A few days ago it said:
"The Volunteer Buglers Giving 24-Note Salutes"
I read:
The Volunteer Burglers Giving 24-Note Salutes
A few weeks ago, the news article said: autopay.
I read autopsy.
Then there was the headline that said:
"Even Mediocre Home Baristas Can Make Good Espresso With This Unintimidating Machine"
I read:
Even Medicare Home Baristas Can Make Good Espresso With This Unintimidating Machine
An finally, a news bulletin said:
"Japan was violating an agreement to stop dumping semiconductors on the US market at below cost”
I read:
Japan was violating an agreement to stop dumpling semiconductors on the US market at below cost.
This last misreading, clearly driven by my passion for Chinese soup dumplings.
Do you have a penchant for misreading the news, one that reflects what you really care about or, as in my case, how much your brain is in a state of gradual decay but your sense of humor remains intact?
I do occasionally misread something but I tend to blame my poor eyesight for it . . . .
ReplyDeleteYes, our sense organs are piling on. It's no fair.
DeleteIt is happening. Laugh or weep.
ReplyDeleteOr both
DeleteDumpling semiconductors! So funny. I don't misread as much, but I have been collecting autocorrect errors after dictating a text or email. I'm determined to make a short crime story out of the effect. Following are a few doozies, with Said followed by Autocorrected:
ReplyDeleteI hope the one you saw wasn’t - I hope the one you suffer me wasn’t
Edith, this is Nan Winterbottom - Either this is noon on Thursday morning
I hope you have a mild case - I hope you have a mold case
I’d feel better if you weren’t alone - I’d feel better if you weren’t alive
Sending hugs - Sex extending hugs
I’ve put it off to the fall - I’ve put it off Toro Lavall
Well, now we all need to know who Toro Lavall is! Sounds like a hot Latin!
DeleteAuto corrects are the best. I wish I could remember some of mine!
DeleteWe enjoy the misspeaks on captioning on British tv shows - some translations are just hilarious. Also in Canada there is a politician named Poilievre - that one does not ever make it through the translation!
DeleteOne more from just now, texting my son about their visit tonight:
DeleteHer room will be ready for her, as will yours - Her room will be ready for her. As for Lewis
No, no Lewis!
Lewis? This would be good in a book with the chapter ending with Lewis... showing up
DeleteToo funny, Edith!
DeleteEdith, I once narrated probably a 2-3 sentence text to a friend who was also a work colleague. She saved it and the next time we had a group meeting, she read the auto corrected version to the group. People were laughing so hard they were crying! It made for a light-hearted meeting. — Pat S
Deletewhat a good idea to make a short story out of this Edith!
DeleteEdith - love that you collect these! 🤣
DeleteHallie -- The Human Autocorrect! Well, everyone needs a superpower.
ReplyDeleteHa ha ha ha!! Good one.
DeleteJust read that as “autocrat”
DeleteI think I do more mishearing than misreading. We are always laughing in my pickleball group’s text messages because one lady uses voice to text and it frequently makes errors. She typically says, Hi who’s in for pickleball at and the time. That came across as “Hi Jose And for pickleball” We have a Jose in the group but his last name is not And. Another time it said “Susan for pickleball” Everyone was asking who the heck is Susan?
ReplyDeleteAlso the transcriber for voice mail on my phone is really bad. At the bottom it says “Was this transcription useful or not useful?” Does anyone respond to that?
Ish.
DeleteWhat a comfort it is to know that I am not alone in this category and am in most excellent company! :-)
ReplyDeleteExactly. Turns out it's "normal"... whatever that means.
DeleteA sense of humor is the best defense against gathering all these weird foibles of aging. As long as you're aware enough to get a laugh you're doing okay, Hallie.
ReplyDeleteBrenda, one of my best friends used to use her voice for every text, with hilarious results. She has figured it out now, mostly. It used to be almost impossible for my car or phone to understand my narration with the voice tremor, but the devices seem to be getting smarter. Uh-oh.
Right... that's the good news AND the bad news.
DeleteHallie - your misreadings are hilarious and could (will) make good writing prompts! Thank you.
ReplyDeleteFortunately none of them have had apocalyptical consequences.
DeleteI am so relieved to know that I am not the only one who misreads so many things. In my defense, sometimes it is the lack of commas that can totally screw up the meaning. Or what I assume was the meaning. Very hard to know sometimes. Wish I could think of a good example but my brain is not fully in gear yet.
ReplyDeleteA little awareness helps avoid catastrophe
DeleteI definitely do this too, Hallie. In fact I'm pretty sure I had one or two incidents that I pointed out to my hubby during our trip to Italy. But we just got in last night and my brain isn't quite cooperating with recalling that kind of detail this morning. (Who am I kidding? Maybe it's travel fatigue, or maybe it's just the vagaries of aging.)
ReplyDeleteOh, Susan - hope you had some WONDERFUL meals. My husband and I traveled Italy with menu translations in his back pocket. Fore-armed.
