JENN MCKINLAY: When I was about seven years old, I remember cornering my dad and asking him point blank. "Is Santa Claus real?"
We were standing in his studio (Pop was an artist) and he cupped his chin and pondered my questions while I quivered in anticipation of his answer. My friends told me Santa was fake, but the dewy eyed child inside of me wanted to believe in magic and kept the story of the "right jolly old elf" clutched in her pudgy little hand. Finally, after what seemed like days in child time but was mere seconds in adult time, my dad met my gaze and said, "If you don't believe, you don't receive."
I was rocked back on my heels. Had Pop just given me the secret? Did the kids who didn't believe stop receiving and that's why they thought they were right? Hallelujah! I hugged him tight and assured him that I most definitely did believe.
Fast forward twenty-eight years when I had my own dewy eyed little hooligans and I'm a guest at a wedding right before the holidays, sitting with a bunch of moms discussing holiday stuff. One mom addresses the group of us and declares that if you LIE to your child about Santa, you're breaking trust with them, they'll never believe you about anything, you're a terrible mother, and your children will abandon you to your throne of lies once they grow up. If her goal was to end the conversation between moms, she did a bang up job. I don't think any of us made eye contact after that judgement grenade and we all quickly scuttled off to find our spouses.
See, here's the thing with Hub and me. We fairy-taled the shizzle out of the boys' childhoods. Not only did we keep the Santa myth going until they were 9 and 10 respectively, no small achievement with the internet and whatnot, but we made up tall tales about everything.
When they came with me to the post office to mail packages, I told them the postal workers attached wings to the boxes and launched them. Then we stood in the parking lot, checking the skies for our packages winging their way to wherever. People thought we were deranged. Hilarious! Hub's classic was to tell the boys we adopted them from monkey island at the Phoenix Zoo but we had to remove their tails so they could leave. Those boys spent a lot of time checking their backsides to see if their tails were growing back. We also told them the piped in music at the grocery store was for people to dance while they shopped and then we had "dance breaks" in the middle of the aisle. And that's just a few of the more memorable ones. Good times!
We never discussed or planned the whoppers we told our kids. It came to us in the moment and we went with it. We both believed that the magic of being a kid and the joy of childhood should be encouraged in every possible way even if it meant...fibbing.
I don't know what happened to that mama or what her relationship with her kids is. I hope it's what she wanted. But I do know that Hub and I are besties with the Hooligans and I like to think it's because they appreciate that we worked really hard to make their childhood something special.
How about you, Reds and Readers? Where do you stand on the magic of believing versus the brutal truth at all times? Did your family have any particular tall tales that you remember fondly?
I can't say that I remember any particular tall tales either when we were growing up or when our children were small, but the world is harsh enough without taking away the joys of childhood . . . I don't think Santa Claus o even the Tooth Fairy count as lies . . . they're part of the magic of childhood.
ReplyDeleteExactly.
DeleteI wish I could have seen your impromptu grocery store dance parties! It would have added some joy to the chore.
ReplyDeleteMy parents did let me believe in the tooth fairy and Santa, too. But it wasn't pressed on us. I was pretty sure that storks did not bring babies although my mother insisted on that one. First of all, I'd never even see a stork in town, although I looked for them. Secondly, it didn't make any sense.
Irwin, who grew up in Albany, was told by his parents that he was fished out of Kinderhook Lake. He told his daughter that the monkeys went to Florida in the winter. She would giggle like mad during those conversations.
LOL, I love that monkeys in FL tall tale.
DeleteFor some reason my sister told people that our grandfather was killed by a giant octopus?
ReplyDeleteOur family favorite was the Easter Bunny - we would make a blanket nest and leave out water and carrots.
OH, I wonder if that's true...?
DeleteHa!!! I adore your sister and I don't even know her.
DeleteI still believe in the Magic of Christmas. 🎄 🎅🏻🤶🏻
ReplyDeleteBest. Answer. Ever!
DeleteYes. Yes. Yes.
DeleteYou are supposed to be realistic with your kids about real world things. I was told when I was 9 I think and I got to be in on the secret and magic to keep alive for my brother and sister for a couple of years more.
ReplyDeleteBut in childhood, I don't consider it a lie per se to give the magic of the holiday season or the Easter Bunny or any of the other goofy things that go along with gift-giving and candy and something that lets kids be kids for a little while longer than the world generally allows them to be. Anyone who says different is in need of their heart growing a couple of sizes.
And when you consider that the JRW's resident grump is saying this, yes Jenn-ginia...there is a Santa Claus.
Jay, you are a surprising glow of holiday magic today! Happy holidays, Mr. Grump (said with affection)! — Pat S
DeletePerfectly said, Jay!
DeleteLOL! I feel redeemed, Jay. Thank you.
