tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1001156153899984046.post5918080863546414759..comments2024-03-29T09:03:34.140-04:00Comments on Jungle Red Writers: Lucy's Experiment on Writing What She's NotJungle Red Writershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16646429819267618412noreply@blogger.comBlogger33125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1001156153899984046.post-11628783259988157932020-02-16T18:18:05.045-05:002020-02-16T18:18:05.045-05:00While I liked what I read, I would not use the nam...While I liked what I read, I would not use the name Bigboy. It could be misunderstood and spoil the story. I would prefer the female tour guide point of view or one of the tourists. Kind of depends on who the killer is. Sally from PAhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03649707016754971847noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1001156153899984046.post-27354503479517228712020-02-16T15:06:59.719-05:002020-02-16T15:06:59.719-05:00The cruise director is more credible in my view. ...The cruise director is more credible in my view. I think the indigenous characters would need to be vetted but someone who knows their culture to give them some authenticity. As it is, they are either not able to grasp the white woman's vernacular (the policemen) or they speak in it (Bigboy). I find both of those to be problematic. Writing is dialect wouldn't be very good either. My view: a white female author cannot adequately represent the indigenous character without substantial help from someone who has lived the experience. c d moultonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17899545521206329219noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1001156153899984046.post-16954855069472109762020-02-16T14:03:24.747-05:002020-02-16T14:03:24.747-05:00Lucy, I agree with Rhys about the problems of usin...Lucy, I agree with Rhys about the problems of using Bigboy as a narrator, the cadence of his speech and using vocabulary he wouldn't use. And, as Rhys said, even spending some time with his people, I'm not sure the cultural reaction and nuances could ever be authentically captured in a culture so different from ours. I also had a negative reaction to the name Bigboy, and although you explained the actual existence of such a person, readers of the story aren't going to have that explanation in their minds as they read the tale. The name is something that could definitely adversely affect the story.<br /><br />Of course, the concerns I voiced don't mean I didn't love the idea of a Murder on the Orient Express story taking place on board an African cruise boat. With your newly gained experience of the wonders of Africa, you could write an amazing tale of exotic intrigue. Your photos that I enjoyed so much practically beg a story be told. When I think about the pictures you could paint with the descriptions of the ship and the African experiences, along with a murder, I am excitedly looking forward to a complete story (or book) from you, Lucy. You have such a great command of creating interesting characters and bringing their motivations to light, I hope you use your talents to further develop the characters and story of this African tale. I'm already "dying" to know more about the annoying dead woman. As Debs said, this story has great "bones."<br /><br />And, I'm glad I don't have to choose a narrator for the story because I'm not sure who would be best. The tour guide? Rotating viewpoints? One of the tourists? I'm sure that your choice will be the right one, Lucy, because, as I've already mentioned, you know people and characters and how to do them well.Kathy Reelhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17004247271452356577noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1001156153899984046.post-12656481940022525012020-02-16T13:31:20.856-05:002020-02-16T13:31:20.856-05:00Lucy, I love the bones of this! Wonderful descript...Lucy, I love the bones of this! Wonderful descriptions and atmosphere and set up! I do agree about the name, and while I like his wry voice, it also feels a bit...omniscient, maybe. I think you could work on the authenticity, on really getting inside this character, and I really like the idea of including him in rotating viewpoints. I would love to see where you take this, and brava to you for sharing with us!!Deborah Crombiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16988750789088153601noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1001156153899984046.post-58687927271213244702020-02-16T13:18:29.711-05:002020-02-16T13:18:29.711-05:00I agree that it would be easier to make up my own ...I agree that it would be easier to make up my own village etc.Lucy Burdette aka Roberta Isleibhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04660402177299546055noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1001156153899984046.post-32764536311767556892020-02-16T13:17:09.839-05:002020-02-16T13:17:09.839-05:00thanks for the ideas Jean, it's so interesting...thanks for the ideas Jean, it's so interesting to hear what you all are thinking as you read this!Lucy Burdette aka Roberta Isleibhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04660402177299546055noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1001156153899984046.post-65343404958449701602020-02-16T12:02:02.481-05:002020-02-16T12:02:02.481-05:00You