My go-to person for organizing advice is Clever Girl professional organizer Kathy Vines. Kathy’s goal is to help her clients: "cut down on the cost of clutter in our lives."
Kathy is one of the most cheerful people I’ve ever met, and her aura of CAN-DO is positively contagious. She helped me when I was writing CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR, the story of a professional organizer who’s not sure that her husband sparks joy. (My working title for the book was FOLDING FRANK.)
Kathy runs an annual organizing challenge. And she’s graciously allowed me to share what she has up her sleeve for week 1: IN THE KITCHEN
GETTING STARTED
1) Have the tools you need before you get started -- trash bags, recycling, donate box, and "goes somewhere else" box (so you can set things aside and keep going, not be tempted to return things to a different space while you're working).
2) Take BEFORE photos and, ideally, AFTER photos.
Those are my BEFOREs.
WHAT TO DO
1) Clean out and Edit - Do what you can with your refrigerator, pantry, and freezer. You're inspecting things, tossing things, and maybe relocating things. Start one shelf at a time, one cabinet at a time. Pace yourself!
2) Wipe Down or wash out surfaces as necessary - We all get spills, stickyness, and random surprises when we're dealing with food. A good time to clear it out and clean it up!
3) Consider the Organization of Keepers - Where things go doesn't have to be where things have been! Are there different ways to set up your system that better serve who you are today? A good example: if you have little kids and they're now a lot more independent, but your system reflects the needs you had when they were younger, maybe now is a time to make some changes. Or if you used to bake a lot but don't much anymore, are there ways to "demote" things that have a prime location that you aren't using?
4) Create Exits for what's going - some will be obviously trash, recycling, composting. Some might be donation.
PICK AT LEAST ONE:
- Clean out the fridge by hunting for things you know you don't need any more (don't have to do a full clean out). Wipe down any spills or messes.
- Go through your freezer to make sure you know what everything is and that you'll still use it.
- Go through your pantry - at least the most-used or most-needing-attention cabinet area to edit it For a lot of people, this is the area with snacks, but it may be your baking supplies or your canned goods. Go through to edit what you just don't need anymore, what was opened and went stale, etc.
- Clean off your kitchen counter. For reals.
- Clean out your bar/alcohol stash.
Biggest challenge: the freezer. Because there are all too many mytsery containers in there without labels that I was SURE I’d recognize when the time came. But I don’t.
Is decluttering on your 2024 agenda, where will you start, and what would be your biggest challenge?
And PS Kathy has a wonderful book that takes the pain out of decluttering.
Decluttering should be on my agenda for 2024. I figure I should start small with one table or one area and then build on that. But I always start reading instead of spending the 30 minutes it would take to tackle on area.
ReplyDeleteI can relate. One loose end leads to another leads down a rathole...
DeleteStarting small, with a space that's easier to complete, not only helps you make progress, but it helps build confidence that you can take on more! Good luck!
Delete(PS - if you're *open* to audio books while decluttering, it can be a great compromise!)
Great response to readers, Kathy! Because most of us will choose reading over decluttering 95% of the time! (The 5% is for when visitors are coming over.) — Pat S
DeleteAnonymous!! Can I introduce you to an amazing word I learned from a UK Organising colleague? SCURRYFUNGE!!
DeleteScurryfunge (SKUR-ee-funge) Verb: -To rush around cleaning when company is on their way over. - A hasty tidying of the house between the time you see a neighbor and the time she knocks on the door. From Scurry - an abbreviation of hurry-scurry, reduplication of hurry.
I try to keep up with the decluttering so it does not become a "have to do thing" at the beginning of the new year, but I know there are "mystery packages" lurking in my freezer . . . .
ReplyDeleteLABELING! That's waht I neglect to do. WIth ink that will not fade. The thing AND the date.
DeleteThe freezer is so often the home of one of the biggest lies we tell ourselves: "I'll remember what this is. I don't need to label it." :-) Freezer labels are so helpful!
DeleteI do so want to declutter but I would probably have to get a new husband first. My husband is constantly on his computer doing heaven knows what but I know he's a shopaholic from all the deliveries we get. He sees something that catches his eye online and he has to have it, no matter that we have no place to put it or that he might only use it once.
ReplyDeleteKathy talks about marriages like yours (and mine!) as "mixed marriages.
DeleteI had a friend in college whose philosophy was “Need it once? Buy it immediately.” I remember the quiche dish he bought in 1974. I wonder if he still uses it? We’ve lost touch so I can’t ask him.
DeleteHa! I have a quiche dish from the 70s, too! Back when I was first living on my own and learning to cook and a quiche was the height of elegance!
