SW Florida Reading Festival

Announcement! The winner of Maddie Day's Murder at the Taffy Shop is Cindy C! Email me at jennmck at yahoo dot com and I'll hook you two up!

Jenn McKinlay: What a thrill to attend the SW Florida Reading Festival in Fort Myers! 

Such a fabulous book lover's event and so amazingly well organized! Shout out to Colleen, Jessica, Rachel, Katherine and Kathleen and all of the library workers and volunteers! Truly, it was AMAZING. I had the best time. A personal highlight was being on a panel with the fabulous Sonali Dev! If you haven't read Pride and Prejudice and Other Flavors, you should. 

Sonali and Jenn - We did not coordinate our outfits with
each other's book - I swear - but perfect, right?

Other authors included:

Michael Koryta, Lincoln Child, and Erik Larson

Kate Messner, Sara Varon, Monica Brown, and Sara Holland

and the ever fabulous William Kent Krueger. 

There were more wordsmiths but these were the only ones I could catch in the wild! LOL!

Why do I love book festivals so much? Because you get a chance to meet other authors, spend some time with your readers, and see another part of the country. I had never been to Fort Myers before, and I love it! And I will learn how to pronounce the Caloosahatchee River before I leave even if it leaves my tongue in knots!

Caloosahatchee River!

And now, I am going to fly home, wash my clothes and repack them because I'm off to San Diego for Left Coast Crime. If you're in the area, come find me! I am on two panels, On Thursday, I'm on the Mystery and Romance: Two great traditions that work arm-in-arm panel with:
Elizabeth Crowens (M)
Kate Carlisle
HelenKay Dimon
Kathy Krevat
Jenn McKinlay 

and on Friday, I'm on the Been There, Wrote That: The game that asks how well authors remember their own work?

Gar Anthony Haywood (M)
Reed Coleman
Lee Goldberg
Jenn McKinlay
L.J. Sellers

Given that I can't even remember what I wrote this morning, this should be...uh...fun? :)

Also, our Rhys will be there, too. What's your panel line up, Rhys?

Reds and Readers, tell us, what are some of your favorite book or author festivals or events? 

Michael Wiley: Justice in the Sunshine State

INGRID THOFT

Serving on a panel at a conference is always a crap shoot.  Sometimes, the panel gods work in your favor, and you end up sitting next to a true gem, and other times, you'll be just fine if your future interactions are a wave across a crowded hotel lobby.

Luckily, my experience with today's guest falls into the first category.  Michael Wiley and I were on an Sunday 8:30 a.m. panel together at the Long Beach Bouchercon (correct me if I'm wrong, Michael!) and seeing him has been a Bouchercon highlight ever since.  This year, Michael was nominated for the Shamus Award for Best P.I. Novel for his latest, MONUMENT ROAD.  Alas, he didn't win, but this book should definitely be on your TBR list. 

Set in present day Florida, MONUMENT ROAD introduces readers to Franky Dast, an investigator like no other.  Released from prison after being wrongly convicted of a heinous crime, Franky goes to work for the Innocence Project-like organization that won his freedom.  Here's the scoop from Michael.

INGRID THOFT: Franky is an intriguing character because he is so complex; he inspired such mixed emotions!  I felt sympathetic and outraged that he’d been wrongly imprisoned, but then, I’d cringe at his poor choices!  How did Franky Dast come to be?

MICHAEL WILEY: When I was a kid, I was much more disturbed on the few times when my parents or teachers accused me of doing something I didn’t do than the times when they punished me for doing something I did. The failure of adults to see what I imagined must be obvious innocence shocked and shook me. As an adult myself, I’m as interested in moral ambiguity and think I understand it as well as the next crime writer—but false accusations still horrify me. For a long time, I wanted to write a book about a character whose life has been ripped apart by such an accusation and who is struggling to put that life back together, but I couldn’t find the right story.

With all the recent news about false convictions and exonerations, I found the story. Men and women who’ve fought for years or decades against incredible odds—from behind bars, against a criminal justice system designed to keep them there—to convince others of their innocence are some of the most complex real-life heroes I know of. Men and women who run innocence projects and justice initiatives—Bryan Stevenson, Barry Scheck, others—are equally complex sidekicks and often heroes themselves. I model Franky Dast on a number of real exonerated death row inmates. When he gets out of prison, he joins a justice initiative as an investigator.

