tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1001156153899984046.post3267997105682405256..comments2024-03-18T21:16:14.441-04:00Comments on Jungle Red Writers: Widow's WeedsJungle Red Writershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16646429819267618412noreply@blogger.comBlogger72125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1001156153899984046.post-66389214349250283292017-11-09T11:02:03.142-05:002017-11-09T11:02:03.142-05:00Julia, I've been thinking about you ever since...Julia, I've been thinking about you ever since I heard the news. Ross was such a fabulously good-humored and gentlemanly guy. I am grateful to have known him and to have been the recipient of some of his amazing mailing labels. And it's good to see that you're approaching this new part of your life with good humor and surrounded by friends and family. xxooSarah Stewart Taylorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10629945170822873961noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1001156153899984046.post-18686171724878991812017-11-09T08:24:53.570-05:002017-11-09T08:24:53.570-05:00Julia, you and your family have my condolences. T...Julia, you and your family have my condolences. Thank you for sharing. My heart aches for you and your children. I am still in shock that he is gone. I was crying as I read your words about becoming a widow. I am glad that the Jungle Reds are there for you. <br /><br />Hugs, DianaBibliophilehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07764234701385787238noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1001156153899984046.post-25401345803893764282017-11-08T23:07:57.388-05:002017-11-08T23:07:57.388-05:00Thank you for sharing, Julia. My heart aches for y...Thank you for sharing, Julia. My heart aches for you and your children. I met Ross only once but he was a great light in the world, as are you. I hope in time you can find a way to work through the grief and find the joy that he would have wanted for you and your family. In the meantime, eat the pizza, talk about Beyonce, and remember that Ross would have wanted it that way.Suzanne Chazinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09515842389942661932noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1001156153899984046.post-52356674325996880962017-11-08T22:01:27.310-05:002017-11-08T22:01:27.310-05:00I'm passing Julia's essay along to two fri...I'm passing Julia's essay along to two friends whose husbands died in the past six months. I know the words will help them... Amanda Le Rougetelhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17975933690463168906noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1001156153899984046.post-20061114276037428332017-11-08T21:21:49.651-05:002017-11-08T21:21:49.651-05:00Raising my latest protein shake to you! I have no...Raising my latest protein shake to you! I have no words other than to say how very sorry I am for the loss of Ross. Your writing is still brilliant and I hope it's cathartic for you. Now that we have power back. (Hug) -Marianne in MaineMariannehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08798485523437621525noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1001156153899984046.post-51411414192920269452017-11-08T18:58:31.343-05:002017-11-08T18:58:31.343-05:00Julia, I am sitting at my desk weeping as I finish...Julia, I am sitting at my desk weeping as I finish your article. I know you as a wonderful writer from reading your terrific books, but this is so much more. I weep for your sadness and loneliness and I weep for myself. My husband is in the mid-stages of dementia and I know that day will come for me way sooner than I ever expected. I thought we would grow old together and go on road trips and play wonderful music and play with our grandchildren together. And those things are not going to happen. Thankfully, we have one granddaughter and she is the light of his life. Hopefully he will be around long enough that she will remember him.<br /><br />Sorry, I don't mean to sound sorry for myself. But I do want you to know that you touched my heart today. I will be praying for you and your children, not that you will forget, but that the pain will become less and that the wonderful memories, instead of the painful ones, will be at the forefront of your minds and hearts.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03178237041163360212noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1001156153899984046.post-45116765775625962442017-11-08T17:35:38.498-05:002017-11-08T17:35:38.498-05:00You are a strong woman. You husband will live on i...You are a strong woman. You husband will live on in your heart, the smiles of your children and your memories. Remember this world is not our home and one day you will be together again. To smile laugh and love and no death will part you!!!��������Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12833931706858689016noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1001156153899984046.post-30954998306750230562017-11-08T17:31:21.386-05:002017-11-08T17:31:21.386-05:00Oh Julia, I hate that I'm not getting on my co...Oh Julia, I hate that I'm not getting on my computer until late this afternoon to tell you how beautiful a piece you have written here and how much I wish I could sit with you and let you tell me all about your wonderful husband Ross. My encounter with him was brief, at Albany Bouchercon in 2013, during the Reds' panel, but I was taken with him immediately. He filled the room with a joy that was irresistible. I can't imagine anyone being in that room that day and not smiling and laughing with abandon. So, with Ross being such a positive, powerful presence that I'm sure missing him is