TRAVELING WHILE FEMALE by BARBARA O’NEAL

LUCY BURDETTE: I am always so happy to welcome writer Barbara O’Neal to the blog—and even happier that her newest book, A THOUSAND PAINTED HOURS, will be published in August. (I have already pre-ordered.) She has some interesting thoughts today on traveling as a single woman…

BARBARA O’NEAL: Last night, I was on a fairly empty train rather late, at the SFO airport. It was grim lighting, that tungsten glow that makes everything seedy.

It occurred to me with some surprise that I wasn’t worried about it. As a young woman, I would have been looking over my shoulder, checking for men who might be dangerous. Constantly. I am still aware—I’m not a fool; I can still be pickpocketed or mugged—but this is no longer an overarching, constant, tense, alert worry. I walk through the world like a man. At ease. Sure. Because I have crossed into the blessed territory of invisibility.

What a delight.

Eating dinner at the airport food court, I saw a young man pass, staring at a very young woman at a table in front of me. She was eating. Her hair was a little messy from travel. She didn’t notice him, but he walked twenty feet staring at her so obviously that it irritated me. I wanted to stand up and whack him with my purse. Keep walking, bud.

I remembered when it was me worrying about the unwanted attention of some random guy, finding a place to sit between an old woman and a mother with a child so the strange man couldn’t sit near me.

My son, age 25 or so, talked about going out to the New York clubs with a small group of women. One was very fearful, jumping at shadows, worried about alleyways and knots of guys on the street. Her friend said, “Don’t worry, Ian is with us. No one will mess with us.”

He said, recounting that story to me later, “I had no idea women worry about this all the time. All. The. Time. Did you know?”

Um, yes, son. I did.

I’m taking my granddaughter to Japan next month. She’s 14 and leggy and eccentric, with a wild head of hair that draws the longing gaze of white women (“I love your hair”) but also the meanness of boys at middle school. I feel some sense of relief about the safety of that country, but I also know I will be instructing her constantly, quietly, on how to be female while traveling. I want her to be mighty. And safe.

I honestly worry less about this one than her younger sister. My wild-haired girl is fierce and knows her own mind. She’s the girl other kids ran to when they were being bullied. Her sister is pliant and a pleaser and very pretty in that way some males want to claim—if it is beautiful, it is mine. We will go somewhere, too, in a couple of years. She longs for Germany, which she visited a couple of years ago. I will instruct her carefully.

I wish this was not necessary. I wish I had not spent 40 years sizing up every space I walked through. I traveled anyway, but often I was nervous.

Now I stride through the world like a white man, able to occupy any space without apology or fear. I just wish my granddaughters could begin here, instead of waiting decades to age into it. 

Readers, do you worry when you’re traveling or otherwise out of your element?

More from Lucy, Barbara has some news for the upcoming A Thousand Painted Hours: If you would like a signed copy, you can order one now, and we have some very special things that go along with it. The first is a giveaway of an original piece of collage art I created to commemorate the book. One golden ticket in the books will win the original art.

To order a signed copy, visit Author, Author

You can also pre-order all the other versions—kindle, hardcover ($2 off if you order now), paperback or audio, which is going to be especially fantastic this time. I’ve heard the clips from my narrator and I am so very excited. Pre-orders really help visibility of a book, so I appreciate any help in that direction.

Chekov's Gun in Ulster American

 LUCY BURDETTE: The week before last, John and I dashed into New York to see the play Ulster American at the Irish Repertory Theater. This is a small theater on 22nd street, so it has none of the razzle dazzle of Broadway. But on the other hand, the theater is very cute, the sets simple but perfectly done, and the audience is very close to the action and the actors. 

(Photo from the Irish Rep Instagram)

Two years ago we saw Kate Mulgrew (the cook called Red from Orange is the New Black) in The Beacon, and we’ve supported the theater ever since. The Beacon was both a wonderful show and wonderful performance even if a dark story. (To be fair, the shows we’ve seen are universally Irish and always dark.)

Ulster American takes place on the eve of rehearsals for a new play whose director, playwright, and star actor (Matthew Broderick) are meeting for the first time. The play was dark all the way through, ending with a bloody denouement that I won’t describe in case you go to see it. 