DeleteDeborah, is that quiche dish something you still use for making quiches (or some other cooking/baking related function)? If not, and it's truly a treasure to you, consider using it for another purpose in your life. And If not, and it's NOT truly a treasure to you, check in with yourself if you're keeping it because it represents an aspect of your self identity, or who you once were, and it is that attachment which is making it hard to let go.
DeleteI've had so many back-to-back-to-back deadlines, my house has become a mess. So, YES decluttering is on my agenda. After I turn my next book in on March first, I'm taking a month off (HA! We'll see how that works out) and am doing a thorough decluttering/cleaning, starting with my office.
ReplyDeleteMy bathroom under-the-sink cabinet is getting a forced declutter this weekend since the faucet sprung a leak and flooded everything last week.
A MONTH? Wow.
DeleteANNETTE: Good luck today, and you deserve a month off after March 1!
Deleteit's funny when decluttering sounds like a joyful reward--I can relate!
DeleteI just had the same experience with the junk under m basement laundry sink. Had to clear it out so the plumber could get to the pipes. Silver lining....
DeleteUgh! I hate the decluttering races that come from unplanned accidents -- floods, losing power and the freezer turning, etc. But they sure are effective! Hope your "must do" work inspires the "might do" work, too!
DeleteUgh, yes, I also have packed freezers filled with some unlabeled items. A dump out, assess & purge would be a good first step.
ReplyDeleteI have a tiny galley kitchen with virtually no counter space. My pantry is already packed full of canned and non-perishable ingredients. Some commonly used ingredients are in a bin on the floor.
The living room, where I spend the bulk of the time, gets cluttered. When it gets really bad, I first start by decluttering my work desk area & coffee table. When I see that cleared space, I feel better. But alas, this only lasts a week, and stuff piles up again.
Good luck, Grace! There's nothing like having a really small space to force you into some difficult decisions about what you own and why you own it. Hopeful some assessment and purging is in your future to make space for what matters most!
DeleteKATHY: Thanks! You have inspired me to clear up my work space this morning. The pantry contents are not old, I did clean out & edit last January. But it needs a revisit.
DeleteSo glad, Grace!
DeleteUgh. The pantry. I know I'll use those lentils one day soon, and that jar of curry sauce, and the jam I brought from Annie's house when she had to move out...six years ago. Gah! I don't even eat jam. But that little box of raisins (which I also don't eat) - if I toss them, a recipe will call for some tomorrow.
ReplyDeleteI like her approach of take a chunk at a time. You don't have to do all of it. I might tackle the refrigerator. Tomorrow.
I feel your pain about rarely used/unused pantry ingredients. Mine are not that old so I think I will donate them to the local food pantry.
DeleteOh, and one of the few rigid rules I have is ALWAYS LABEL WHAT GOES INTO THE FREEZER. So very important.
DeleteKeeping in mind that sometimes the best use of your space is EMPTY space so it can accommodate your next, unforeseen need, I hope you're able to put some thought into what you believe holding onto jam you won't eat or a curry sauce you haven't been moved to use yet truly BRINGS to you. So often, it's a feeling of wastefulness (but aren't you also wasting SPACE every day?) or a fear of being left without in the future (but what if i want CURRY some day? Won't I be angry with myself if I got rid of this jar only to want another one again in the future?) can get in our way.
DeleteIt's such a great time of year to tackle the refrigerator, post holidays, post visitors, post "ooh... this just comes out this time of year and it's such a yummy indulgence (see: YESTERDAYS JRW post, LOL). Hope tomorrow is fruitful, or, you know, fruit-less, for you! And sounds like your freezer already has some great help with your labels!
Thank you, Kathy. I'm starting to feel ready to be ruthless with that pantry! Expiration dates and all. And to feel better with a clean fridge.
DeleteA dear friend, whose daughter owns a gourmet food shop, gifted me a tin of... octopus. It's more like an albatross around my neck.
DeleteKaren... What a great time to remind people we are not obligated to keep gifts, and if our giftgivers knew their gestures landed as an albatross, wouldn't they give you instant permission to let it go? Said differently, if YOU gave your friend a gift she viewed as an albatross, wouldn't you leap at the chance to give her permission to let it go, since that's the LAST feeling you wanted your friend to feel because of you?
DeleteI have a love/hate relationship with decluttering. Love the end results, hate when I fall off the wagon and stuff creeps in.
ReplyDeleteOur fridge is not too scary b/c I learned a trick from a college roommate years ago. If you do a big weekly grocery shop (not everyone does) do a quick wipe out and check of everything right before you go shopping. Or in my case, I clean out the fridge while my husband does the shopping ;-) That way you're always tackling the fridge when it's as close to empty as possible and you tend to have a rough idea of when it was you last checked on everything. Also it can help you write up the grocery list (or in my case, text husband at the store) It's a little bit more than anyone needs to, but it's habit for me now. My college roommate would be shocked I picked up this habit from her. I was definitely one of the slobs of the house and it drove her crazy.
