering--how much are you influenced by a book title? Are you attracted to a thriller that has 'bone' or 'blood' in the title? Would you have found The Da Vinci Code as compelling if it was called A Murder at the Louvre? Look how many thrillers now have those buzz words: secrets, chamber, Templars etc in their titles.

If the publisher is not going to spend half a million on publicity and marketing for a book, our title and cover are the only things that can attract new readers. I've been lucky in that I've loved all my Molly Murphy and Royal Spyness covers (especially this one!) but I have writer friends who have felt that their covers were wrong and could do nothing about it. Also I've been lucky in being able to keep my titles. I know of writers who hated the titles their publishers came up with. The only title I have ever really, really hated was back in the days when I wrote YA books. A German translation of one of my books (which was about mountaineering) was calle "First Love Tastes like Strawberry ice Cream." Now if that's not misleading, I don't know what is!

If you go to my website, http://www.rhysbowen.com/, you will find a trailer for The Last Illusion as well as the opening chapter to read. It's a fascinating glimpse into the life of Houdini, Illusionists and early espionage.

HALLIE: Love your title, Rhys! And I'm completely fascinated by Houdini etc. I've read just about every book there is about him. Can't wait to read your new one.
I do think titles are so important, but I confess to being less than brilliant about recognizing a good title when I see it. I wanted to call my last book "Baby, Baby" (it's about two very pregnant women) but the publisher felt it wouldn't convey the creepy suspensey-ness of the the book. So we went with "Never Tell a Lie" - which turned out to be a wonderful title though I was fairly lukewarm at first.

RO: It is a good title. I feel like I wasted almost two years of my life because my publisher changed the title of my second book..and of course had to change the cool image on the cover. It really broke my heart. The few reviews I got were better than they were for Pushing Up Daisies...but the title didn't roll off the tongue the way Daisies did, and the cover...well, you know what a camel is? A horse designed by a committee. That's what I got...a camel. Not the designer's fault..just happened. So, the book didn't get out there much. I never should have let them change it, but I was so new, I figured they knew best.What was it supposed to be called instead of The Big Dirt Nap? Corpse Flower. And the cover would have been gorgeous, we already had images. Maybe when I'm famous someone will reissue with the original title.
Now, I LOVE this year's title and cover. Fingers crossed other people will too!
I have a hard time with character names. I usually go through 3-4 names for each character before I settle on the right one. I've even taken to saving Playbills because of all the donor names in the back.
The auction name that I got at Bouchercon 2008 was fabulous. I may make her a recurring character. Her name is Nina Mazzo and it's absolutely perfect. Nina's a P.I. who specializes in philandering husbands. Uh...Nina's in Dead Head.

ROBERTA: Corpse Flower was a good name Ro:). But there's no telling really why one book takes off and another doesn't. I suspect the first in a series always has a better chance of hitting the big time. I've had several titles changed by the publisher, almost always for the better. And as my agent has said, the cover fairies have been good to me too!
I'm afraid I'm not too imaginative with names. Lots of times I catch myself using the same names over and over. "Michael" for example, shows up a lot. The folks who've bought names for my books in auctions have almost always turned into recurring characters. They get their money's worth. My favorite story was a man in town who was bidding in a silent auction at our library. He was very worried that the cost would shoot up out of his price range. But then his bidding rival had to leave the party early, so he won the prize--a character in DEADLY ADVICE. He was so pleased with the result. Sadly, he died of cancer not too long after the book came out, but his character lived on in the series. I'm so glad it worked out that way!

HANK: My favorite name I got in an auction: Urszula Mazny-Latos. I must say, I freaked for a moment. Then voila, she became Zuzu Mazny-Latos, a chic European fashion designer. Merci, Urszula! And at the next auction, by chance, I got Luca Chartiers! Perfect. (I thnk auction names are a real gift. And I love using them.)Titles? I'm haunted by titles. I'm always thinking of them. Always writing them down. And I'm always astonished that there's always another good one! Sending good vidbes for THE LAST ILLUSION, Rhys! Love it. And Dead Head, RO, is brilliant. And you have both truly scored with those covers! Go Jungle Red.

RHYS: So is it the title or the cover art that makes you pick up a book and ry and new author?

Julie and Julia and Jungle Red

HALLIE: Last week I went to see "Julie and Julia," which I would have gone to see even if it weren’t my sister Nora’s movie. It was lovely and sweet—and Meryl Streep IS Julia Child.

Which led me to drag out my copy of “Mastering the Art of French Cooking”--my copy is a 1967 edition, 15th printing, and is inscribed from friends of my parents on May 11, 1969. A wedding present.

My husband and I used to meet every few months with friends and, in advance, come up with a menu that involved each guest making a single dish that took as long as a normal single meal to prepare. Needless to say, lots of our recipes came from Julia. It's easy to see which, because those pages are warped and stained and the margins are scribbled in.

All in all, I made it through about 34 recipes--nowhere near Julie Powell's record setting mastery of all 524. But still.

Standouts were Onion soup (start by roasting bones for broth). Soup au Pistou (an incredible concoction made with zucchini and fresh peas, cooked with lots of garlic and run through a hand mill). Duck a l'Orange and Creme Caramel. And the extraordinary and extraordinarily expensive Tournedos Rossini (filet mignon, home cooked artichoke hearts, truffles, a slab of foie gras, and a Madeira sauce--Oh, baby!) Every recipe had a meltdown moment…as when the duck flew off teh platter on the way to the table or when I renverséd the crème caramel all over the kitchen counter.

Still, I can’t remember a single dish that failed, though Lobster Thermidor did not seem worth the trouble when compared to how delicious a plain old boiled lobster with drawn butter can be.

Have you cooked Julia or are your culinary triumphs more of the Galloping Gourmet variety…or are we talking green been casserole with mushroom soup and canned onion rings?

RHYS: I too used to belong to a supper club for which we had to prepare one dish. And Tournedos Rossini was the first reeeely expensive dish I ordered as an adult. And it was worth it! We used to entertain a lot and I was always trying out new recipes for guests (much to John's horror when I hadn't tested them first) My only spectacular failure was a turbon of sole, stuffed with shrimp and crab. When I turned it out, it collapsed into a nasty pink mess. I had to make a hasty sauce to cover it!

I believe that Julia herself once threw a duck across the kitchen on the way to the table, didn't she? That was why she was so popular--she was so human and really enjoyed every part of the cooking and the eating. I once had an important meeting with the head of my publishing house and the head of marketing back in the days when I wrote YA books. Julia Child and husband were at the next table and I sat almost touching her. All my table-mates wanted to know was what she was eating next. I remember she started with a dozen oysters. And she never shrank from using the butter. My kind of lady!

HALLIE: Oh, gosh, elbow to elbow! I'm jealous. My friend, chef Lora Brody, actually COOKED for Julia once. I can only imagine how nerve wracking that would have been.

JAN: I remember making a stuffed roast after watching a Julia Child episode. It was very complicated, delicious, but very rich. Although I love to cook, I usually avoid recipes that involve too many steps or too many ingredients I have to go to special stores to find.

Tonight I'm throwing a dinner party and all the recipes center around the herbs in my garden, starting with a melon sald with cilantro and fresh mint.

I spotted Julia Childs once, though, at a WGBH Wine tasting fundraiser. It was very exciting. I think she waved.

HALLIE: I also have a garden full of fresh herbs like now, and in honor of same have become an expert at making mojitos.

HANK: Oh, I've made that onion soup. Fantastic. But you know what I learned from her? Very important. Before you start a recipe, read the whole thing, and sort of--imagine how it's going to work and what you need to do in advance. There's nothing like making, say, lasagne, and then getting to the part of the recipe where it says: "add marinara sauce, see p. 233." Ahhh....

And my copy is newer, the 23rd printing from March, 1973. (The onion soup page is a crinkly mess! So is the page for souffle a la vanille.) And I just reread the first line of the foreward: "This is a book for the servantless American cook who can be unconcerned on occasion with budgets ,waitlines, time schedules..."

Hilarious.

HALLIE: Culinary triumphs? Please...dish!