There were some disparate discussions and elements throughout the performance that caught my attention along the way (Maggie Thatcher, a jar of pencils, an eye patch). This had me thinking of Chekov’s Gun:  "One must not put a loaded rifle on the stage if no one is thinking of firing it". Apparently Chekov was talking about the efficiency of a narrative, recommending that everything unnecessary to the denouement should be removed. And believe me, everything I noticed on that stage showed up again by the end!

This had me thinking about the novel I’m writing—do I take out bits and pieces that don’t advance the narrative? How would I even know at the beginning of a book what will become important by the end?

Red readers and writers, do you think about this question when writing or reading? How often do you notice things in a book that aren’t necessary or don’t belong? 

Amy Ephron's UNSEASONABLY COLD is IN SEASON!

 HALLIE EPHRON: Today it's my great pleasure to welcome my sister Amy Ephron to Jungle Red! She's a lot younger than me and still she beat me, getting started writing years before I took the plunge.

Her brand new book, UNSEASONABLY COLD, is off to a great start.

It's a mystery and a love story. The tag line:
A socialite living in late 1930s New York City, disappears without a trace.

And it just got a fabulous review in AIR MAIL Magazine:

The place is New York; the year is 1939. War is the backdrop of Amy Ephron’s latest novel, a suspenseful noir that travels between the bohemians of Greenwich Village and the aristocrats of uptown. But the society set is far more preoccupied with another matter: the mysterious disappearance of heiress Jane Abbott. None more so than her best friend, Liza, who is haunted by the foreboding last words Jane said to her. Unseasonably Cold’s atmosphere is Wharton and Towles; its page-turning plot is pure Christie. - Air Mail Magazine

Today I'm thrilled to host Amy here on Jungle Red.

Amy, tell us about the crime/event that inspired you to write UNSEASONABLY COLD.

AMY EPHRON: It wasn’t really a crime... unless it was.

When I was in my 20.’s a dear friend had an “accident” on the island of Kauai — toppling from a mountain cliff. His glasses were left on the mountainside.

There was a lot of speculation. Did he fall? Did he jump? Was he pushed? There were rumors someone had been with at the time.

He’d always been so jovial and unconditionly kind. I’d never known about the depression, the heartbreak, or that there might have been drug use. Secrets, illusions, perfectly masked.

His loss was so unexpected….it was an awful and long lasting loss.

HALLIE: I know you started writing UNSEASONABLY COLD years ago... what made you set it aside? And then (lucky for us) what made you pick it up and write to the finish line?

AMY: I wrote three kid’s novels, ‘The Castle in the Mist’ ‘Carnival Magic’ and ‘The Other Side of the Wall’ for Philomel/ Penguin, took a screenplay job, and wrote a silly/fun book (‘The Amazing Baby Name Book')with my daughters Maia Wapnick and Anna Ephron Harari.’

So the manuscript for UNSEASONABLY COLD was just waiting to get finished.

HALLIE: 1930s New York City: What is it about that period that intrigues you.

It was a time a bit like today. The division of wealth and class differences was extreme. So were political and religipus views, discrimination rampant, women’s rights. The war was just beginning, the end of which was so uncertain and unknown, almost a mirror for the story, as no one knows what was happened to Jane.

I think so many people now are experiencing loss that is hard to fathom. 

[Photo by Katrina Dickson]

HALLIE: What kind of research did you do to make the period and the characters come so alive?

AMY: Thank you for saying that. It was a very interesting time for art, what was hanging at the Met, theatre, the world’s fair, beginning Hollywood.

I also researched clothes and food and existing clubs and restaurants which was very fun. But I researched it as it came up. I’ve previously read a lot of fiction and nonfiction about that period.

A bestselling earlier novel of mine “A Cup of Tea” (based on a Katherine Mansfield story - don’t believe in stealing, I bought the rights from her estate.) A story of love, disloyalty, and madness, is set in New York and France at the time of the U.S. entrance to World War I.

HALLIE EPHRON: A wonderful review of the book in AIRMAIL called the book a "historical thriller" -- do you think that feels right?

AMY: Unseasonably Cold is a bit of a hybrid: lit fiction, mystery, love story, historical fiction, noir. I hope it finds many fans! Thanks for having me and being my sister!

HALLIE: It's a terrific book and it will appeal to a broad range of crime fiction readers, and on to straight up Agatha Christie. Hopefully it will also send readers off to find A CUP OF TEA as a chaser.