What looks like a poor choice to you or me may look like a reasonable or at least acceptable one to him. He has lost everything except his life—which he almost lost—and he’s starting from the very bottom, unable to go lower. So he takes risks, sometimes very dangerous ones. The ability to take them is all he has, his only freedom.

By the way, to my thinking, the biggest risk he takes in Monument Road is one most of us take. Through the course of the book, he allows himself to fall in love.


IPT: That's a very good point, and I also love the idea of taking risks being his only freedom.  I was definitely looking at Franky through my lens of experience ("make good choices!") when, of course, his experience has taught him there are no good choices.  You've got me thinking long after I finished the book, Michael!

When reading it, I often felt like I needed to cool off from the Florida heat and humidity because of the terrific sense of place you established.  Did you set out to make the setting a character of sorts?  And/or was the setting critical to the story in your estimation?

MW: I love powerful settings and think they’re just as critical to a story as characters are. In Toni Morrison’s SONG OF SOLOMON, Guitar Bains says, “I do believe my whole life’s geography.” I’ve lived in the Midwest (Chicago), the Northeast (New York), and the Deep South (Jacksonville), and I’ve found Guitar’s words to be true to my life. I’ve also found that other writers’ fictional settings thoroughly color my reading experiences and even color my experiences of real places when I visit them. When I started setting books around the Florida-Georgia border, I worked hard to catch the colors—and the sounds, smells, and humidity—of this place. If the setting makes readers want to turn on the AC, I’m a happy man.

IPT: In addition to writing, you teach literature at the University of North Florida in Jacksonville.  Can you name a book or two that you love to teach and why?

MW: The one I’ve just mentioned is among them. To me, SONG OF SOLOMON is nearly the perfect novel. The characters are immensely complex, conflicted, and lovable (even Guitar Bains, who is a psychotic killer). The settings—north, south, in between—are rich and evocative. The plot is gripping. The language is narrative and lyrical. The book is also great crime fiction. All these characteristics—including the part about crime fiction—are also present in many of the other books I love to teach, ranging from HAMLET to Marlon James’s A BRIEF HISTORY OF SEVEN KILLINGS to James Ellroy’s THE BLACK DAHLIA.

IPT: What has surprised you most about being a published author?

MW: In 2006, when I sold my first book (THE LAST STRIPTEASE, to St. Martin’s Press), I was surprised by the warmth and friendliness of the writing community. That fall, I went to my first crime-writing convention—Bouchercon, in Madison, WI—and writers I’d known only as a fan and admirer took me under their noir-ish wings. The crime-writing community does a better job of passing it around and passing it forward than any other group I’ve met.

IPT: Is there a wannabe book lurking in the back of your brain, something you would write if you didn’t have to consider agents, editors, and fans?  A romance?  Non-fiction?  Cookbook?

MW: I love how successfully crime fiction cross-pollinates with other writing genres: dystopian, fantasy, historical, horror, literary, romance, true crime, western, etc. I know of a basket-load of mysteries that include recipes. So I don’t feel very constrained. In BLACK HAMMOCK, I rewrote one of the oldest crime stories—about Electra and Orestes reclaiming their house from the man who killed their father—setting it on a twenty-first century barrier island off the coast of Florida. Not many people read that one, though, so maybe I should have considered agents, editors, and fans more closely.

I'm off to download a copy of SONG OF SOLOMON, which I'm embarrassed to say I've never read!  Michael will be here today to answer your questions, and he's giving away a copy of MONUMENT ROAD to one lucky reader!  

MONUMENT ROAD
Having spent eight years on death row for a crime he didn’t commit, Franky Dast now works as an investigator for the Justice Now Initiative, seeking to help others in the same situation. But when he learns that Bill Higby, the detective whose testimony helped convict him, is facing his own murder charge, Franky is torn. Should he help the man he hates more than any other, the man who remains convinced of Franky’s guilt to this day?