Rhys on Florida and Fragile Egos

Rhys in Florida, finding a hasty minute to create Friday's blog. I'm teaching at the Anhinga Writer's Conference in Gainesville and after that I'm going to be touring Florida with Mary Anna Evans, speaking in Orlando, Vero Beach, Palm Beach, Delray Beach and Sarasota. So far, as on most of my travels these days, I've only seen the inside of a hotel and a bookstore. But at some stage I'm hoping to encounter a beach. I'm definitely a beach person. I love to swim, I love the feel of warm water splashing over me. I am a passionate snorkeler and I love just walking along the beahc, feeling tension melt away. So I'm hoping for a few moments to escape during the next week. And maybe some chance to be with nature too. I've never seen a Matatee in the wild. Or a pink ibis.

But this wasn't what I wanted to blog about today. I was thinking of a non-fan letter I got this morning, telling me I'd got something wrong in my book. You'd think by now that I had become thick skinned about criticism. I haven't. I uuspect most writers have fragile egos like mine. Any hint of a bad review can send me into depression for days. If someone doesn't like the book,or even isn't glowing with praise about it, I walk around muttering to myself that the end is nigh and I'll probably never write another decent book again as long as I live. I know I should have a big banner over my desk saying, "It's just one person's opinion. It's just one person's opinion and she might have frightful taste in clothes and men as well." But I can't. It does matter. My book, after all, is like my child. It's like someone coming up to the stroller and peering and saying, "My God, but your kid is ugly."

I suppose I've always had a fragile ego. Okay, I confess that I clean my house before the house cleaner comes, just in case the cobweb in the corner is too unacceptable for a normal human being. I rush around tidying up even when one of my daughters is coming over. Oh, and I wash my hair before I go to the hairdresser.
So Jungle Reds--are you immune to criticism. Do you clean your house before the cleaning lady comes? Am I the only neurotic among us?

And just think positive thoughts for me that there will be no hurricanes!

Mary Anna Evans on Post Katrina New Orleans

RHYS; At the moment you read this I'll be on a plane heading to the Anhinga Writer's Conference in Gainesville, Florida. One of the organizers is Mary Anna Evans, my good friend and fellow writer. So I nailed her for a few seconds as she rushed around with last minute preparations to answer some questions for JRR fans.

RHYSz; Mary Anna, your books are wonderful peeks into American archeology, a subject that nobody else tackles. And you have a unique biracial heroine called Faye Longchamp. How did you come up with Faye. Tell us about her. Is she like you?

MARY ANNA: My books always start from their settings. Faye came out of her place. She is the owner of a ramshackle Southern plantation house that has passed through her family for generations. When I pictured that house and asked myself who would live there, a question popped into my mind.

"Wouldn't it be interesting if the owner was a descendant of the slaves who built it?"

That seemed like an interesting viewpoint through which to view the history of this house. It was only a short hop to the next question.

"Wouldn't it also be interesting if she were also a descendant of the masters who lived in it?

This ancestry gives Faye an inner conflict that will never go away, and it gives her a viewpoint on American history that isn't like anybody else's. And that's a very interesting thing for an archaeologist to have.

RHYS; What created your interest in archeology?

MARY ANNA; Well...first and foremost, I love history. Archaeology is particularly interesting, because you get to encounter *actual things* from history. The hoe used by a slave. Andrew Jackson's spyglass. A child's handmade toy. This gives archaeology a very tactile feel.

Archaeology is tailor-made for mystery stories, because you never know what you're going to dig up, nor what story that object will have to tell. It's a treasure hunt, really.

RHYS: Tell us about Floodgates and how emotional was it to write about post Katrina New Orleans? What were some of your own reactions to doing research
there?

MARY ANNA: I love New Orleans. I grew up 100 miles away. I have family there. I've done short-term work there. And I've also traveled there as a tourist. It's beautiful, historic, evocative, and unique. It's an American treasure.

I spent a week in New Orleans, doing research. (Sometimes my work isn't work...) Some parts of town look almost as they always did, but I was heartsick to see areas where destruction is still evident for miles around as far as you can see. I think we, as a country, should have done better for our citizens and for an American city.

RHYS: What's next for Faye, or any other books on the horizon?

MARY ANNA: I'm working on Faye's next adventure now. It will be set in St. Augustine, the site of the first permanent European settlement in what is now the United States. (It has still spent more time under the Spanish flag than it has under the Stars and Stripes.) St. Augustine has been a tourist town for so long that they didn't really use the word "tourist" in the old days for their visitors. They called them "strangers." I learned this and thought to myself, "And weren't the Europeans the ultimate strangers?" There's an awful lot of history in St. Augustine for Faye to dig up. And she usually digs up some trouble, while she's at it.

RHYS: Thank you, Mary Anna. Good luck with the conference, and with Floodgates. Mary Anna and I will be setting out on a tour of Florida this weekend. Details on my website, so we look forward to seeing some friendly faces along the way, even it if is hot!

Mary Anna Evans's new book is Floodgates, from Poisoned Pen Press.

On Secret Languages

Letter from Aix-en-Provence

JAN: When I was a kid, I loved secret languages. My friend Karen had older sisters who taught them to us. There was one language that involved adding "ub" or "ubba" between the syllables. As in Jungubbalububba Redubba writubbaters. Or something like that. All that mattered was it sounded incredibly exotic and your best friend could understand you in the playground. Better yet, you could talk about boys when they were right there, and they never got it. Boys didn’t go in much for secret languages.

That quickly gave way to Pig Latin, which was a more highly respected and widely understood secret language. You had to be more careful in your usuage, but there was the possibility of an older junior high school student actually picking up on something you said and responding to you in your oh-so-in-crowd special code.

When I got to high school, I quickly fell in love with first year French, which was so pretty and way more exotic than Pig Latin. Had Cinderella originally been from France and spoken to her fairy godmother in French? I was pretty sure she had.

But French was a hell of a lot harder to speak and understand. And the challenge was on. I wound up taking eight years of French, minoring in it in college and did a semester abroad in Aix-en-Provence. Although I work hard to try to keep up on my French via Pimsleur and Rosetta Stone, I’m still pretty much a piker. But God knows, I try.

Which is why I’m back in Aix-En-Provence for a month, living in a condo, and shopping at the Monoprix and the market, which requires more use of French than staying at a hotel where the concierge can step in and help. Last week, my daughter and I went to the market to buy ingredients we were making for a special dinner that night. We bought cheeses, which I promptly put down when I went to another vendor and searched through my wallet for five euros to buy sunflowers.

By the time I got home, realized I didn’t have the cheeses and ran back to the square, the market stalls were down, the garbage trucks had rolled in, and everyone was cleaning up. I raced back to the cheese guy to see if I could buy more cheese. To get him to reopen his stall and sell me some, I had to explain what I’d done.

J’ai perdu mon sac du fromage quand j’ai achete des fleurs, I told him. This also included a lot of hand gesturing to both indicate where the sunflower vendor had been and that I was clearly a space shot (finger pointed to head with roll of the eyes and shrug).

Not only did he open to sell me the cheese, he gave me a one Euro discount because he felt sorry for me.

And I thought, my God, the SECRET LANGUAGE WORKS.

I realize that on some level, I think that every time I say anything to anyone in French and they understand and respond. There is always this rush of both surprise and excitement that these exotic words I’ve strung together form a sentence that can be decoded.

It's why I spent all that money on airfare. And well worth every penny.

So I think, that the thrills in life haven’t changed much for me since I was a kid in the playground, only in France, I’ve noticed that the crowd "in" on the decoding is pretty signficant. And you have to watch what you say -- and not just to the junior high schoolers. All the boys are in on the secret language, too.

(Do you remember any secret languages from elementary and junior high school? Apparently, it's a regional thing with Ubba Dubba in the Northeast and Gibberish in the South. Gungi was spoken in Waltham, MA and Opish in New York City.)

On Rhy's Royal Flush!

HALLIE: Sound the trumpets! Cue cornets! Lady Georgiana -- great granddaughter of Queen Victoria and 34th in line to the English thrown -- is back!