ABOUT AMY EPHRON: Amy Ephron is a best-selling, award-winning novelist and children’s book author. She is also a journalist, screenwriter and producer. She was a contributing editor to Vogue, The New York Times’ T magazine. She has published in print and online at Airmail Weekly, The Los Angeles Times, Newsweek, The Daily Beast, Harper’s Bazaar and more. Unseasonably Cold is her 10th novel.

The Reds on Vacation

 

LUCY BURDETTE: Summer’s coming very early this year with Memorial Day on May 24, yikes! I think we’re all feeling a little worn down and overworked by the long winter. We wanted to give you a little notice about a change in our summer schedule here at the Reds. Get out your flip flops and back your bags--the Reds are taking a summer vacation!  We won't go far and we'll still chat every week, but our summer schedule will be a little different as we all write our books and teach our classes and generally catch up. Maybe even go on vacation! Starting next week, May 25, we’ll have a group chat on Mondays and a writer’s choice on Thursdays. We won’t schedule guests this summer either—they get a vacation too:). We know some of you will be disappointed and will miss reading the blog every day–but, we haven’t taken a break in 15 years! (In other words, we’ve saved up our vacation days and decided now’s the time to use them.:). So what will we be doing?

Reds, I am determined to finish The Paris Recipe by June, before I have to get started on Key West #17. After that, we’ve planned a week getaway in Maine with a bunch of grandchildren and other relatives. And after that, maybe stay home and enjoy the summer in Connecticut. What are your plans for the summer?

RHYS BOWEN: as you can imagine I’m taking baby steps forward into a new stage of life. Living alone is something I have never done before. From college dorm to sharing with friends to marriage. So it will feel strange. Being able to do what I want without consulting someone else. So I’m flying down to grandson’s graduation this weekend. I plan to join Clare and co in San Diego, join Dominic either in Canada or San Juan islands and go to England in September   Oh, and finish a book I’ve put on hold and do all the publicity for this summer’s release. 

HALLIE EPHRON: Change is good!

I’ve got a flurry of teaching gigs in the next three months, including the Book Passage bookstore’s annual Mystery Writing Conference https://www.bookpassage.com/mystery. Rhys will be there, too! Also Elizabeth George and Lisa Scottoline and Rachel Howzell Hall…

I’ll be giving a talk for the Grand Canyon Sisters in Crime. Teaching my two-week mystery-writing class for SinC Guppies. Giving several workshops for the annual fabulous Surrey International Writing Conference in October. 

All of these are on my web site at http://hallieephron.com with links. 

Beyond that, my fall to-do list is topped by: Decide what I should do next. I have the start of a novel and some other projects noodling around. A lot of unanswered questions. Very much at a crossroads.

JENN McKINLAY: I’m chiming in from Spain! I’m  visiting the set where they’re shooting the adaptation of my novel PARIS IS ALWAYS A GOOD IDEA which will air on Hallmark Plus in July! Thrilling!

This summer will spent traveling a lot - a visit to CT for a book event at the Cragin Library in Colchester on June 12th, a trip to the Nova Scotia cottage at some point, and possibly a week in San Diego. I’m tired just thinking about it. Oh, and I suppose I have to start writing something again. Hmm…what will it be? 

JULIA SPENCER-FLEMING: My summer starts with a bang as Youngest brings the Very Tall Dutchman home for two weeks in June to met the family! I’ve cleared off my calendar so we can show him some typical Maine delights - a Sea Dogs baseball game, eating at a lobster shack, hiking in Acadia and visiting a Super Wal-Mart. Yes, that last was among the American experiences he wants to explore.

I’ll be working on a book, about which I can say no more at the moment, and I’m planning to devote much more of my time to my garden/grounds, since I’ve let everything go to wrack and ruin in the past few years. I’m planning a couple of stays at Old Orchard Beach, and rounding out the summer with the wedding of the daughter of dear friends.

When you live in Maine, you don’t travel in the summer, because HERE is where everyone wishes they could be!

HANK PHILLIPPI RYAN: My 2027 book is due September 1. My 2026 book will be published on September 1. You do the math about what I will be doing this summer!  And into the fall.

It’s all very exciting, and quite wonderful, and there is absolutely no way I can take a work-free vacation. Happily, luckily, we have a lovely back yard with flowers everywhere and  a pool, and sitting outside and being in the lovely (we hope) weather is always so satisfying.

