Lucy’s Tom Sawyer Garden by John Brady

LUCY BURDETTE: Read on, you'll see that today's blog needs no introduction!

JOHN BRADY AKA MR. TOP RETIREMENTS: When Lucy and I moved into our first house together 30 some years ago, it didn’t take long before she announced that we were going to have to have a garden, just like she used to have in her natural woman days in Tennessee. The new back yard was sunny, so we dug up a spot and got busy. She was insistent that it was going to be organic - manure and compost, but no chemicals of any kind. She chose plants like chard, radishes and tomato plants. We had a pretty good garden in no time, and even started an asparagus patch. That was one of our biggest successes because it not only tasted unlike anything you can buy, but it comes back up year after year. The chard was a big hit with our two guinea pigs, Tommy Moe and Chubby Checkers. The zucchini was so prolific that the kids drew the limit: no more zucchini boats! No more zucchini anything!

Then twenty five years ago we moved down the street to our current home. By that time Lucy had me hooked like Tom Sawyer, so we went through the same garden process again, including a new asparagus patch. One development I started noticing was that the master organic gardener’s enthusiasm seemed to be flagging a bit. Yes, each spring she was the driving force behind selection of plants from the nursery and seeds in vast quantities. But Lucy‘s appearances in the garden, particularly for digging and weeding, grew more and more into cameos. 

If I couldn’t count on Lucy for weeding, I was enjoying what she did with what was coming out of our plot.  One of the best successes was our bountiful cucumbers. Using skills from her days in Tennessee, we turned countless cucumbers into delicious bread and butter pickles. Another skill from her old southern days was okra. She found a variety that could thrive in Connecticut,  and we enjoyed those rounds dipped in batter and fried. Tomatoes, green beans, and beets were mainstays as well. The butternut squash not only thrived, but it actually climbed over the fence into the driveway. For some reason having to do with our soil, eggplant and lettuce pretty much refused to grow.

All is Not Well - Huns and Pestilence

But all is not well in our little garden of Eden. You might have a vision of coastal Connecticut as a fairly benign place. In fact, it is a dangerous, hostile environment, one where vegetative predators roam like the desperadoes of the old west.  Anxious to protect our hard earned crops, even the calmest person could turn into an obsessive-compulsive mess.   

Rabbits were the first destructive force we found. To counteract them we paid for a beautiful fence around the entire plot. Unfortunately, the devastation to our plants continued. Finally, we noticed a series of holes in the fence - it was made out of plastic, and our little bunnies just just chewed through it to enjoy the all you can eat buffet. A new, more expensive, wire fence ensued, 

After a season of feeling safe behind our new fort walls, more devastation returned. When you go to the garden in the morning and see that the crop that you were so proud of the night before is now a row of of plants clear cut about 2 inches above the ground, you are hosting a new friend, the woodchuck.  Otherwise known as a groundhog, Phil might be popular in Punxsutawney, but his cousin Woody is certainly not welcome in our garden.

Then there is the problem of raccoons, At age 25, our wonderful asparagus plants are starting to peter out. So last spring I researched the perfect replacement variety for our Connecticut plot. I followed the instructions carefully, digging deep, preparing the soil with topsoil, compost, and of course, organic fertilizer. Over the summer I weeded and gradually covered the young asparagus shoots with soil to get them back to ground level. About that time I noticed the asparagus was getting nipped off, but some managed to survive. I had high hopes that what would emerge in the spring would justify my many hours of backtracking labor. 

Returning from Florida last month I saw asparagus spears emerging from the ground in a few spots - hurrah! That joy didn’t last long, however,  as each day another spear was gnawed off about an inch off the ground. Desolation and desperation followed.

Lucy has been following what ensued with wry amusement. Since she refuses to sit in the garden all night with a shotgun, all of my compulsive urges have kicked in. I constructed cages around all the remaining plants from stakes and netting. I sprinkled cayenne pepper and coffee grinds around the plants. 

Then I bought a battery operated video camera with motion detector, hoping to find the perpetrator. After about a week, I discovered via a grainy video who the culprit is - a young raccoon. Somehow Rocky has figured out how to climb over 4 foot tall fence (topped with additional bird netting) to enjoy the feast. 

Hope springs eternal.  I ordered 25 more asparagus roots and planted them this week, hoping that my latest protections can keep Rocky a bay. Along with them, I ordered wire panels that I intend to circle around each plant. 

