RHYS BOWEN: On Valentine’s Day my oldest grandson is getting married. Yes, I know it’s rather mind-blowing that grandchildren have reached that age (and he is only 25, which is very young to get married these days). So of course my major concern at the moment is trying to find the right dress for the wedding. This is made more complicated because the bride has sent out a color palette… sunset colors. I don’t look good in bright pinks and oranges, so it will have to be a soft pink or very pale blue. I started looking online and found the most gorgeous dress. I showed it to my daughter Anne, who was staying with us. She agreed. Gorgeous. Perfect. The only thing wrong with it was that it was $800. That’s a lot of money for a dress I will wear once. I know I can actually afford it but my frugal nature keeps screaming “Are you crazy?”
I suppose the problem is that I was brought up to be frugal. My early years after WWII in England were years of “make do and mend”. Of doing without. Foodstuffs were rationed until 1953 so as a small child there was no question of going to the sweet shop and buying a candy bar. I had a school uniform, one set of play clothes and maybe one dress for special occasions. That was it. My family rarely ate out, unless it was to stop for fish and chips on the way back from an excursion. So for me a luxury at the time was to buy a Walls Ice cream from the ice cream van in the summer.
When I started working for the BBC in London luxury for me was going to the theater often. It was usually seats up in the top balcony but at least I saw all the new plays when they came out.
Which makes me think about what constitutes luxury. I suppose it equates to something you can’t usually afford to buy. I’ve been to India several times. The first time the bill boards advertised transistor radios… the item ordinary people dreamed of owning. Then it was a bicycle. And on the last occasion it was a car. As people became more affluent their dreams became bigger.
So now I’m thinking what constitutes luxury for me today? I’m not the sort of person to drool over designer items. I’m never going to pay thousands for Gucci or Prada. But the one thing I treat myself to is business or first class when I fly. That is not only luxury it makes sense because I arrive feeling rested.
I do love going to a spa, getting a massage, staying at a nice hotel, so I suppose luxury for me is an experience rather than things… stuff.
I don’t think I’ll buy that dress. I am, after all, only a grandmother, on the fringe of wedding photos. But I’ll keep you posted.
How about you? What do you consider to be luxury?
JENN McKINLAY: Oh, that is a lot for a dress if you’re not the bride. Maybe you can do an image search of the dress on Google and see if you can find it cheaper elsewhere or something similar but less pricey. Give it a go! I’ve had good luck doing that for shoes.
My cousin the economist calls me a “bougie thrifter.” I will buy designer items but they have to be in excellent condition, on sale, and retain their value so when I die, the hooligans can sell them for a profit. I don’t buy a lot of expensive things but when I do I look at them as investments. So that’s my take on luxury items - I’ll only buy if there’s a guaranteed return on investment - rather like being well rested after a long flight. LOL.
LUCY BURDETTE: Oh Jenn, I have to agree with Rhys on business class. You lose days of your vacation if you arrive exhausted and a wreck. Though I still shop for sales and the best deals. Rhys, I’m in the ‘buy the dress’ camp because this sounds like such a special occasion! Would it be something you could also wear to a conference?
HALLIE EPHRON: I grew up with money but I still have trouble spending it. On springing for business or first class airfare, I was up for it until I went to actually book a trip to Europe and saw the price difference. Thousands, not hundreds. No amount of but-but-butting will get me to spring for that. It’s much cheaper to arrive a day early and book an extra day in the hotel. Maybe it’s not so much for domestic flights.
I’m with Jenn on buying designer items on sale or used. Love the idea of a “bougie thrifter.” Jenn, I want to go shopping with you!
Wondering if anyone out there wants to weigh in on Lululemon - Worth it or not for workout clothes?? Uggs?? On the other hand I swear by LL Bean for quality if not so much for stylishness. But you can be sure that when you’re sick and tired of wearing it, it’ll still be in good condition for another bougie thrifter to snap up.
RHYS: Hallie, my daughter and granddaughters swear by Lululemon. They last forever and if they rip Lulu will replace them. Since I don't wear leggings (I don't believe women of a certain age should reveal their shapes to the world) I haven't had to make a decision about this.
HANK PHILLIPPI RYAN: Oh, you know what I’m going to say: If you absolutely love it, buy the dress. Of COURSE. Will you have fun and feel wonderful and you can afford it? Absolutely.
