tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1001156153899984046.post8728142844889568303..comments2024-03-29T02:43:11.575-04:00Comments on Jungle Red Writers: Diane Vallere: Sorry Not SorryJungle Red Writershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16646429819267618412noreply@blogger.comBlogger52125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1001156153899984046.post-67448190254039605632017-04-15T11:28:22.389-04:002017-04-15T11:28:22.389-04:00Debs, I agree with you that I would rather receive...Debs, I agree with you that I would rather receive a genuine "I am sorry." bib-li-o-philehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00622118991020988370noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1001156153899984046.post-14105608739652322262017-04-15T11:26:35.386-04:002017-04-15T11:26:35.386-04:00Yes, that was my first Malice convention. That wa...Yes, that was my first Malice convention. That was fun! Agree with you that the phrase represents ownership. bib-li-o-philehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00622118991020988370noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1001156153899984046.post-15263726298304547752017-04-14T22:55:18.256-04:002017-04-14T22:55:18.256-04:00Idea: there should be author bobblehead figures! B...Idea: there should be author bobblehead figures! Because clearly it's a thing! Now how do we make that happen? Diane Vallerehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07951377121719745180noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1001156153899984046.post-63023492140312305782017-04-14T22:54:08.442-04:002017-04-14T22:54:08.442-04:00Kathy, yes. It needs to mean something. But I wond...Kathy, yes. It needs to mean something. But I wonder (and I said this somewhere in another comment, I think) how to know when the speaker and the speakee interpret the apology differently? I mean, what if the person who says "I'm sorry" NEVER says that but does in this one specific instance, but the other person in the conversation hears it all the time and doesn't react? That's no better, I think. I guess to me there should be responsibility on both sides of the conversation. The person who hears it needs to react accordingly. Diane Vallerehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07951377121719745180noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1001156153899984046.post-69188807009476548722017-04-14T18:52:26.659-04:002017-04-14T18:52:26.659-04:00Mark, I don't get that anyone here is saying t...Mark, I don't get that anyone here is saying that there should be fewer sincere and needed apologies. I know I didn't mean that. I do think it's a phrase that should mean something though, not just a reflex with no thought.Kathy Reelhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17004247271452356577noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1001156153899984046.post-48828013456356201942017-04-14T16:24:41.430-04:002017-04-14T16:24:41.430-04:00Ooh, I'm gonna try that. I'll let you know...Ooh, I'm gonna try that. I'll let you know. :-) Hank Phillippi Ryanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17420701704169428286noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1001156153899984046.post-32182447067555989512017-04-14T15:30:05.099-04:002017-04-14T15:30:05.099-04:00Debbie, you made me laugh out loud! I think that&#...Debbie, you made me laugh out loud! I think that's a perfect illustration. Diane Vallerehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07951377121719745180noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1001156153899984046.post-45287828727138113972017-04-14T14:40:25.162-04:002017-04-14T14:40:25.162-04:00If my mind's boggled just thinking about it, t...If my mind's boggled just thinking about it, then yours must be crazy mind-bobbled? :-) I accidentally wrote "bobbled" there -- maybe that's a thing too. Hah!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01167021026320919837noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1001156153899984046.post-38263522668059810732017-04-14T14:17:44.785-04:002017-04-14T14:17:44.785-04:00Hi Lisa! Yes, my mind is boggled on a constant bas...Hi Lisa! Yes, my mind is boggled on a constant basis. Oh, wait, that's not what you meant? <br /><br />I hear you on not caring as much about what other people think as I get older. Some things bother me and always will, but it's definitely easier to stay in my head and think, "if you don't get me, that's fine." And yes, that's a relief!