High Anxiety by Sandy Manning

LUCY BURDETTE: Before I introduce our guest today, we here at Jungle Red have an important milestone to crow about:  Rhys is celebrating the release of her Fiftieth book—the sixteenth in the Royal Spyness series, called Peril in Paris. We bow to your amazingly prolific career, Rhys--and we're so proud to claim you as a Red! In PERIL IN PARIS, Lady Georgie looks forward to a fun and relaxing time in Paris with husband Darcy and friend Belinda. But a fashion show at Chanel turns deadly and plunges Georgie into intrigue and danger. (There are signed copies at the Poisoned Pen. Plus you can watch her discussion of the new book at the PP bookstore!)

Next, we’re pleased to welcome Sandy Manning, who has written a post that follows our discussion yesterday quite nicely. Welcome Sandy!

SANDY MANNING: It can be something quite small. An article about the dangers of gas stoves. A new covid strain. A random thought about my son. Suddenly, I feel my stomach tightening and a dread spreading over me, a nameless panic that something terrible is about to happen, regardless of the reality. And yet, I write thrillers where terrible things do happen, sometimes to characters I like. Doesn't that make things worse?

Logically, it should. But it doesn't.

I have an anxiety disorder. I always had it, but it was more manageable. It was in the aftermath of my mother's sudden death fourteen years ago that I began to feel a recurring terror. Suddenly I had trouble driving over bridges. Suddenly I saw the life-threatening possibilities in the most mundane of circumstances. (Photo of Sandy's mother at her wedding.)

It's not that I didn't fear heights or worry about foods causing cancer or strangers accosting my children before my mother's death. But it was different. It was concern, but not panic. Despite my tendency to worry, I could remind myself that things would generally come out okay.

I got that from my mother. We had a weird relationship - she was a little crazy in ways that would be difficult to describe in this blog - but she was my mother, and I loved her. And she always repeated the mantra to trust that all would be well. Sometimes she'd spell it. T-R-U-S-T. God, I hated it when she did that; nevertheless, some part of me believed it.

And then, quite suddenly, that changed. My mother went into the hospital in Cincinnati, Ohio on Friday evening for stomach and back pain and she was dead by 6 p.m. on Saturday while I was searching for a plane flight to get to her from New Jersey. I couldn't eat for three days after she died. The dread settled in and continued. When I went to a therapist, I got the official diagnosis. Anxiety disorder.

I'm not alone, either. I've read estimates that between 20 percent and 30 percent of Americans suffered from an anxiety disorder of some kind before the pandemic. During the pandemic, it may have increased to 50 percent, according to one report. 

I'm better than I was, but I still have moments when the anxiety takes over. And it's never completely gone, always simmering just below the surface.

And still, I write thrillers, where good characters sometimes die.  

I write thrillers because it's my favorite genre. I love stories with strong characters and elaborate plots with surprising twists - books that keep me up reading all night, even though I will admit to sometimes sneaking a peak at the ending to ensure that my favorite character doesn't die. I love crafting them even more. But there is a side benefit to writing my books: relieving my anxiety. 

I draw on my own experience with anxiety in crafting my novels, since it is similar to what my main character experiences. My protagonist in Bloody Soil, Kolya Petrov, a Russian Jewish immigrant who works for American intelligence, suffers from PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder) after the events of my first novel, Trojan Horse. Some of the symptoms of PTSD and severe anxiety are similar: physical effects - racing heart, even trouble breathing; both interfere with sleep and energy; both can generate fear about non-imminent threats; and both can cause intrusive thoughts. PTSD, however, is caused by a triggering and terrifying event, and the intrusive thoughts relate back to that event. (Although my anxiety grew significantly worse after my mother's death, I don't consider myself as having PTSD. My intrusive thoughts tend to be of catastrophic possibilities in everyday events - a good talent for a thriller writer but unpleasant for living. Kolya's thoughts, however, always circle back to the horrific events that he endured.)

While there may be some different treatments for anxiety and PTSD, both disorders can be treated with cognitive behavior therapy, with learning techniques to focus on the here and now. 

Despite on-going symptoms, Kolya manages to perform, using exercises that place him in the moment and not in the past. While writing about Kolya's PTSD, I'm working on my own anxiety disorder. Through my own therapy, I've worked on mindfulness - and writing my novels puts me totally into the moment. It's not the reason that I write my novels, but it does help.

Then there's the issue of control. There are limited aspects of real life that are under our control, and knowing that is part of my problem. But focusing on what I can control does help. (As it helps Kolya in my novels.) And one area where I am in charge is my writing. I decide who dies, who lives, who pays for misdeeds, who escapes. The fates of the people I portray in my novels are all within my power, and that somehow is deeply comforting.   

I may never completely overcome my anxiety disorder, but like Kolya, I have found ways to function.

So how about you? Have you experienced anxiety? What helps you?

In honor of the release of Bloody Soil (and to honor her home state of Vermont), Manning is running a maple syrup giveaway. For more information, check her website www.sleemanning.com. 

About Sandy: A reformed lawyer, S. Lee Manning is the award-winning author of international thrillers, featuring a Russian-Jewish immigrant to the United States working for American intelligence. When not writing thrillers, she occasionally performs stand-up comedy. Manning lives with her husband and fellow author, J.B. Manning, and their cat Xiao in Vermont. 

 

About the book: In BLOODY SOIL, pub. date November 9, 2022, a mysterious American calling himself “Michael Hall" arrives in Berlin to join Germany Now, a far-right group and must prove himself by shooting a prominent Jewish anti-Nazi activist or face certain death. Michael, though, has attracted the deadly attention of an unexpected enemy. Lisette who infiltrated the group to avenge the assassination of her father years earlier, is eliminating killers in Germany Now one by one and targets Michael as her next victim. But is Michael who she believes him to be?