powerful, too. I am touched by your honesty and encouraged by your intact sense of humor that will be so important. <br /><br />And, I am in tears, too, because the good do die too damn young. My sister-in-law was just a month into her rare liver cancer diagnosis this time last year, and we lost this dear, gentle soul the end of June. She was my brother's second wife, and they had 21 years together and three amazing children, twin daughters aged 18 and a son aged 20. Angie was the kindest person I have ever known and so loved by family and friends. She was just 43. My brother is 66, so a few years difference, but a deep love. They are struggling to try to find a life that doesn't include their mother and wife. My brother says he has to keep going for the kids, and he is. He has three children from his first marriage and his ex-wife and he and all the kids and grandkids are close, so that helps, too. But, I know that every day my brother has to get up and brace himself to carry on. Since Angie's death, I have a new perspective on problems. The pipes have to be replaced in our house, I have a few health problems to take care of, and my neighbor ran into my car with his mower. But, I'm not worried or singing the blues. They are all fixable, and so, that's the new gauge. Fixable doesn't get my worry time anymore.<br /><br />Love to you and your daughters and son, Julia. You and Ross created an amazing family, and it continues to be so.Kathy Reelhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17004247271452356577noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1001156153899984046.post-71227595927117479022017-11-08T16:39:01.404-05:002017-11-08T16:39:01.404-05:00I'm passing this essay along to my dear friend...I'm passing this essay along to my dear friend Sarah whose 60-year-old husband died suddenly and unexpectedly (while he played in one of his beloved basketball games) last month. She's also a writer, and an artist, and I know this will help her. Thank you. Edith Maxwellhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01388006370860482509noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1001156153899984046.post-5082178173007324992017-11-08T15:41:11.594-05:002017-11-08T15:41:11.594-05:00I'll drink a protein shake (or a glass of wine...I'll drink a protein shake (or a glass of wine) with you anytime, Chickie. Will call soon to make a plan. xo B.Brenda Buchananhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14161539130987122737noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1001156153899984046.post-85624666257259656592017-11-08T15:25:48.866-05:002017-11-08T15:25:48.866-05:00Thanks to everyone, all of you, for your love and ...Thanks to everyone, all of you, for your love and good wishes. Some of my friends here in Maine have been worried about me - working all alone all day in this big old house. "Alone?" I said. "Hardly!"Juliahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09553268569509053159noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1001156153899984046.post-79534927748355246882017-11-08T15:23:25.009-05:002017-11-08T15:23:25.009-05:00And to you, Holly. "The bereavement dance&quo...And to you, Holly. "The bereavement dance" is a good term for it.Juliahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09553268569509053159noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1001156153899984046.post-1631724080692049352017-11-08T15:21:07.226-05:002017-11-08T15:21:07.226-05:00Right?!? Mark, you get it. (And thank you.)Right?!? Mark, you get it. (And thank you.)Juliahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09553268569509053159noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1001156153899984046.post-91915559353865139982017-11-08T15:19:16.403-05:002017-11-08T15:19:16.403-05:00Thank you so much, Beth! Thank you so much, Beth! Juliahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09553268569509053159noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1001156153899984046.post-64045031472555568602017-11-08T15:15:08.047-05:002017-11-08T15:15:08.047-05:00Today would have been my husband's 77th birth...Today would have been my husband's 77th birthday. I am a seven year member of the club nobody wants to join. Your words bring it back, Julia, and I feel your pain. No help, but there it is. <br /><br />Yes, it is a relief and a mixed blessing to have family or even pets to care for. You're not alone in your sorrow, even when you want to be. Yes, you have to get up and move. And that's a good thing because a vegatative state crooks it's finger, so invitingly. <br /><br />For me, nighttime was the worst. And although I wasn't exactly afraid when the house creaked or the dog suddenly looked alert, I felt vulnerable. That has passed but I still take my car keys to bed so I can set off my car alarm to annoy my neighbors awake in case of some emergency. I can't nudge the cat to go check out that noise. <br /><br />I miss having my man to cook the best breakfast potatoes, to have my back; drag to the movies; fix a faucet; go camping with, and to check out that noise in the night....the cat sleeps through it. I still make comments to his picture, and ask his help finding lost keys. Friends often quote <br />Big D- isms, and one year at a camping barbecue where he would have been the main chef, the four cooks wore canvas aprons with different pictures of Dennis and some of his infamous words imprinted on them. We keep him best in our hearts with funny memories. <br /><br />All I can offer is that it does get better with time. Yeah, it's a pat phrase, but true, for me anyway. I recently met a mature widow of just two months who happily related that she has had two boyfriends since her husband died. She got better rather quickly. I can't even find someone to go to the movies with.