ON PARTRIDGES

And a one
And a two
And a-
All together now!
Follow the little bouncing ball..
**Mitch Miller

HANK: Last year, about his time, I was deep into revisions. In order to prevent myself from actually working, I decided (as any of us would) to write new words to an old song. The revisions were fine, and now just a fond memory. The book will be out next year, if all goes as planned. But the song? Well, it's almost New Year's Eve so what better time to wrap up the holidays. Let's do a little Jungle Red caroling!

On the first day of revisions, my editor said to me:

A partridge wouldn’t like a pear tree.

On the second day of revisions, my editor said to me:

Write a little faster

And a partridge wouldn’t like a pear tree.

On the third day of revisions, my editor said to me:

Try to use some humor

Write a little faster

And a partridge wouldn’t like a pear tree.

On the fourth day of revisions, my editor said to me:

Make your chapters shorter

Try to use some humor

Write a little faster

And a partridge wouldn’t like a pear tree.

On the fifth day of revisions, my editor said to me:

Find a better plot!

Make your chapters shorter

Write a little faster

Try to use some humor

And a partridge wouldn’t like a pear tree.

On the sixth day of revisions, my editor said to me:

Six weeks til deadline

Find a better plot!

Make your chapters shorter

Write a little faster

Try to use some humor

And a partridge wouldn’t like a pear tree.

On the seventh day of revisions, my editor said to me:

Seven chapters bore me

Six weeks til deadline

Find a better plot!

Make your chapters shorter

Write a little faster

Try to use some humor

And a partridge wouldn’t like a pear tree.

On the eighth day of revisions, my editor said to me:

Eight titles vetoed

Seven chapters bore me

Six weeks til deadline

Find a better plot!
Make your chapters shorter

Write a little faster

Try to use some humor

And a partridge wouldn’t like a pear tree.

On the ninth day of revisions, my editor said to me:
Nine new characters needed

Eight titles vetoed

Seven chapters bore me

Six weeks til deadline
Find a better plot!

Make your chapters shorter

Write a little faster

Try to use some humor

And a partridge wouldn’t like a pear tree.

On the tenth day of revisions, my editor said to me:

Ten motivations missing

Nine new characters needed

Eight titles vetoed

Seven chapters bore me

Six weeks til deadline

Find a better plot!

Make your chapters shorter

Write a little faster

Try to use some humor

And a partridge wouldn’t like a pear tree.

On the eleventh day of revisions, my editor said to me:

Eleven conflicts iffy

Ten motivations missing
Nine new characters needed

Eight titles vetoed

Seven chapters bore me

Six weeks til deadline

Find a better plot!
Make your chapters shorter

Write a little faster

Try to use some humor

And a partridge wouldn’t like a pear tree.

On the twelfth day of revisions, my editor said to me:

Twelve months til the sequel

Eleven conflicts iffy

Ten motivations missing

Nine more characters needed

Eight titles vetoed

Seven chapters bore me

Six weeks til deadline
Find a better plot!

Make your chapters shorter

Write a little faster

Try to use some humor

And a partridge wouldn’t like a pear tree.

ROBERTA: Love the song Hank. But I'd still much rather revise than write that dratted first draft!

HANK: Oh, I actually love revisions. Not that you'd know it from the song. But let's see, maybe I should write a first draft song. Or better, a synopsis song.

To the tune of MARIA:

Synopsis!

I still have to write my synopsis

But not one useful word

Or sentence has occured

To me....

Okay, sing along! Anyone???