At this point Lucy has confirmed that I fit at least one description in her old psychiatric reference tome. But she only draws the line at violence. Since trapping or shooting are out, this sheriff welcomes any suggestions on how we can maintain the peace in the wild West of this Connecticut garden.

John Brady is Lucy's adorable and funny husband and the creator of Top Retirements, his website crammed with advice for baby boomers thinking about the how and where of retirement. Here's an article about his retirement with a Q and A about yours.

On bunny patrol...

HALLIE EPHRON: Yesterday, my husband was sitting in his usual spot in the morning sun by our atrium door, narrating the peregrinations of a pair of bunnies who were zipping back and forth across the yard.

When I looked out, I caught a glimpse of one of them. It was carrying a baby bunny in its mouth across the patio… No baby on the return trip.

I went out to investigate. Freshly dug earth gave away the location of a new den alongside the house, into which momma and poppa bunny were moving their newly hatched brood. Shorn shoots all around testified to the fact that they’d been up to this for some time. My coreopsis and black-eyed susans that had been starting to re-emerge in that spot had… vanished.

Where’s a red-tailed hawk when you need him? Because seriously, after losing half of my perennials last year I am over thinking these guys are cute.

How are your relations with the critters in your environs? Snakes? Frogs? Squirrels? Flo and Eddy?? Is the entire peaceable kingdom welcome?

LUCY BURDETTE: We are in Key West for a few more weeks and John has a glorious garden growing on our little balcony. Tons of tomatoes, some nice peppers, and various herbs. Our perpetrators come in the form of mockingbirds. We love their spring songs, but it’s infuriating to both us and T-bone when they land on the rails and start pecking at the ripe tomatoes.

It wouldn’t be so bad if they ate a few, but to ruin a whole batch? Not cute! (Though I would have loved to have seen those baby bunnies…)

RHYS BOWEN: I feel your pain, Hallie. You have seen our garden--we are open to a hillside and every day we have at least five deer in the garden, sometimes as many as ten including a rather large stag. We also have several jackrabbits, gophers, and occasionally foxes. This means that the only plants I can grow, apart from our balcony, are highly poisonous or scented. We have oleander, lavender, rosemary and several citrus trees, although the deer now strip them of leaves as high as they can reach.

It’s quite disheartening. Guests think the spotted fawns are adorable. Me? Not so much. I keep mouthing the word ‘venison’ to them but they don’t go!

HANK PHILLIPPI RYAN: Flo and Eddy and duck pals--goes without saying. Jonathan keeps wanting to let them in. ALL the birds--we are enchanted. We have actual goldfinches!

Our squirrels are completely hilarious, truly, so entertaining, but trust me, the first time one of them nips off the bud of a new tulip, I go homicidal. (I use pepper stuff the tulips, because..those critters need to stay the heck away.)

The raccoons who moved lock, stock, and babies into our attic--not so welcome, and it was a MESS. And oh, the bunnies. They are SO cute, and our hosta are the worse for it. I think the only reason they stay alive is that they are so ridiculously adorable. We love ours, gotta admit.

DEBORAH CROMBIE: The squirrels are my garden nemesis! They dig up all the pots on the deck, patio, and even on the front porch. But, weirdly, they haven't been too bad so far this year. I hope I'm not jinxing myself by writing that… I have tried every kind of repellent over the years, garlic, hot pepper, you name it, and the little pests just seem to think it makes the plants tastier.

I had some little herbs and veggies out on the deck last week, still in their plastic pots, and SOMETHING ate the parsley, chives, dill, and bell pepper plants right down to the dirt. Not sure if I can blame that one on the squirrels!

JENN McKINLAY: The bane of my existence is snails. Yes, snails. Forever, I’ve wanted a strawberry patch but my yard is thick with gastropods. When I was taking the classes to become a certified Master Gardener, the instructor assured me that a shallow dish of beer would take care of the problem. I ended up with drunk snails and no strawberries.

JULIA SPENCER-FLEMING: We have remarkable few garden pests, because we have foxes in our neighborhood! Last spring we had an enormous ground hog waddling around. We got a have-a-heart trap, but it didn't work... then the next door neighbor announced he had shot a large groundhog that had been digging in his garden. A little more violent than I was going to go, but I can't complain.

This spring, we have a pair of turkey vultures hanging around for the very first time! They're even better than a hawk, because they DON'T kill other birds, but their low swooping definitely frightens off small critters (including the dog.) Anyway, the solution to small garden pests seems to be larger, more frightening animals, and I am all for this.