Join us in welcoming "Royal Flush," the third in Rhys Bowen's Royal Spyness series. In which Georgiana fails to grasp the difference between Escort Service and High Class Girls." Banished to a drafty Scottish castle, what ensues is a romp. As our Royal Rhysness told "Hollywood Today," “Picture Georgie at a royal wedding in Transylvania in a castle like Dracula’s where there may or may not be vampires! Plenty of dead bodies, anyway."

So, Rhys, I know you're signing books all over California, Texas, Oregon, Arizona, Florida and beyond.

What's up today with the big launch?

RHYS: Today is one of those big days in any writer's life--the birthday of a new book. It doesn't matter how many books we have written or how successful they have been, each new one feels rather like the birth of a new child (a little less uncomfortable, I have to admit). Will readers like it? Will reviewers like it? Will anyone come to my signings? So I'm pacing and worrying when I should be packing sensibly for my book tour that starts on Thursday. Summer book tours are hard. I can't wear my staple black pants and different jackets when the temperature in Houston was 101 yesterday and in Scottsdale was 108. But cotton and linen crease so badly on the plane.

I have an event tonight and a big launch party tomorrow, with champagne, strawberries and chocolate--what more could I add to bribe people to come? Waiters who are also body builders?

ROYAL FLUSH is my third Lady Georgiana mystery and it takes place in 1930s Britain. As usual it is full of madcap adventures as it takes Georgie back to her ancestral castle in Scotland, complete with ghosts, haggis and a monster in the loch.

My signing schedule is up on my website, www.rhysbowen.com and click on Rhys on the Road. I'd love to see friendly faces!

HANK: Rhys! We're all so proud of you--you are truly the royalty in our little group. And it's very comforting, actually, to see that even you still have qualms and worries...! But of course, it will all be marvelous!
Send photos!

Choosing a Point of View

ROBERTA: So far all of my published books have been written in the first person. This made my job pretty straightforward. As long as I stuck to my character's point of view, stayed in her head, I couldn't write a word unless she heard, saw, or thought it. It was like writing with blinders on.

I'm trying something different in my new book. The book has two POV protagonists who alternate chapters. This of course widens the possibilities of where I can take the action, but it also raises lots of questions. For example, does it work if the chapters are not balanced between the two characters? Will it work to tell the story as one character sees it, and then back up and tell again from the other's POV? And when I reach points in the story where both characters will be present, whose head I should be in?

So I'd love to hear your opinions about point of view--how do you prefer to write and what do you prefer to read?

JAN: It really depends on the story and the author. I think if the author has a great voice the narration is often stronger in the first person. I loved Scott Turow in first person, like him less whenever he writes in third.

Like you Roberta, I'm trying to escape the prison of first person -- sort of. The story is told by an unseen narrator who writes in the first person, but can see everything. So the effect is ominiscient -- almost. I tried allowing my narrator to go into everybody's head whenever I felt like it, but my writers's group got confused. Now I allow the narrator into only one viewpoint at a time and shift it by section - much like you are doing. I'm making mistakes, but I feel there's no point writing if I'm not going to try to experiment and grow!

HALLIE: I confess I love a single narrator. But it does mean when your character gets stuck in a dungeon the reader's stuck there with him. Writing Never Tell a Lie, I started to feel claustrophobic when I got myself locked in an attic with my character Ivy.

The book I'm writing has occasional scenes narrated by different characters, so the reader knows more than my protagonist - it feels like a good way to build suspense. But I'm not sure those scenes will survive.

In the last Dr. Peter Zak book, Guilt, I alternated between two characters' viewpoints -- and then in the final crescendo short scenes snapped back and forth between them. It was hard, when both of those characters were in a scene, to decide who gets the viewpoint. How do you decide??

ROBERTA: Oh Hallie, I was hoping you'd answer that!

RHYS: When I conduct workshops I teach that every book has a point of view that works better than others. If the story is stalled or not going well, I tell them to try writing it in the first person to see where the characters themselves want to go. I have written in first and third and multiple points of view and I have to say that both Molly and Georgie's voices came so easily to me. I almost sit back and let them write. My only pet peeve in books is a story written in the present tense. It annoys me.

ROBERTA: Watch out Rhys--Hank's series is in the present tense:).

HANK: Oh, sorry Rhys. It's because of writing for TV news, I think. I love first person present, because it allows the reader to make mistakes along with the main character. To misjudge and misread and then make decisions based on those wrong perceptions. Because of course, as the author, I know what's correct and what's really happening. But I don't have to tell Charlie McNally.

But I wondered if I could do it another way--not sound like Charlie McNally, not be in present tense. SO I wrote a short story in third person, just to see, you know? And it was a completely different experience. And so--empowering.
I think--the story decides how it's written.

RO: As it happens, the manuscript I just delivered has two POVs. The second POV only occurs in a few chapters, but I felt I had to do it to tell the story I was telling. I think it works..we'll see what my editor says. It's challenging to write in the first person, and I like the idea that my character knows things just a few moments before the reader does, but it can be exhausting to keep coming up with new ways for her to get information she needs to solve the crime!

ROBERTA: Ok JR readers, please pitch in with your opinions. And then come back often this week--we have a great line-up. On Tuesday, visit with Chris Knopf, author of the Sam Acquillo mysteries, who will talk about setting books in the Hamptons and writing for a small press. On Wednesday, visit with Chester Campbell to learn everything you need to know about blog book tours. And on Friday, listen in as literary agent Paige Wheeler talks about the book biz right now.

A Most Distinguished Guest

Rhys: Today I'm honored to be in the presence of royalty as I interview Lady Victoria Georgiana Charlotte Eugenie. Welcome your ladyship, it's so good of you to take time off from your busy schedule to talk with me.

Lady Georgie: Actually, Rhys, I'm not royalty. I'm only second cousin to King George V and only thirty fourth in line to the throne which makes me a royal also-ran.

Rhys: But you must live a fascinating life among the glitter of palaces and balls and royal tours.

Lady Georgie: LOL. You see I have picked up some of your current speech. The fact is that my branch of the family has no money at all. We are flat broke. It's alright for my brother because he has all that land in Scotland to grow things, but I'm alone in London and I'm not doing too well.

Rhys: Surely someone young and attractive and well educated like you can find a job.

Lady Georgie: In case you haven't noticed there is a Great Depression crippling world economy. Every street corner has poor men standing on it, begging for work. But don't think I haven't tried to find a job. I did work in Harrods once for all of four hours before my mother got me sacked. I even tried cleaning houses. And I recently came up with a spiffing idea for making money that turned out to be horribly embarrassing. How was I to know that the words Escort Service and High Class Girls had a different connotation?

Rhys: (trying not to laugh) Oh dear. So what happened?

Lady Georgie: I got whisked home to Scotland before the press could learn of my little gaffe. And I was given a job of a kind, I suppose, although nobody has offered to pay me for it. You see it was suspected that someone was trying to kill off the heirs to the throne and a certain branch of the government wanted me, as an insider, to find out who was doing this.

Rhys: And did you manage to succeed?

Lady Georgie: Yes, but only just. I was lucky to come away with my life. I owe a lot to someone called Darcy O'Mara. Essentially he saved me.

Rhys: I've heard that name before, mentioned in the same breath as yours, I believe.

Lady Georgie (blushes) Oh golly. Well yes, we are ,I mean I am rather keen on him, and I think he's keen on me too. Could we change the subject please. I'm finding it rather hot in here.

Rhys: I heard that a certain American woman called Mrs. Simpson was staying at your Scottish castle to be near the Prince of Wales at Balmoral.

Lady Georgie: She brought a whole houseparty of Americans with her too. My sister-in-law the current duchess was livid. They wanted baths and showers all the time and were eating us out of house and home.

Rhys: How long did they stay

Lady Georgie: Not as long as they planned. We did sort of exaggerate the hardships of living in a centuries old castle--the howling gales, the ghosts, the bagpipes at dawn, and haggis for dinner.

Rhys: Did that drive them away..

Lady Georgie: No, it was actually the flying lavatory that did it.
Rhys: Do we understand that this story is about to be told in a new book?