As Franky delves further, he comes to realize that in order to prove Higby’s innocence, he must also prove his own. Unless he finds out what happened that fateful night eight years before, the night 15-year-old Duane Bronson and his 13-year-old brother were murdered, Franky will always be under suspicion, and the real killer will remain free. What really happened that dark, wet night on Monument Road? And is Franky prepared for the shocking truth?


Along with the Franky Dast mysteries, Michael writes the Daniel Turner Thriller series (Blue Avenue, Second Skin, Black Hammock) and the Shamus Award-winning Joe Kozmarski Private Detective series (A Bad Night’s Sleep, The Bad Kitty Lounge, Last Striptease). He is a frequent book reviewer and an occasional writer of journalism, critical books, and essays.
Michael grew up in Chicago and lived and worked in the neighborhoods and on the streets where he sets his Kozmarski mysteries. He teaches literature at the University of North Florida in Jacksonville—the setting of Monument Road and the Daniel Turner stories.

Our dis-united states...

JULIA SPENCER-FLEMING: Does anyone remember the "Six Californias" story from this summer? Billionaire Timothy Draper

(I'm picturing someone who looks a lot like Lex Luthor) proposed divvying up the Golden State into six new states that sounded a lot like the single-enterprise districts in THE HUNGER GAMES: the technology state, the agricultural state, the Hollywood state, the flat hot boring state, etc, etc. 

Well, that got shot down, but evidently he's back with a more equitable "Three Californias" idea that's ready to enter the signature-gathering phase. If he can get 365,880 registered voters to agree that Fresno ought to be somebody else's problem, it will go up for a public vote. (Interestingly, in both the first and second proposals, Draper's evil lair, or residence, would be in the most affluent state.)

This has got me thinking if some of the states I know and love might want to consider carving themselves up. Maine, for instance, is basically three states existing in rough belts running from the Atlantic to the Canadian border: the beautiful, very expensive coastal regions (Vacationland), the failed mill towns, small farms and gun shops of the interior (Stephen Kingdom) and the uninhabited, wood-covered wilderness to the north (Uninhabited Wood Covered Wilderness.)

New York, the state of my birth, could simply split into two parts: New York (the counties of New York City, Long Island, and Westchester) and the Adirondack State Park (everything north of Westchester.) The Park would support itself by charging everyone entering its borders $70 per car load ($30 for those on foot or bicycle.)

How about you, Reds? Can you see your states shifting boundaries? Or is it an idea best left for mustachio-twirling billionaires?

HALLIE EPHRON: VERY interesting politics in Maine right now. Just for example  that referendum on whether to overturn the Governor's decision not to take funding to offset insurance costs? And you've got Senator Susan Collins and Governor LePage: talk about a state of contrasts. 

Massachusetts?  We gave birth to Scott Brown and Elizabeth Warren. For sure. East and west. Just look at how they vote politically. But maybe that's a reason to keep the halves together. Disagreeing isn't a reason to divide.

HANK PHILLIPPI RYAN: Yes, agreed about Massachusetts.  East and West are --well, wait. Not necessarily. But I wonder if the Cape and Islands would like to secede? It's bursting with tourists in the summer, and bleakly (and beautifully) empty in the winter. So there could be the State of Boston, and surrounded by the state of  Hightechistan, bordered on the West by Appleachia (Orchardia?) and the Cape and Islands could be Touristiana.   Still. I think we should stick together. Not that, ahem, it generally matters on national election days.   

RHYS BOWEN: Julia, there have long been proposals to divide California into North and South. I'd have no problem with that as long as Silicon Valley and San Francisco and Monterey were clearly in the North where I live! Actually a more thoughtful proposal these days, which I believe has been gathering signatures, is for California to leave the US and become its own country. I believe we are the 5th wealthiest country in the world on our own. Normally I'd chuckle at such a suggestion, but given the current political climate and white nationalist marches, it's beginning to sound more appealing!

