It's the Olympic Fashion Event!

JULIA SPENCER-FLEMING: Well, it's another Olympic year, which must mean one important thing. It's time for my critique of the various competitors' national uniforms! After all, who better to judge the clothing thrill of victory and agony of defeat than I, a sixty-something out of shape woman whose only regular exercise is walking the dogs (except not now, q.v. yesterday's post, RUN AWAY FROM THE COLD.)

I do have one genuine qualification, which is I live in part of the country which gets cold and snowy every year, and thus I have to dress accordingly, and I get to see lots of other miserable sinners fellow citizens likewise showing off their frigid fashion chops. Let's get right into it!

 

Mongolia 

These awesome cashmere garments, based on traditional  Mongolian dress robes, have been universally hailed as best in show. And yes, cashmere fans, you can pre-order various pieces of these looks! I'm trying to figure out if I'd be supporting local Mongolian cashmere manufacturing or just appropriating culture if I wore these around Portland.

 

 

Italy 

Unlike other commentors, I'm fine with dragging the host country's uniforms - just see what I had to say about the French in 2024. But it feels bad to diss designer Giorgio Armani, who is 1) a legend and 2) dead. But let's face it, the only word for this gear is boring. It's black, it's white, and I've seen more creative ski wear on the Loon Mountain bunny slope.

 

 

Norway 

Some fashion journalists find the these uniforms too traditional, and therefore dull, but I disagree. There's a classic winter sports look, and nobody does it better than the Norwegians, which isn't that surprising. Plus, did you know Dale of Norway isn't some California guy who founded a sweater company, which is what I always thought? No! Turns out Dale (two syllables) is a town in Vestland, and they still make their garments there! I don't know why NBC isn't talking about this.

 

 

Canada 

Oh, Canada. We love you so. And I know lululemon originated in Vancouver, but it's owned by an American private equity firm now (boo!) so why are you letting them dress you this way? The oversized-but-not-in-an-interesting-way parkas and the quilted pants I can live with, but the puffy maple leaf that looks like a body part I can't mention on this blog? Does the company have something on you? Blink twice if you need to be rescued.

 

 

 Brazil  

Now THIS is how you do winter avant-gard. Brazil has sent a record-breaking 14 athletes to Cortina, and they have come to slay. The down skirt and shorts, the cape-like coat and the slashed parka; it's both stunning and warm. Would I wear these? Would you? No. But I bet Youngest would totally rock this look. Speaking of which:

 

 The Netherlands 

Nederlanders, I'm so grateful for your embrace of my daughter, for the fine education she's getting in your country, and for your totally hot prime minister and his equally hot husband. But we need to talk about your orange obsession. I understand, the House of Orange and all that, but 1) nobody even knows what colors your flag has and 2) you look like walking hazard cones. On the other hand, you go well with your neighbor

 

Belgium 

Whose athletes are all dressed in safety yellow, presumably for working around the hazard cones.

 

France

I'm genuinely on the fence about the Gallic uniforms. On the one hand, kudos for finding a colorway that feels like winter, and not falling back on the national flag. If you check out their other uniforms, they've gone for a cool street wear-inspired vibe that I can absolutely see taking off when it hits stores. And the opening ceremony parkas are more of the same - but with a lot of pockets. A LOT of pockets. I keep thinking of the poor women competitors with snaps and logos positioned exactly over les poitrines. Well, French design isn't always practical.

 

 

Haiti

Haiti is another small country punching way above it's weight. It's sending two alpine skiiers to Cortina, but the real talk is about artist/designer Stella Jean's hand painted uniforms. She originally planned a portrait of Toussaint Louverture, but the Olympic committee found the image of someone who threw off slavery and freed his nation from colonization "too political." The Olympic committee evidently has never heard of the Streisand Effect, because the story behind the clothing is in every news article I could find.

 

 

Germany

As many of you know, I spent several years of my childhood Germany. My family enjoyed going on volksmarches, organized walking/gentle hiking through the countries beautiful but often damp forests. Which is why I instantly recognized the bucket hat and free-with-purchase Adidas ponchos worn by the Olympic team. The off-duty costume isn't any better; it's an Adidas hoodie that says "Germany" in what looks like the cheap-o lettering you get when you send your high school sweatshirts out to be personalized. Fortunately, Nike did a better job with the hockey jerseys, featuring the always-intimidating Bundeswappen (coat of arms.) 

 

Now it's your turn, dear readers. What are your winners and losers in the Olympic style event?