Behind the scenes at the sausage factory: What we're REwriting

 

HALLIE EPHRON: Recently got a message from Michael Neff, founder and chief architect of the excellent Algonkian Writer Conferences asking if I’d be interested in putting together an intensive, advanced workshop that would be a sort of “finishing school” for suspense and mystery novels.

I was hooked. This would so different from the kind of one to three hour workshops I often give. I’d get a chance to look at entire manuscripts rather than a single aspect, and work with more advanced writers on how to polish their own completed (or nearly completed) work.

Immediately I’ve set about trying to envision what exactly are the finishing touches that a manuscript needs so that an editor will want to pluck it from the slush pile and offer a wad of cash for the honor of publishing it. So that a reader who samples Page One is so hooked that they continue reading right through to the surprising and satisfying finish line.

So that readers don't post devastating critiques like this one:

Most of the experienced writers I know love being in that final writing phase: polishing story lines and picking nits.

Last week, behind the scenes, one of the Reds (AKA RED A): “I got the first batch of pages from my editor. The good news is that she says she loves the book, the family stuff is great, the crime works well. The bad news is that she says it needs to be 100 to 150 pages shorter!!”

RED B chimed in: “My latest I’ve just turned in is 430 pages but I can’t think of anything I could take out. Tell her every word is precious!”

RED C: “Your words may be precious but mine are definitely not! I have a very bad tendency to over-write with too much exposition, and my editor is a genius at seeing how to tighten things up.”

RED D: “I sent mine in KNOWING 15,000 at least had to go, and eager to cut! It's now SO MUCH BETTER in every way. It's like--a treasure hunt. I'm on the prowl--what work does this line do, what work does this paragraph do, is it pulling its weight? What can I take away? I love it, I completely do. Kill my darlings? If they're clogging the pacing or being tangential, they are not my darlings, right? BAM. Gone.”

RED E commiserated: “Remember "Bird by bird?" You need to do "Slash by slash." :-)

RED F: “Wish I could help. I'm an underwriter and always turn stuff in short and then I have to be a fluffer and gas it up in the revisions.

RED G: "I will gladly take anyone's extra words, just send them on. I struggle to get to 70,000 words in a first draft!"

HALLIE: But *too long* or *not long enough* is what I’d term  first-world problems. The Reds are an experienced bunch who know what we’re doing and, by the way, know our own strengths and weaknesses. For less experienced writer, the problems with an unpublished manuscript invariably run far deeper than word count. It’s more than a matter of tightening or enriching the storytelling or slashing and burning the establishing narrative. It’s the tricky business of capturing a reader’s attention from Page One, a compelling voice, a character arc, and effective pacing.

In other words, it’s complicated. And, having read so many not-quite-ready-for prime-time manuscripts, each (like unhappy families) is sub-par in its own way. Still there are patterns which I hope to get at in my workshop design.

So I thought I’d pose the question here: Beyond "it's just not my cup of tea," what makes you dissatisfied (or even stop reading) a mystery or suspense novel? A weak opening? An unlikeable character? Annoying voice? Too many coincidences? Too much background information? Unbelievable situations? Plots with massive holes in them? Typos and grammatical errors? Or, or, or...

Go ahead! I'm taking notes... What are your pet peeves? I’ll pass them along to writers who, armed with knowledge, can revise to avoid them.

Going bananas with peanut butter and two slices of bread! by Jenn McKinlay

 First, Happy Father's Day to all who celebrate. Yay, Dads!!! 

Second, congratulations to Bibliophile (Diana) the winner of Mimi Lee Cracks the Code the book giveaway by Jennifer J Chow. Email your address to me at: jennmck at yahoo dot com and I'll forward it to Jennifer. Congrats!!!

