We've never been very traditional with either celebrations or anniversary gifts, but this year I'm excited. You see, I am allergic to gold, but I can wear silver, and I love it. So I'm crossing my fingers that my sweetie will come up with something special. (I did hint, shamelessly. I thought I was allowed, just this once.)
But I started to wonder who came up with the idea of specific gifts associated with each year's anniversary. It seems that the tradition of giving silver and gold on the twenty-fifth and fiftieth anniversaries goes back at least to the middle ages. Precious metals were valuable and lasting, and it was thought couples reaching those milestones should be rewarded for their fortitude. Of, course, this only applied to those well-off enough to afford the silver and gold. It's the Victorians, however, we have to thank for the proliferation of yearly gifts.
Then the Americans got in on the act. The symbolic gifts were listed by Emily Post in 1922, then set out even more formally by the American National Retail Jeweler Association in 1937--no surprise, that.
Some of these items seem pretty random. Paper? Cotton? Wood? Leather? And they don't exactly go in an order of increasing durability. Fruit and flowers, for instance, come 4th, after leather.
Here are some creative ideas to fit the list, if anyone is inclined to stick with it.
So, Reds and readers, have you celebrated marriages or partnerships with traditional gifts? And tell us is you've given or received any unusual anniversary gifts!
RHYS BOWEN: We never checked on the various anniversary gifts, in fact I'd have been very annoyed if John had given me paper or wood instead of jewelry or a dinner! I did get a silver ingot for 25 years, a ruby ring for 40 and a ring for Golden. But the best thing for our golden was taking the whole family to a resort in Cabo for a week. We had an amazingly wonderful time from youngest to oldest. Much more significant and me, or able than things!
HALLIE EPHRON: This is appropriately timed--Jerry and I are celebrating our 50th anniversary as I type. Yes, we married young and got lucky. He's also retiring after 47 years of college teaching, so we have double to celebrate. Anniversary gifts?? We've never exchanged them, or if we did it wasn't memorable. Most years I get flowers or a potted orchid, which I love. The last ring I wanted I bought for myself.
Tonight it will be about food -- friends coming over to celebrate with us. And in two weeks we're going to Tuscany where I'll be teaching a 10-day writing workshop for Minerva Education https://www.minervaeducation.net.
LUCY BURDETTE: Congrats on all the wonderful anniversaries and Jerry's retirement--that is a huge milestone and the cake was gorgeous! We will be celebrating 27. We started some years back giving ourselves a trip to New York City and tickets to a couple of shows. I couldn't ask for anything better!
HANK PHILLIPPI RYAN: This year will be our 24th! In September. And we were talking just the other day about how it cannot possibly be that long. If you'd said--three years, I wouldn't be surprised. But that is all very reassuring, don't you think? Gifts. We are TERRIBLE at gifts. Terrible. I think one year we got each other--I am shaking my head now. Fitbits? SO silly. Is there a Fitbit anniversary? I don't need anything, you know, in the world. (So funny--that reminds me: the second day we ever knew each other, he said to me: "What kind jewelry do you like?" And I said--excuse me, I have to go call my mom.) But you all have inspired me. And Lucy, I love your NYC and a show idea!
DEBS: Congratulations to Hallie and Jerry on your 50th!! And to Rhys and John, of course, who have already been there/done that.
Tomorrow I'll tell you what really cool thing (I hope!) we are doing to celebrate this big year!
READERS, how about it? Any weird or wonderful anniversary gifts?
Congratulations on your anniversaries, Debs and Hallie . . . .
ReplyDeleteTime certainly does seem to go by quickly; I often find it a bit difficult to wrap my mind around the fact that forty years have gone by.
For us, celebrating probably means dinner out, usually with family. It’s really more about the people than getting some thing . . . .
... and these days, it's more about getting RID of things than acquiring new baubles.
DeleteDear me I read “babies” for baubles
DeleteAnn, you must have been watching Call the Midwife...
DeleteLol.
DeleteCongratulations to you, Debs, on your 25th and to Hallie on her 50th. And, Rhys, I agree that a family trip is a great celebration.
