JENN: If ever there was a writing award for the best dressed author, it would surely go to today's guest, the fabulous Diane Vallere. Whenever I know she's going to be at a conference, I make sure I check her Instagram to see what she's packing. This girl can rock a conference, I'm just sayin'! Not a surprise as she writes the Costume Shop, Material Witness, Samantha Kidd, and Madison Night mystery series. Welcome to Jungle Red Writers, Diane.
DIANE: My friend
says I apologize too much. She thinks women in general have been trained to say
I’m sorry when they have nothing to be sorry for, and that by saying the words,
they’re allowing themselves to be in a submissive position. It’s not just her,
either. There’s a whole slew of online articles about whether or not women
should apologize. (There are! I just Googled them for the purposes of this post.)
After she
said this, I became more aware of how often I use the phrase in conversation and
emails. Sometimes it goes hand in hand with an acknowledgment that I didn’t
fully comprehend what the other person asked me to do (“I’m sorry, I didn’t
know that’s what was expected.”). Sometimes it’s intended as a soothing phrase
(“I’m sorry you’re dealing with that.”). Sometimes it’s preemptive to an insult
(“I’m sorry, but you’re a idiot.”). And sometimes, it is what it is: an
acknowledgment of having inconvenienced someone else (“I’m sorry for taking up
your valuable time for something I could have figured out myself.”) In every
one of these examples, I might shorten the phrase to just “I’m sorry” and
consider the balance implied. Especially the idiot one, which might lead to
additional apologizing for rudeness.
Thanks to my
friend’s comment, I’ve spent a bit of time analyzing my use of the two-word
phrase. The way I see it, there’s a power in apologizing. Saying “I’m sorry”
indicates ownership, good or bad. Instead of pointing fingers, passing the
buck, or looking for excuses, saying “I’m sorry” is like grabbing hold of an
unsatisfactory interaction, establishing that there was a hiccup in
communication, and hitting the reset button. When two parties are stuck at a
crossroads because one disagrees with the other over, “I’m sorry” serves as the
period at the end of the sentence that precedes the sentence with the active
verb.
And here’s
the selfish truth: I like to be apologized to. I like when someone else tells
me they’re sorry for how their actions negatively impacted me, because it
indicates a level of respect (except in the idiot example mentioned above). I
like when someone other than me takes ownership of a miscommunication and
apologizes so we can move on. And since I’m a huge believer in treating people
the way I want to be treated, I’m most likely going to continue apologizing
despite what my friends say. And for that, I’m not sorry.
What do you
think, Reds? Do apologies have their place in daily conversation or is it all too
much?
THE
DECORATOR WHO KNEW TOO MUCH:
When
Interior Decorator Madison Night accepts an assignment in Palm Springs with
handyman Hudson James, she expects designing days and romantic nights. But
after spotting a body in the river by the job site, she causes a rift in the
team. Add in the strain of recurring nightmares and a growing dependency on
sleeping pills, and Madison seeks professional help to deal with her demons.
She learns
more about the crime than she’d like thanks to girl talk with friends, pillow
talk with Hudson, and smack talk with the local bad boys. And after the victim
is identified as the very doctor she’s been advised to see, she wonders if what
she knows can help catch a killer. An unlikely ally helps navigate the murky
waters before her knowledge destroys her, and this time, what she doesn’t know
might be the one thing that saves her life.
A little bit about Diane: After two decades working for a top luxury retailer, Diane Vallere traded fashion accessories for accessories to murder. THE DECORATOR WHO KNEW TOO MUCH, #4 in her Madison Night Mystery Series, is out April 2017. Diane is the president of Sisters in Crime. She also writes the Samantha Kidd, and national bestselling and Lefty Award-nominated Costume Shop and Material Witness mystery series. She started her own detective agency at age ten and has maintained a passion for shoes, clues, and clothes ever since.