I use before and after pictures, those are great for motivation. As for where I'd love to declutter, just about everywhere! I even need to declutter my books (pause to allow internal shrieks from everyone). I might start tackling one drawer and/or cabinet at a time b/c it's easy to forget how cluttered they until you start looking for something. Plus 1 drawer or 1 cabinet has a nice end point.
"you're always tackling the fridge when it's as close to empty as possible" - Brilliant! Jill sounds like you stay on top of things.
DeleteI agree, Jill. I did one desk drawer the other day -- felt great, and it was totally manageable in not very much time.
DeleteIt's so helpful to do it when it's emptier, especially if you're committed to evaluating all the things from a "does this still deserve to be here and take up space" point of view. And I love that you take pictures and have found it valuable!!
DeleteGood luck with starting small... and I'm HAPPY to come back to JRW sometime and talk about my thoughts on book decluttering! :-)
I have a special zippered plastic file decorated with sharks. Whenever I have a piece of mail or receipt for business expenses, I put it in the "shark file." My wimpy effort for tax season organization. And I did inventory my pantry staples before starting to cook hearty winter recipes.
ReplyDeleteI have a folder for paid business expenses, too. But now that means I have to PRINT it out since so much billing these days is electronic... adding to the eventual buildup of paper.
DeleteImportant things need important homes - this is how systems do their best! Your shark file is a great part of that, Margaret!
DeleteHallie - I've stopped printing out business expenses. If it comes to me in paper form in the first place, it goes in a gold box (important things need important homes) and at the end of the year, they get batched in a ziploc for longer term storage. If it comes to me digitally, it gets saved in a folder (backed up to the cloud) and if I get audited some day, I'll print them out. I just found that generating a second copy in paper didn't bring me any value! (And I do my expenses on quickbooks where my bank account brings all my transactions in anyway).
DeleteI don't save paper receipts unless it's something without a digital copy. Most of our bills are digital now, too. Wonderful not to have so much paper!
DeleteHallie, you hit a sore spot today. We have hoarders on both sides of our family. Although I certainly inherited that tendency, I fight it. My brother, on the other hand has succumbed completely. He went to the hospital from his studio apartment last weekend because of Covid. His place was always a disaster but when I brought him home late Wednesday night, you could not walk inside it was so bad. I must do something or the State will. He is back in the hospital and furious with me because I told him that he has to let me clean it up. He thinks that they'll give him a 2 room unit so he can arrange things and put things away. He doesn't get it that they see it would just be more space for him to trash. I am in a state of panic over this. It is an illness and I don't know how to make him see reason. This is way more than cleaning out the fridge.
ReplyDeletethis sounds awful Judy! Could a social worker or therapist be enlisted?
DeleteJudy, hugs! This is such a hard thing to deal with! My S-I-L is also a hoarder. Her youngest son once told me that they were going through her storage bins--yes, multiple rented storage units because she'd run out of space for at-home storage. One unit was filled with empty plastic storage containers. I hope you can find a way to help your brother.
DeleteOh gosh, Judy, you need help. HE needs help. My heart goes out to you.
DeleteJUDY: Yikes, it is so difficult to help support a hoarder. It does sound like your brother needs some professional help to get him to acknowledge his hoarding, and then develop/implement a plan to deal with the contents of his apartment.
DeleteI'm so sorry to hear. Hoarding disorder wrecks homes, lives, and families. I wish you all good luck as you advance through this.
DeleteThank you all. I must get into my day. Kathy, your suggestions for a normal person to address clutter step by step are very helpful. I believe my brother could stay independent and be healthier if he were in an organized space. WE'LL keep trying
DeleteJudy, I'm so sorry to hear this. I hope you can get help for him and some support for you b/c it sounds like a lot!
DeleteOh, Judy, that sounds like a challenge. Sending you strength, and courage. It's so hard with stubborn loved ones.
DeleteOh, so sorry, Judy. I hope you can find some help.
DeletePet supplies and paper. Those are my current issues. We won't talk about the basement, as most of the stuff down there is not mine. Praying for my brother to finally be able to put a house on his property--then I can excavate, clear, some basement space (and have a place for pet supplies!).
ReplyDeleteYou're a goodhearted soul, storing your brother's stuff.