ReplyDeleteWe are pretty boring with our anniversary celebrations. It's usually just a nice dinner, just the two of us. A few years ago though, for our 40th, we took a train trip from St. Louis to Kansas City, stayed the weekend, and then took the train back. Our anniversary is Oct. 23rd, so the fall colors were beautiful. We got business class seats so that we would have extra comfy seats and more room. Not everyone would be excited about Kansas City, but we wanted to go to the WWI Museum, and I wanted to see the Kansas City Library, where they have the giant books painted on the outside of the building. The nice part about the whole thing was that it was hubby's idea, and he planned it all. I'm usually the trip planner.
that sounds lovely Kathy! and so nice to have him plan it all for you both
DeleteKansas City is so beautiful, and it has more fountains than any city in the world except for Rome.
DeleteMaking a list of places to go now that we can travel whenever we want... adding Kansas City to the list. Who knew?
DeleteAnd Minneapolis, too! I just came back from there… And it was so wonderful!
DeleteOh, Kansas City is beautiful. I'm going in a couple of weeks to celebrate birthdays with my best friend since we were eight. Hers is May 30th, mine is June 5th. We always say we're going to celebrate together and this year we are actually going to do it!
DeleteKansas City has lovely gardens, museums, and the Plaza is gorgeous.
I think it ranks up there with San Francisco for both beauty and history
DeleteMy husband and I were first married in our twenties ,and then we separated and divorced after a few years . We reconnected very unexpectedly in 2016 and were happily remarried after nearly 30 years . Everyday seems like a gift and we're hoping to be happy celebrating the rest of our anniversaries !
DeleteI got nothing - except congratulations on all these long-lasting marriages!
ReplyDeleteWow Deb, 25 years and counting! I hope you get something gorgeous and silver and shiny. And Hallie? You really aren't old enough to have been married fifty years. You were a mere infant when you got married. Congratulations to you both for picking those winners, although Rick and Jerry are the lucky ones.
ReplyDeleteOur anniversary gifts have usually been a trip somewhere, and not always on our anniversary, which is June 27, coming up on 23 years. Just thinking that there must have been something good in the water in the 90s, for all these relationships to form and last.
I did have a friend who was expecting a nice gift for, I think, her tenth. When I saw her the next day, I asked her about it. She grumphed and said "I got something to stand on to wash dishes." Her anniversary gift was a matching turquoise dish pan, rack, drainer, and yes, a rubber mat for in front of the sink.
This has to be the worst gift idea ever. And fifty years later, they are still married, but I can't think why.
that is funny and heartbreaking both. Maybe he's been coached to improve gift-giving behavior?
DeleteGrounds for divorce!
DeleteSo funny, Ann. I'd have killed him lol.
DeleteCongrats to all! Taking a big trip in the fall to celebrate a milestone anniversary. I like the idea of a NYC theatre tix weekend, too.
ReplyDeleteWe’ve did one last year and saw Come From Away .... fabulous
DeleteCongratulations on those milestone anniversaries, Deb and Hallie! (I, too, am blown away at the prospect of Hallie celebrating a 50th. I honestly wouldn't have believed it possible.)
ReplyDeleteWe really have never exchanged gifts on anniversaries. (We will celebrate #32 in September.) Occasionally we have taken a trip for one, but more often it has just been a nice dinner out somewhere. We did mark out 25th in New Orleans, which was fun.
I agree! We are funny about gifts too... We talk about it, actually and then we never do anything :-)
DeleteWe usually just go out for a nice dinner. Although the first few years we were married, we went back to the place where we honeymooned, but more about that tomorrow...
DeleteCongratulations! We did paper for our first - but the paper was a water-color done by my best friend of Casa Loma in Toronto, where we had spent our honeymooon.
ReplyDeleteSince then...we don't usually celebrate our anniversary on our anniversary. Part of this goes back to when The Hubby was in the Army. He always seemed to be on his annual training stint in August, so we either celebrated early or late, usually with dinner and a local show.
A couple years ago was twenty, and he came to Bouchercon in NOLA with me. We did a fabulous dinner and tour of the French Quarter, among other things.
This year is 23 and I have the launch for my second book that day. I'm sure dinner will follow.
I've been hinting for years that I'd like to replace the sapphire stud earring I lost on an Army-related trip. So far he hasn't taken the hint. Maybe for twenty-five?
Do you want us to drop him some emails?