(I just got back from a whirlwind–Teaching at the MIT Weekend Writing Seminar, teaching the International Thriller Writers 8-hour Master Class (!), and a CraftFest Class and so much more. I was the featured speaker at Crime Conn and and and…well, my schedule is packed as you can see here hankphillippiryan.com/events ! )

And Rhys, we are thinking of you every day.

DEBORAH CROMBIE: This summer I will be doing all the edits for my book, A LONG COLD SLEEP, which apparently now has an April ‘27 release.  And then I’m hoping to have my long-overdue knee replacement, which I’ve been putting off for at least five years because I was trying to finish books. After that, I can start planning for trips. It will be three years in July since I’ve been to London and I am desperate for a visit!

Red readers, what are your summer plans??

Take Another Look At It

HANK PHILLIPPI RYAN: A brand new visitor to the Reds' world today–and we are so thrilled to welcome her! And  the amazing Rhodi Hawk is asking a very provocative question–see what you think at the end.


“When the Mirror Hangs Upside-Down”

by Rhodi Hawk


On a snowy Colorado night in the 1970s, I tore up the stairs, screaming, to escape my aunt’s basement. You’d think my sister and I had found a man wielding a bag of bones down there. But no. We had merely watched something scary on TV.

The thing is, it felt like something had happened to us. The terror burned its brand onto my psyche. Forty years later, I remember every detail. The red and gold weave of the sofa as I hid my eyes. The scent of coffee, cigarettes, and heating oil. The way my sister finally burst from her seat in a dash for the stairs, which mobilized me from frozen terror to galloping terror. I can feel the imprint of the textured linoleum beneath my fingers as I clawed stair treads, vaulting up to safety with hands and feet.

Fast forward twenty years to the 1990s. That same show came up again in the TV listings, and I resolved to face my fear with a friend, this time in my sunny living room. I warned her it was going to be terrifying.

Well. The show was ridiculous. Pure camp. In the climax, a cursed broach comes to life as a rat the size of a Mastiff, but it just looks like a big stuffed animal. My friend and I were palsied with laughter. Also, I was mystified by my little-girl terror, which made no sense in my new reality twenty years later.

The show was called Night Gallery, an anthology like The Twilight Zone. Both featured Rod Serling. The name of the episode was “A Feast of Blood,” based on the short story by mystery writer Dulcie Gray.

Now, in the 2020s, three more decades have passed, and I have yet another perspective. I see that the writing was actually quite good—it’s just that the monstery climax fell victim to cinematic limitations of the day. And it starred Sondra Locke—something even my twentysomething self didn’t pick up on despite having seen her in several Clint Eastwood movies.

It amazes me how our perceptions change over time. Sometimes there’s contrast even in the short term. 

After a neurological disease put me in a wheelchair, I gained a new delight in small things. 

An enlargement of matters I’d previously breezed past. Favorite old novels inverted themselves to reveal fresh layers.

Even new novels: I read Lisa Jewell’s None of This Is True twice in three months, and the second reading felt like an entirely different book. A straight murder suspense became an investigation into vagaries of intense relationships. Though I clocked these things in both readings, they morphed in detail and emotion. I understand, of course, that the change in me informed the change in what I read. It was as if the mirror had been hanging upside down, then got flipped.

In my new novel This Town Won’t Tell, a roadhouse waitress perceives herself as a lone wolf in her snowy mountain town. That perception changes after she is preyed upon by dangerous people, forcing her to reach out to the townsfolk who have always been

waiting for her to let them in.

Have you ever read something, only to re-read it later with an entirely different experience?

I’ll confess something to you. For all my maturing, and despite my newly evolved analytical lens, as I typed the words “A Feast of Blood” just now, I still felt a whole-body tension—coupled with giddy hysterics.

HANK: SO interesting!~ I am not much of a re-reader, I have to admit, but I saw the musical Miss Saigon many many years ago, and thought, yes, fine, this is fine. And then last year-ish, I saw it again, and was knocked out with the depth of it. Certainly the show had not changed–but I had.

And in high school they forced me to read Our Town, the play by Thornton Wilder, when I was in high school and I thought it was so silly and melodramatic. Now I cannot even think about it without crying.

How about you, Reds and Readers?