JENN McKINLAY: I'm originally from CT. I don't think we can carve that sucker up much more or there won't be anything left. But now I live in AZ, where eighty percent of the population is in the Phoenix and Tucson metropolitan areas. There is vast desert that is uninhabited here, there are mammoth national parks, and twenty plus Native American tribes that are self-governed, mostly. The urban centers and the outlying areas definitely have differing political philosophies but I think, as was observed by Hallie, that we do better together than we would apart. The one thing about all the wide open space is that there's room for everyone. Truly.

INGRID THOFT: Washington State already feels like two states with the Cascade Mountains serving as the dividing line.  Seattle and Puget Sound lay west of the mountains, which accounts for our rainy, gray weather.  Once you traverse the mountain passes, which close frequently in the winter months, you find yourself in dry, sunny eastern Washington.  It’s not just the geography and weather that separate us—it’s the politics.  Seattle and its environs are blue state territory, but the rest of the state is red state.  

I agree that we need to stick together though; ideally, our differences make us stronger.  Another reason?  All the wonderful wineries are in eastern Washington.  Who wants to secede from that?

DEBORAH CROMBIE: Texas is its own special case, as it is so big that we have everything. Well, almost everything, as our highest mountains are only half as high as Colorado. We have north Texas Prairie, where I live (really lovely once you get out of the cities, not that different from parts of southern England), the Cowboy Plains of west Texas, the Piney Woods of east Texas, the Swampy Gulf of the southeast, the Borderland south, and mountainous high plains of the southwest. I'm sure I've left out something... Oh, yeah, the Hill Country, west of Austin, which is absolutely gorgeous. Especially in the spring, with bluebonnets. 

Politically, we are just about as diverse, although you wouldn't know it from our senators and representatives. Every major metro area in Texas votes blue, so I'm not sure exactly how the silly secessionist  trolls would divide us up.  We are better together. 

LUCY BURDETTE: Florida is huge too, it takes us two days to drive down the length of the state! All I can say is that the Keys tried seceding from the rest of the state in response to a US Border Patrol blockade up in Florida City. The new entity was called the Conch Republic and the natives are still referred to as conchs. 

Florida is such a funny state–tons of retirees along the southern coast on both sides of the state, and probably a lot more native people along the center. We have a senator from each party, so we're mixed up in many ways! Probably better to simply leave things as they are…

SO WHAT ABOUT THE REST OF YOU? Are you in a state that could feels dis-united, and is that a good or a bad thing??

True Christmas Crime Tuesday

JAN BROGAN: Although the Christmas season inspires all sorts of generosity and philanthropy, it also inspires crime. A good friend of mine was once mugged, while pregnant, unloading presents from her car in her urban neighborhood. Not long afterward, she and her husband moved.

Short of cash and the true holiday spirit, some people resort to stealing presents from homes and cars. But who wants to think about that at Christmastime? Not me, I'm more interested in this novel new Christmas crime in Florida. In fact, I'm wondering if it's really a crime at all....

True story: Two South Florida women were arrested and charged with grand theft after a TV surveillance camera caught them allegedly stealing $500 worth of outdoor Christmas decorations from the neighbor's home.

But the thing is -- the two women didn't keep the decorations, they merely moved them to another yard less than a block away.

I'll let you decide, but here's a list of some of the decorations: Mickey Mouse on a horse, hugging penguins, Snoopy on a doghouse and Santa on a sled.

Coming from New England, home of the "anything other than just white lights is just plain tacky" mindset, which I believe is akin to the "Christmas decorations as indicator of social status" mindset, I say there's a good chance the two women in Florida are actually New England transplants and they just didn't like Snoopy on a doghouse or Mickey on a horse near their homes. Maybe they had a couple glasses of wine and thought they just couldn't stand another moment of Santa's blinking sled. And is Snoopy festive enough for Christmas?

There is also the possibility that this was some kind of revenge and they were merely getting back at the other neighbor - a block away - by dumping the decorations in her yard.

Come on....in this era of a downward spiraling house market, maybe they were worried the decorations were depressing their home values. Maybe they thought they WERE doing something philanthropic for their neighborhood.

In my neighborhood, we have a house around the corner with....let's just call it.. very busy outdoor decorations, and not just for Christmas. These people decorate to the nines for Valentines Day and Easter as well. A lot of little gnomes, and light up Santas, hearts and bunnies, depending on the season. Up here in New England, that generates actual hate mail, according to the neighbor. But she also says she gets letters of support. (Who are these people taking the time to write her about it, either way?)