<br />Diane Vallerehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07951377121719745180noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1001156153899984046.post-54877775877743816542017-04-14T14:15:07.251-04:002017-04-14T14:15:07.251-04:00Thanks, Pat! I think you're right, the phrase ...Thanks, Pat! I think you're right, the phrase is up for interpretation, and the problem comes in when the speaker and the speakee disagree on the intent. That being said, I do think there's a power in taking ownership of a problem and saying, I'm sorry. We got derailed. Let's move on." (Jenn, these are the OTHER nine words. I mean eight. Whoops!)Diane Vallerehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07951377121719745180noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1001156153899984046.post-87697083069723584972017-04-14T13:38:33.223-04:002017-04-14T13:38:33.223-04:00Exactly, Pat! With the please, naturally. :-)Exactly, Pat! With the please, naturally. :-)Hank Phillippi Ryanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17420701704169428286noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1001156153899984046.post-90690798865460365832017-04-14T13:12:27.638-04:002017-04-14T13:12:27.638-04:00I totally agree with you. "I'm sorry"...I totally agree with you. "I'm sorry" is taking ownership of the situation, there is nothing derogatory about saying I'm sorry, frankly people need to use it more often. If someone runs into me with a shopping cart (which has happened numerous times in my line of work), and they don't say I'm sorry, well "I'm sorry" but I don't sit there and say wow what a strong woman, I think what a jerk. Debbie Shttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14780369553231628249noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1001156153899984046.post-15831731819201646822017-04-14T12:53:21.992-04:002017-04-14T12:53:21.992-04:00I read the first book in your Costume Shop series ...I read the first book in your Costume Shop series and really enjoyed it. I need to catch up! I'm sorry is just. . .there. It's a phrase that can be used so many ways to mean so many things or absolutely nothing at all. It can be a precursor to criticism or a zinger. It can be a filler to start a sentence, which is probably better than I guess, you know, uh, like, and, whatever, etc. It's nice when it is sincere rather than sarcastic. It also matters who is saying it. Some folks are just sorry for everything. I think sorry is definitely in a woman's vocabulary more than in a man's. And Hank, if you're like me you told those guys sorry but were thinking move your sorry asses (please).Pat Dhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12732230586783432052noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1001156153899984046.post-80945065065493455642017-04-14T12:36:10.139-04:002017-04-14T12:36:10.139-04:00Hi Diane! How did I not know you write four series...Hi Diane! How did I not know you write four series? Jenn was just writing about how organized you gotta be to keep up with that level of creative output. Boggles my mind. Happy book birthday!<br /><br />I'm all for civility and manners and taking responsibility, especially now, but all the same I try to be aware of not saying sorry all the time. I'm getting more direct as I get older, and I'm finding it such a relief. For me anyhow, the "sorries" are sometimes indicative of caring too much about what people think of me or about wanting to be liked. Sometimes saying sorry feels like I'm one of those submissive dogs who roll over--please like me, please like me. I'm done with that. Totally. Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01167021026320919837noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1001156153899984046.post-58937954917769626272017-04-14T12:15:45.571-04:002017-04-14T12:15:45.571-04:00I do agree that it would be nice if people owned t...I do agree that it would be nice if people owned their mistakes and apologized. I keep thinking there must be a new movement toward civility as a clap back to the current state of national rudeness but I'm not holding my breath.Jenn McKinlayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03214926031147370862noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1001156153899984046.post-41985419198703608222017-04-14T11:58:12.742-04:002017-04-14T11:58:12.742-04:00That's good, Jenn, give your editor something ...That's good, Jenn, give your editor something to work for!Diane Vallerehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07951377121719745180noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1001156153899984046.post-22787103638306985472017-04-14T11:57:41.046-04:002017-04-14T11:57:41.046-04:00I need to follow that hashtag now! One of my frien...I need to follow that hashtag now! One of my friends in England sent me a commercial about consent that featured stick people and their desire/non-desire to drink tea. She said it was the most British thing ever. Diane Vallerehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07951377121719745180noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1001156153899984046.post-26020229587691825972017-04-14T11:56:06.348-04:002017-04-14T11:56:06.348-04:00As