DeleteThe special watercolor for a Paper gift was a wonderful idea! And, yes, I think we should drop your hubby some emails about that earring. A new pair would be a very fitting anniversary gift and why not for twenty-four?
DeleteDebs and Hank - fabulous! I'll send you his email. :)
DeleteCongratulations on all the anniversaries! And mazel tov.
ReplyDeleteMy husband neither appreciates gifts nor gives gifts. He's the guy who has to be prodded by my daughters a couple of days before Christmas, and then he usually defaults to a bottle of single malt.
However, for our 25th we traveled to Australia for two weeks. Specifically, the area around Sydney, since our youngest daughter was taking a semester there. Other than the rental car driving on the left it was a spectacular way to mark the occasion.
My mother's parents would have celebrated their golden anniversary, had my grandfather not died just a couple months short of it. It was more of a tragedy that they weren't able to share that milestone to some than that he'd finally lost his battle to emphysema, golden anniversaries were such a big deal then. And my mother's second, and longest of three, marriages ended just short of their 20th. She was widowed three times, sadly. My sister and I are both about to pass our mom's total years of marriage.
I buy my own jewelry if I want any. No disappointment that way.
I usually do, too, Karen, and because I can't wear anything but sterling silver and occasionally some hypoallergenic costume stuff, I don't have much. But a couple of years ago on book tour, I discovered a Spanish line of jewelry that I love, and on impulse bought a bracelet and earrings, which are now my go-to things that I wear everywhere. Then, when I was in Roundtop in March, a shop there had a bracelet from the same line that I loved but didn't buy. So when Rick kept asking if there was anything special I'd like...
DeleteOpportunity struck! Excellent.
DeleteWow! Happy Anniversary, Debs! Hallie, best of everything to you and Jerry! Lucy, enjoy NYC. Rhys, 50 years come and gone...if the REDS decide to do a post on the relativity of time, you must tell us more. That's for you too, Hank. Jenn, you seem to live at warp speed so do chime in. Julia, hold each and every anniversary to your heart.
ReplyDeleteYes, Julia, thinking of you...
DeleteIt’s a long time, isn’t it, to know someone? It seems like such a strange occurrence. When we were kids, things were marked in sections of school, eight years of grade school, four years of high school, and college. But then adulthood comes, and our markers are different. When I think I have known Jonathan a total of 26 years, it’s absolutely incredible.
ReplyDeleteAnd doesn't it sometimes seem amazing that out of the over seven billion people on the planet you were able to meet that one, perfect person for you and you for him? That's the part that blows me away, almost as much as the staying together for decades part.
DeleteRick and I were next door neighbors. His mom and sister still live next door to the house I grew up in. It's totally bizarre.
DeleteCongratulations! I’m not sure how I missed chiming in - please forgive me! It’s chaos in the frat house as we dash to the finish line of the school year! Congrats on all of those anniversaries! Amazing! Hub and I just clocked in our 20th! On our fifteenth we renewed our vows in Vegas with Elvis, natch, and our hooligans. It was actually book research and so much fun! Otherwise, we’re rather mellow about the whole thing. When we get to 25 - that’ll be a party or whatnot.
ReplyDeleteSpeaking of parties, I'm thoroughly enjoying "Dying for Devils Food."
DeleteI can't wait to get to it, Jenn!!
DeleteWe will be spending a week in the Bay Area to celebrate our 50th later this month. We’re spending time with family in San Jose and then a few days in Monterey. And three days at an inn at what used to be the Presidio in San Francisco!
ReplyDeleteCongratulations in advance, Denise! That sounds like a perfect way to celebrate!
DeleteDebs, Happy Anniversary! Wishing everyone who is celebrating their wedding anniversaries - Happy Anniversary!
ReplyDeleteI won a bottle of wine in a bid at the LCC and I gave it to relatives who are celebrating their 25th wedding anniversary, which is quite an accomplishment in this family.
Turns out that this particular wine is a favorite of my relatives and I never knew that until now!
When I give a gift, including anniversary gifts, I try to find a gift that can be used instead of adding more clutter. For Mother's Day, I gave my Mom exactly what she wanted - blank journals. A tour is a wonderful gift. Gift of time is also wonderful - like getting together for afternoon tea and scones.
Diana
Yes, a gift of time can be the best thing, Diana. My daughter and I went out for Mother's Day dinner last night. I would much rather have had that than a "thing."