Rhodi Hawk is the International Thriller Writers award-winning author of several novels, including her latest, This Town Won’t Tell. In recent years, a motor neuron disease has left Rhodi a wheelchair warrior with impaired cognitive ability. That neurodivergence informs Janey’s struggle with reading in This Town Won’t Tell. Devoted to wildlife and the natural world, Rhodi lives in piney woods with a pair of vultures, her dog, Frankie, her cat, Pumpkin, and her husband, thriller writer Hank Schwaeble.


Connect

The book: This Town Won’t Tell

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@rhodihawk on Instagram, Facebook, and more

RhodiHawk.com

 

The Hostess with the Mostest...cleaning to do

JULIA SPENCER-FLEMING: When we talked about our summer plans, I mentioned the kick-off for my season is hosting Youngest and the Very Tall Dutchman (they're coming over on KLM; does that mean I can call him the Flying Dutchman?) Of course, I want to make a good impression, and more importantly, he has allergies, so I'm attempting to remove as much dust/soot/cat hair as I can from the premises. It doesn't help that I burn wood all winter long and that the family room carpet is covered with a gentle sprinkling of bark and twiglets.

 

 

This isn't the first important guest I wanted to impress, of course.  Ross and I hustled like MAD when his father visited us at This Old House for the first time. It was a scorching hot day in August, and of course, we also had to deal with a two-year-old and a seven-month old while dusting, weeping, polishing, etc., etc. When Dad arrived, I dropping my rag and spray bottle on the kitchen counter, and yelled, "Honey! Come on downstairs!" Ros reaching the foyer just as I opened the door to greet my father-in-law -- and my husband promptly vanished upstairs without a word and didn't reappear for a good half hour.

 

He later explained he didn't want his dad to see him all sweaty and sticky. and he didn't understand why Victor and I kept laughing about his disappearing act.  (If you've heard people say, "There weren't any autistic people being born in the 1950s," let me introduce you to my husband...)

 

 

However, I admit I was even MORE frantic a few years later, when my mother came to stay for three days. (She never lingered longer than that, holding to the old adage about fish and guests.) I was so freaked out about the mess, and the dust underneath the mess, and the dirt under the dust, that we hired a professional cleaning service to come in and basically power wash everything. 

 

 

It was ridiculously expensive compared to our budget, but the peace of mind it gave me was priceless. I didn't hear a single critique while she was visiting! (Well, not about the house. She had a few things to say about my hair and my parenting.)

 

 

Of course, many of you will remember we were known for our huge Christmas dinners. We hosted twenty to forty friends every year between 2003 and 2019 (excepting '16 and '17.) It got easier prepping the house every year, as the kids grew older and were able to genuinely assist in the run-up. Also, since it was an annual affair, we all knew the drill. 

 

However, inevitably, there was enough "what the heck do we do with this" stuff to fill a basket or box, which would get stashed up in the attic. Did we ever reclaim those boxes? No, no we did not. I was in the attic yesterday, looking for old children's books to pass on to baby Paulie, and stumbled across a few. At this stage, I think it's best to not even look at what's inside; out the door and straight into the trash bin will be best.

 

Dear Readers, have you had V-I-Vs (Very Important Visitors) or a high-profile event at your party? How did you carry it off?

In the Swim

DEBORAH CROMBIE: When I’ve turned in my book (soon, soon, I promise!) my daughter wants to take me for a day at a multi-pool spa place. Apparently there are all sorts of different mineral pools at different temperatures in which you can lounge to your heart’s content. And there are food and drinks and other fun spa things. It's called World Springs and doesn't it look fab?? Check it out, seriously. I'm very excited.

But my very first thought was I’LL HAVE TO GET A NEW SWIMSUIT.

And that is a big ugh because I don’t think there is anything worse than shopping for a bathing suit–unless it’s shopping for jeans. (Guys, you may be exempt from this particular trauma–unless you are torn between boxer trunks and, dare I say, the Speedo?)

Does anyone else still say bathing suit, by the way? I have a suit, and I’m pretty sure it still fits. What I don’t know is whether the fabric will have disintegrated since the last time I wore it… Obviously, I need to get in a pool more often.