know what I love about this? This is such a di...You know what I love about this? This is such a different voice! This is a very elegant knowing wry voice, Lucy/Roberta, and I love this from you!Hank Phillippi Ryanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07630366214207785339noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1001156153899984046.post-62383838196291315712020-02-16T11:25:31.612-05:002020-02-16T11:25:31.612-05:00Lucy I agree with Hallie. This could be a good Mur...Lucy I agree with Hallie. This could be a good Murder on the Orient Express/Death on the Nile type story. As others do, I have a problem with the name Bigboy even though you explained where the name came from. I think we should have diverse characters in our stories, yet we shouldn't try to tell a story that belongs to someone else. I read what you have of the story and know that isn't your intent. I wouldn't have the skills to do it justice, but I know you do. It will be a great story when it's finished.Ang Pompanohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06466790904206627068noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1001156153899984046.post-36290186205023895992020-02-16T10:36:35.785-05:002020-02-16T10:36:35.785-05:00I agree re McCall-Smith's stories, not to my t...I agree re McCall-Smith's stories, not to my taste today, not at all. It is good, though, that we learn and grow.Annhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14187856103924954287noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1001156153899984046.post-32055966860106105852020-02-16T10:25:22.802-05:002020-02-16T10:25:22.802-05:00There are some very good comments here, Lucy, and ...There are some very good comments here, Lucy, and I think I agree with some who think it might be very difficult to accurately say what Bigboy might be thinking, the words he might use. I'm not crazy about his name either, for the same reason others have given.<br />But do keep working on it; I want to know what happened!Judihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06777683026890358953noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1001156153899984046.post-63937894371905016512020-02-16T10:12:49.826-05:002020-02-16T10:12:49.826-05:00Every time I've read this, I've found anot...Every time I've read this, I've found another error, thus the multiple deletions. Maybe I need an editor? Or a dictionary?Annhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14187856103924954287noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1001156153899984046.post-83056851202489239382020-02-16T10:12:05.394-05:002020-02-16T10:12:05.394-05:00The name Bigboy was off putting for me, even after...The name Bigboy was off putting for me, even after you explained it. While you could keep the real person in mind as you write from his POV, why give him a name that might possibly offend someone?<br />Another thought: Not that I'll ever write a word, but if I were to write about a place whose customs and culture were very new and unusual to me, I might give it a fictional name. That way I could make it up as I went along! Easy way out for me, the writer who exists only in my dreams! xoxAnnhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14187856103924954287noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1001156153899984046.post-49197764773259085842020-02-16T09:40:20.862-05:002020-02-16T09:40:20.862-05:00I meant to say I agree with Ann on the name. I meant to say I agree with Ann on the name. Karen in Ohiohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18002794561817071780noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1001156153899984046.post-26220333780364848322020-02-16T09:39:53.696-05:002020-02-16T09:39:53.696-05:00I agree with the name. Even though it actually is ...I agree with the name. Even though it actually is someone's name, it does seem cliche to me. Our tour guide's name was Zepha, from Zephariah in the Bible, and there were a lot of Biblical names among the other guides we ran into. <br /><br />As for the irritating tourist, you nailed it. On a group trip to Peru and Ecuador one woman was SO annoying, everyone in the group was ready to heave her over the side of the boat. Our guides would spend 15 minutes carefully going over the day's plans, and she would then ask 30 questions covering exactly the same ground. I gave the guides huge props for not acting as weary as they surely felt. <br /><br />That's a big boat, if it has a hot tub! That's the way to travel. Karen in Ohiohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18002794561817071780noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1001156153899984046.post-85904519897093794802020-02-16T09:37:46.251-05:002020-02-16T09:37:46.251-05:00This comment has been removed by the author.Annhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14187856103924954287noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1001156153899984046.post-21395420137899605292020-02-16T09:37:00.924-05:002020-02-16T09:37:00.924-05:00Lucy, I think one big challenge of writing from h...Lucy, I think one big challenge of writing from his point of view is the