JULIA
SPENCER-FLEMING: I’m not exactly the type who follows fashion news, but as I
was scrolling the other day I saw something that made my eyes pop out. I had to
read every word. Ladies and gentlemen, Crocs – the brand everyone loves to hate
or hates to love – is making a Crocs cowboy boot.
A real (sort of) cowboy boot, complete with bootstraps, western stitching and little spinning spurs at the heel (don’t worry, animal friends, these are horse-friendly charms.) Of course, being Crocs, they also have ventilation holes all around the toe box; I shudder slightly to imagine what your feet or socks might look like if you actually wear these into a stable or corral.
Is it a joke? Is
it a meme that hopped off the internet and into stores? It’s not the first time
Crocs has left some of us wondering, “Is that the most ridiculous thing I’ve
ever seen, or do I not understand ‘hip’ these days?” (Full disclosure: I know
I don’t understand anything cool and au courant these days. I peaked in
coolness in 1985 and it’s been downhill ever since.)
Previously, Crocs made heads turn – or explode – with Balenciaga Croc heels. There was the Shrek Croc, in what I’m sure is a patented ogre color, with little ears. That, at least , made sense for kids. I’m pretty sure mine had branded shoes in official princess colors when they were tykes.
The last thing I
want to do is make fun of something that’s actually far too haute couture
for me to understand… but these are retailing for $120. I mean, if you want a
clog, you can buy an amazing pair of Danskos for that money, and get arch
support that’ll last you for an entire twelve hour hospital shift/ hike through
Denver International Airport/ day browsing the farmers markets. Who has enough
money to spend $120 joke – and if you have that kind of moolah, wouldn’t you
pick, you know, a better joke?
What do you think, dear readers? Fun? Functional? F***, no? And have you ever fallen for any trends that lasted about fifteen minutes before dying?