Does everyone do their swimsuit shopping online these days? My email inbox is stuffed with swimsuit ads from Land’s End and LL Bean, but the suit I have, a cute Marimeko print with a matching cover-up, I bought at Target. I quail, however, at the thought of trying on suits in the cubicle of a store dressing room.

Reds, especially the swimmers among you, what is your favorite place to shop for a suit, and what style do you prefer?

LUCY BURDETTE: I’m waiting eagerly for good advice on this topic, because my suit is also disintegrating. The question is where to find a suit that doesn’t expose bulges that I swear weren’t there last year? My sister in law wears a bikini and she’s older than I am–not a chance for me!

JULIA SPENCER-FLEMING: I still call it a bathing suit, Debs! I have three. One is for when I’m swimming for exercise at the Y; it’s a standard one-piece, very boring but it stays on and stays up, which is an important quality if you have bosoms. Which I do. The second one is my Official New England Old Lady suit, a sort of short empire dress with the rest of the tank underneath. I famously wore this at the nude beach in Hawai’i, and was quite comfortable doing so. The dress is VERY forgiving of anyone’s figure flaws. 

Finally, I have the “oh, no, everything else needs to be washed” suit. We’ll see if the elastic has hung on for one more season when I bring down the summer clothes from the attic.

I don’t know what I’ll do if I ever have to buy a new suit. Probably order twenty online and try them on in the privacy (and more forgiving light) in my bedroom. Thank goodness for free returns.

JENN McKINLAY: We have a swimming pool that I live in during the AZ summer months. Every spring, I usually buy two bikinis (I’m too tall for a one piece - rides up constantly - very uncomfortable!) at Target and by the end of summer they are worn out. I try not to overthink it! 

HANK PHILLIPPI RYAN: Yes, I love Land's End. There's a really cute tankini that seems to work. High cut pants, separate top, flattering. (I guess...) I still I also have a high-necked (yes) scuba looking suit which is kinda cool. But with all my heart, if I never had to wear a bathing suit again I would be happy.

And I can tell you, sisters, I will NEVER got to a store and try on bathing suits ever again. I mean, I am not a masochist.

DEBS: Hank, this is one place where online shopping was a boon to woman kind. And Jenn definitely has the right attitude! Writing this blog post got me in gear, too. When a Land's End ad popped up in my email first thing this morning, I picked out a suit for half price. Hope it fits because it was non-refundable! I went for a two-piece tankini because if there's anything worse than trying on swimsuits, it's trying to get in and out of a wet one-piece. It's similar to the one in the photo above, but I couldn't copy Land's End's ad photo.

Now I will be prepared to celebrate book-finishing in the mineral pools!

How about it, dear readers? Are you swimming this summer, and what are you swimming in?

An Oldie but Goodie with Some *Very Good* Advice on Marriage

 LUCY BURDETTE: We're running this post from four years ago because some of you will have missed it and it's good enough to read over and over! (In my humble opinion.) Plus it has the most adorable picture of Rhys and her John you will ever see...

The Reds Dish with Advice on Marriage

 LUCY BURDETTE: Tomorrow is the 30th anniversary of John and me getting married. Thirty years! How did that happen? Last year at this time, John was in the hospital with medical problems, so I feel even more grateful this year. I hoped the Reds might help us celebrate with pictures of their wedding day, and best advice for folks just starting out. (Or really, people in the middle might use this too!)

A wise therapist once told me that there’s not really any such thing as one marriage. You and your spouse embark on what becomes a series of marriages, depending on how each of you might be changing internally, plus changes outside with family challenges, health issues, aging, money, etc. To make it through all this, keep talking, stay kind and calm, and focus on the positive reasons you married this person in the first place.  How about you Reds, advice for newlyweds?

HALLIE EPHRON: I hate to say it, but the most important thing is to get lucky and marry the right person. Not as easy as it sounds. I could have walked off with quite a few Mr. Wrongs.

Jerry was Right and his timing was impeccable. It helps if he’s easy to look at and laughs at your jokes. 

HANK PHILLIPPI RYAN: I knew Jonathan was the one the moment I saw him. There’s no way else to describe this, and he felt the same way. We were “older,” me 46 and him 56, and I think that meant that we’d both been through a lot of experiences before, and realized not only what mattered, but what didn’t. 

