The Jungle Red Casting Couch. Kind of.

HANK PHILLIPPI RYAN: Last CrimeBake, or was it two ago? Jonathan and I dressed as Sam Spade and Brigid O'Shaughnessy.

(Here's a photo of that.) We carried a Maltese Falcon, which was a (don't tell) stuffed owl we had spray-painted black. (It was a costume party, I guess I should explain. We didn't just walk around like that.)

Now, if I may predict? I predict that my dear pal and brilliant author Dana Cameron is now doing a spit-take with her morning coffee. Because she and her husband were just talking about The Maltese Falcon, and Sam and Mary. And their conversation went another way. Not, shockingly, about Jonathan and me as the leads.

Just--listen. And then--see what you think!

Recasting “The Maltese Falcon”

       by Dana Cameron

            Mr. G and I were out walking at a nearby farm, looking for signs of spring.  The discussion, there being no hawks, coyotes, or frogs in view, naturally turned to movies.

            “Okay, we're recasting 'The Maltese Falcon," I said.  “Who plays what role?”

            “What about Matthew McConaughey?” Mr. G said.  “He's got an edgy outsider look I think Sam Spade should have.”

  

            “What about Russell Crowe?  Think 'L.A. Confidential.'”

            Mr. G shook his head.  “I think of Spade as being on the coffee, cigarette, whisky, and tough steak diet.  Not getting a lot of sleep.  Getting punched or slipped a mickey on a regular basis.  Crowe is too...”

            I kept “fit,” “strapping,” and “physical” to myself. “Healthy?  Then how about Paul Bettany?”

            “Your obsession with him has to stop.” 

        “Are you kidding me?  'Master and Commander' is one of my all-time favorites!  And he's J.A.R.V.I.S in the 'Iron Man and 'Avengers' movies.  He can wear a big white shirt in a period piece while being the heroic scientific outsider and be the perfect wry yet charismatic computer interface voice.”

Photo by Natasha Baucus

  

            “And when I say 'obsession,' I mean it in the kindest, most clinical sense.”

            “Okay, okay.  Who's going to play the Mary Astor role, Mary O'Shaughnessy?  The manipulative damsel in distress?”  A few more steps, a pause to take a picture of a cow who was studying us through the fence.  “Aha!  Kristen Bell!”

            “Good one!  She can do low-down and dirty—as in 'Deadwood' and in 'House of Lies.'  And in 'Veronica Mars,' she's all kinds of smart and sweet.”

            “Right, I have one:  John Goodman for Gutman, the Sidney Greenstreet character.”

            “Oh, he did good sinister, erudite, and jolly in 'O, Brother'!” 

            We were on a roll, settling on Jon Hamm for the detective, leaving Joel Cairo, played by Peter Lorre, up in the air, narrowed down to D.J. Qualls or Neil Patrick Harris.  I'm convinced IMDB.com is responsible for saving many relationships simply by quickly resolving arguments over who was in what.

            “You'll have to find out who's available,” Mr. G said, as if

we were wrapping up a business meeting, and our people would call their people.  

“By the way, who would you cast in Pack of Strays?" 

Photo by Gage Skidmore

   “Easy.  I'd get Mary Elizabeth Winstead for Zoe Miller.  I loved her look and attitude as Ramona Flowers in 'Scott Pilgrim Vs. the World.'  Zoe's an archaeologist but she's also a werewolf,  searching for powerful Fangborn artifacts.  It makes her the ultimate outsider."

     “Sounds like a great part for Paul Bettany.”

 “I'm ignoring you.  And when my editor asked about the unreliable Adam Nichols, to get some cues for the cover art, I knew immediately.  Armie Hammer as Tyler Winkelvoss in 'The Social Network.”  When someone suggests they hire the Sopranos to beat up Zuckerberg, he says, “We can do that ourselves. I'm 6'5", 220, and there's two of me.”  That is exactly Adam's attitude.”

            
We finished the walk and it was time to move on.  “Okay, next movie.  We're remaking 'The Thin Man.'  Who gets cast as Nora?”

            “No one.  Myrna Loy is Nora Charles forever.  I love Myrna Loy.”

            “When I say 'obsession,' I mean your fixation on Myrna Loy.”

            “We're done here.”

So readers:  Who would you cast in The Maltese Falcon?  Or if you believe it should never be remade, who would play you in the movie of your life?  Leave a comment to be entered into a drawing for a copy of Pack of Strays!

HANK:  I am still searching for my Jane Ryland...so funny! (I have considered the woman in the Chico's ad. You know who I mean? And I wish it could be Annette Bening, or Rene Russo.)  And I agree about Nora--no one but Myrna.  

And Pack of Strays to one lucky commenter! 

***************** 

 Dana Cameron can't help mixing in a little history into her fiction.  Drawing from her expertise in archaeology, Dana's work (including traditional mystery, noir, urban fantasy, thriller, and historical tales) has won multiple Agatha, Anthony, and Macavity Awards and earned an Edgar Award nomination. 
Her second Fangborn novel, Pack of Strays (47North) picks up where Seven Kinds of Hell  left off.  A Fangborn short story, "The God's Games" appears in Games Creatures Play, and her story, "The Sun, The Moon, and The Stars," featuring Pam Ravenscroft from Charlaine Harris's acclaimed Sookie Stackhouse mysteries, will appear in Dead But Not Forgotten: Stories from the World of Sookie Stackhouse in May.
http://www.Danacameron.com

But do they talk about something other than the man?