DeleteIt sounds like the pet supplies have a future vision. I hope that paper is something you think you might take on? So many of us grew up in a time where saving paper was the norm. We're not there any more, but it can be hard to break some habits! Think about paper in terms of "requires action", "saving for reference", "filing because I need it for another purpose in the future" and "I might want to read this at some point". When we think of our paper that we're holding onto, they tend to fall into these categories of "obligation". Evaluating the reality behind those obligations is where we can start to make dents in letting go. (For instance, that "I might want to read this at some point" pile can get really large, and when you see it all together, you realize you probably won't.)
DeleteKathy, thank you! It's the "I might want to read this someday pile" that gives me the biggest headache. Time to purge!
DeleteThe same goes for open tabs on my browser, lol!
DeleteDecluttering is an an on-going thing for me. The area revolves. Last month, I did the fridge. I just put away the Christmas decorations last night, so I'm sure another round will happen this weekend.
ReplyDeleteOr maybe not since I have edits to work on for the next Laurel Highlands book. Which is a different kind of decluttering, yes? We shall see.
I like to think of it that way - that editing IS another form of decluttering.
DeleteI love that Kathy Vines uses 'edit' in relation to cleaning out, sorting, and tidying up. It's the perfect word for the task. Thanks for the tips, especially 'create exits' -- that's the hardest part for me: where to send all the things I no longer want or need. It's not as simple as simply chucking them in the bin, is it.
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad! I also will use "curate" when we're talking about how to refine collections of things (hello, coffee mugs!). And Exits can be the hardest part - whether it's determining where things will go, or executing on that decision! I'm always hopeful that people are not getting themselves wrapped up in finding an *ideal* or *optimal* exit, while still letting their own space and lives be bounding to hold them until that happens. As I say in all of my presentations and in the opening to my book: "Be kinder to yourself than you are to stuff."
Delete"Be kinder to yourself..." Such a good idea to hang onto.
DeleteThe power just went off – according to the weather person we are going to DIE again, but if you read the small print, it is less than 2mm of rain, so no need to review the will – and while waiting for it to reboot – heck it is only 9am and my coffee is not finished, so I can’t do ‘something’ yet, I noticed that the first screen on the computer is full of little boxes. Guess I should clean up my desk-top. Oh, and there is the pantry cupboard that I started a week ago and so far all I did was move the pasta out to see which boxes could be put together, and they are still all over the couch. But when I opened the fridge, which does in no way look cluttered there is the smell of a dead thing in there and it is not the buttermilk as that is a new unopened carton, so maybe that should go to the top of the list. On the other hand, I need to count pills…
ReplyDeleteI just took another cup of coffee – there is something else to read on the internet – wait 30 recipes for cottage pie…
hahaha! I hope you can find your way back to that pasta collection and wrap that task up. Closing one loop is a great way to get motivated to close other loops!
DeleteDecluttering may be on my agenda in a big way this year, as we are in discussions with the owner of a lovely, smaller, one-floor house that would meet our downsizing needs. If that comes together and we make the big move, I will have a lot to declutter and a pressing deadline for it.
ReplyDeleteI feel bad in that I had agreed with my husband that decluttering would be a high priority for late 2022, after we retired. Unfortunately instead I found my sister really needed to get out of the house she had owned for more than 40 years and into a seniors apartment near us. We spent the first quarter of 2023 getting her house cleaned out and sold, and by the time I finished that I was burned out on decluttering. I've had time to recover, though, and it is more than time to turn my attention to our own home now.
Susan, Keep us posted! What a challenge... and I hope that smaller one-floor house pans out.
DeleteI hope for great things for you in finding your next home AND facing your current one. I hope the time guiding your sister through the process got your gears turning on how you'd deal with some of your own decisions once the time came. Good luck!
DeleteKathy, first, a question: Are the tulips on the cover of your book carved wooden ones? I have some that look just like them.
ReplyDeleteMargo, I hear you. I have to make lists and prioritize, or all that gets done is another cup of coffee and a seed catalogue session! And reviewing the will reminds me of something we have to do, a kind of financial decluttering.
You are all as weary of hearing about my basement as I am of worrying about it, but I've spent the last month moving and reorganizing so work could be started. (The carpenter was here one day, but he's promised to just focus on our job now, yay!) It would have been WAY less work if we didn't have all this stuff to begin with, and I can see I have a long way to go before this project is finished.
Sixty years of sewing and collecting books, tools, machines, patterns, and FABRIC means a LOT of stuff. Kathy, I totally hear you on the idea of WASTE with clutter: all the bins and other containers are pricey items these days, and merely storing things we don't need can cost a fortune. I am appalled at how much those Instagram/Pinterest-ready pantries would cost, plus the waste of pouring staples from perfectly good boxes with EXPIRATION DATES
Premature publishing, sigh. Expiration dated clearly marked on the box. Mixing old and new flour/cereal/rice, etc? Seems pretty dumb to me.