DeleteGreat stories Jenn. I remember asking my mother about Santa being real. I was about 6 years old and I was in my bed thinking about how Santa flew from the North Pole pulled by flying reindeer. Well, we lived in San Diego and I had been to the famous San Diego Zoo many times and believed they had all the animals but NO REINDEER. And therefore, they must not be real animals. I was so sure I was right and fortunately my mother did confirm my "theory", but told me not to tell my younger brother.
ReplyDeleteBut, I agree with you about making stories and fantasy for the kids. I don't consider it "lies" it is magical and special for them.
As a youngest, I never got to be in on the secret which I'm okay with.
DeleteI believed in Santa Claus until I was 7 but I never let on to my younger brother. One year when our nephew was about 7 we took he and his Mom to cut down their and our Christmas tree. My husband and I took both our cars and nephew was in mine. He told me he wasn’t sure he believed in Santa anymore, what did I think? Gah! Not my job to have this discussion is whaI thought. So I hedged and talked about the magic of Christmas etc. When we got to the tree farm, there was snow and it was snowing and what do we see but a man who very well could be Santa in his work clothes. “Rocco”, I whispered, “look over there! I think Santa is inspecting the trees” He looked, his eyes got very wide, and he whispered to me “Auntie, you’re right! It is Santa! He IS here”. Nephew be,ie Ed for another year. So I believe in Christmas miracles!
ReplyDeleteThat's AWESOME! and hilarious.
DeleteGreat stories Jenn! These days the grandkids have an elf on the shelf who must be moved every night, in addition to Santa and the tooth fairy. (who is very much needed in this family!) No signs of disbelief...I wish I'd thought of the dance party:)
ReplyDeleteI have thanked the holiday Gods repeatedly that my children were just old enough to miss the elf on the shelf, while I'm sure it's great fun...no.
DeleteWe kept the magic of Santa, the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy alive right to the bitter end for our children.
ReplyDeleteThe excitement and wonder in our children’s eyes are warm memories I cherish.
Now, I see that same excitement and awe in my grandchildren’s eyes……so beautiful…..
Dianne Mahoney
Right? You can't replicate that kind of magic.
DeleteJenn, did the woman who believed in honesty with kids, never have Santa, the Easter Bunny, etc stories even when her kids were young?
ReplyDeleteNo idea. But I think her last name was Bah Humbug. LOL.
DeleteSo funny! I would love to dance in the aisle. We hung stockings, but mom was focused on telling us the story of Christmas as the story of Christ's birth, so we always knew that Santa wasn't real. She would never have treated other moms so harshly as your mom friend did!
ReplyDeleteMy son once spoke on the phone to the tooth fairy (a friend of my brother-in-law's) and was very curious about where she lived, etc. I don't remember dealing much with the Santa issue--I'll have to ask him.
I had no idea the tooth fairy received calls. LOL.
DeleteOoooh! I love this so much Jenn! I grew up with parents who made all things magical too. It was so much fun and as the oldest, I began to learn of the cold-hard truth earlier but my parents explained the importance of magic in childhood and I helped to continue the responsibility with my younger siblings. We had all the usual suspects (Santa, tooth fairy, Easter bunny), but we spent a lot of time hiking (in Maine) and we also learned all about the hobbits and fairies who lived in the woods and how they created magical phenomenons in nature etc etc. I LOVED this and read Tolkien’s’ books at a very young age because of it. Lots of stories about animals in nature helped develop my sense of empathy and compassion for all of nature. Out childhood was fun and very child-oriented. As far as not trusting my parents? I think that threat is for people who don’t have magic in them. And they feel threatened by imagination, curiosity, and beauty. I am so grateful to have so many wonderful memories from childhood to help balance out the hardships that were also inevitably there.
ReplyDeleteBeautifully said, Stacia.
DeleteI was a regular tall-tailer (and still am), and it didn’t/doesn’t matter to whom and what age. 4-H kids were really good audiences – I could usually get them every time. Probably because there was often a bit of truth in it – or could have been.
ReplyDeleteGrandchildren are arriving this afternoon. The 7-year-old is particularly susceptible, because his parents are always giving a lecture explanation about everything. So let the car door open, and my sport begin! He will one-eye ball me to suggest that what I am saying is impossible, but several people may just back me up – he will never know! The good part is that my word is IT, and so if I say something he better believe it (I am the cranky one).
As for Santa – apparently the 13 year old is implying that he believes just in case non-belief would mean that the fat beneficent fellow doesn’t turn up. The 8 year old may want to doubt, but will quickly be convinced otherwise, and just so you know, there really is a troll under the doorstep.
Margo, your grands will never forget your tall tales! I had two magical uncles, one who could pull a nickel out of thin air, and one who could pour water from one ear out the other. I still don't know how he made that work!
DeleteHa! Beware the troll!