Business class on airplanes, yes, and first class if I can bump myself up when someone else is paying for the basic ticket. It is worth it to me not to arrive at events frazzled and frustrated. It;s an immense difference.
Luxury to me is carryout food, isn't that ridiculous? Not having to make dinner all the time is so wonderful. (A massage? No, that would be torture, argh) Having clothes I love in all price ranges, I love that.
(Hallie, UGGS are the warmest things in the world, but to me they are ‘inside’ shoes. )
And “ONLY a grandmother,” Rhys? I don’t think that describes you at all!
JULIA SPENCER-FLEMING: I’m more of an “experience instead of things” person as well, Rhys. Staying in a nice hotel and ordering room service so I don’t have to get dressed and go out. Post shower hydration hour, where I wrap up in a long terry robe after slathering on nice-smelling moisturizer, and laying down with a Korean face mask to listen to one of my podcasts. Honestly, one of my favorite luxuries is absolutely free - slipping into a freshly made bed with sheets just off the line.
I classify buying really good clothing/footwear/outdoor wear under frugality. I’d rather have a $300 sweater that will last twenty years than a series of fast fashion versions. Of course, I’m a pretty staid dresser, so your mileage may vary.
And if I can add to the UGGS conversation - have you seen the UGGS slides? They’re basically flip-flops. Shearling lined flip-flops! Why?!?
DEBORAH CROMBIE: I say buy the dress, Rhys. It's a very special occasion and you are not "just" the grandmother! And surely it's something you could wear on another occasion, like a conference banquet when you are nominated for yet another award?
I'm with you on the upgraded air travel, although I can usually only do it when I can bump up my original ticket with mileage. Business class on a transatlantic flight can make the difference between a productive first few days on a trip, or exhausted misery. And I adore nice hotels. And restaurants. For the most part, I'd rather spend money on doing things rather than having them.
RHYS: I'm still toying with the dress but also thinking of this one. What do you think?
I agree, Rhys . . . you are not "just" the grandmother; buy the dress. [I really like the one in the second picture you posted] . . . .
ReplyDeleteWhat kind of a venue is the wedding in? Are there any other grandmothers? What are they wearing? What are the mothers wearing? The bridal party?
ReplyDeleteI personally like the second one better, but it isn’t for me to wear.
Both dresses are lovely, although I lean toward the second one.
ReplyDeleteI sprang for a business class seat when I went to Japan last year. It was chokingly expensive and worth every penny, and it included the nice lounge on either end. Another luxury is not looking at the price of food: getting the really nice cheese, the organic produce, the expensive farm eggs.
If you like the dress, buy it and you can wear at other events. My idea of luxury is flying first class, staying at luxury hotels and dining at fancy restaurants.
ReplyDeleteFrom Celia: the first dress is the one please buy it. You'll look fab and feel glamorous
ReplyDeleteExcellent solution, Hallie! It's a lot less expensive to arrive early and book an extra night in a hotel than a business class flight. Thanks!
ReplyDeleteI agree with Hank. If you love it, buy it. As someone who is New England cheap, I think $800 is reasonable and you never know, you could very well wear the dress again. Think, Nobel Prize for Literature! I love the first one and while the second one is nice, it does not have the same flair or sophistication. As Nike says, Just Do It.
ReplyDeleteThe second dress is bland and will wash out your complexion.
DeleteBoth dresses are beautiful. I love the first dress but think the second one, with the jacket, might be more versatile.
ReplyDeleteI have bought THE dress for special occasions and I have never regretted it. I have worn most of them again and again.
I don't splurge on first class or business class. Way too expensive. We just add days to the front end of our trips.
I live in llbean and lands end. My clothes last forever. Recently I've been splurging on Woolx. Look it up. Their clothes are great. Ibex is next, but they are very pricey. As for designer clothes, I don't want anyone coming up to me saying, is that Gucci? I am a reverse snob. If I bought a Gucci anything, I would have to love it and purchase something people wouldn't recognize right away as designer. Does that make sense?
Real luxury is dining out and going to live theater. Luxury also is traveling on a high end cruise line with fabulous food and unbelievable service. Luxury is travel on small group tours.