I've read the comments I've been wonder...As I've read the comments I've been wondering why I maybe haven't felt this as much as others, and I think it's because I worked in fashion retail, which is a highly female-dominated industry. Over twenty plus years I can count on one hand the times I had a man for a boss. <br /><br />Jenn, I agree with you that there are totally different standards for when a woman raises her voice or gets tough vs. when a man does, but that is a whole other subject!Diane Vallerehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07951377121719745180noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1001156153899984046.post-11381874922123803872017-04-14T11:51:31.726-04:002017-04-14T11:51:31.726-04:00Thanks, Lucy! Oh, the "no offense but..."...Thanks, Lucy! Oh, the "no offense but..." comment. How is that supposed to soften things??? <br /><br />I do think it is hard for some people to give constructive criticism (even when it's solicited) because they genuinely think the words can be hurtful. That's probably why your friend apologizes! But good manners, yes. Diane Vallerehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07951377121719745180noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1001156153899984046.post-33785760341423837242017-04-14T11:42:14.540-04:002017-04-14T11:42:14.540-04:00Agreed, Mark. I wouldn't want to stop saying i...Agreed, Mark. I wouldn't want to stop saying it because I don't hear it enough. That's sort of like saying, "You don't pick your clothes up? Okay, then I'm not going to pick my clothes up either." When in reality what I would want is for everybody to pick up their own clothes. But it does feel imbalanced when one person seems to take responsibility for their actions more than others. That's a breeding ground for resentment. <br /><br />(I'm sitting here staring at a cardigan that I dropped while doing the laundry and thinking, "those are my own clothes on the floor.") Diane Vallerehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07951377121719745180noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1001156153899984046.post-49499891746534500822017-04-14T11:40:35.195-04:002017-04-14T11:40:35.195-04:00Wonderful to have you here, Diane. I love this pos...Wonderful to have you here, Diane. I love this post - it does make you think about the weight of your words. I have used the 6 words on my editor - "I am sorry. Please forgive me." (When late on deadline) But not "I love you". Yet. LOL.Jenn McKinlayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03214926031147370862noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1001156153899984046.post-31417837611636974582017-04-14T11:38:27.193-04:002017-04-14T11:38:27.193-04:00Deborah, I thought "my bad" died in the ...Deborah, I thought "my bad" died in the aughts! Maybe not. Though I do wonder if splinter phrases like that are born out of a genuine desire to give apologies a different level? "My bad" seems much more appropriate for an action that slightly inconveniences someone else, not an action that hurts them or disrupts their day in a negative way. Diane Vallerehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07951377121719745180noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1001156153899984046.post-18810003451619357762017-04-14T11:36:18.054-04:002017-04-14T11:36:18.054-04:00Debs - Do you follow #VeryBritishProblems on Twitt...Debs - Do you follow #VeryBritishProblems on Twitter? It is hilarious and makes fun of the British tendencies to understate and apologize. Cracks me up!Jenn McKinlayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03214926031147370862noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1001156153899984046.post-47751539767453128292017-04-14T11:35:40.269-04:002017-04-14T11:35:40.269-04:00And thank you, Jenn, for inviting me to spend time...And thank you, Jenn, for inviting me to spend time with the Reds! Diane Vallerehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07951377121719745180noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1001156153899984046.post-71163574840051767802017-04-14T11:35:13.668-04:002017-04-14T11:35:13.668-04:00Jenn, the nine words are a great rule. And I'm...Jenn, the nine words are a great rule. And I'm running them through my head to see what situations they fit--yes with loved ones, but maybe not so much with professional organizations? :) The words have weight that comes with a sliding scale and that might be part of the problem, that apologizing can be for anything from spilling the OJ to hurting someone emotionally to missing a deadline. All appropriate times to apologize, but each meaning a different thing. <br /><br />Diane Vallerehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07951377121719745180noreply@blogger.com