But what I want to know is how do you feel about really big, inflatable, colorful, or otherwise tacky decorations? Is there a neighbor who bugs you or does the sheer festivity light up your life?

We are Working Hard. Really.

Today Jungle Red comes to you from Deerfield Beach, Florida, where Mystery Writers of America's Florida chapter hold its annual writer's conference, Sleuthfest.

Sleuthfest is a writer's conference, rather than a fan conference, with workshops, programs, and panels designed to help aspiring writers improve their work and get it published.

This year's Guests of Honor are Denis Lehane, Meg Gardiner, and SJ Rozan--a steller line-up. Yesterday Meg Gardiner gave the keynote speech at lunch, then a poolside chat later in the afternoon. Let me repeat. POOLSIDE.

Meg is charming, gracious, articulate, and passionate about writing. In fact, I was so impressed that I bought Meg's China Lake as my first Kindle book, as in first ever.
(Marcia Talley and I pose by the pool with Meg.)

Today, Dennis Lehane will be speaking at lunch, then later giving a poolside chat about the film adaptation of his book, Gone, Baby, Gone. And tonight there's a poolside party with Heather Graham's band.

Sound fun? It is. But it's also a great opportunity for aspiring writers to meet pros and learn what it really takes to be successful at this business, and a way for those of us in the business to stay connected, and learn about new writers. We all were, after all, fans before we were writers.

That's what it's all about.

And then there's the hot tub.

Wish you all were here.

Warning labels we'd like to see.....

JAN: Massachusetts is going the way of New York City and supposedly federal law is to follow: restaurant chains (with more than twenty outlets) will have to give calorie counts -- a warning of sorts - letting you know exactly how many calories are in that chicken parmesan sandwich.

More importantly, I think, because we all know a chicken parmesan sandwich is going to be an indulgence, is how many calories are actually in that goat cheese salad with dried fruit that deludes you into thinking you are dieting.

But it makes me yearn for honest warnings on any number of consumer items I fall prey to. I, for one, would like to see every glass of wine labeled. "A real glass of wine," or as in most cases, "a glass and a half of wine," or every now and then, "you are really drinking two glasses of one in this one goblet, so slow down."

Also, at CVS today, I was perusing the explosion of women's anti-aging skin products. I'm a sucker for a product that says it's going to lighten dark circles, and even though not a single one of them ever works, I'll still buy the next big promise. But it would be nice if these, and all skin care products, were labeled: big exaggeration, 100 percent delusional, and you're-actually-applying-toxins-to-your-face. . Think how much money we'd all save.

So if you could mandate the warning labels of the future, where would you put them?

RO: How about...yes these shoes will make you look taller and look as if you have legs that go from here to there and back again, but they will ultimately give you callouses, blisters and maybe even cripple you? Or...Do not apply this product to the apples of your cheeks because unlike the 20 year old in the ad who looks dewy, you will simply look radioactive with that much glow on your puss.

JAN: Exactly, and how about....this shade of red hair coloring is actually purple and will make you look vaguely European, or in extreme circumstances, like an alien.

HANK: I'm laughing too hard. "100 per cent delusional" is, somehow, the funniest thing I've ever heard. Let's see: How about on the MERGE sign on the highway? Which should say: MERGE but only if the moron in front of you decides he's gonna let you, if not, hit the accelerator (or brakes, your call) and hope the other drivers gets out of the way.

Or: These black tights will look really good and slinky for one wearing, but as soon as you sit on any kind of upholstery, they will get all snaggy and when you wash them, forget about it, the elastic in the waist is only good for one wearing.

Or: Yes, this facial cleanser costs 100 dollars, but 99 dollars is for the packaging and advertising, and 50 cents for the shipping, and 50 cents for the actual soap which includes the costs of our employees emptying the huge jars of Dove into our little containers. I rely on fooling myself with the wine thing, Jannie, so I could do without that warning label, please.