Lady Georgie: Quite right. It's called Royal Flush and it comes out on July 7th

Rhys: Thank you, Lady Georgie. We look forward to reading about your latest exploits. Can you give us a hint of what you'll be doing next?

Lady Georgie: Well, actually I've been asked to represent the royal family at a royal wedding in Transylvania at a castle on the Borgo Pass. I don't think any of those silly rumors about vampires are true, do you?

Acting on Impulse

Rhys: I've decided that I've been too sensible for most of my life. I was a good child (except for sneaking out of church to raid the cookie jar at my friend's aunt's house) and even a good teenager and college student. I can't really think of too many wild and crazy things I've done in my life, but last week I almost remedied this.

We were driving through New York State on the way back from a conference in Canada. We had dinner at a seafood restaurant in Albany. I confess that I had lobster and didn't give it a second thought. Then on the way out I was waiting by the lobster tank as my husband went to the rest room when I saw one lobster. All the other lobsters in the tank were lying passively, accepting their fate. This one was not prepared to go gentle into that good night. He was swimming anxiously around his portion of the tank, checking every side, coming up to the surface and then going down again to see if there was any way out.
The tank was divided into three portions, for the various weights of lobsters. He found that he could put a claw under a glass partition. Then he wedged it higher and higher until he oculd get both claws and then part of his head under it. But he couldn't hold it up while he slipped under it. But he didn't give up. He kept on trying and swimming while his fellows lay there.

When John returned from the restroom he was met with the words, "Where is the nearest ocean to here?"
He thought for a moment. "Long Island, perhaps?"
"Could a lobster survive in a plastic bag that long, do you think?" I asked.
Okay, so I had this wild and crazy impulse to buy that lobster and set him free. I felt so strongly about it that I was prepared to drive miles out of our way to bring this about. Eventually John made me see sense--I was due to fly out to Chicago the next morning, with no time to drive to any seashore, and it was highly unlikely that the lobster would survive if he was dumped off Coney Island. So I left my lobster, swimming desperately around,trying to squeeze through to another section of the tank, not knowing that it was hopeless.And I'm still feeling bad. I could have done it. I could have driven an extra hundred miles or so.

So I'm asking my fellow JRRs--have you ever done something crazy on impulse?

JAN: Almost doing something on impulse? Yes. Actually following through on impulse? Not so much.
But I was impressively impulsive and stupid during my teenage years. Must have used up all that wild, insane, energy.

HALLIE: After torturing my daughters by singing along with the radio in the car, dancing to the muzak in the supermarket, skipping in the mall, and wearing my draw-string pajama bottoms outside to go pick up the newspaper off the lawn, I toned down my crazy impulsiveness, such as it was. Now that they’re grownups, it’s nearly impossible to embarrass them. I do miss it.

RO: That's a great story...it's like the kid in E.T. who frees the frogs in biology class. I don't think I've really been impulsive for a long time. I do have this "hey kids, let's put on a show" chip. I think in a previous lifetime I was in an old Mickey Rooney movie. That sometimes strikes people as impulsive.

HANK: I know my mother isn't reading this, so I'll now admit that in college, a group of us from my school in Ohio (all women) had spent the weekend at a men's college (in Indiana). We were driving us back--and decided to go to New York City instead. We told my parents the "truth" when we stopped off to get provisions: "Where are you headed next?" "New York! ha ha."
So they thought it was a joke. But we drove for hours, stayed in a hotel (couches and floor) saw a Broadway show and came back. Very very wild. And very very innocent. (Sam Creigh? Are you out here?)
These days? Well, once I had a whole dessert. And once? I stayed up past midnight.

RHYS: I remember climbing in through someone's window in college because the door was looked at 10 p.m. I also remember sharing a flat in London and getting wild urges to go out for fish and chips at 3 a.m--wandering all over London looking for a fish shop that was still open (and one was) And now I'm about to write a vampire book,which is wild and crazy for me...

So how about it, blog-visitors: any wild and crazy things to report? I'm sure you have more to report than our comparatively tame adventures.

Thursday's guest hunks

While we're in between our author guest hunks, we thought you'd enjoy a visit from our private fellas. These are the guys who bring us coffee in the morning, attend book events, laugh at our jokes, and generally Make Life Worth Living! In order of appearance, here are Roberta's John, Jan's Bill, Rhys's John, and Hank's Jonathan. (Missing but not forgotten are Hallie and Ro's guys.) Aren't they adorable?

ON OUR SECRET HISTORIES

I took the road less traveled by

And that has made all the difference.
*** Robert Frost

HANK: How did you turn out the way you turned out? Was it what you planned? Dreamed of? When I was given the some multiple-choice preference test, back in whenever-it-was, the high school guidance counselor told me I had scored high in "literature" and "persuasion."

"You should work in a book store, I guess," she said.

All righty then.

But I remember, vividly, that my first job aspiration was to be an airline stewardess. Yes, that's what they were called. You got to go cool places, look chic, bring passengers whatever free stuff they wanted, and tell people what to do. (That was a key element of it, as I remember.) Then I decided I'd rather be an English teacher. Then, a geneticist. Then a radio disc jockey. Then, in college, I decided I would be the lawyer for the Mine Workers' union.

The unplanned and surprising road to TV reporter went through a stint as a legislative aide on Capitol Hill, a job I got at age 20 by going door to door with my resume. Wound up as the press secretary to a congressman from Texas. Then at Rolling Stone magazine as an editorial assistant. And then--my first job in TV, at age 25. And there I was, doing my life's work. And now writing mysteries about it.

Literature, and persuasion. Pretty funny. What did you want to be when you grew up?

JAN: I decided in first grade that I was going to be writer. When you think about it, that's actually when you learn to write, first grade. So the first thing, I learned. I stuck with.

I remember the first story I wrote: The Cat on the Moon, about a poor kitten tormented by a pack of little boys (much like the author was tormented by her three older brothers). Even at six year's old, I had delusions of being published, and was infuriated when I found a book by the same title on my second grade shelf. Those sneaky plagiarists!

RHYS: I wanted to be a lion tamer when I was a little kid, but nobody would give me a lion to practice on.

HANK: Oh, Rhys, I'd love to see photos.

RHYS: When I was a teenager I wanted to be a movie star. I have always written, edited the school magazine, wrote short stories, was invited to have tea with Iris Murdoch when she came to my school, and then edited the college newspaper. This convinced me that I didn't want to be a journalist. Too much hard work and deadline pressure.

HANK: Smart girl, even then.

RHYS: So my thwarted theatrical ambitions were channeled into the production side of BBC drama instead. It was while I was there that I decided some of the plays weren't that good and I wrote my own. As only a 22 year old can do, I took it personally to head of drama. He liked it and the BBC produced it. More followed. I might still have been there but I got lured to Australia by ABC, met my husband and wound up in San Francisco. Funny how life takes side turns.

ROBERTA: I edited the yearbook instead of the newspaper and performed some very bit parts in the school plays--no danger of reaching Broadway there! I finished college without any firm idea of what was next, having run through majors of biochemistry and art history before settling on French lit. so naturally my first job was--in a book store! Then I spent some time as a vocational rehabilitation counselor before going back to school for clinical psychology. I never anticipated becoming a writer--in fact I could kick myself now for opportunities I didn't seize when I was young. But I wasn't ready--just happy to be here now!

RO: I wanted to be exactly what I turned out to be..someone who has a lot of fun, travels, does cool things and hangs out with cute guys.

HANK: Come on, RO. Fess up. And yup, Roberta, timing is everything. Sometimes I think, gosh, I should have started writing mysteries sooner. But then, I wouldn’t be who I am now, so the books couldn’t be the same. I do think Rhys still has a future as a movie star, though. And Jan, do you still have Cat on the Moon? We’d all love to read it!

And how about you all? What did you want to be when you grew up? Is that who and what you are?

Becoming the First Lady

ROBERTA: I'm a big fan of Michelle Obama: I think she handled the campaign and the transition to the White House with grace and style. She gave up a big job to support Barack even though I'm certain she's smart enough to become the president herself. I totally love what she's doing on the White House grounds: starting a garden and talking about diet and health. (Although I didn't see tomatoes on the garden plan, and certainly not okra!) She wears what she wants (including no sleeves) and she looks good doing it. She's firm but loving with her kids, and a terrific role model for disadvantaged kids, and god knows she must have a good relationship with her own mother since they'll be living together for four years. And she's gained a lot of points with the public by supporting military families.