And now, today's adventure begins with a postcard. Way back when I was a part-time librarian, working for the city of Phoenix, single, and broke ass poor, I used to make myself peanut butter and banana sandwiches to eat for lunch at work. My dear friend and co-worker Sheila remembered this (either because she hadn't seen anyone eat this since childhood or she'd never seen anyone eat this concoction at all) and when she recently went to Graceland, she felt compelled to mail me this postcard 😀: 

Now, being a lover of Elvis, I knew he was a PB and banana sandwich guy. In fact, when I was laboring to bring Hooligan 2 into the world, it was the 25th anniversary of Elvis's passing and H2 came very close to being named Elvis -- coincidentally Sheila is also H2's godmother. Fear not, Hub made sure that didn't happen. 

Still, on TV all during my labor were, you guessed it, a million recipes for Elvis's PB and banana sandwich. I never felt motivated to try those recipes as I liked my untoasted two slices of bread, spread with peanut butter, and filled with sliced bananas. But when I got this postcard, I thought it was time to give the Elvis Special a try. 

Ingredients: Bread, butter, peanut butter, and bananas!

Cooking: Most important part mashing the bananas and 

peanut butter together! Radical!

Final result: Toasty goodness!

Verdict: Much more filling than my non-cooked PB and banana sandwich and the toasted bread adds a nice crunch and the butter a bit of salt to the sweet. More work than my recipe, which means you actually have to use a pan. Will I make it again? Probably not, unless I become poor because this really is a full belly (and potentially a heart attack) on the cheap. 

All right, foodies, what odd celebrity recipes have you tried? How did it turn out?

The Summer of the Cat by Jenn McKinlay

The Dude Abides

Happy Caturday! I have no idea how I ended up here. None. I'm not even a cat person. Yes, I have three but they were an accident! 

You see, I grew up in a house of birders so cats were no bueno. Until I went to college and my roommate, Evan, came home with a tiny orange tabby named Chubby, I'd never even been close to a cat. Well, Evan took off to Martha's Vineyard to be a waiter and Chubby somehow became mine. The beginning of a pattern, I fear.

Shortly after Chubs passed, the Humane Society announced there were too many cats and they were going to start mass euthanizing. We did our part and adopted two black cats, Patsy and Loretta. They are now seventeen and a half. One is blind and one is terminally cranky, so we know their time is winding down. We still have King George, who we found abandoned a few years ago, and he'll be five soon. Frankly, a one cat house seemed dandy to me.

Then this happened...

At three weeks old, El Duderino just wandered up to me on our patio. I thought he was another abandoned little man, but no. He came with a squad, because of course, he did.

Mama and I set up a routine where I became the bringer of food twice a day for her and the wee ones. My neighbors pitched in but Mama decided our side yard under a big old yellow bell tree was her happy place, and there they stayed. When they were eight weeks old, she started to wean them and we knew decisions had to be made. 

The Dude, having the sense of a chicken nugget, kept following me home, wandering out into the open grass where he'd lie down belly up. Can you say hawk bait? The Hub, Hooligans, and I decided we needed to bring The Dude in to save his dopey self. But what would happen to the others? Life on the street was harsh as evidenced by their Mama, a feral gal, who is barely an adult herself.

And so, we managed to catch the remaining three. I started feeding them in a cat carrier and one day when they all piled in, I just shut the door. I looked at Mama Cat, we call her Stella, and told her she'd been a great mom but now she was free. She met my gaze and very slowly closed her eyes. I think she was giving me her blessing. I watched her closely and she never cried or searched for the babies, and she still comes around morning and evening for food. I'm hoping to get her neutered after her children are adopted, although The Dude may have to stay, dang it. 

I was feeling like a bit of a mark, I mean, does every animal in the wild have my name and address? Is there some symbol on the road in front of my house? We just rescued a dog in January, so now we have two dogs, seven cats (four are temporary), and two fish who won't die. To say I was feeling overwhelmed would be a monumental understatement, then I saw a video of a man who stumbled upon a kitten that turned into thirteen kittens, so it's fine. Four are fine. Everything is fine. 😂😂😂

How about you, Reds and Readers? I know Hank has a duck situation - LOL - but who else is the critter magnet in their neighborhood?