Little stuff does not matter. If we’re feeling cranky, we just say–”I’m feeling cranky, it’s not you”. Individual items do not escalate into “you ALWAYS.”  We are both polite to each other–if someone does something small, like empty the dishwasher, the other always notices it, and remarks on it. We respect each other and we listen to each other. We take turns. I think he is fascinating and brilliant, and yes, he thinks I am funny, which is so important, because I think I’m hilarious but that’s not universally felt.

 We compliment each other every day. We are not one bit competitive with each other (except at Scrabble, another blog), and are truly supportive. We are patient with each other (although it doesn't feel like “patience,”) team players and good friends. We both think we are very lucky. And laughter, right?

JENN McKINLAY: Laughter. I often tell the Hooligans that the only reason that their dad and I are still married is because he makes me laugh. That’s a big part of it, I believe, but even more importantly, when adversity strikes, you have to jump in the fox hole together. Our marriage was a bit unbalanced as Hub suffered some big setbacks in the beginning, and I was always right there at his side. I thought I didn’t need him as much as he needed me. Then a crushing blow hit me, and lo and behold, I discovered my marriage had layers that I’d never even suspected. Hub kept me tethered with infinite kindness and patience, being there for me just like I’d been there for him. My advice? Keep your sense of humor and have each other’s back and you’ll be just fine. 

RHYS BOWEN: We were off to a rocky start as John was raised old school upper-class British–meaning you don’t show your emotions and the husband expects the wife to do the child rearing. He came from such a reserved background, boarding school at age 10, a father who only shook his hand, so I can understand how he turned out the way he did. Now he realizes how much he missed out on, not really knowing his kids. He has had so much more enjoyment from knowing his grandkids.

What has kept us together is sharing basic values on money, religion, ethics. Also we enjoy the same things–we love to travel, we love to get together with family and friends, and to laugh at British comedies. And as the years have progressed he has been so supportive of my career, my biggest champion. In fact the moment he retired he became a different person–much warmer, friendlier and encouraging. So perhaps the stress of work was an overriding factor.

Now he can tell the kids he loves them when they call him. He can be appreciative, in fact he tells me almost every day how lucky he is to have married me. So all’s well that ends well, I guess!

JULIA SPENCER-FLEMING: I would agree with everything said so far, and add 'practice kindness.' No matter how much you love someone, there will be days, weeks and sometimes even months where you would just as soon turn the garden hose on your spouse as talk to them. One of the most important things I learned in marriage counseling was to act loving, even when I wasn't feeling it. This does two things: it keeps your determination to make your spouse's life better alive. And, in the principle of fake it until you make it, you find that acting with love helps restore those feelings of love.

The second most important thing I learned was, if things aren't going well, get help! People often comment on what a great marriage Ross and I had. Well, that was because we worked hard at it, including going into couples therapy when necessary. If you have doubts about how well it works, take us as proof: we raised three fantastic children together and made it to our 30th anniversary.

DEBORAH CROMBIE: Wow, I think we should go into marriage advice business! We are just a couple of years behind you, Lucy, as we just celebrated our 28th. Rick made me this graphic.

So obviously I agree that a sense of humor is super important, although it's not something that usually tops people's lists when they are looking for "romance."

But just when I am so annoyed at Rick I can hardly stand it, he'll make me laugh, and then whatever I was aggravated over doesn't seem nearly as important. And simple kindness and shared values can't be stressed enough.

How about you Reds? What's been important in your relationships? Or heck, things that haven't worked? Any advice for newlyweds or those out looking?

Whose Life Is It , Anyway?

 HANK PHILLIPPI RYAN: I was talking to another author the other day-–he writes under a pseudonym. And his nom de plume books are far more successful than the books he wrote under his real name. 

Why do you think that is? I asked.

He said he’d really thought about it, and decided that when he was someone else, he felt–free. Beyond judgement. That he was powerful and confident enough to write whatever he wanted, and no one would know who he was.

Whoa.

Which brings me to the fabulous debut author Connor Martin. Who, as he so tantalizingly describes, became "someone else” as part of his job.

Whose Life Is It, Anyway?

by Connor Martin

Double lives are the heart of all great mysteries, but that’s especially true of spy thrillers. Maybe it’s the hero, running from something or someone, or maybe it’s the villain, tricking the innocent – but show me a character pretending to be someone they’re not, and I’ll show you instant plot tension.