DeleteLove this, Debs.
DeleteCongratulations to Deb and Rick on their anniversary, and to all the other Reds on their various milestones. Warren and I only made it to 17 years before he exercised that "till death do us part" escape clause, but we gave each other small, interesting gifts all the time.
ReplyDeleteI will say that wedding anniversaries have been the hardest days for me since Warren died. It's a particularly private observance--the day you and your partner become official--and we tended to celebrate privately with dinner, or a trip somewhere. Most people outside your immediate family won't even know the day has significance to you, so it becomes a particularly private pain when you carry on as if the day no longer means anything, now that your partner isn't there. So I'm sending my love out to all of you who no longer have your partners, through no fault of your own. Anniversaries are hard.
I can only imagine, Gigi, but I know that is always a rough time for you.
DeleteAnniversaries are hard, Gigi. Although I must say, it makes me appreciate and rejoice more for my friends and family members who still get to celebrate them. I, like many, I suppose, took them for granted until I didn't have them anymore.
DeleteI'm sorry I missed the conversation - I spent the weekend moving Youngest out of her dorm, back to the house (to drop off and pick up stuff) and then into an apartment she's subletting for work this summer. Youngest, by the way was my 12th anniversary present. ;-)
ReplyDeleteRoss and I almost never gave each other presents - we usually celebrated with dinner out. Our anniversary was May 30, which meant on some years, it was Memorial Day weekend, which was lovely - BBQs and parades and all. We were going to do something big for our 30th, but he was already too sick when the time came to start planning it.
Which makes me think - not to be morbid, but maybe the folks in the Middle Ages gave silver and gold for 25 and 50 years precisely because it was so rare to get there. The mean life expectancy of adult women in the 12th and 13th centuries was around 43; for men who didn't have to face the perils of childbirth, it was 48. Everyone at the wedding could promise a sack of gold for a couple's 50th anniversary - the chance of paying out would be akin to striking the lottery today.
Julia, that's exactly what I was thinking.
DeleteOur anniversaries usually involve nice dinners. Or sometimes, nothing. When Harvey hit town we walked to a local eatery for lunch; our neighborhood is on high ground. And then walked a block over to take in the sight of a lake where the interstate used to be. I'm sure we've exchanged gifts from time to time but I prefer not to. For our 40th my husband insisted he was going to get me jewelry. I steered him to a ring as opposed to necklace or bracelet as I tend to wear rings more. I even told him a style I really liked, the so-called yesterday/today/tomorrow ring. He bought a ring with rubies; my suggestions bounced right off his thick skull. He always offers to take jewelry back to exchange if I don't care for it. He had it in his mind it had to be rubies because of the anniversary. I told him I'd rarely wear the ring; it was too dressy. For once I did exchange his gift and got the ring I wanted in the first place. I wear it every day instead of my wedding band. His taste in jewelry and mine just don't agree. I have other gifts which rarely see the light of day. We'll be hitting 47 years in August if we don't do each other in first.
ReplyDeleteBoy can I relate to that, Pat. My husband would do the same thing - bring me jewelry I don’t care for ... well meaning and all. And it seems churlish to say so
ReplyDeleteSometimes I wonder how it is he still doesn't know my likes and dislikes. The trouble is he buys what HE likes. He wants to get some kind of jewelry made using his mom's diamonds and give the pieces to the females in the family. I have adamantly told him to leave me out. He says he'll give me input on the design. I guess I shouldn't worry about it as it'll be years before he gets around to it.
DeleteCongrats on all the anniversaries!
ReplyDeleteMy parents' 50th was last year. My brother, sister-in-law, and I threw them a party (more the two of them than me since they live locally). We were supposed to take a family vacation, but I got laid off and have just finally gotten a new job offer, so that's been put on hold while I didn't have vacation time.
Mark, good luck on the new job!
DeleteNo anniversaries for me. When my grandparents reached their 50th they finally had a formal wedding reception. In 1928 Oklahoma a female teacher could not be married and the teacher who was to replace grandma never showed up so they eloped to Kansas. Grandma took her ring off every day and granddad crawled in and out the kitchen window for 8 weeks. For their 40th they took a trip to Alaska.
ReplyDeleteWhat a great story, Deana!
Delete