DeleteBack to the sewing stuff, I really do not need to keep carefully collected silks, wools, cashmeres, linens, fine shirtings, etc. I no longer need clothing of that level of luxury (did I ever? No.) Schlepping all that from place to place is silly. Same with my husband's photography equipment, etc., which takes up far, far more room. But I can't control that, just my own belongings.
Karen, I used to make all our kid's clothes and they got older - needed bought things! I did a small purge of 'really to small to make anything of' fabric before we moved place, and moved all the rest 20 years ago. Then there was a year of building, and moving and re-moving all the boxes, but eventually they got a closet and a shelf. I never have sewed again except for hemming the occasional pair of pants, so a few years ago, I sucked it up, closed my eyes and gave everything to my neighbour who was busy into quilts - she stupidly said she would take it all. Sigh - I felt better, and have not missed it at all. There are however, still a collection of beautiful pattern books - really they are just books of art.
DeleteThe fridge is clean. I took out all the shelves and washed in hot soapy water all the shelves and walls. Did not find any dead thing, but if nothing else maybe I scared the smell away.
Scaring the smell away for the win! LOL
DeleteI have been a sewing enthusiast all my life, it was my "other" hobby besides reading, and sewed every day for decades. I made everything you could dream of, including some very nice, couture-level garments for myself and very close friends, and I miss it greatly. I still have lots of projects I want to complete, including several quilts. Recently a friend and I spent an afternoon taking precise, up to date measurements of one another so we could each sew well-fitting garments again. (Bodies change, alas.) I have big plans for this new sewing space.
Karen, the photo was a stock photo I purchased for my cover (and I still love it!) so let's just imagine they are whatever you want them to be!
DeleteAnd I share your disdain for "decanting" food into other containers for no real purpose. I do recognize that some goods can go stale when they're not resealed properly, and perhaps a new canister prevents some waste derived from bad habits. But I agree with you on your reasons!
Wait...what? "Clean out your bar/alcohol stash." Seriously? With what end in view? And how do I go about it, other than, you know, consuming it?
ReplyDeleteCheers.
Feed them to the sink? Some of my "bar/alcohol stash" are so old they'll probably evaporate when I uncork them.
DeleteI'm all about encouraging people to understand what they own and why they own it, and I find sometimes the bar area is filled with remnants of past choices that are never to be revisited, and therefore, they take up valuable space or provide clutter on the way to finding what you're really looking for. A question would be: If you had NO alcohol, and were told to go out and stock a new bar for what you genuinely like and use TODAY, would all of your current supply make the cut? If not, think about why you're holding on to it. Some will say "but what if someone comes over and when I offer them a drink they ask me for something in particular?" And listening to the discomfort in the answer when you think, "Yes, what IF that happened? What would you do if you couldn't fulfill that wish?"
DeleteAs for the exit - consume it, gift it, drain it.
Thank you. Great tips! Since reading Nita Prose's THE MAID, I started a system of cleaning my bathroom once a week. I have to try to remember to do that for other rooms too. I have noticed that while decluttering, I continue to find things that I have been looking for! I KNEW I had these things and could not find them, then go out to the pharmacy to buy these things. It saves time and money when I find things before going shopping.
ReplyDeleteRegarding the kitchen, in the last few years, I decided to go through the entire refrigerator BEFORE shopping because if I already have something, then I do not want to take up space by buying the same thing. It is also a good way to see what I DO NOT have before shopping for things that are needed.
Some areas are easier than other areas. Kitchen is a snap compared to the living room. I have too many books! Only place I Still need to organize in the Kitchen is the big drawer with items that I am not sure about. Will these things be used ever again? I want to get rid of the plastic containers because I read in Consumer Reports that it is not healthy to keep food in plastic containers.
Diana
My favorite moment when working with a client is when they inevitably exclaim, "Oh THAT'S where this went! I've been LOOKING for this!" I love your new habit about your bathroom and not surprised is inspires new attention elsewhere.
DeleteLots of people more and more are switching from plastic storage to glass storage. I've mostly fully converted. (I'm more inclined to reach for the glass than my husband is).
Books... I get it! I wrote about it my book (ironically) because it's one of the 5 most common areas I find people struggle with (books, clothing, paper, photos, and memorabilia).
Great tips that I will be putting into action soon.
ReplyDeleteHere in northern Maine we have what we call the Grand Menage - it's French for big sweep. It's the time to clean out the old and make space for the new. Our homes are closed up much of the winter, heat, woodstoves, pets trapped inside always mean deep cleaning. I'm making plans for where to start. This year, I'm thinking bedroom and closets, then moving on....
