HALLIE EPHRON: Today we’re thrilled
to welcome Tara Sidhoo Fraser.
I heard her read from her then work-in-progress, and had to seek her out after to tell her how moved I'd been by what she'd written. Now her book is out!
When My Ghost Sings: A Memoir of Stroke, Recovery and Transformation, is one part memoir. every bit a mystery.
Tara describes it as “an apology letter, a song of mourning.” It’s a moving and enthralling story, unlike anything that we’ve featured here on Jungle Red.
It's my pleasure to introduce you to Tara and her “ghost self”…
TARA SIDHOO FRASER: Seven years have passed since my stroke, which I had at the age of 32, however, it is her reckoning with I was still haunted by the murky memories of my previous life. Since I have published my story, others have referred to this form of memory haze as amnesia and I suppose that is the correct term. Though I was able to understand what some things were and most people’s names, many things were fuzzy. And, strangely, as memories did begin to surface, they were seen through someone else’s eyes-the person whose body I stole. I call this person Ghost.
The stroke, itself, was caused by a rare mutation in my brain. After surgery, my memory of self and my world were incredibly murky. I felt as though I was a different soul in another’s body.
To verbally express this was impossible for me but to write about it, felt safe. Through writing, I was given the opportunity to invite Ghost to speak. Together, we created a memoir of lucid exploration of amnesia, selfhood, and who is left behind when the past is obliterated.
When I began writing my memoir, it was merely the task to write out my feelings following the stroke. To experience my memories and to create an almost timeline of events.
However, once I began writing, my heart and Ghost had much more to express! Each morning, while it was still dark, I brewed coffee, set my musical playlist, and invited my Ghost to sing.
I fell into the madness of writing, many times carrying on from the wee hours of the morning to late afternoon. It felt as though, my ghost and I had formed a pact, to share her story. It was now my responsibility to complete this promise.
When My Ghost Sings: A Memoir of Stroke, Recovery and Transformation, is one part memoir. every bit a mystery.
Tara describes it as “an apology letter, a song of mourning.” It’s a moving and enthralling story, unlike anything that we’ve featured here on Jungle Red.
It's my pleasure to introduce you to Tara and her “ghost self”…
TARA SIDHOO FRASER: Seven years have passed since my stroke, which I had at the age of 32, however, it is her reckoning with I was still haunted by the murky memories of my previous life. Since I have published my story, others have referred to this form of memory haze as amnesia and I suppose that is the correct term. Though I was able to understand what some things were and most people’s names, many things were fuzzy. And, strangely, as memories did begin to surface, they were seen through someone else’s eyes-the person whose body I stole. I call this person Ghost.
The stroke, itself, was caused by a rare mutation in my brain. After surgery, my memory of self and my world were incredibly murky. I felt as though I was a different soul in another’s body.
To verbally express this was impossible for me but to write about it, felt safe. Through writing, I was given the opportunity to invite Ghost to speak. Together, we created a memoir of lucid exploration of amnesia, selfhood, and who is left behind when the past is obliterated.
When I began writing my memoir, it was merely the task to write out my feelings following the stroke. To experience my memories and to create an almost timeline of events.
However, once I began writing, my heart and Ghost had much more to express! Each morning, while it was still dark, I brewed coffee, set my musical playlist, and invited my Ghost to sing.
I fell into the madness of writing, many times carrying on from the wee hours of the morning to late afternoon. It felt as though, my ghost and I had formed a pact, to share her story. It was now my responsibility to complete this promise.
Photo by Kristine Cofsky
As mentioned, this novel is also an apology letter to Ghost. It is a memoir of her lived experiences as well as her own. It is also an apology letter to each lover during this time period.
Truly, writing this memoir was a way for Ghost to reach each person and bid farewell.
And while, this story is deeply personal, I know that for other people reading her memoir, it can ring truth and bring forth connection. Since publishing my memoir, I’ve been fortunate enough to share conversations with other people who have had similar experiences, either with someone they know or personally.
When My Ghost Sings: A Memoir of Stroke, Recovery and Transformation, is a mystery set in the liminal space of amnesia. It is a lyrical memoir of healing, a farewell letter, and an embracing/reclamation of selfhood. Publishing this book is such a gift because now, Ghost’s story will always exist and can never be forgotten.
HALLIE: Utterly fascinating. Wondering if any of our readers have had close encounters with amnesia, or sensed that you had a ghost self? As I read Tara's description, it made me think of that sense so many people have that they've had past lives. Food for thought.