I'm pretty sure this question would be considered non-PC, but I'm going for it anyway. If you were going to serve as the first lady (first man if you're in Bill Clinton's shoes), what agenda would you push? What would be your strong points and your pitfalls?

JAN: I'd give some great parties. I'd really be into the nice clothes. Oh, and was there something else??? Oh right, public service. I'd like to deal with hunger and homelessness because in my mind, that's where you have to start. Oh, and I'd also be a real nag about the deficit.

HANK: It could be kind of fun. You could jab your husband with an elbow, and say--hey. Do we really need another one of those Trident missiles?

RHYS: My big problem would be having to be gracious to politicians, including foreign politicians whose agenda was repugnant to me. My agenda--although I feel passionately about health care reform I'd learn from what happened to Hilary Clinton. The First Lady is not an elected official. Her role is to lead by example. I think I'd try to be green, to encourage educational excellence and discourage waste. I'd like to step in and stop government pork, but I'd probably have to grit my teeth and shut up about that.

HALLIE: I'd be a lousy first lady. I'd be early Hilary and put my foot in my mouth about chocolate chip cookies. I'd probably have to be sent to charm school. And then I guess I'd devote myself to encouraging people to consume less and give more back, to make the common good everyone's priority. Wall Street would hate me.

ROBERTA: That would fun for us, Hallie! All the reporters could buzz Jungle Red Writers trying to find out about the real Hallie--and can't her husband put a lid on her? And we'd have to say, nope, what you see is what you get--and we love it that way!

HALLIE: Thanks, Roberta. I'd probably come out in favor of kind words. It's amazing how a few of those can turn around a day.

HANK: I'd be big on libraries. Early education. After-school programs. Self-esteem for pre-teens. And history. Somehow, when kids learn about the past, like a story--they care more about the present and the future. Plus, I could handle the press corps. Some of those questions in news conferences--puh-leeze. When the question is longer than the answer, you've got an ego problem. As First Lady, I could put a stop to all that.

ROBERTA: And if I was the First Lady, I'd definitely want you as my press secretary Hank!

RHYS: I hadn't thought about the clothes. It would be great to decide what "My look" would be and then have designers fighting to produce it for me, rather than cruising the sales and seeing what Ralph Lauren has at fifty percent off! Oh, and I'd love to choose the First dog!

RO: I'd probably just want to stay out of the way and let the guy they elected do his job, but I suppose that's not realistic. First ladies always take these risky stands - "I'm for children! Literacy!" Who's not?
I'd be the first lady who converted all the government cars to fatwagons... running on waste vegetable oil. Of course not having converted my own, I'd have to learn how to do it first. And they do tend to smell like onion rings..but that's okay.

Pile on, JR readers. What would your time in the White House be like? (Photo credits to Army.mil and sskennel)

What's in a Name

Rhys here, home at last from a whirlwind speaking trip and trying to catch my breath--oh, and
get back to the small matter of a deadline...So I'm thinking about titles and what buzz words make people pick up a book. I've heard that words like blood and bones make mysteries sell better. And I guess that food in the title does well too. And knitting and quilting.
I know I'm attracted to books with unusual titles, like "the Shape of Water."

And what about blogs? I believe we've found that the buzz words "Yard sale" have generated the biggest interest in our blog so far. More even than "sex" or "chocolate". Interesting. So what makes you read a blog? Buy a book?

HANK: First we had Water for Elephants. Then the Elegance of the Hedgehog. Secret Life of Bees. Maybe we should all think of weird animal titles. I like clever. That's what does it for me.
In fact, I'm always thinking of titles. My brain is consumed with it. I'll hear a little random snippet of conversation--like someone says, "well, that was the end of my interest in etc..." and my brain picks it out. Mulls it over.
I'll think "End of My Interest." Hmm. Is that a title for something? Right now I'm trying to make something out of Voir Dear. (Is that too insiderly double-meaningy? Maybe..a short story about a woman who sees her ex-husband on a jury? Hey. Don't steal it. Mine.)

HALLIE: Darned. I liked that.
When talk turns to title my mind turns to "Eats Shoots and Leaves"...the clever book title from a fairly serious book about punctuation. Talk about a great title--I mean, a book about grammar and punctuation on the best seller list? Another great title: "See Jane Run". Beats me as to why, but it is. And I'm partial to Sharyn McCrumb's title "Bimbos of the Death Sun".

ROBERTA: It's been proven that I stink at titles--I've never had one accepted by the publisher that I actually thought of. I fought hard for DEADLY ADVICE to be LINE IN THE SAND, but it wasn't judged mysterious enough. To Rhys's question, I think titles with blood and guts put me off. And not that crazy about punny names, though my stable is full of those horses:)

JAN: I love a title that gets to the essence of the book in a not-on-the-nose way, so I'm not crazy about mystery titles with Death or Murder in the title. Too easy. I know she hated it at first, but I've really come to like Rosemary's The Big Dirt Nap. Something amusing and ominous about it.

RHYS: I've been quite lucky with my titles. I've only had to change one or two during my mystery writing career. I have to say I got a little weary of all those Evan puns and wished I hadn't started along that route because it made the books sound cozier than they were. But I'm now very tempted to call my next book "Blood and Bones with the pandas at the Yard Sale."

RO: I'm with Jan on Death and Murder in the title..although the book I'm I'm working on has Dead in the title (DeadHead) and I seem to like it fine! I also agree with Rhys on animals..look at how well Silence of the Lambs did. (People should ask me anything this morning, I'm feeling very agreeable..) It's hard to tread that line between clever and cutesy. BTW Before The Big Dirt Nap was TBDN someone wanted to call it Stalking the Corpse Flower. How awful is that? Any other near disasters?

Jacqueline Winspear, Part Deux

RHYS: Back again with Jackie to continue our interview. So, with our second cuppa tea, let's go on...




To what do you attribute the enormous success of a series that is neither sensational or violent, but just tells a good, well-written story?




Jackie: I think that the broad readership is so often underestimated - there is an assumption that every page must have some blood-thumping event to maintain interest.

That simply is not true - a story well-told does not mean you have to have blood, guts and sex on every page. Thus far the storyline in each of my books has been rooted in the Great War - in telling a story about the characters' feelings, their memories, their fears and the decisions they make based upon their experiences, can tell as much about a violent time asgraphic scenes of violence, and often with more impact.

Sensationalism plays into the belief that we are a society addicted to instant gratification - and there is a truth in that - but at the same time, we cannot tar all readers with the same brush. There will always be a place for the good, well-written story.

RHYS: Are you planning to continue with Maisie and do you have plans for any other books outside the series?

JACKIE: I am planning to continue the series, and I do have plans for books outside the series - it's just having the time to get to it all that hampers me!

RHYS: Okay, tell us about your horses, including your new baby who likes to be hugged. Since they are such a big part of your life, why no horsy books yet?

JACKIE: Oliver ("Ollie"), my Friesian, (in yesterday's photo) is now four and a half and is nicknamed "the baby Friesian" by everyone at the ranch where he lives. He is just the mostwonderful boy, and he so loves people. He is also extremely affectionate.

Ollie was imported to the USA about 18 months ago, and was born and raised on a farm in Germany, where he became a favorite of the breeder's 12-year-old daughter - she was his first rider, and you know what girls can be like with horses they love! He must have been showered with affection and cuddles, because this horse can really get into a hug - he sort of wraps his head around you as you put his arms around his neck (and you should see him with the farrier - the poor guy will be leaning over trimming Ollie's feet while Ollie is licking his collar and neck, or trying to pull a handkerchief out of his pocket!).

Today's picture shows Serendipity ("Sara"), my Dutch Warmblood/Thoroughbred mare turned 15 last week - and she is a very different horse. She is a diva through and through, has a very fine sense of herself. Sara loves to work, and wants nothing more than to just get the tack on and get out into the arena for a training session.

