Vanity, Thy Name is Rhys

 RHYS BOWEN: A few days ago I had my hair cut at a new hairdresser in Phoenix. I was getting ready to go out when I looked in the mirror and stared in horror. My hair looks awful, I said to myself. I can't go to the hairdresser with hair like this. I imagined the stylist going "eewww. Yucky hair."  I should point out it was only two days since I shampooed it so not really terrible. However I rushed into the shower and washed my hair.

Then I drove to the hairdresser who promptly shampooed my hair again. Is this silly or what? Am I vain or self conscious that I didn't want to appear at the hairdresser's with bad hair? 

Another thing I'll confess to: when my cleaning lady is coming I rush around the house frantically tidying up and wiping off counters. John thinks this is incomprehensible. But I don't want my cleaning lady to come into my house and go "eewww. Yucky house." Also from a practical point of view, she can clean much better if all the surfaces are free of clutter.

I suppose the same thing happens when I put on make up to go my doctor or to have blood drawn. I don't want to look like a sick person. 

I also can't bring myself to wear shorts or sweats when I'm doing a Zoom interview and my top half is glamorous. I guess it's a matter of pride. 

I'm horrified when I fly these days to see what people wear on a plane. Shorts, bear midriff, pjs... having been married to an airline executive for years we had strict dress code when we flew. The children were to dress as if they were going to church. We had to wear suit or dress and look like a business person. That attitude still lingers and has served me well. More than once, when flying alone in a business suit I've been upgraded to business class because I look as if I belong there.

My latest bout of vanity has to do with the Edgars Banquet. I'm a  nominee and I've been shopping for a new dress. This is silly really as I have several dresses worn at past banquets. I'm sure nobody is really going to notice what I'm wearing if I look respectable and suitable. But I can't bring myself to wear one of those dresses for a second time. They take pictures of the nominees. I'd hate someone to say "Oh look, she's wearing that one she wore in 2019. Also I wore those dresses when I was a nominee and didn't win. I don't want a dress that carries bad karma!

I was having trouble finding the perfect dress. As a dignified older lady I don't want low cut or strapless or with a slit up the side. I sent off for one that I saw online. It seemed to be pretty--silver embroidered with pearls. When it arrived it looked quite good... until I saw that the way it did up was a length of fabric threaded through endless loops at the back. Okay, how was I supposed to do up my dress? Take a maid with me? Knock on the next door room and ask the occupant if he'd mind lacing me into my gown? Or even worse, unlacing me at the end of the evening?

So it had to go back And just when I had almost given up in despair I found the perfect gown. PLain. Navy long sleeved top and the most gorgous full silk skirt that changed from navy through various shades of purple-blue. I'll share a picture when I wear it. right tnow it's hanging on my closet door.

Hank and Lucy will also be at the banquet. We'll take pix!

In praise of skirts...

HALLIE: I miss skirts. Remember the days when hemlines made headlines?

They went from just below the knee (at school they made us kneel and your skirt had to touch the floor), to barely below your fanny, to mid-calf...in the course of a few years (I'm not saying how long ago this was).

I was too late for poodle skirts, but my older sister had one that I coveted. Wish I'd saved that long black velvet skirt I wore for the holidays, and a swirly-twirly patchwork skirt made of strips of pastel ginghams, and that short leather skirt that barely cleared my fanny(tights and over-the-knee boots were de rigueur with that one).

Nowadays there's no one hemline, and though the stores are awash in sweaters and over-the-knee-socks, and sure there are plenty of suits and dresses, where are the skirts designed for folks past puberty? It's (almost) enough to make me drag out the sewing machine.

Do you yearn for skirts?

JAN: Well I play tennis, so skirts are very much a part of my everyday life. The question there is pleats? no pleats? What is Maria wearing?? What is Nike pushing?? But even in my non-athletic world, I just bought a new skirt this summer in France. But I don't think I have the nostalgia for skirts that you do. Usually I look better and feel better in pants. Even when I find the perfect skirt,it never seems to become a staple in my wardrobe -- outside of tennis that is.

RO: I LOVE skirts and have dozens. The leather, the silver sequined, silk, lace, denim, the one slit up to there and the long ones I wear to the opera. Some days only a skirt will do. You walk differently when you wear one. The other night I wore a pencil skirt and felt like an Italian movie star! I'm just sorry I didn't go all out and resurrect the elbow length gloves.

Hallie, it's not too late to get that poodle skirt..okay maybe sans poodle..but that swingy flared skirt, ...twin set..go for it!

If you wear your skirt to ALA, I'll wear mine.

ROBERTA: The trouble with skirts is shoes. Since I have a resistant case of plantar fascitis, I can't wear a lot of fashionable shoes or boots--especially narrow toes and high heels. But I love summertime skirts with Mephisto sandals. For a while it was hard to find them, but they are back in stores now I have a whole cedar closet full of wool skirts, mid-calf length. Not sure when I'll ever wear them but I can't bear to throw them away...And Jan, the same closet is full of my tennis skirts--mostly pleated. Can't wear those either, but they're there waiting, in case of a medical miracle.

Oh, and I have a black and white faux fur cow skirt that is simply aching for the right occasion--price tag still on it. Any suggestions?

RO: What's a cow skirt? Does it come with udders?

HALLIE: Roberta, sounds like we need to throw a hoedown! (Before ALA in Boston?)

Yes, the shoes are a problem.

The OTHER trouble with skirts is panty hose. ICK ICK ICK.

HANK: See, my problem is pants. I don't like to wear--slacks, trousers, whatever you call 'em. I wear skirts and dresses to work every day. I have some puffy shaped big skirts I wear with little jackets, long straight ones for boots, a row of black pencil skirts for white shirts and red belts. Suede, leather, fleece, lace. On TV, you can wear the most staid black jacket that will show on the air--with a slinky leopard skirt that no one at home will see.

And because the legs are the last to go, short skirts and tights are still (barely) doable. (Although not as short as some of those I see on office interns. Yikes!Did I do that at age 22?)

And for the holidays, I love big gorgeous ball gown skirts with a turtleneck sweater and lots of pearls and velvet ballet flats. I wish I had a huge jewel-toned plaid, long and satin--the kind my mother used to try to make me wear when I was a little girl and I loathed. Now, I see what she meant.

And Roberta, a cow skirt? I do have a suggestion. Maybe--smiling--send it to ME?

HALLIE: Legs ARE the last to go! That's priceless and so true.

Wednesday, we'll still be talking about clothes--but not in the fashion sense. Come back and meet one of the authors of the off-Broadway smash hit, "Love, Loss, and What I Wore," who also happens to be my sister Delia.