cadence of his speech. I love the opening lines but then you take me out of his speech with words he wouldn’t use. The motor quit etc. I think you’d need to spend way more time among people to get it all right. And then you’d never really know how they processed thought and fear based on their culture. But dual POV might work for a short storyAuthorrhysbowen@gmail.comhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11844065473614874365noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1001156153899984046.post-53186850832918675022020-02-16T09:36:11.685-05:002020-02-16T09:36:11.685-05:00This comment has been removed by the author.Annhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14187856103924954287noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1001156153899984046.post-51325734496527181602020-02-16T09:32:56.549-05:002020-02-16T09:32:56.549-05:00If u decide to stay with Bigboy, I'd change hi...If u decide to stay with Bigboy, I'd change his name. Unfortunately it sounds demeaning to me and if the character is narrating he deserves a STRONG name. Another thought is if the narrator was a priest or minister, someone who works closely with various people and cultures. My experience is the people aboard the ship probably come from many different countries, where the cultures will vary. That leads me to the woman; who also has intuition on her side but who could also be a black woman with an educators background? Love the story so far with it's nod to The Orient Express, which delights me to know end.Jean Jhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14344695874304662586noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1001156153899984046.post-581264241362495182020-02-16T09:31:47.402-05:002020-02-16T09:31:47.402-05:00Agree!Agree!Edith Maxwellhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01388006370860482509noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1001156153899984046.post-31428707747884997842020-02-16T09:20:46.051-05:002020-02-16T09:20:46.051-05:00Sounds like you have a good plot there!Sounds like you have a good plot there!Lucy Burdette aka Roberta Isleibhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04660402177299546055noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1001156153899984046.post-8521391171998842702020-02-16T09:07:45.247-05:002020-02-16T09:07:45.247-05:00Lucy, I think what you are attempting is a great i...Lucy, I think what you are attempting is a great idea--start with a short story and work your way through the problems of gender, ethnicity, culture. You have a writer's eye for detail and a psychological understanding of what makes people tick. Wrestle with the basic questions, then go back and parse the language you use for each character. Even in their thoughts, is each word apt? P.S. Loving the boat's name!Flora Churchhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13289148096894506235noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1001156153899984046.post-33605368666596947492020-02-16T09:06:17.627-05:002020-02-16T09:06:17.627-05:00This is complicated. Until I read your explanation...This is complicated. Until I read your explanation, Lucy, of why you named him Bigboy, I was concerned about that name choice. Even then, I bring to the reading of this story -- the premise of which I like -- concerns about cultural appropriation. Back in the day, I read and enjoyed Alexander McCall Smith's stories; I'm not sure I would pick them up to read today. As a writer, we know our own motivation, but as a reader, we make assumptions about the writer and their motivations -- and those assumptions overlay how we read the work. Therefore, I would likely stick with the tour director's perspective, even though it may mark me as taking the easier way out of this quandary....Amanda Le Rougetelhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05224867941931236302noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1001156153899984046.post-45542115932362411172020-02-16T08:51:23.020-05:002020-02-16T08:51:23.020-05:00The tour director's father lost his life savin...The tour director's father lost his life savings in the bank default and that's why she ended up in Africa. She's in it up to her eyeballs and the reporter knows it.Margaret S. Hamiltonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07810307017440257313noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1001156153899984046.post-65465555637647005972020-02-16T08:40:07.095-05:002020-02-16T08:40:07.095-05:00I enjoyed the snippet. My first thought was that I...I enjoyed the snippet. My first thought was that I would like a multiple POV. One knowing or seeing what another didn't.<br />The best choice is the one you feel that works best for you. If you love your story, we will too.danielle-momohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02004302871652952720noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1001156153899984046.post-19236581948831720252020-02-16T08:37:17.676-05:002020-02-16T08:37:17.676-05:00I like these ideas Margaret—and you’re right, myst...I like these ideas Margaret—and you’re right, mysteries are so popular!Lucy Burdette aka Roberta Isleibhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04660402177299546055noreply@blogger.com