Finally, luxury is buying books by authors you love.
While I think "buy the dress", the last time I spent a lot on clothes was for a $600 mother-of-the-groom dress. I never got to wear it because of Covid, they did a small, casual beach wedding instead and that dress cost $70. And I'll probably never ever wear the pricy one anyplace else, so I'll eventually put it on eBay and sell it for a fraction of what I paid. But yes, buy the dress!!
ReplyDeleteI am on the don’t buy the dress. Wear something that makes you feel comfortable, elegant in your own mind, and makes you feel happy. Borrow a tiara or something to dress it up (do you have a spare tiara?)
ReplyDeleteNow as for luxury – 2 times in my life I flew first class. One was a bump-up in the 70’s when I was flying stand-by, and they gave me a first-class seat – wow – just wow! I could not believe the pleasure and it remains in my memory. Great meal, and free bottle of perfume and chocolates, not to mention the wine, which then and now I still don’t like, but the thought was there. The 2nd was when taking my father to visit his brother on the other side of the country in the ‘90’s – time and people. The brother thought we would like first class and bought our tickets – It was lovely. However, he forgot about going home. We flew riffraff. There IS a difference.
Now luxury would be a lovely supper, that I did not have to dress or go out for. It could be eggs… somedays it would even be McDonalds!
Oh, and I am with Julia on the bed bit. If I was rich and famous, I would have a person who changed the bed with fresh sheets every day – ahhh! No need to do anything else.
Now that you post it, I like dress 2 better…still may need the tiara.
Both dresses are lovely, and it is a very special occasion! My dad too went through austerity in the UK (mom too--the year she lived there was 1950=51) and mom went through the great depression, so there was a lot of frugality in my family. Mom used to bring old card catalog cards home from the library and used them to make shopping lists. I also tend to not want to spend money. I do buy smoked salmon for my salads, and have far too many Substack subscriptions. I've paid for a first class upgrade once, and that was because my traveling companions were doing so.
ReplyDeleteThe first dress is the one for you, Rhys. With your height and lovely figure you would look fabulous in it! Forget the cost and take on the Nike slogan.
ReplyDeleteOh my goodness. What would luxury be to me? It would not be clothes or food, neither of which mean much to me... as anyone could tell after one look at me in my usual ratty jeans and turtleneck. Nor would it be first class, though I must say I did enjoy it once when American Airlines put my big golden retriever on the wrong flight (!!! I heard his bark as they were loading his crate and they hastily fixed the problem, but as an apology bumped me up from economy).
ReplyDeleteNo, to me luxury would be... a brand new lawn tractor. I have owned lawn tractors forever and I've always bought them used for about $300-400 and beaten them to death on my farm, mowing 17 open rocky acres. Remember the fear of the toys in Toy Story 3, that they'll be sent to a daycare? That's the fear any lawnmower would have at the news it was going to Selden's farm. I repair them and repair them until finally they give up the ghost. This past summer was the year that the demands of repairs tipped the scale. I am sure I spent a solid month of our fleeting summer struggling with jacks and blades and decks on four different decrepit mowers while anxiously watching Youtube videos because I am far from a mechanic. My husband has been pleading with me to buy a new lawn tractor, but those are $3k to $8k. He says I am a New England Puritan when it comes to spending and that's true. I was brought up to be frugal. My parents were children in the 1920s. People forget that in rural areas, the 1920s were also rough in the U.S.
Julia, Uggs makes fleece lined slippers, too. They are EXTREMELY ugly boats but just right for my feet with neuropathy.
Rhys, I think both dresses are beautiful and I would choose whatever makes you feel lovely and confident. (Selden)
Is the first dress the actual dress?? In which case, no question. Yes. Buy that. You will wear that forever. Think Edgars! Done and done.
ReplyDeleteJust chiming into myself :-) just make sure that tan,/gold is a good color for you— If that is the actual dress.
ReplyDeleteContinuing to have my own little conversation here :-) —just ask yourself, Rhys: what would Helen Mirren wear? What would Emma Thompson wear?
