JENN McKINLAY: Good-byes. I’m terrible at them. I’m not sure why but I think it has something to do with my XX chromosomes because I know I am not alone in this lingering at the train station until the last possible second and then having to run and execute an undignified skirt in the air leap to catch the train because talking about the incoming weather is so much more important than, you know, actually getting my butt on the train.
I was at a conference years ago where I stayed up until the wee hours of the morning with my writer buddies talking like we were solving all of the world’s problems - we were not - when we finally called it a night, or rather a day, since the sun was coming up.
Do you think we managed to mumble ‘good night’ and part? Oh, no, we stood there sagging on our feet, trying to figure out when we’d meet up the next day at the conference just to say good-bye, because it was the last day and we were all headed home. This went on for fifteen minutes when I finally looked at my gal pals and said, “If we were dudes, we’d just knuckle bump and say ‘see ya’ and it’d be cool.”
This inability to end things extends to my relationships as well. I am the queen of the ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ talk. I’m so good at it, in fact, I think there are a few people out there who aren’t even aware that we’ve broken up. Again, I blame the XX. Hub, like all manimals, has the XY and I suspect the Y stands for “Why are we still here talking when we could be gone already?” or “Why is this person calling me? We were done ages ago. Was I not clear?” I tried to explain that my ineptitude in adios is really a disability. He didn’t get it. Ghosting from social events was created for this man.
I have struggled with endings my entire life -relationships, jobs, even some friendships. But now that I've reached a certain age, I have discovered that there’s an upside to saying good-bye swiftly. Once you get over it, you get to say hello to something new! Say it with me now: “Hello, exciting new adventure!”
Now I could be a scaredy-cat and worry that I won’t like the next job, friendship, or career move as much as the one I'm leaving. And I could refuse to try something new and keep my life exactly the same. But life is just too short not to do what you love with whom you love in a place that you love. So here’s my unsolicited advice, because I’m so good at giving it but not taking it - unless by force - figure out what you need to do to say good-bye to the old and GO FOR THE NEW!
So, how about you, Reds and Readers, are you good at good-byes and making changes or not so much?
I can manage good-byes, but I’m not always so good with change . . . I'm much better at keeping the status quo . . . .
ReplyDeleteI am bad with change. I like a being in a rut and the deeper the better. Goodbyes are difficult if I know I won’t see the other person for a long time and maybe never again. And, if you think about it, one never knows if it will be the last time you see someone.
ReplyDeleteI grew up really close to my dad's family, the Goldbergs. Irwin realized pretty quickly that goodbyes were drawn out affairs and he'd say to me, "Start saying goodbye, we"re leaving in a half hour."
ReplyDeleteMy cousin Jeremy asks, "What's the difference between the British and the Yiddish? The British leave without saying 'goodbye,' the Yiddish say 'goodbye ' without leaving. "
As for starting something new, I don't think that is an XX vs XY issue. Sometimes it's your own comfortable chair, and sometimes it's a seat on a plane. In my life there have been times for both.