 

This theme of double lives runs throughout my debut novel THE SILVER FISH, published this April by Mysterious Press. THE SILVER FISH is an espionage thriller about Danielle “Dani” Moreau, an American journalist in Ghana, who gets caught in a U.S.-China spy battle over the fiber optic cables that power the global internet. There are four primary characters in the book, and each of them lives some version of a double life (one of them is literally called The Double!). As one character says: “Your life; another person’s life. They were right next to each other all along... All you had to do was step sideways.”

 

The theme resonated with me because I, too, lived a double life for a while. For several years, I had a job I couldn’t really talk about. Sure, I could tell people my job title (Deputy Director in the Office of Investment Security) and give a vague description – I worked in a secure office space in Washington, D.C., reviewing national security risks connected with financial transactions – but I couldn’t discuss the contents of my days, not even with my wife.

 

It was funny kind of double life, because it felt so ordinary. My wife knew where I was, and at the end of the day it was still just a job: we wrote memos and emails, we had meetings and phone calls. But the fact that I couldn’t talk about any of it outside the office left me feeling strangely bifurcated. You got used to it, but it never felt normal.

 

Those are the kinds of tensions that I wanted to explore in writing THE SILVER FISH (and am continuing to explore in the sequel, which I’m writing this summer!) And whether spy thrillers are your jam or you prefer murder mystery, psychological suspense, detective puzzles, or any other genre, I’m guessing that you’ve come across the narrative power of the character with a double life in your reading.

 

But really, don’t all of us have multiple versions of ourselves? You don’t have to be a spy to act differently at work than you do at home, or to emphasize some aspects of your personality with one group of friends, but not with another.

And don’t we read crazy real-life stories in the news that bear this out? The creepy New York City architect is really the Gilgo Beach serial killer – or, more happily, the mild-mannered insurance lawyer is really a Pulitzer Prize-winning poet.

 

Nowadays my double life is in the past. I don’t work for the government anymore. But even so, my vocation as a novelist means I’m still living different lives every day – my characters’ lives. When I get up from my desk and stop writing for the day, I get to leave my double lives on the page. But they’re constantly running through my head.

 

So here’s what I want to know, Reds and readers – have you ever felt as if you were living a double life? What’s the version of you that nobody else would believe? I’ll be in the comments!

HANK: Ooooh, what a good question! I have gone undercover and in disguise for my TV stories, and it is weirdly...freeing. I think all of the expectations that people might have for “me” are gone, and I can truly be someone else. And now I sitting at my desk in baggy jeans with my hair on top of my head and no makeup–that, Reds and  leaders you will never see. But I think, actually, that you believe it. 

Living a double life,  though? Who has stories?  Anyone know anyone who may not be who they seem?

(And Connor, can we also have a blog from your wife? I'm so curious to know how she feels/felt about this....)

(And I want to know if that's really your photo below...)

photo credit Jeremy Varner

Connor Martin is a writer and former senior US national security official, most recently serving as Deputy Director on the Committee on Foreign Investment in the United States (CFIUS) at the Treasury Department. He is a term member of the Council on Foreign Relations and he splits his time between Washington and Brooklyn. The Silver Fish is his first novel.

 

www.simonandschuster.com/books/The-Silver-Fish/Connor-Martin/9781613167359

www.connormartinauthor.com

www.instagram.com/connor.martin.author/

 

In this thrilling espionage fiction debut, an American journalist in Ghana is pulled into a dangerous struggle for control of the world's fiber optic cables.

Journalist Danielle "Dani" Moreau has spent a lifetime trying to outrun the privilege she was born into. Fresh off a personal tragedy, she lands in Ghana to uncover corruption in the local oil industry. But when she crosses paths with James Aidoo, an idealistic young Ghanaian whose father is a local populist politician, Dani remembers what drew her to journalism in the first place: you go looking for a story, but when the real story appears, it's never the one you expected.

Dani soon finds herself chasing a scoop that involves an American operative with a violent past, a Ghanaian double agent, and a fight between the United States and China over one of the world's most dangerous and least-known technologies: fiber optic cables. Underwater tubes as thick as a garden hose, the cables snake along the seafloor carrying the world’s information at the speed of light from one continent to another, and the fight to control them is increasingly visible on the world's front pages. Amidst this world-changing struggle, Dani and her new associates will be forced to make deadly choices that impact each other and their own lives in ways nobody expects.