DeleteHas anyone read Vicki Delany’s Christmas series? She has created a man who embodies Santa all year round, and yet is not. A wonder bit of magical creation.
ReplyDeleteVicki did an amazing job with that series. I love it.
DeleteOh Jenn, it sounds to me like you were a WONDERFUL mother. I believe children's lives should be filled with all the magic possible. Heaven knows they will learn the cold, hard truths of life soon enough.
ReplyDeleteThis was an ongoing point of contention with my first husband. (With whom, thankfully, I did not have children.) He was convinced that if you lie to them about Santa, they will just think Jesus and the whole religion thing is another lie. I frequently pointed out to him that he and his brothers had been raised on tales of Santa and they somehow managed to sort it out. But in my experience, there is no point arguing with someone who has lost their sense of magic.
Susan, the question I ask of people like Jenn’s wedding woman and your first husband is “Do you read fiction?” Haven’t had anyone say no. My next sentence is something like “tsk, tsk, wasting your time on all those lies.” On to Christmas magic for all! Elisabeth
DeleteI'm glad he was a first and not a final,
DeleteI remember in 4th grade in a public school, we had a teacher who was a staunch Christian and felt the need to inform her students that there was no Santa Claus. I was devastated. I am the oldest of three and started school when I was five so Santa was quite real to us when I was in the 4th grade. As time moved on, I came to realize how sour and sad that teacher's life must be for her to feel it was her "duty" to shatter childhood magic like that.
ReplyDeleteI never shared that with my siblings or my parents because I believed in the magic of the season. Also loved the Easter Bunny and the tooth fairy who even left money when you had to have your tooth pulled at the dentist! -- Victoria
I love those stories, Jenn (and can't believe I forgot to check in here this morning!). I don't remember when my boys stopped believing in Santa or the tooth fairy, but I sure didn't rush it. Also, I always dance in the store when dance music is on
ReplyDeleteIt's finally our kind of music!
DeleteMorning All ~ Paula B here ~ Oh thank for bring back those memories. that was a mighty long time ago - 60 years or so. There was one story that was required every-single-time we drove to the Oregon coast. It was about two boys (mine) and a dragon and a real life tunnel. At the right moment, I started telling the current story of Sir Dragon and how his day was going. At the appropriate time(s) in the tunnel, hubs made the truck backfire. the boys jumped every time even tho they knew it was coming. The boys and their dragon had adventures in, on, and getting to the ocean. Both still love the ocean as their place. Me, too. Oh happy tears. Thank you for creating the space.
ReplyDeleteOh, Paula, I love that! Boys and dragons are a perfect combo!
DeleteI just told my five kids that Santa Claus was part of the magic of Christmas. Since their ages spread out over 11 years, Santa Claus never stopped coming as long as they were in living at home; at some point the younger ones just accepted that there would be packages under the tree on Christmas morning, and began thanking us! I believe in the magic of childhood, and the fun of believing! Easter bunny and tooth fairy, you bet! And our kids trust us - we are a tight bunch. Thanks for sharing your fun and hilarious “beliefs” today, Jenn!
ReplyDeleteMelinda, mine were spread out over 17 years! The oldest one loved being in on the secret magic of making Christmas a joy for her two little sisters.
DeleteThat's a long haul for myth and magic -- good job!
DeleteWe still believe in Santa at our house, Jenn!
ReplyDeleteOf course you do!
DeleteI am generally on the side of truth, but I also don't think telling your kids about Santa/Easter Bunny/tooth fairy/etc. are on the same level of lies as, oh, "I told you we'd go the movies tonight, but I never had any intention of taking you." One is creating the magic of childhood and the other is betraying confidence.
ReplyDeleteExactly.
DeleteSanta has a lot of helpers!! This is the story I told to my nephews and my grandnephew--and the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy, too. Childhood magic is precious and needs to be nourished!
ReplyDeleteIndeed!
DeleteOh, Jenn, your dad’s response to the Santa question is so like my mother’s. She said, “As long as you believe, there is a Santa.” She believed for as long as she had Christmases ahead of her, as did her mother. I miss those two women so much at Christmastime. Elisabeth
ReplyDeleteMoms really do bring the magic, don't they? Hugs.
DeleteIf MIRACLE ON 34TH STREET* doesn't make a person, even a grown-up, believe in holiday magic, nothing will!
ReplyDelete* The 1947 black and white version with Maureen O'Hara, John Payne, Natalie Wood, and Edmund Gwenn, of course!
I love that movie! I also love Charlie Brown’s Christmas and alibi’s telling the true meaning of Christmas.
DeleteI love that version!
DeleteYour delightful escapades with your kids sound a lot like Mary Poppins and the Banks children as told in the original books. I'm not sure I could have pulled it off but I kept Santa and the tooth fairy going as long as I could!
ReplyDeleteThank you. We did have fun.