DeleteCertainly this has happened to me, though I don't have examples at hand. It's so healthy to laugh about it!
ReplyDeleteThanks for the morning chuckle, Hallie! My brother hates to text, so uses the voice-to-text option on his phone. This has resulted in some cray-cray messages. Sometimes the word salad can be sorted out, frequently not!
ReplyDeleteAnd what my phone does to transcribe incoming phone "answering machine" messages is insane.
DeleteMy best friend voice texts on occasion and as I stumble through the word salad, I am thrilled to see she voice texted because otherwise she was definitely on something or stroking out. And, yes, I misread things more frequently than I earlier in life. I like to blame it on the fact that I'm not wearing my glasses, but frankly sometimes that makes it worse! -- Victoria
ReplyDeleteAt least with glasses you can spot your last mistake... but it's about slowing down which I am very bad at doing.
DeleteI don't tend to do this much. Every once in a while. However, I did at first see "The Volunteer Burglars." Maybe it IS the crime fiction writer's brain!
ReplyDeleteIT IS! IT IS!
DeleteThis happens to me more often than not too. I like that you've written down some examples - so funny!
ReplyDeleteALL THE TIME. Love this!
ReplyDeleteI read the first one as "burglars" the first time, too! Our brains are warped! And I say that anything that can make us laugh when we read the news is a win.
ReplyDeleteSo did I!
DeleteWarped in the best way!
DeleteThese are perfect. I have trouble the other way around: a constant battle with autocorrect! I have to make sure to reread any letter I send. Like the one I almost sent to a professor. Instead of see you tomorrow it says see you, you moron!
ReplyDeleteThat wasn't to Cajsa, by any chance? I hope she is at your signing! It would be lovely to see her, too.
DeleteYikes! That could have been bad.
DeleteCracking up! Scary, too.
DeleteRhys that is sooo funny!!
DeleteHallie, this is so funny. I do this all the time as well! There was one in the Portland Press Herald a couple of days ago: "Midcoast emergency agency adds crisis canine, thermal drone." For some reason, my mind elided the comma, and I spent a good 60 seconds puzzling over what a canine thermal drone might be. Looking for dogs lost in the woods?
ReplyDeleteThere probably is one!
DeleteImagining a robot dog flying too close to the sun
DeleteJULIA: I did the same things you do with hilarious results.
DeleteHysterical! I read the first one the same way.
ReplyDeleteFunny. I often make similar mistakes. I was reminded of someone accidentally saying scare ski lift instead of chair ski lift. And I’ve made the mistake of saying fifteen instead of fifty.
ReplyDelete15 vs 50 that's an easy one to make... disastrous if you're ordering cans of tunafish.
DeleteLike Flora's brother, my sister reads her texts and then sends them off without reading them. I've received the most extraordinary nonsense from her. It often amazed me that, since I've known her all my life and usually have an idea what she's writing me about, with a second or third reading, I can often figure out the gist of what she's trying to tell me.
ReplyDeleteOh, Kim - reread what you wrote...
DeletePreaching to the choir! I'm afraid I misread things all the time. However I recently got a text from my husband with a picture of him and our dog: Eskimo being stalked by an attic wolf. Okay, I thought. Then, wait. What's an attic wolf? Evidently a flaw in the dictation. But maybe attic wolves have returned to east Texas.
ReplyDelete“Returned” to east Texas??! They were there before? — Pat S
DeleteA new breed...
DeleteI misread things, too, but rather than blaming it on aging, I think it’s just that I am reading too quickly. Mishearing is a different thing, however. I am constantly telling my husband that “I heard that as…” to the point he’s suggesting I get my hearing tested. (It’s a legitimate point on his part as my maternal grandmother, mother and sister have needed hearing aids.) I kind of like my altered reality. :-) — Pat S
ReplyDeleteFrom me: get your hearing tested!! Hearing aids these days are no big deal. I'm living with mine and annoying my relatives and friends a lot less now that I don't what-what-what them to death.
DeleteYes, Pat, get your hearing tested. Especially if you are still able to drive. May the test go well. Elisabeth
DeleteHALLIE: Digital hearing aids did not exist when my grandfather started to lose his hearing. It just dawned upon me that I am now at the same age he was when he started to lose his hearing. I spent most of my life living with profound hearing loss. I’m grateful that you have the option of digital hearing aids now.
DeleteTo my surprise, none of my cousins are losing their hearing loss. I wonder if any of my hearing classmates from K-12 are now losing their hearing.
I noticed that when I met you at Bouchercon, you spoke clearly like my mom. I appreciate your speaking clearly. That was about 8 years ago.
If anyone here is interested in learning sign language, I think lingvano app would be a good place to learn sign language. I need to refresh my ASL myself.
Calling Emily Litella . . . My favorite of hers was the complaint about violins on TV . . .
ReplyDeleteLOL. I fear I have a similar list of misinterpretations.
ReplyDelete