ReplyDeleteWhen in doubt...buy both. :-) There will be other occasions...especially weddings here and there...where one or the other fits the bill. I absolutely love your first choice. It is so chic...so Audrey Hepburn glam...and it reminds me of the sophisticated gowns that once seemed to be a part of a woman's wardrobe. I used to swoon over the glamorous wardrobe Doris Day always wore in films and I'll never forget "that dress" Grace Kelly wore in Rear Window. The second gown is also lovely but definitely more tone downed. I have no doubt that either choice would look beautiful on you. But both are so different style-wise you may not know the right choice or best fit unless you try on both of them. It is indeed a big deal....your grandson getting married especially on Valentine's Day and as his grandmother you ARE a prominent part of the wedding party...so I think you should get them both. :-)
ReplyDeleteI've been dress shopping for something to wear to the Agatha banquet since I'm Guest of Honor this year. I've already ordered two, which I've then returned as "not quite right." Dress #3 is to be delivered today, costs more than I had budgeted, but the GoH gig only happens once.
ReplyDeleteAlso, I splurged to upgrade to first class a couple years ago, but only on the longer legs of the flights. Oh. My. God. Now I'm spoiled. Middle row in coach for an hour is tolerable, but for 3 or more hours, I'm definitely doing first class from now on. IF I can swing it.
Though a price of $800 makes me gasp, I do think the first dress looks quintessentially you. If an $800 dress constitutes a splurge rather than a real sacrifice for you, then do it!
ReplyDeleteI've been slightly amused by all the travel comments. For me, just getting to travel at all these past few years feels like the height of luxury. And we generally book the cheapest seat available or only slightly upgraded -- like going with Premium Economy instead of Basic Economy. But I will admit, after our trip to Japan we quietly decided that if there's a next time we will look into seriously upgrading our seats for that flight. (And there's likely to be a next time, as I see no signs of our son moving home anytime soon.)
Though I didn't live through post-war deprivation, I did grow up in a lower-middle-class Appalachian family. Frugality was necessary and just a part of life. As I grew older and achieved more economic freedom, the basic frugality never left me and probably didn't really adjust as it should have to my new income level. While retirement is often portrayed as a time of deprivation, for me, it is a time when I am finally indulging in some luxuries. It seems so much easier at this stage to differentiate between the things I really want (comfy clothes to wear everyday, travel experiences, the ability to dine out with friends whenever we choose) from things that don't matter -- that is, most THINGS.
Love the dress in the second photo. If that pale blue dress, which costs $800, is comfortable and makes you look good, then buy the dress. I am sure that you will have many opportunities to wear the dress. Your grandson is getting married and it is a very special event. I agree about flying business class or first class. These days comfort is first priority! I agree with Hallie about flying a day early and staying an extra night in a hotel if it is less expensive. My luxury splurge is buying cozy socks these days. They are not expensive, though.
ReplyDeleteCongratulations to your grandson getting married! I cannot believe your children is old enough to be parents of Adult Children. I remember seeing photos of you with your granddaughters at the Nutcracker ballet when they were young children.
What does luxury mean to me? For me, it is luxury to be able to sit down and have a cup of tea. Getting my hair cut at the hair salon. Finding the time to read a cozy mystery novel. Having time to see dear friends. Being able to relax. Perhaps that is more like hygge. To me, luxury means having comfort. Has anyone heard of this phrase "the luxury of time"?
Blogger's being mean today - won't let me reply to comments. I wanted to add to mine that I grew up with children of the Depression, and I took that thrift with me into adulthood. I know how to live well on a shoestring. It's only in the past decade that I've been able to afford luxuries. One of the best is to be able to write a check to a son to help out with daycare costs, hospital bills, and soon possible a new mortgage. They've both worked hard and are self-sufficient, and they don't expect or demand the help that I am happy to offer.
ReplyDeleteRhys, I like the first one but don't like it as much as the second one. I think the second one's design is beautiful and perfect for a wedding. The first one's color might be a little too bold, but the second one fits the theme of "sunset" colors.
ReplyDeleteI never thought about going first or business class until I read about the difference. I don't mind sitting in economy or general seating but do mind A LOT when I have to wait and wait and wait while people sit in their seats and then when they have to get their overhead luggage, they get up and take forever. Why couldn't they have done that immediately when the plane landed and seat belt signs were off. Southwest allowed you to sit where ever you wanted. If I was traveling alone the middle seat in the first row was always available and I was the first one off the plane.