RHYS: Frankly I think the calorie labels on food are a waste of time. Those of us who care are generally savvy about what we eat. Those who supersize everything would still eat it even if a neon sign above them flashes TEN THOUSAND CALORIES AND YOU'RE GOING TO DIE YOUNG.

I saw the first Jamie Oliver special in which the school kids tipped away their fruit and ate only the chicken nuggets and pizza. Education has to begin young. I wish someone would invent a tasty fast food that is completely good for you.

And Jan--I'm also a sucker for the promises on anti-aging products (take a peek in my bathroom closet). On a bigger scale for delusional promises--how about Peace-keeping force that will actually produce peace??

JAN: AMEN. And on anti-aging products, I've created a new rule. I have to FINISH the anti-aging product I recently bought and doesn't work, BEFORE I can buy the new anti-aging product that also won't work.

ROBERTA: (Whining a little because we just got home from sunny Florida)--how about spring meaning better weather than 42 degrees, windy, and raining? (And just having driven a long ways up the east coast)--how about the traffic law that says you don't pass on the right applying to everyone?

I'm sort of in favor of the calorie thing--maybe it will end up being a little contribution to food education. And here's another travel rant--we stopped at a rest stop on the good old Jersey turnpike. You know how hard it was to find something to eat that wasn't fried and disgusting? And how was that restful?

Okay I'm finished. Better go slather some stuff on my face and pour one of Hank's glasses of wine. And Rhys, your peacekeeping force is the best idea of all...

JAN: Welcome home Roberta, you'll get used to the awful New England weather again in no time. Maybe each region of the country should come with its own warning. I'll start with New England, WINTERS ARE LONG, SPRING IS AN EMPTY PROMISE and despite the whole northern climate thing, SUMMER IS REALLY HOT.

Come back tomorrow when we talk about new phrases in the English language we are not too old fogey to like. And in the meantime, tell us... where would you put your warning labels?

Rhys on Florida and Fragile Egos

Rhys in Florida, finding a hasty minute to create Friday's blog. I'm teaching at the Anhinga Writer's Conference in Gainesville and after that I'm going to be touring Florida with Mary Anna Evans, speaking in Orlando, Vero Beach, Palm Beach, Delray Beach and Sarasota. So far, as on most of my travels these days, I've only seen the inside of a hotel and a bookstore. But at some stage I'm hoping to encounter a beach. I'm definitely a beach person. I love to swim, I love the feel of warm water splashing over me. I am a passionate snorkeler and I love just walking along the beahc, feeling tension melt away. So I'm hoping for a few moments to escape during the next week. And maybe some chance to be with nature too. I've never seen a Matatee in the wild. Or a pink ibis.

But this wasn't what I wanted to blog about today. I was thinking of a non-fan letter I got this morning, telling me I'd got something wrong in my book. You'd think by now that I had become thick skinned about criticism. I haven't. I uuspect most writers have fragile egos like mine. Any hint of a bad review can send me into depression for days. If someone doesn't like the book,or even isn't glowing with praise about it, I walk around muttering to myself that the end is nigh and I'll probably never write another decent book again as long as I live. I know I should have a big banner over my desk saying, "It's just one person's opinion. It's just one person's opinion and she might have frightful taste in clothes and men as well." But I can't. It does matter. My book, after all, is like my child. It's like someone coming up to the stroller and peering and saying, "My God, but your kid is ugly."

I suppose I've always had a fragile ego. Okay, I confess that I clean my house before the house cleaner comes, just in case the cobweb in the corner is too unacceptable for a normal human being. I rush around tidying up even when one of my daughters is coming over. Oh, and I wash my hair before I go to the hairdresser.
So Jungle Reds--are you immune to criticism. Do you clean your house before the cleaning lady comes? Am I the only neurotic among us?

And just think positive thoughts for me that there will be no hurricanes!

More on guilt and chocolate

"The guilty think all talk is of themselves” Geoffrey Chaucer

JAN: Am I a little obsessed by the topic of guilt? Maybe. I'm going to talk more about misplaced and just plain silly guilt. Then, at the end of this post, I'm going to provide a payoff: A chocolate cake recipe that you can feel really guilty about.