She is lovely to ride, but such a perfectionist - she'lllet me know if she thinks I could be doing better, or if I am in even slightly off in my position for a certain move. So different from Ollie,who is still honing his sense of direction!

And you will see a horse or two in my next series - but we're a couple of years away yet ....

RHYS: Okay, some of the famous Jungle Red questions:

Pizza or chocolate?
I'm now allergic to both chocolate and pizza crust, so I would probably sell
my soul for a mouthful of either! I love Green and Black dark chocolate -
so very crisp and bitterly scrumptious.

Daniel Craig or Pierce Brosnan?
Pierce Brosnan - he has a great sense of humor and a very down-to-earth
quality about him. Of course, he's easy on the eyes too!

Miss Marple or Hercule Poirot
I think I prefer Hercule, but to tell you the truth, I have never cared for
either of them - though on TV I really liked Joan Hickson as Miss Marple,
she brought a real sharpness and depth to the character.

Making dinner or making reservations?
I'm just coming to the end of a long book tour, so making dinner in my own kitchen is just fine with me.

RHYS: Jackie, thank you for visiting us at Jungle Red. I should add that Jackie's new book is in a store near you and that she blogs regularly at http://www.nakedauthors.com/.>

Good Golly, Miss Molly

RHYS:

It's been a whirlwind March for me so far. First I was being feted in Hawaii as guest of honor at Left Coast Crime. That was a surreal experience, being treated like royalty while the blue waters lapped the shores and the palm trees swayed in the wind. Of course I've always dreamed of being a celeb--what writer hasn't? But so many people wanted to have their photo taken with me and I am still overcome with embarrassment when people tell me they love my books. I never know what to say. I believe Agatha Christie had the same problem, so I'm in good company!

So I spent almost a week being queen of the convention, along with co-Guest of Honor Barry Eisler (and let me tell you that wasn't one of the harder tasks of my life) then I arrived home just in time for the release of my new Molly Murphy mystery, called IN A GILDED CAGE.

This story focuses on the role of women in the early Twentieth Century. Molly joins a suffragists march and gets involved with a group of Vassar grads. They all left college with visions of doing great things with their education, only to find themselves confined by convention to be mindless accessories to their husband's life and career once they marry. Molly is affected by this observation as she is considering getting married herself in the near future. Can a woman be her own person and be married, she wonders? Could any woman at that time?

Of course the answer was yes: Marie Curie was experimenting with radium beside her husband. Nelly Bly, who appears in my last Molly book, traveled the world as an investigative reporter while her husband stayed home. So all things were possible for exceptional women, but most were forced to abandon their own dreams when they said "I do."

And I think that was true until fairly recently. Even when I left college most women stayed home once they had children. My mother was an exception--she had always been a school teacher and later principal but even in the sixties when I graduated, women were assigned certain roles in life: teacher, nurse,or secretary were the usual expectations. Some girls went to medical school, some into research, but not many. So I was lucky to go straight into the BBC and learn all the aspects of broadcasting, finally settling down in the drama department where I started writing my own plays. Doubly lucky because I'd have made a rotten secretary or nurse!

So do we think that discrimination is now completely a thing of the past? Is any door open to our daughters today? Here in the Western world I'm sure the answer is yes, but we have to remind ourselves that there are still countries where women have no rights at all--where a woman can be forced to marry a man chosen by her family or killed by her family for not obeying them. And one of the places this is happening is not Afghanistan, but in Britain. Girls of Pakistani descent are being lured back to Pakistan and then married against their wishes. This has become so common that a special branch of the British secret service has been formed to rescue them. But after that they are never free, of course. Their families will hunt them down and they live in fear of their lives.I wrote about this in my last Constable Evans book, called Evanly Bodies. My editor didn't want to publish because it was too inflamatory, but I sent her a wad of newspaper cuttings to show how often it was happening.

I like to write about themes of social relevence as well as telling a good mystery story. I suspect I'm an activist at heart. Certainly a feminist! So what about my fellow JRRs. Did you ever find your job was made harder because you were a woman?

Do you think we've finally come a long way, baby?

HALLIE: First off, congratulAAAAtions on the new book. Can't wait to read it!! And I was so impressed by your singing at Left Coast...is there anything in your past you haven't told us about?

Yeah, I think we've come a very long way, baby. When I was a kid there were virtually no school sports programs for girls, and the choices career counselors talked about for us were your basic nurse, teacher, librarian, and maybe social worker. It's great that about half the crime novels that cross my desk are written by women. And both my daughters never hesitated about considering the widest array of career options. However, I also realize I was being naive to think, "if only women were in charge..." there'd be less self-serving policy making, general dishonesty and mean-spiritedness in politics. Sadly, we've come a long way in that department, too.

HANK: My life worked the other way. I applied for my very first job in broadcasting, at a radio station, in 1971 or so.

Short version: I said to the news director: NO, I've never been a reporter. NO, I've never worked in radio. NO, I didn't go to journalism school. But I've just left a job as assistant press secretary to a gubernatorial candidate. I know how reporters work, and what they need. I've written a million press releases and I know this city inside out.

Then I paused. Then I said, as I smiled sweetly: And your station's license is up for renewal right now at the FCC and you don't have any women working here.

I got the job!

Could it happen that way today? Nope. Because in my profession, at least, there are as many women as men, and getting equal pay, even in management jobs. I know we're not the norm.

ROBERTA: Yes, we've come a long way. I too regret the lack of women's sports teams when I was a kid. However, my thwarted ambitions were funneled into the Cassie Burdette golf mysteries so all was not lost:). But we still have a long way to go. Even in our own field, I believe women are still getting smaller advances and having more books published as paperback originals, which means fewer marketing dollars and reviews. And in general, not even counting the terrible things that go on in less progressive countries, women bear more of the burden of feeling they must make uncomfortable choices between career and motherhood.

JAN: First of all, congrats on the new book, Rhys. But having recently raised a teenage daughter -- and having done all the research on cyberporn for Teaser, I guess I don't think women have come that far. Yes, we've made progress in the career and equal pay front, but I see a tremendous amount of slippage from the 60s. The exploitation of young girls sexually is huge. And I've actually thrown shoes at the television images that make young girls think that they have to weigh 90 pounds and have size D-cup breasts.

The Internet and the insatiable US demand for pornography (and I'm not talking about Playboy or even Hustler-type porn, I'm talking about really sick stuff) has made for a brisk sex slave trade. In someways, I think we've actually gone backwards.

RHYS: One of the statistics that bothers me is the teen pregnancy rate. We are not winning this battle, expecially among the disadvantaged youth who see having a baby as one of the few accomplishments within their reach. These girls can only picture themselves of people of worth by becoming mothers.

So it seems we still have a way to go. It was interesting to see the reaction of certain men when Hilary Clinton ran for president. Pretty much the same things were said as the insults shouted during a suffragists' march in my new book. I think we're hard wired for gender in many ways. Let me know what you think of the new book.

Rhys

Compassion Fatigue

ROBERTA: I recently submitted a section of my current opus to a couple of my reading buddies and was struck when one said: “I can’t believe your character would do that.” (I think the character in question was leaving his wife abruptly rather than confess to financial misdeeds.)

Lately, the paper is full of that kind of stranger than fiction stuff. Doesn’t it seem like another public figure goes down in flames every week? I don’t have any trouble buying that people do stupid things. (Although Blagojevich has taken this to a new level.) I can believe that Alex Rodriguez was feeling a ton of pressure about the high-paying contract he signed, and that he was immature and maybe (maybe!) naive. I can believe that Bill Clinton was dizzy with power and tired of being watched at every moment.

People are steeped in denial about their own weaknesses and motivations. We writers know that from our own lives and we exploit it fully in our characters. Where I get lost is when public figures get caught and then deny wrong doing. I'm thinking maybe we should all make a pact on Jungle Red: If one of us does something dumb, let's all remind her or him to fess up? Any takers? Or takes on the subject?

HALLIE: Confession: if there WERE a performance-enhancing drug for writing, I'd have long ago taken it. And inhaled. Then, despite my dozens of NY Times best sellers, I'd fess up, here and now. If only.