HALLIE: So are you living in the Peaceable Kingdom or are your hostas and tulips and tomatoes and strawberries fighting for their very lives?

Squirrels and Racoons and Groundhogs, Oh My!

HALLIE: I like to think of myself as green. I recycle, conserve energy and water, and try to share my space with critters like spiders and worms and pill bugs that have as much right to be here as I do. But every spring, squirrels do me in.

One year they moved into my attic. Just climbed right up the chimney and squeezed behind the bricks. Every morning we could hear them--it sounded like they were playing field hockey with acorns overhead. Every spring they behead my tulips. They don't even eat the blossoms, they just nip the stem and I come out to find the stem snapped the petals on the ground.

We used to have a peach tree by our front porch, and every year a particularly fearless squirrel would come down and take the peaches before they were ripe. Me screeching and throwing shoes at it barely gave this squirrel pause.

That same year a friend left a bag of groceries for me on my front steps, and when I got home to bring it inside, a french bread was missing. A few hours later, we had friends to dinner and as I was explaining why there wasn't any bread, I looked out the window and there was that damned squirrel that was stealing our peaches, racing up the trunk of a maple tree across the street with half loaf of french bread in his mouth.

Do you get along with your critters, or is it a constant battle?

HANK: Are you kidding me? GRRR. I am filled with rage. Our back yard is full of tulips, and they're gorgeous. Mostly white, but also some icy pink and apricot.

So I go outside to admire them--and some stupid squirrel has bitten off the flowers! You have to see it. Or not, because it's too awful. They apparently are looking for some tiny bit of nectar that's between the flower and the stem, so they bite off the flower with their little razor teeth, and then just LEAVE the flower on the ground next to the decapitated stem. Oh, it's terrible.

I had a big Facebook discussion about it, and someone suggested scattering hair clippings and eggshells around the plants before the flowers bloom, and that would keep the squirrels away. Gosh, that would keep anyone away!But next year, I'm doing it.

(Eddie Izzard does a hilarious squirrel imitation, though! Have you seen it?)

JAN: We have squirrels in the attic, too. Last year we hired the special "Squirrel" guy, who traps them and brings them somewhere and releases them. So humane. So kind to animals. The squirrels were back in about twenty minutes.

I don't think its a "green" issue, I think its a ASPCA issue. I can tell you for sure, I'm not signing up or donating funds to the ASPCA on behalf of squirrels, but I don't hold it against the squirrels in the yard. Especially since its the deer who are destroying my Rhodies.

RHYS: Until this year we had no squirrels in the neighborhood, but I've started to see them so I guess we're part of the invasion. However I live in deer country--I mean DEER country. I'm up on a hill, backing onto open space and all summer long my garden is full of deer. They are rather cute, as they bring their babies but they are so destructive.Our compromise has been to fence in a patio with high trellises and leave the rest of the property to them--junipers oleanders pyrocantha etc.

And we also have raccoons--their snarling at each other kept me awake last night. Oh, and coyotes. They "sing" so loudly, especially on moonlit nights, that I'm sure they're under my windows. Oh, and mountain lions, snakes, foxes, bobcats.... when my mother stayed once she complained, "It's like living in a bloody zoo!"

ROBERTA: This is very timely as we seem to have an entire squirrel neighborhood that has moved into our chimney. They wake up the dog and the cat in the morning by pounding across the roof so none of us can sleep in. We've had three guys come out to look the situation over so far: the carpenter, the roofer, and the ultra-expensive special duty wildlife man who charged us $125 just to tell us he couldn't handle the problem. Now we're trying to get a chimney sweep to call us back--the flue is apparently jammed with forsythia branches and squirrel babies.

This is our first squirrel invasion though. Our nemesis has been Mr. Groundhog. He barrels over our garden fence and mows down anything that's up. Twice he ate our new raspberry bush to the ground--can you imagine chewing all those brambles?

RO: In a national park, I love them. In my garden it's war. Squirrels, raccoons, deer and their smaller brethren - moles, voles and chipmunks. Walt Disney and Chuck Jones have done us a great disservice by making these critters appear cute. They're MONSTERS. I actually bought a slingshot a few years back - not that I ever connected with anything other than a tree trunk - but it made me feel good to be able to fight back in a non-chemical way.

I love the snakes though. They're cool and they eat or discourage some of the others. I keep an inflatable one in my garden for those days when the real ones don't show up.

HALLIE: So is your garden a peaceable kingdom or a war zone? Any great ideas on getting rid of squirrels, moles, and groundhogs? Recipes perhaps??