The art of the noodge...

HALLIE EPHRON: 'Tis the season for all of us to feel stressed out. The other morning my husband started to leave for work and turned back. Rubbed his jaw. "You know, I'm so busy I think I forgot to shave."

We're all SO BUSY THAT... 

When he got home from work that night he "forgot" to hang up his coat and left it hanging on the doorknob to the closet. Not a big deal, I know. BUT IF WE ALL LEFT OUR COATS... the nagging voice in my head went off when I saw it still there the next morning.  My martyr self considered hanging it up for him. My nasty self considered flinging it into his favorite chair where he reads his morning paper.

My craftier side prevailed, and I sidled up to him in the kitchen when he was making coffee, rubbed his back and cooed, "Darling, when you’re living alone, I give you permission to leave your coat wherever you like…" He laughed: the preferred response. And eventually hung up the damned coat.

When we had our babies I learned to say, "Darling, would you like to change this diaper or should I?" And "Did you mean to leave yesterday's newspapers on the floor, dear?"

Have you developed the art of the noodge? Please, share your secrets. Because at this time of year we all need a little help.

LUCY BURDETTE: While he was making coffee Hallie? I happen to know he's not a morning person, so you had the edge going in LOL.

My best tip is giving the person in question a choice: "Sweetheart, would you rather empty the cat's litter box or finish the dishes?" And sometimes he even chooses the litter box!

Or here's another one...instead of saying something like "Put the damn xxx away" we now say "How would you like to put the damn xxx away?" Sometimes it helps because at least the other person knows we're TRYING.


HALLIE: That choice thing used to work with my kids ("Would you like to take your bath now or in ten minutes?") Not so much with my husband.

RHYS BOWEN: When John first retired he decided to take over the grocery shopping. He'd drive from store to store, getting the "bargains" of the day. He'd come home, spread everything on the kitchen table and say "Guess how much." I'd do a quick guess and think "$55". But I'd say "Seventy five dollars."

"Wrong!" he'd say with delight. "Only fifty-five."

And I'd say "You are such an amazing shopper!"

And he's done the grocery shopping ever since.
But it doesn't work with hanging up his clothes, alas.

HANK PHILLIPPI RYAN: I never noodge. Not ever. Not me, nohow.

However.

Let's just say someone leaves their dish on the table.  I say: Your dish is still on the table, sweetheart.

Let's just say someone puts their dish in the sink. I THINK: Hey, buddy, there are only two of us in this house, and if YOU don't put your dish in the dishwasher, who do you think is gonna do it?  But I don't say that.  I SAY: I'll put your dish in the dishwasher, okay?

Here's the key:
The next time, if that person puts his dish in the dishwater, I say: Wow, thank you, honey! SO great of you to put your dish in in the dishwasher. I LOVE when you do that!

(The key here is that it has to be sincere. Not sarcastic.)

This truly works. Positive reinforcement.

Once a person emptied the dishwasher, unbidden.
I went crazy with delight. "wow wow wow, this is SO great! Thank you!"
Now a person does that all the time . And I am honestly thrilled. It's the best thing. So he is happy and I am happy.

Still, I have not succeeded at convincing someone not to cut in line in the exit lane on the highway. I have tried saying "so happy you didn't cut in! Thank you!" when he doesn't, but so far, that's a work in progress.

DEBORAH CROMBIE: Flattery will get you everywhere in my house.  Well, almost. I haven't figured out how to make that extend to cooking, even after twenty-something years. Sigh. But Hank is so right. Positive reinforcement is positively magical. And one of my little resolutions is to say "thank you" more often.


HALLIE: Flattery, positive reinforcement, the sweet question you know the answer to...

What are your tips for getting what you want without pissing off the people you love?

Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah from the Reds

RHYS: We know you're all busy today so we're keeping our greeting brief but warm.

From our house to yours, whether your Christmas is white or tropical, may your day be filled with love and laughter, plenty of good books to read by a warm fire, and , as the old song says,
"May your days be merry and bright, and may all your Christmases be white!"
               Hank, Hallie,Lucy, Rhys, Deb, Julia and Rhys

Hallie's beautiful Hanukkah flowers and Rhys's tree:

Hanukah with a candle, #latkes, & #mandelbrot

HALLIE EPHRON: This year Christmas and Hanukah collide, date-wise. Tonight we'll be lighting the first candle on the menorah and singing the first-night blessing. Here's our granddaughter with her first Hanukah candle two years ago. This year will be her third and her little brother's first. 

Every year our special meal includes potato pancakes (aka latkes), brisket, and for dessert twice-baked cookies, like biscotti made with oil instead of butter and loaded with nuts, chocolate chips, and maraschino cherries.

Here are my recipes.

The simplest ever potato pancakes (These are what I grew up with, nope, no onions)

Serves 4

2 large unpeeled potatoes (all-purpose russet or Yukon gold work best)

1 egg

Flour

Cooking oil (vegetable or peanut oil; not olive oil)
Sour cream or apple sauce

Caution – once you start preparing, don’t stop until all the potatoes are cooked – grated potatoes left to stand will turn dark and yucky looking.

1. Grate 2 large potatoes (you can use a food processor but the results will be a bit crisper if you use a hand grater).

2. Dump the grated potatoes into a clean cloth dish towel. Over the sink, wring out as much liquid as you can from the potatoes.

3. Put the wrung-out potatoes into a mixing bowl and add the egg and a scant handful of flour.

4. Mix.

5. Heat oil in a frying pan until a bit of potato sizzles when it hits the oil.

6. Ladel in tablespoons of potatoes into the hot oil. Don't crowd them. Flatten and cook until brown and crisp on one side, then turn and cook until brown and crisp on the other.

7. Drain cooked potato pancakes on paper towel, put on a wire rack in a cookie sheet, and keep in a warm oven.

8. Cook batches until all are cooked.

9. Serve with salt and your choice of apple sauce or sour cream.

Mandelbrot

2 eggs

3/4 c sugar

1 heaping T marmalade

1 c vegetable oil

3 1/2 c flour

3 oz chocolate chips

1 tsp vanilla

1 tsp baking powder

1 tsp baking soda

1 c raisins

1 c nuts (we use walnuts but "mandel" means almond)

1 small bottle of maraschino cherries, drained

Cinnamon-sugar

Cookie sheet

Preheat oven to 350 

Grease a cookie sheet (or two)

1. Beat the eggs

2. Add oil, sugar, jam, vanilla and mix together

3. Add raisins, nuts, chocolate chips, cherries and mix together

4. Add the soda and baking powder to the flour

5. Gradually mix the other already mixed (steps 1-3) ingredients into the flour

6. Shape the dough into three 3-4" wide logs on a greased cookie sheet

7 Bake at 350 for 25 minutes 

8. Cool and cut diagonally with a sharp knife. 

9. Put each piece, cut side up, sprinkle it with cinnamon-sugar, and bake for another 10 minutes

Cool. Save in a covered container.

These are wonderful briefly warmed in the oven, cinnamon side up, just before serving. 

My husband's father would have eaten them with a glass of hot tea with a heaping spoonful of marmalade stirred in.