RO: No fair....Hank is quite perfect and the rest of us would look like losers.

HANK: Oh, now who's on drugs?

ROBERTA: So we need a new pact, then? If one of you guys comes up with a performance-enhancing drug for writing, we're all in?

JAN: Definitely in. The coffee isn't working anymore. But I did have a sports/energy drink the other day for tennis that I was going to try to apply to writing. I'll let you know.....

HANK: There was an amazing article in the NY Times a few months ago, and it haunts me every day. The bottom line was that people who are less than intelligent have NO idea they're dolts.

Here's what the experiment did, if I have it right. They gave a group of people a test. Then, afterwards, they asked each person how they felt they did. By a huge and indisputable margin, the people who said things like "Oh, I aced it" or "I knocked it out of the ball park" did poorly on the test.

The people who said--"oh, I don't know, I could have done better" or "I wish I could go back and answer some of those questions again" were the ones who, absolutely, did well.

To me, that explains so much. I mean, it's brilliant. If people have NO IDEA that they have no idea, doesn't that explain so much?

SO. We have Elliot Spitzer, who, I guess, figured he could do anything he wanted. The guy in Boston who said his name was Clark Rockefeller but it was really Christian Gerhartsreiter. The guy who crashed his plane so he could pretend he was dead.

The WOMAN WITH THE CHIMP. I mean, let's just stop right there.

RHYS: Right now I'd wrestle Hank for the performance enhancing writing drug! Two books a year is getting to be overwhelming. Also thinking of doing a James Patterson and hiring a mini-me.
But the people who astound me are all those millionaires who coughed up serious money to Madoff without any guarantees. Surely if you have millions you have financial advisors and you run any transaction through them. I suppose the simple answer is greed. Also the simple answer to the housing crisis. Mortgage bankers were just too greedy and people took loans too good to be true.

We are all wise, sensible and all around fabulous people. The problem will be when they write our tell-all biographies, will they have anything juicy to tell.
Okay, so my misspent youth but....

RO: You know...I met that chimp. A few years back, one of the owner's dogs followed Bruce home when he was out for a run and the dog wouldn't leave. We had to call the owner and drive the dog home..which was uh, untraditional with, as I recall, a horse trailer, a maybe an rv..it was like a travellers camp..you know..the Irish travellers..weird...and then the chimp came out...

HANK: Rhys, I definitely want to hear about your misspent youth. But it's RO they're gonna want in People Magazine for her close encounter of the primate kind. Now--what were we talking about,again?

ROBERTA: Did I meet you during my misspent youth, Rhys? Okay, JR Readers, pick a thread and do the best you can! If you don't like any of these topics, come back Tuesday for the amazing Nancy Pickard or Wednesday for the fabulous Kate Collins or Friday to hear psychologist Carolyn Kaufman talk about writing great fictional characters.

ON Queries about Queries

Yeah, it's one of the things you don't find out til later.

You've written a wonderful book, a marvelous book, and you're getting ready to write the cool acknowledgment page and sign up for an author photo.

Waaaait a minit. First you've got to get an agent. THAT you know. And to snag your perfect agent, you suddenly find out need to write a query letter. A--sales pitch. That perfectly (but briefly) describes you and your book so irresisitibly that you'll have agent offers filling your email and mailbox.

The query letter. In the annals of writing, it goes down with the dreaded synopsis as the scourge.

But hey--we've snagged Wendy Burt Thomas. She has a new book that'll answer it all for us. It's called: The Writers Digest Guide to Query Letters.
(And its not just for novels--it's got info on non-fiction, and short stories, and magazines.)

And we're getting a sneak peek.

HANK: Query letters. We all cringe. How make-or-break is a query letter to an aspiring author's career?

WENDY: Breaking into the publishing world is hard enough right now. Unless you have a serious "in" of some kind, you really need a great query letter to impress an agent or acquisitions editor.

Essentially, your query letter is your first impression. If they like your idea (and voice and writing style and background), they'll either request a proposal, sample chapters, or the entire manuscript. If they don't like your query letter, you've got to pitch it to another agency/publisher. Unlike a manuscript, which can be edited or reworked if an editor thinks it has promise, you only get one shot with your query.

I see a lot of authors who spend months (or years) finishing their book, only to rush through the process of crafting a good, solid query letter. What a waste! If agents/editors turn you down based on a bad query letter, you've blown your chance of getting them to read your manuscript.

It could be the next bestseller, but they'll never see it. My advice is to put as much effort into your query as you did your book. If it's not fabulous, don't send it until it is.

HANK: You know, my first query letter, which I loved, got no no no no from every agent I sent it to. It focused on the main character. The second one--which was about exactly the same book--focused on the plot hook. I think I only changed the first paragraph. And everyone said yes. It was the same book! How do you know you've got it right?


WENDY: That's a tough one. There are a few things that will help your chances of landing an agent. First, make sure your book idea is a match for the agencies you're pitching. Research some of the most recent books the agency represented.


Were they action-oriented (e.g. plot-driven) or character-driven? Your query will need to whet the agent's appetite based on his/her taste - and what they think your book will be about. If your book is plot-driven but your query focuses on sketching out the character, they'll likely get the wrong idea.


Second, learn from the feedback you get. Even rejections can be helpful - and get you closer to an acceptance. If all the agents are saying they like the character but not the fact that you set it in the 1980s, you might need to change that in your query - and manuscript. If they all simply say, "no thanks" without any feedback, it's probably a sign that you need to revise your query (and/or manuscript).


Thirdly, if you get a lot of positive responses ("Great concept - just not a fit for our agency") then don't give up. I think my co-author and I queried 30 or 40 agencies before we got an offer of representation on our first book. I see too many authors give up after trying only 10 or 12 agents.




HANK: What's the biggest lesson you've learned as a full-time writer?



WENDY: Seize every opportunity - especially when you first start writing. I remember telling someone about a really high-paying writing gig I got and he said, "Wow. You have the best luck!" I thought, "Luck has nothing to do with it! I've worked hard to get where I am."




Later that week I read this great quote: "Luck is when preparation meets opportunity." It's absolutely true. And writing queries is only about luck in this sense. If you're prepared with a good query and/or manuscript, when the opportunity comes along you'll be successful.



HANK: Okay, who wrote the bad letters? Do tell.



WENDY: I did! And that was such fun. I've read - and written! - so many horrible ones over the years that it was a little too easy to craft them. But misery loves company and we ALL love to read really bad query letters, right?


HANK: But--there are all these rules.One page. Your own voice. Big hook. Your platform. And then the final rule is--be natural. Ahhhhh...what should writers know?


WENDY: I want them to remember that writing is fun. Sometimes new writers get so caught up in the procedures that they lose their original voice in a query. Don't bury your style under formalities and to-the-letter formatting.



HANK: Full disclosure--my query letter is in this book! And it was really fun to see it. (I didn't let Wendy get her hands on the one that tanked.)


Wendy graciously says she'll come chat and answer your questions! So maybe she can give you some guidance.


And Jungle Red is giving away two copies of TWDGTQL to commenters we'll choose at random.


So ask away--and maybe you'll win answers to ALL your questions!

And how does your query letter start? Published authors--we'd love to know! Yet-to-be-published--have you figured that out yet?

(Thanks to Epicurienne for the typewriter photo!)

The Jungle Red Writers Inauguration Ball

ROBERTA: I read an article in the New York Times a week or so ago about how eagerly the Obamas are being sought as dinner and event guests in Washington. And we've all been reading about the expected crush of people attending the inauguration festivities. The Obamas are expected to be quite cagey about what they attend, as their presence will be interpreted in all kinds of ways they may not intend. Greatseats.com says this:

The "official" balls are organized and hosted by the Joint Congressional Committee on Inaugural Ceremonies in honor of the newly-elected President. In the past, these have included the Commander-in-Chief Ball, the Constitution Ball, the Freedom Ball, the Democracy Ball, the Independence Ball, the Liberty Ball, the Patriot Ball, and the Stars and Stripes Ball.