I love it and i know what you're talking about... and wish you a great Menage! :-)
DeleteKathy! You are the genius of the universe! I don’t know how you do it!
ReplyDeleteIn other news. My freezer. Oh my golly. It is astonishing. Right now. It is the textbook definition of random. It looks like Jenga.
I am about to take everything out of it and throw things away and put the other things back in and some sort of order. (As soon as I finish my book. Tuesday.) The problem is you have to take everything out before you put everything back in, and I always fear it will thaw. And you are so right about those packages of things I know I will recognize. I never do. Cannot wait to see you in real life again!
Hank, when I reorganize our big freezer I put stuff in a big cooler while I'm working on it. Would that help?
DeleteThank you, my friend!! Freezers are so complex. They are meant to be a long term sustainer of nutrition. They help us deny our feelings of being wasteful. They rescue our overripe bananas in attempt to provide a chrysalis to banana bread and alleviate our guilt of overbuying and underconsuming. They hold our aspirations of being the kind of person who plans ahead for the future with the double batch that we hopefully labeled for our future wisdom. They hold all the ice packs to keep them perfectly available for a sudden injury or picnic.
DeleteIf you think it will take too long and things will thaw, do it in zones and stages. Leave the ice cream for last. Then eat the ice cream.
Great answer, Kathy!:-)
DeleteHA! The ice cream will be the treat at the end. ZONES. I will try zones. And I will throw away ALL the leftover pasta primavera that does not even reheat properly but it's AWFUL to throw away when it's new. It's easier to throw away when it's frozen and unrecognizable.
DeleteI like that you're aware that the "prize" for having saved the pasta primavera is that you get suboptimal pasta primavera. Toss away!
Delete@Bibliophole - I just finished The Maid earlier this week and found myself fitting in little cleaning bursts throughout my days -and thinking about Molly's upbeat mindset about cleaning! I also do a quick sweep of the fridge before I head out for groceries. I hate cramming things in the fridge and like to know what is in there - I don't like surprises! While I am a pretty tidy and organized person, I am in a "mixed marriage" and it is tough. I do not understand the disorganization (I am pretty sure he has ADD) or why anyone would want to live in that version I of chaos. So, our solution? Our house has a basement and that is his "zone". If he starts piling up random things in the kitchen, etc. I take it down to his zone. Now I try really hard to not go into his zone, but there may or may not be times when he is traveling that I may or may not pass through his zone and mistakingly toss out the *obvious* things that he needs to let go of (don't even get me started on the folded up "lists" in piles...!). Hoarding runs in his family and I see the tendencies here. Luckily we have had to move several times over the year and those moves make for great opportunities to discard (or perhaps lose boxes of things???) . For me, being mostly organized allows me a lot of freedom from stress. When I am working (I work from home) I know where to find everything and my mind is not distracted by messes. As long as I keep up with organization, I am able to spend my free time doing what I enjoy, not cleaning/organizing all weekend. But I should also confess that I find organizing to be satisfying mentally. I try to dedicate a little time every Saturday morning to a "chore" (organizing/cleaning) just one thing or area. I just need to figure out how to Jedi-mind my husband into adopting this mindset.
ReplyDeleteI definitely have to read THE MAID! Thanks for bring it up!
DeleteHallie, you are in for a treat! Diana
DeleteAnonymous, that is awesome about his "zone" in the basement and putting random things there! LOL
DeleteA big part of my "mixed marriage" advice tends to rely on an understanding of zones or categories in a stoplight fashion: Green zones -- have at it, spouse. Your zone, your choices, don't bother me. Yellow zones -- these need to be quickly/easily recoverable in short notice, say a guest room is on notice because guests are coming, or the car for when you're carpooling but not a big deal other times. Red zones -- these spaces need order and cleanliness in order to maintain their daily functions. For some, that's the kitchen counter or the bathroom counter or the dishes being put away before bed time or the car never having less than a third a tank of gas. When couples can mutually discuss their reasons behind their zones and mutually agree they're both respsonsible to execute against the expectations, it can go a long way!
DeleteHe who harrumphs keeps losing clothes - you know the ones that are more tatters than threads. "I know nothing, nothing"
ReplyDeleteMargo, echoes of my mother…after she tossed Dad’s WWII, moldy, too small combat boots, years and years 1945. Elisabeth
Delete“after” 1945 Elisabeth
DeletePlausible deniability....