<br /><br />Wow, this is wordier than I intended. Sorry about that. <br /><br />Thank God for your wonderful, supportive friends and a great family. Life is still good, just different. <br />WENDYhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11853203454861717860noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1001156153899984046.post-10902927226568409752017-11-08T15:14:56.398-05:002017-11-08T15:14:56.398-05:00Thank you, Jim. I have found that in my case, men ...Thank you, Jim. I have found that in my case, men show up with lawn mowers, weed whackers and tool boxes. Most welcome!Juliahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09553268569509053159noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1001156153899984046.post-69962508380228944722017-11-08T14:18:33.003-05:002017-11-08T14:18:33.003-05:00Gigi, you are brilliant.Gigi, you are brilliant.Hank Phillippi Ryanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07630366214207785339noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1001156153899984046.post-67658598964600632822017-11-08T14:17:20.099-05:002017-11-08T14:17:20.099-05:00Truly. I hope you understand your gift of talent.....Truly. I hope you understand your gift of talent... and know what a difference it can make for so many people.Hank Phillippi Ryanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07630366214207785339noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1001156153899984046.post-60896724365585631242017-11-08T14:15:23.798-05:002017-11-08T14:15:23.798-05:00Jim. Thank you.Jim. Thank you.Hank Phillippi Ryanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07630366214207785339noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1001156153899984046.post-830638688545819212017-11-08T14:15:13.954-05:002017-11-08T14:15:13.954-05:00Oh, Julia, you are so fabulous, and articulate, an...Oh, Julia, you are so fabulous, and articulate, and generous. I think of you all so often. As for our dear and hilarious Ross: There's a saying--from where?--"Speak my name, and I will live forever."Hank Phillippi Ryanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07630366214207785339noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1001156153899984046.post-55132506635639212882017-11-08T13:23:34.094-05:002017-11-08T13:23:34.094-05:00The truth, Julia, is that no one knows what to say...The truth, Julia, is that no one knows what to say in the face of grief, even those of us who have faced it ourselves. If women show up with casseroles, the men show up with surreptitiously slipped bottles of bourbon or scotch or ostentatiously displayed six-packs, with arm punches, backslaps and the occasional awkward hug. All of those are better ways of offering comfort and love than those awkward attempts to speak; Americans tend to talk too much.<br />"borne back ceaselessly". Not a "wrong ending", and likely no ending at all; once that relentless tide shoves you ashore, you will undoubtedly stand there and ask, "Where the Hell am I?", and then you'll forge a new path forward.<br />Please accept my condolences and best wishes for what you'll discover along this new path.Jim Boycehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04138746930957069361noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1001156153899984046.post-72307866778995986542017-11-08T13:16:18.725-05:002017-11-08T13:16:18.725-05:00Sweet, smart, talented Julia, I'm so sorry you...Sweet, smart, talented Julia, I'm so sorry you've joined that awful club. Drafted, more like, as it's never a willing enlistment. Please know that a time will come when the memories bring more joy than tears. *I speak from experience*Diane Halehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05335316692418166142noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1001156153899984046.post-24206185855351447412017-11-08T13:02:28.800-05:002017-11-08T13:02:28.800-05:00Julia, Thanks for sharing your life with us...your...Julia, Thanks for sharing your life with us...your joys and your pain. You are a very special woman ...obviously loved by many...and that includes those of us who you only know as readers. Hugs!Cherylhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14903864302352276426noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1001156153899984046.post-9610506093866414642017-11-08T12:54:16.902-05:002017-11-08T12:54:16.902-05:00 Julia, I think about you and your family often. I... Julia, I think about you and your family often. I have no words to say to lessen the pain, but I have not forgotten Ross, even though I never knew him. <br /><br />Many hugs to you all.<br /><br />DebRo Deb Romanohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01650858888197217258noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1001156153899984046.post-78383515655961691192017-11-08T12:36:01.678-05:002017-11-08T12:36:01.678-05:00Julia, what you have written could be the beginnin...Julia, what you have written could be the beginning of a book that is needed. How to Survive. I haven't faced this (though my son has) but I appreciate what you have written. I want to learn more about Ross and your family and how you "met" Clare & Russ. I've read three of your novels and spacing them a bit so I don't run through them and feel bereft. If you feel like visiting in the southern part of NY - an hour by train from NYC - you would be welcome here. Stay in our little guest room or at a nearby hotel and I'll provide food and transportation. Honest. You mean that much. <br />Beth-Italian by marriagehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16674499878682967156noreply@blogger.com