Some of All My Fears

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HANK PHILLIPPI RYAN: There's a whole network of writers, all across the country (the world?), who cannot start their writing day without Ramona DeFelice Long. Her enthusiastic and supportive morning writing sprints get many of us on our way--knowing we're in it together, facing the same hurdles and frustrations and joys.

It's a writer thing, right? We're often so alone, facing that monitor screen or blank page, and Ramona's Facebook page is a wonderful way to find our colleagues--and not only start us writing, but start us counting our blessings. 

But Ramona's support system is not only on line. She's also organized a real-life way for writers to come together. And whoa.  They went into the woods--and look what came out? And more on the anthology in a minute.

But, oh, yeah.  The venture into the woods was certainly successful--but not without its pitfalls.   Of course, writers fear the lack of ideas, or not finding the perfect word, or missing a deadline.  HA. This was way more than that.

Some of All My Fears

by Ramona DeFelice Long

Bears. Snakes. Centipedes. Fire. Waking up….no, not waking up from a carbon monoxide leak. The midnight phone call. Sunburns. The check engine light. Basements. The Undertoad. Seeing police lights in my rear view mirror while driving on a deserted road, so I look for the ubiquitous well-lit public area women are supposed to find when unsure about police imposters, only they’re never ubiquitous when you need one, are they, so I drive and drive until I realize I’m in a loop….Hang on, that was a dream. Never mind.

We all have fears, some real, some irrational. Snakes are real—they’re in my yard. One even shed its skin in the gutter over my laundry room, hanging there like a flag. Bears, though, I have never seen a bear in the wild. I live in the suburbs in a college town and am not on guard for a grizzly on my way to the Rite Aid. This should be a fear I could cross of my list.

Except, twice a year, I retreat in the Laurel Highlands of Pennsylvania with a group of Mindful Writers. 

Twenty-odd writers sit in the great room of a lodge, at our writing stations, working in silence. We break for meals and meditations and relaxing in the evenings in front of the huge fireplace. It’s a safe space, both physically and creatively, but mindfulness is not only about comfort. It’s about seeking the peaceful ambiance of outdoors, so every morning before sunrise, we take a meditative walk. 

We begin with stretching and guidance from our leader, whose mantra is “Back to the breath, back to the body, back to the book.” Then we go out into the dark, in the fog or mist, towards the woods, to watch the sun rise and open a new day.

 There are bears in the woods, though, sometimes close enough to smell. Rangers and local police have advised us what do if we meet a bear.

 My plan—drop dead on the spot—is never part of that advice, but every day at retreat is a choice: hide from the bears and miss the sunrise, or step carefully out into a world that is dangerous but beautiful. Live another day to write. 

Reject the fear.

I write a lot about fear—the real, the irrational, the loops of our dreams. We joke about bears in the Mindful Writers group, and when we put together INTO THE WOODS, an anthology of our stories, poetry, and essays, bears appear in several stories, but not mine. 

No, I wrote about what I believe is the greatest human terror: the fear of being left alone. Alone is good when you have a deadline or a new book to read, but not so good when you’re driving in a loop looking for a safe, well-lit place. I tell myself I write about fear because I want to conquer it but I’m still pretty sure that, should I see a bear in the wild, I’d drop down dead.

What do you think is the greatest human fear?  

HANK PHILLIPPI RYAN: My mother always told me the joy of being alone was pure only when you knew you wouldn't always be alone.

The greatest human fear? Sorrow. Grief.  Shock and loss. Which is all the more reason to embrace happiness, joy, togetherness, love. Aren't we philosophical today?  SO those heartbreaks aside, what are you afraid of?

In the more mundane realm of--like me--centipedes. Cavities. Food poisoning. Unmet deadlines.  And I think of the Undertoad every day.

How about you?

And what a wonderful thing Ramona and her troops are doing--donating the proceeds of their anthology to the Children's Heart Foundation! So I'll happily buy two more--and give them to two lucky commenters!

RamonaDeFelice Long is an author, editor, and online writing instructor who grew up in the South but somehow ended up in Delaware. Her short fiction and personal essays have appeared in numerous literary and regional journals, and she’s been the recipient of multiple artist grants and fellowships. She maintains a literary website at www.ramonadef.com

Into the Woods is the title and theme of an anthology of short fiction, personal essays, original music, and one walking meditation from Mindful Writers who retreat several times a year in the Laurel Highlands of Pennsylvania. Proceeds from Into theWoods benefit the Children’s Heart Foundation.