Keeping our heads and hearts in the worst of times

HALLIE EPHRON: I think we can all agree, it's been a horrendous couple of months. Hurricanes, Earthquakes. Floods. And then there's the man-made mayhem. Shootings. Stabbings. Cars running down pedestrians. And this latest mass shooting in Las Vegas during a country music concert. That doesn't count the reports of slaughter of Rohingya Muslims or the plight of Syrian refugees or the chest-thumping leaders of North Korea and the US who threaten to make all of our efforts moot. 

Anyone else remember the old Kingston Trio's Merry Minuet? 

Somehow it doesn't seem funny right now. 

I feel helpless, and I want to help. Today I'm looking for advice. Are you personally affected? How to help? And how to preserve your sanity in insane times?

LUCY BURDETTE: Yes it feels insane--a relentless battering of bad news that leaves me feeling angry and sad and helpless and a little guilty. 

Honestly, my mind is boggled by Syria and Myanmar. Plus, why did Hurricanes Maria and Irma decimate the middle Keys, Puerto Rico, and the Virgin Islands and only brush by my beloved Key West? 

And then the same tired questions repeat themselves about the latest mass shooting: Who was this man and why did he develop this plan? How can we work to identify people like this and do something before more people die? And why oh why won't our politicians look seriously at our gun laws and make some sensible changes? Does any normal citizen really need access to an assault rifle?

Those are my questions anyway. As for answers? 

I give money to groups who are helping the stricken (Red Cross, United Church of Christ, Doctors without Borders, to name a few.) And I stay active in nudging my congress people and participating in causes I believe in. 

And to preserve my sanity, I read and exercise and cook...it's never enough...

JULIA SPENCER-FLEMING: As you all know, these have been the personal worst of times for me and my kids. I struggle every day with the temptation to view life as WH Auden did in his poem: 

The stars are not wanted now: put out every one; 
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun; 
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood.
For nothing now can ever come to any good.

What I try to do, every day, is focus on the goodness in people all around me. Very few of us actually live in the angry, divisive world we see online. 

Instead, we have kind neighbors, thoughtful friends, considerate strangers. I'm too...overwhelmed to take a single action right now: I can't protest, I'm not writing letters to the editor, I don't have money to spare to donate. But I can look for, and cherish, the caring nature of those whose lives intersect mine.

RHYS BOWEN: Julia, you put this so beautifully. 

We have gone through uneasiness and uncertainty with political madness, natural disasters as well as man made ones, but you have gone through the worst time one can imagine: watching a loved one slip away. 

Like Lucy I feel angry all the time: especially yesterday watching members of congress in a moment of silence, the president sending out thoughts and prayers and then none of them have the guts or brains to vote on gun control. 

I'm trying not to watch TV news as it's all bad. 

My own remedies--get out into nature. Walk along the sea-shore or in the mountains with friends. Laugh and talk as we walk. And I try to give to charities where it will do the most good. I gave to the Texas Library association to furnish libraries with new books after Harvey. And Catholic Charities where I know all the money goes the disaster, not to fund raisers. And I've just sent off a box of books for Murder By the Book's fundraising auction in Houston.  

It's not enough. It's never enough, but it's that one starfish on the beach.

HANK PHILLIPPI RYAN: Why do the huge and unimaginable things make the "small" things seem bigger?  The hole Ross leaves. The way the leaves turn color. My funny Jonathan, and how he reads all the sections of the paper at the same time. How lucky we are to have, l don't know. Bacon. Dahlias. 

I remember so clearly the chilling week after the Boston Marathon bombing, when the very atmosphere of the city changed--it was hollow, and terrifying, and the streets were deserted, and seemed like a different place. Even now, you can walk by the spot where the first bomb went off--and I  tell you, even if you didn't know, you'd know. 

It's just so difficult to know how to be "normal." Is it okay to laugh? When?  Is it okay to have fun? When?

But if we don't celebrate, then what's the point?

We must face it, head on, honor it. Do one thing a day, whatever we can, to make the world better.  More horrible things have happened, certainly, but right now it doesn't feel like it, and it doesn't matter what happened before. But it's not the end of days. It's just-breathtakingly sad.

Here's one more thing I love. And why we will be okay. Somehow. 
The other day in the edit booth, I said to my editor (whose name is Collins) "Man, those people better not start a war with North Korea."

And Collins said: "There can't be a nuclear war! I just had my house painted!"

So yeah 

INGRID THOFT: When the world seems to be going to hell in a hand basket, I try to keep a few things in mind.  I remind myself that there have been other times in history when, surely, people felt the same way, and yet, they persevered.  There are people who have had to survive the unimaginable—Holocaust survivors or survivors of any genocide came to mind—and somehow, they have survived.  

I think about Elie Wiesel, Nelson Mandela, and Malala Yousafzai, and I think about the people in my community who do a far more difficult job than I.  The cop with whom I did a ride-along this weekend, who works every shift to manage the fallout from rampant homelessness, opioid addiction, a proliferation of weapons and divisive leadership at the highest levels.  

I spent a day watching one person work to help other people, regardless of their circumstances or station in life.  If he can keep on keeping on in the face of all this misery than so can I.

JENN MCKINLAY: I asked the Hub the other day, "If you knew what the world would be like when the Hooligans came of age (they are both around 16), would you have still wanted to have children?" 

Without hesitation, he said, "Yes." 

I was not so sure. I mean we are sticking them in this Dumpster fire of humanity at its worst, natural disasters on the rise, and a society that is ruled by bullies and stupidity. This was never ever what I imagined for them. Every age has it struggles, I know, but wow, we have really ratcheted up the awful. 

And then, the Hooligans find a teeny tiny, half dead, two-week-old abandoned kitten, and they are absolutely determined that he will survive and thrive. I have stepped back to let them take the lead on this rescue and while guiding them, I see two young men committed to saving what to many would be a lost cause, a small inconsequential life of no importance, and I think, we're going to be okay. 


DEBORAH CROMBIE: You are all so wise, and so lovely, that just sharing a page with you and reading your advice lifts my spirits.

I have to admit that on Tuesday, leaving England for home, my heart felt very heavy. And then, in the car on the way to the airport, I had a long conversation with my car service driver, a lovely guy from Manchester. We talked about everything--amazing the ground we covered in that short drive--all that had happened in the last few weeks, then the unimaginable shooting.  When we reached Heathrow, this man, whose name I never learned, said that the only thing he was certain of is that we all must try harder to love one another, every day, and to find the good in everyone. He gave me a big hug and wished me well, and I was moved to tears.

So on that long flight I thought a lot about all the good things in my life. Wonderful family. Precious grandbaby. Loving friends, kind neighbors, and the basic goodness of ninety-nine percent of the people we deal with every day. We do nothing for the world if we let ourselves drown in anxiety and despair. So I'm working on focusing on the big things and the small things that are right with the world, and doing many of the things you all have suggested. And I'm very glad to be a part of this community.


HALLIE: This week I'm donating to United for Puerto Rico and the Brady Campaign to Prevent Gun Violence. And Go Fund Me. 

What are your thoughts? How else to make a difference?