DeleteDecluttering is the never ending drama in my home and family. The tendency to HOLD on to "it", whatever it is, because I might need it someday seems to have passed down through the generations. Granddad had a warehouse on the property, that housed ropes, old swing sets, tractor - might need it again. How many empty boxes lived in the attic of that house? My freezer needs a clean out, it always needs a clean out. I seem to unable to breakdown boxes when I get packages delivered. I have a huge recycling can that takes more than a month to fill but pulling out the box cutter seems like such a burden... Its not I'm just lazy. What I really need is to get the correct size of trash and recycle cans. My trash can is almost the smallest size. But I can do it, just takes a phone, right? Baby steps....
ReplyDeleteHaving the right tools, or at least BETTER tools, can go such a long way to make our systems more effective! Trash cans, recycling bins, hampers, dish drains - these tools are all part of our critical processes (trash removal, laundry, dishes) that need constant attention and turnover, and when we have the tools that aren't up to the task, the system can fail for sure!
DeleteAs for the boxes, can you surmise if it is purely the act of the box cutter retrieval effort (like, maybe keeping it more conveniently to the spot your more likely to cut boxes in can help) that is standing in your way of processing boxes as they arrive? I use something called a Canary Cutter and it's been a nice tool for me to use for this purpose, and feels less heavy duty than a box cutter. But if the box cutter is an excuse and it's really something else that preventing you from initiating that action, it's worth listening to the source of your resistance to see if you can move past it. Good luck!
DeleteJust defrosting and cleaning out my freezer right now. Also, before putting things back in the freezer, writing a list of everything in there, so I don't go an buy what I don't really need. Found some items I have no idea how long they have been in there, so out they go.
ReplyDeleteYes, there should be a test: How many jars of mayonnaise do you have? Containers of sour cream? Ketchup?? And the more that's crammed into the fridge the harder it is to tell what you already have.
DeleteSeveral years ago, i was on Inside Edition on a segment about refrigerator cleaning, and the family had 3 jars of grape jelly. And it turned out only one person in the family even liked grape jelly. (the segment is on youtube and has been viewed 2.7 million times, and that can't all be my mom, right?)
DeleteBoni - list making is great, and knowing where the list is and having it with you when you need it is even better! When we do this clean out, it is sometimes revealed to us what our panic purchase are. I recently discovered that I must really be afraid of not having ritz crackers on hand... said my 3rd box in the pantry.
DeleteKathy, I use a magnet and place it on my freezer door, that way I revise the number when I use it.
DeleteI love this! I am a big believer that "stuff" weighs us down. I have half of our closet for my clothes, while Hub has his half of our closet and one of the boys' former closets. Little does he know, I weed his "stuff" when he's not looking because -- my god, man, you do not need that shirt from 1999! To date, he has never gone looking for something I've pitched. My parents were clutterbugs so I think my anti-clutter stance (seriously, no tchotchkes of any kind ever - only art, plants, and books) comes from growing up in a house where every surface was a pile of this, that, or the other. The Hub meanwhile grew up in about as sterile environment as you can find outside of a hospital. I wonder if this is why we're a good pair? Together we achieve a nice balance.
ReplyDeleteJenn, my grandmother would throw out everything, including the morning newspapers. I am in the midst of decluttering. I am still figuring out a happy medium between getting rid of everything completely and accumulating too much stuff.
DeleteDiana
Sounds like you've got a good plan to manage what's around you, even in darkness of night :-) I never advocate for decluttering other people's things without their consent, but I get it that all marriages have their ways of working more smoothly, and you seem to have found the way to keep some sanity there, LOL!
DeleteKathy, your Before picture looks really good to me!
ReplyDeleteThere’s not enough time in the day for me to do all the decluttering I need to do. Today I think I’ll tackle the fridge. After that, who knows??
DebRo
Oh, those pictures are Hallie's!
DeleteOne of the tricks I use with my clients is called a 20-minute attack. Don't think about it as "I need to declutter the kitchen". Think about it as "I am setting a 20 minute timer and doing nothing but focusing on the task at hand, one shelf, one drawer at a time." Often, we find ourselves ready for MORE than just 20 minutes, but it's that opening commitment that helps us initiate action! Good luck!
The part about rethinking "the way it's always been" really resonates with me. I've been looking at cabinets in my kitchen and realizing a lot of the space allocation is still based on having a family of five - with kids and teens - living here, instead of one adult. Pausing and thinking is, in some ways, the hardest part of reorganization for me. It's (relatively) easy to say, I'm not going to use that and toss or donate it. It's another to figure out HOW do I need to use this space in the life I have now.
ReplyDeleteIt's really great to take time to think through this, and it's rare that we do it with intention (let alone bring it up in conversation with partners and others who share the space). Thinking about the layout of your space, efficiency, and how your stuff and needs have changed over time can help invite fresh thinking and decisions. Even things like "I can't really safely or comfortably reach the top shelf or the bottom drawer anymore" can be a driver to rethink your space and how you're using it. Good luck!