Guilty because it's really heart-clogging rich, and guilty because its deceptively easy.

But that's justifiable guilt, let's get back to misplaced guilt.

The silliest guilt I feel is at the cash register. No matter what store I'm at -- CVS, the clothing store, the electronics store -- even if I've planned the entire purchase beforehand and have not gone overbudget,I feel a destinctive wave of guilt everytime I pay up. Like I'm injuring someone by spending my own money. (luckily, this doesn't happen when I make purchases online).

Even at the register, I don't feel badly enough to NOT buy the dress or shoes or month's supply of bath gel, mind you. Just enough to feel five or ten minutes of discomfort. I used to think I had somehow absorbed my mother's Depression Guilt (that's the GREAT DEPRESSION, not psychological depression.) But my eighteen-year-old son confessed to the exact same feeling in his stomach whenever he buys anything, so now I think maybe it's just some bad gene my mother passed to me, and I've passed onto my son.

I think some of us have acquired Environmental Guilt. I feel bad about tossing an old toaster oven instead of getting it fixed. I read once about a couple in New Jersey that devote their entire life to reusing everything so they don't add to waste disposal problem. Honestly, their whole mission in life was to have the smallest bag of weekly garbage. And then, there's Community Service guilt - We all know that one woman --yes, sorry, it's always a woman --who can't be happy unless she serves on every single town board and charity drive. How about the idiocyncratic guilts that go along with your job or your hobby? (I feel a little ping now and then when I call a tennis ball out -- was I right? Did it actually hit the line before it landed, and I didn't see it -- oh no!)

So I'm wondering, what's the stupidist thing you feel guilty about? And does confessing the guilt (not the sin) make it lose any of its power?

ROBERTA: I feel guilty about spending January in Florida while the rest of you are suffering up north--I'm working hard, really! (I know, your collective hearts are breaking for me:)

JAN: I'm crying real tears, Roberta. Not to increase your silly, misplaced guilt or anything, but do you realize it's snowing up here in New England, today. AGAIN???

HANK: I have a lot of t-shirts. You know, plain white ones and black ones. From, you know, the Gap, and JCrew. When they go on sale, I buy more. They're all stacked up in my closet shelves, still in their plastic wrappers. And when they go on sale, I'll buy still more. What if they stop making them? What if they change them? I think it's-- fashion guilt. I bet there are--oh, I feel too guilty to say how many there are. And no, Jan, I don't feel better telling you. I just feel more embarrassed. (Let me know if you hear of any sales.)

And job guilt? Are you kidding me? If I worked every minute of every day in my reporter job, it wouldn't be enough. I also have not-being-perfect guilt. And how about book-promotion guilt? For that, you need another 24 hours a day. On the other hand, how about doing-too-much guilt?

HALLIE: I've just passed a milestone...virtually all the 'work' I do now is writing or writing related. Predictably, I feel guilty about not looking for 'real' work--aka consistely paycheck-producing work. After years of being a freelance writer-for-hire and hustling for every gig, being completely self directed feels weird and sinful. And scary.

ROBERTA: Hallie, congratulations--it's about time! We're all going to be enriched by the things you write..._

JAN: And in the meantime, you can all be enriched by a single slice of this cake.

Jan's Chocolate Mint Cake recipe.
Take a box chocolate cake mix, follow the directions and make a single layer cake. I use a 8 inch cake pan that is fluted, but a regular 8 inch cake pan or a square brownie pan will also work.

While its baking, mix:

two tablespoons unsalted butter

two tablespoons cream or half and half

one teaspoon peppermint flavor

Optional: you can add two drops of green food coloring, but I think it looks better without the green.

one cup confectioners sugar

Melt btter, add the rest of incredients and stir into a paste.

Let cake cool about five or ten minutes, but not entirely. When it is still lukewarm, spread a thin layer of the mint icing over the top.

Melt one or two squares of semi-sweet baker's chocolate in 1 to 2 (respectively) tablespoons of unsalted butter.

Dribble over the icing while the cake is still warm.With a knife make decorative swirls.

Let cool and serve. Eat two pieces and feel really, really guilty.

Enjoy and try not to feel too guilty.