DeleteDelightful stories, Jenn! I think Santa Claus is based on a real saint, St. Nicholas who lived in Turkey? and gave gifts to children. I am thinking of the movie Miracle on 34th Street. Your Dad's response to your Santa question was brilliant! As long as you believe, there's a Santa.
ReplyDeleteBelieving is key!
DeleteBrutal truth comes fast enough. Childhood is meant to be magic!
ReplyDeleteRight?!
DeleteWhen I was very young Mom would put presents under our tree meant for relatives living elsewhere. A few hours or days later, they would be gone. Evidently Santa would come by like a secret postal worker and pick them up to deliver on Christmas Eve. I was quite impressed.
ReplyDeleteWarms my heart Pat D. Elisabeth
DeleteOh, that's brilliant.
DeleteWe were going to a matinee to see Camelot on Broadway. We lived in PA, so didn't go into NYC that often. My father told us that Robert Goulet would come into the audience to greet people. Not true. Sigh.
ReplyDeleteBig sigh.
DeleteWait a minute here. Are you suggesting there’s no Santa?
ReplyDeleteBah. Humbug.
The best part of Christmas for me was Santa.
That was before I knew what a problem was, personal or worse, universal. That was when life was perfect. How could I possibly not believe what was in front of my eyes?
And I’m pretty sure my children still believe in the Christmas spirit, even if it now is 50 proof.
So no, this is not lying. This is loving.
That's perfectly said -- not lying, loving :)
DeleteIt all depends on what you mean by Santa. Seriously. Jenn, you are the best!
ReplyDeleteLOL.
DeleteWe always took our lead from the kids themselves. And when they were ready, they didn’t need to ask. It’s less complicated when Christmas isn’t “your” holiday.
ReplyDeleteAh, that's true.
DeleteWe carried Santa Claus to the point where he wrote our son a letter that he left on Christmas Eve (waiting for him when he got up Christmas morning) saying he was only getting one gift from Santa because he hadn’t been behaving properly. You should have seen that boy’s eyes. He, of course, got a lot of gifts from his parents so he didn’t miss out, but he did think about his behavior. (And he was a good kid. He just was getting a bit sassy right before Christmas so we thought it was a good time for a reset.) I don’t know what he thinks about Santa at almost 28, but he does rewatch The Santa Clause movies every December so I hope there’s still some magic there for him. — Pat S
ReplyDeleteBrilliant. One of the Hooligans got a similar letter from the Easter bunny - sass was cured pronto.
DeleteJenn, what a perfect answer from your father, and I love the dancing in the grocery. As for Santa, I think parents should keep the magic going as long as they can. Being the youngest in my family, with my sisters ten and eight years older and my brother three years older, I think my mother did a great job of giving me the joy of believing in Santa Claus as long as I did, which I think was around eight. I know my kids, who were three years apart, questioned me about Santa, but I can't remember exactly when.. My daughter was great about keeping the truth from her little brother. I think I maybe turned the question around when asked, like the kid asked, "Is there really a Santa," and I replied with, "Well, what do you think?" That's usually when I found out where their doubt was coming from, such as another kid's big mouth. I'm pretty sure I told them that they should not pay any attention to so and so but believe what they themselves did, and I always encouraged the belief towards Santa. After all, “There are more things in Heaven and Earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy.”
ReplyDeleteOne of the best fantasy experiences I observed was my granddaughter's belief that she had fairy wings inside that were going to come out at some point. I'd rub her shoulders and tell her I could feel something in there, and she would, of course, reply that it was her fairy wings getting ready to unfold. I adored this belief of hers, but, alas, it did eventually come to and end.
Oh, that is the most precious memory of your granddaughter's fairy wings. I love it.
DeleteLove this! Jenn, I am also in the "let kids have wonder and imagination" camp. After all, so many children have imaginary friends and pets, like my middle daughter's invisible "kids and pets and friends" when she was four, why shouldn't adults have them?
ReplyDeleteI used to jingle bells outside on Christmas Eve when the girls were small, and we left cookies and milk and notes for Santa. The Easter Bunny once had to leave a magical pink, circular note in teeny fairy writing to explain why she had skipped leaving money under Holly's pillow TWO NIGHTS IN A ROW. Oops. Mom had to scramble over that one.
When the local grocery store added automatic doors to the entrance I walked ahead of the girls, opened my arms, and Ta-da! They opened! Only worked once, but it was totally worth it. Bwahaha.
Holly stopped believing in Santa only when her dingaling father had to take her with him to the office to find the Christmas presents when he couldn't remember where he put them. But I think the Tooth Fairy really began her skepticism.
I will admit that I was a failure as a tooth fairy. Always forgot! Truly, I was the WORST.
DeleteHuzzah! Exemplary.
ReplyDeleteLOL
Delete