DeleteKathy, thanks for being here today and for all the great tips! Such a treat!
ReplyDeleteI am relatively organized, and not too bad at decluttering, but our attic is our sinkhole. (No basements here in Texas, so everything that needs to be stored gets shoved in the attic, and in the summer we can barely stick our noses in without risking heat stroke.) But this year, instead of putting the Christmas decorations back (because once they go in, you can't get to anything behind them) my hubby is tackling the mess! Tubs of tax records going back to 1999! Tossed! Etc., etc., etc. Meanwhile we're living with the Christmas boxes all over the house but that is okay!
Also, my husband has a "zone", his office. But I have learned to ignore it.
I love that you realized that there is a "open seal" on the attic, and once the Christmas tubs go back, none shall pass! Hopefully it's a temporary displacement and you're both making great progress on the attic decluttering!
DeleteI bought the kindle edition of the book. I'm desperate.
ReplyDeleteKathy, I have two large areas of concern, my house and my son's (he passed away 7 and a half months ago) belongings. Of course, going through a lost loved one's possessions is a slow process. I was actually able to go through a basket of Kevin's papers last night, discovering they were all college work and class notebooks. At some point I may be able to part with the notebooks, but not now. I did separate papers he had written that I know I want to keep permanently, or as long as I'm here. We only have a few pieces of small furniture that will be easy. But, in the face of this sorting, it's made me realize just how much I need to sort out our belongings, so our daughter won't have a nightmare job when we're gone. It's interesting that both my son and my belongings are so many books. I have made a start on my books, donating some and with another big box almost ready to go. Sentimentality is my biggest stumbling block in decluttering. Right now, I'm living in a mess, with boxes having become my new decor.
ReplyDeleteKathy, one box at a time, that's all you need to tackle.
DeleteAnd I've been wanting to ask you: are you the person who mentioned Ursula K. LeGuin's Catwings books? I sought them out and adore them. I enjoyed them so much that I found them in Spanish and read those, too! Such a delight!
I'm so sorry to hear about your son's passing, and often, when people have the luxury of space and time, this task gets put off as long as possible. Be kind to yourself as you go through this emotional process. It sounds like you're already making helpful progress, and I wish you the best. But yes, knowing that someone may have to do this for you and your stuff some day can be a tremendous motivator to face things, even when they are hard. Sentimentality is something that holds many people back, often because they're engaged in the emotional connection to a single thing at a time that they touch, not considering the full collection of all the things. (For instance, "Oh, this reminds me of our first trip to Disney!" but if you have 10 things that all remind you of your first trip to Disney, are all therefore keepers?)
DeleteSomething I like to point out: Just because something is memorable or generates feelings doesn't mean it is *important*.
Good luck to you in this process and take your time.
Yes, Flora, I mentioned the Catwings books. I'm so glad you enjoyed them. That's a good point to remember, Kathy, that you don't have to keep ten things or all things that remind you of a special occasion.
DeleteMy very favorite thing is not to have to move something to get to something else.
ReplyDeleteDecluttering is always on my list. I didn't get far last year, but have hopes I'll get further this year. I know there is a lot in our freezers that need to go or be used soon. Two days ago the freezer took care of that. My husband went out to get something and it wasn't working. We did a quick empty, sort, put things in other freezers, and throw away. We have chickens, so they are going to be eating like queens for a while with all the freezer burned veggies. I will be making meals from some of the mystery containers for days - or things will go in the trash. I wish my daughter still had her pig. Some look like soups and I might mix them with more rice and make dog food. Some food was frozen in the bottom, and once we got most of it out, the freezer started up again. It likely just needed a serious defrosting. I now know where all my containers went to. Next I will be tackling all the boxes of stuff we have stored. I got into a couple last week and swear I have never seen some of of the stuff before. There are going to be trips to the thrift store coming up.
ReplyDeleteIt stinks when the need to declutter is driven by external forces. I'm sorry! It sounds as if you have a good plan to try to salvage some of it, and you're reclaiming some storage containers (keep an eye on whether you have too much now since you've probably replaced all your "where did my containers go?" containers), and hopefully a fresh mindset on what gets put in the freezer in the future, and for how long you intend to have it kept in there. Love that you're moving onto some mystery boxes now! Hope you have lots of exits in your future! Good luck!
DeleteWhen I discovered a treasure trove of gift items over the holidays in the closet of our guest bedroom, I knew that I was really in trouble! I finally have the decluttering bug after being retired for 9 years! I started with the purchase of some bins for sorting and am trying to just tackle one small item/area each day. A little progress is better than the procrastination that has held me back so far!
ReplyDeleteFantastic! Keep up the great work, Alicia!
Delete