Hallie Ephron: The other night I watched back-to-back the original Thin Man movies. Oh, baby, we've come a long way... Poor Myrna Loy got to stand around and looking gorgeous. Occasionally she'd jump up and down and tell Nick that he was "driving me crazy! Who did it?"

It reminded me of the a film rating test that cartoonist Allison Bechdel defined in one of her 1985-era strips "Dykes to Watch Out For."

In it, one of the characters says that she refuses to watch a movie unless it passes this test:
1. It has least two women in it,
2. who talk to each other,
3. about something other than a man.

A sub-rule got added:
4. The two women must additionally be named characters.

Recent movies that fail this test include the last Harry Potter movie. The Lincoln Lawyer. The Tree of Life. Water for Elephants. And Mr. Popper's Penguins.

Recent movies that pass? The Help. Bridesmaids. Jane Eyre. And Mean Girls 2.

As I was thinking about this, plenty of famous female duos (that talked to each other and have names) came to mind, and I thought about the stereotypes they echo... nice/mean, chaste/sexy, smart/dumb:

Betty and Veronica
Ginger and Mary Ann
Louise and Thelma
Maude and Vivian
Liz Lemon and Jenna Maroney
Peggy Olson and Joan Holloway

So here's the question. Is it more fun to write a Betty or a Veronica, and do the women in your books talk to each other about something other than a man?

ROSEMARY HARRIS: Fun question! Yes, my gals talk. In the Dirty Business series Paula and Babe are yakking all the time. In the WIP, I can't get my female characters to shut up and it's turning into a very different kind of book for me.

Of course they do - maybe in mysteries written by men they don't? (BTW Who are Maude and Vivian?)

HALLIE: You can't be THAT young, Ro. M&V: Bea Arthur (Maude Findlay) and Rue McClanahan (Vivian Harmon) in (drum roll) the TV show Maude. Later together in The Golden Girls.

HANK PHILLIPPI RYAN: SO interesting, huh? Yes, my women definitely talk about something other than men. Even though The Other Woman (!) sounds like it's about men and sex and women-talking-about-men, the women main characters who talk to each other are mostly discussing work, in fact. And dead people. And jockeying for headlines and power. But they are NOT friends. (In this book, at least.) Hmm.

(And just for the record, I'm a Veronica girl. I know. Horrible.)

HALLIE: Hmmm (that growly sound that Marge Simpson makes.) Hank, you only think you're a Veronica girl. Inside you've got some lurking Betty-ness.

RHYS BOWEN: Womens' friendships are important to me and to my stories. My heroine Molly Murphy has best friends who live across the street. They are a rich upper class lesbian couple in Greenwich Village (interestingly I have received hate mail because of this) but they live the kind of life I'd enjoy--full of art, theater, fascinating friends,always trying new things,and deeply into womens' issues. Molly has come to rely on them as a second family.

In my Royal Spyness series Georgie's best friend is naughty girl Belinda and I have to confess that their conversation usually revolves around men and sex--Belinda's not Georgie's--because that's what's important to her.

JAN BROGAN: Well, I think that's not the best litmus test. Especially if Mean Girls II beats Water for Elephants. I don't care so much that there is more than one female character, I care that the female character is a real female and not some sort of male fantasy or view of a woman (John Updike). But I agree, talking all the time about men would be obnoxious.

I'm going to guess that that issue doesn't come up a lot in mysteries. Our protagonists are trying to solve murders first and foremost. My protagonist, Hallie Ahern talks to her friend Carolyn and her female editor mostly about the investigation and work issues. In fact, when she talks about her emotional issues, it's usually with her male friend, Walter.

LUCY BURDETTE: All three of my protagonists have best friends with whom they madly hash things out. Cassie had Laura, who was also her golf caddy, Rebecca had two great friends, Annabelle and Angie--who ate as much as they talked, and the new Hayley Snow has Connie and Eric. Jan is right--they need these friends to process the mystery. But there's always a little man talk too--generally on the subject of why things are going so poorly!

Hank, I think I tended to like Veronica too--maybe it was a brunette thing!

HALLIE: Lucy, a brunette??

DEBORAH CROMBIE: Hallie, now I'm going to be thinking about this with every scene I write between two female characters--not a bad thing. Gemma and Melody talk about the cases they're working on, sometimes family, and I can only remember one conversation where Melody told Gemma she should bloody well marry Duncan.

Okay, and maybe there have been a couple of comments about dishy male characters . . . but I'm beginning to wonder if my women don't talk about men ENOUGH.

JULIA SPENCER-FLEMING: I have to confess, my books mostly fail the Bechdel test, in part because, for plot and character circumstances, the women in them tend to be emotionally isolated. I agree with Jan that the role of women and their actions in the book or film can mitigate failing the Bechdel test. VI Warshawski or Maisie Dobbs or Lydia Chin aren't just there for window dressing, even if they don't spend time chatting with girlfriends.

Really, I think crime fiction does a great job with this. Just think about the three iconic tough guys we were discussing last week. If anybody could get away with helpless women in distress, it would be Lee Child, Barry Eisler and Steve Berry. Instead, they write strong, smart women who act under their own agency

Contrast that with what you see in movies: the Girl Who Needs Rescuing, The Girl Who is the Love Interest, The Girl Who is There for T&A and what may be the worst of all, The Girl Who is There to Prove the Two Male Leads Aren't Gay for Each Other (even though they are obviously at the emotional center of each others' lives.)

HALLIE: And let's not forget The Girl Who's Makes the Guys Look Strong and Smart.

So readers, Betty or Veronica, and how about some women who talk about something other than the man? It's scary once you start listening for it.