"Unofficial" balls and galas are hosted by any number of different organizations, including state societies, private industry, non-profit organizations and other special interest groups. Many of these events are invitation or member only, with tickets for these balls not necessarily open to the public.

The competition would be stiff, but I got to thinking we ought to throw a Jungle Red inaugural ball. What should we eat? What about our dress code? And how the heck do we draw the Obamas in? Maybe the "JRW salutes the writer in you inaugural ball"? For one thing, I'd like to plan it on the early side. I'm just no good at staying up late these days.

HANK: New shoes? Can we get new shoes? (Not the $700 ones, since Jan objects.)
And hey, my husband and I got an invitation, all parchment and embossed gold letters, to the Obama inauguration. Cool. But I fear it's somewhat like being invited to the, say, lighting of the Christmas tree at Rockefeller center. Um, or to the grocery. I mean it's open to the public, right?

Two things: I admit to be intrigued by what Michelle Obama will wear. Call me shallow. Someone said on some TV show that inaugurations bring out the dowdiness in first ladies. I suppose it's because the dress will be in the Smithsonian exhibit. Which would be a bit daunting.

Also, I do have some standing here to discuss White House events, because as a reporter for Rolling Stone magazine, I covered Susan Ford's prom.

Anyway, I vote the decorations for the JR ball have to come from yard sales. And we have to dress as our favorite author. Wait, that's Halloween. We get the Obamas to come because we tell them: we're mystery authors and readers, and we know how to find the bad guys. And there are a lot of bad guys to get. Then we all have champagne.
ROBERTA: Hank, love the yard sale decorations! Maybe you could loan Michelle your black wedding dress? that was definitely worthy of the Smithsonian! Are you going to the ball? You can be our reporter on the scene...

RHYS: I am so envious that Hank got the official invitation! Just because I was getting the weekly updates from Obama's transition team AND he was following me on Twitter, I thought I was well and truly IN. Obviously not.
Why don't we have one of those murder mystery balls, with victim sprawling on floor, and everyone else trying to solve whodunnit? And you know what? We could invite sundry politicians and the CEOs of Wall Street and we could bump them off and nobody would ever find us out. Whaaa haaa haa. Rhys has changed from that writer who always gets reviews describing her work as "delightful" to an evil, scheming villainess. AND I'd wear red. I never wear red.

JAN: I just want to make clear Hank, I'm only outlawing $700 shoes for teenagers and those of us with large feet. Anyone who can actually afford $700 shoes or has to appear on television for whatever reason can spend as much money as they want on shoes.
And a superspecial exemption for inaugural balls and, oh heck, Emmy award ceremonies. But even though the rest of the media will skewer Michelle if she dresses down or makes the slightest fashion faux pas, I would be proud of her if she resisted the temptation to wear Monolo Blahniks or Jimmy Choos.

ROBERTA: Okay, so new shoes, red dresses, champagne, a murder mystery (though I'm a little concerned about all those secret service), and I definitely want dancing and great food. Suggestions and requests anyone? (And thanks for the Obama photo to Englino, for the crime tape photo to Daniel Y. Go, and for the dance photo to Patrick Q.)

Facing our darkest fears

HALLIE: At last, "Never Tell a Lie" is published. I labored over that sucker for nearly three years, so now when people tell me "I couldn't put it down! I finished it in three hours!!" I have distinctly mixed feelings.

The idea for the book came to me, innocuously enough, at a yard sale. Just like the yard sale that opens the novel, it was at a big Victorian house around the corner from me. New owners had painted the outside mauve and purple. I was dying to know what they'd done to the interior, so I peppered the poor woman throwing the yard sale with a million questions.

Finally, probably as much to get rid of me as anything else, she said, "Would you like to go inside and look around?" She pointed the side door. "Let yourself in."

I did. Inside, there was a brand new kitchen. Upstairs, the bedrooms were straight out of House Beautiful. As I started up to the third floor, the mystery writer in me kicked in and I thought: What if a woman goes to a yard sale and somehow she manages to talk her way into the house? She goes inside. . . and she never comes out.

Thoroughly spooked, I bolted down three flights and out the door.

Have you ever been spooked by a thought that turned an everyday situation sinister?

HANK: OH. Constantly. Daily. It's a sickness. Even that, you know? I'll cough, and then think--what if this is the beginnning of the plague, and I have it and... And suddenly, I'm in The Stand.

Jonathan goes out to get the paper. It's just at the end of the driveway. "Be careful!" I always tell him. "Of WHAT?" he says. It's potentially dangerous, in my mind. In his, it isn't. What if the people handing out free food samples at the mall are really terrorists, and the food is poisoned? (Actually, I may use that in a book so forget you read it.) And I completely got PTSD after seeing the movie "The Dark Knight." I was clutching Jonathan all the way to the car, terrifed someone/something was going to leap out of the darkness.

I may have seen too much TV news.

HALLIE: LOL. That's gotta be it.

Not sure why but that reminds me of once when I was walking with my daughter and we were playing "what's that thing" (pick up a small scrap of trash from the street and try to guess what it was part of)...and I picked up a red plastic tab that said "DO NOT REMOVE." Where's CSI when you need 'em.

HANK: I still have a little red ticket from a sweepstakes drawing that says "Keep this ticket." So hey, I kept it. Because what terrible thing might happen if I don't?

RHYS: Congrats on the new book, Hallie. As you say, this is one of the pitfalls of being a mystery writer. The brain switches so easily to "what if?" And we have trained ourselves to act on that what if. A snippet of overheard conversation becomes sinister, a stranger lurking on the corner becomes a potential ax murderer... And I've always been afraid of the dark. I grew up in a big spooky house that I was sure was haunted. The wind used to make the rug outside my bedroom door flap up and down and sometimes windows opened on their own. When I talked about this to my brother, years later, he replied, "of course it was haunted." So I'd never go up three flights of stairs in a purple-painted house.

RO: Oooh, as a diehard yard sale fan, I'll never be able to go to one again and walk up those stairs to where I've been assured "the good stuff" is. Even if the house isn't purple. That's my idea of something really scary, the everyday thing that turns into a nightmare. I mean, who's going to be fooled by a drooling 7-ft stranger with tattoos and an eyepatch? Just run...no story.

My sort-of-scary moments occur whenever I'm on a driving trip and I have to use the facilities - or buy a can of diet red bull- at a gas station. It's not the toilet that scares me (Dr. Roberta...you hear that?)Ever see The Vanishing or Breakdown? Yikes. It crosses my mind every time I stop in one of those remote service stations.

HANK: Oh. The Vanishing (the Dutch one) is the scariest movie I've ever seen. Ever. I almost wish I hadn't see it.

ROBERTA: Ro, I'm not worried about the toilet, I'm worried about the diet Red Bull!:) Hallie, big congratulations! So excited to see your book on the shelves! And what I've learned from the tag sale story is to never, ever, let a stranger into the house, even if she SEEMS like a nice, nosy middle-aged lady. Maybe especially that. I too see danger and plot twists everywhere. It's kind of exhausting, isn't it?

HALLIE: What about never ever GO INTO a house, no matter how hunky the man is who invites you in to "have a look around."

JAN: Wow, was it really three years, Hallie? It seemed like that book flew off your computer!! Congratulations on its release and the many terrific reviews.

When I was still dealing with my plane phobia (now conquered!!) I once had a cognitive behavioral therapist tell me that my problem was I had too much imagination and I applied it to EVERYTHING. That probably applies to all of us!

For me, it really was the toilet.... but not the germs. It all started as a small child, when I convinced myself there was a monster in it. I used to open the door, flush the toilet and run like hell. Sometimes when I go to lock the garage door at night, I'll let in the thought... what if someone was in the garage just waiting.... and I get that full body fear thrill people go to the movies for. But I've spent a lot of energy trying to NOT let those thoughts in my head, and I think it's net gain.

HALLIE: My daughter used to be afraid of squirrels, so I'd send her out with a can of Lysol (AKA magic squirrel repellant) to protect her on her Hot Wheels.

So, is your monster in the toilet? Or in your attic? Or up a tree and hopefully staying where it belongs? (Hopefully not in your bookstore where I hope you are ALL headed.)

Please join the conversation. We're dying to know.