High school graduations of course have the usual roster of speakers: Salutatorian, valedictorian, principal and/or superintendent. Then there's the guest speaker. Unlike colleges and universities, which compete for the most prestigious and newsworthy orators, high schools usually stick with a distinguished alumni; someone who can honestly say to the kids, "I was in your seat ten or fifteen or twenty years ago and here is where I am now." Youngest's school invited a graduate of the class of '04 who has made a successful living as a dancer in Hollywood, as part of his own company, and right now, touring with HAMILTON. (I was thrilled they found someone in the arts, instead of yet another computer software guy. Did you know almost 3.5 million Americans are employed in the arts? It's true!) The gist of his speech was that you can follow your dreams (I'm going to go out on a limb and guess 100% of graduations feature someone saying this) BUT you may need to have a lot of flexibility, and be willing to trade certainty for opportunity.
It got me thinking: what would I say if I were invited to come back to Liverpool High School (Go Warriors!) and address the class of 2018? I might point out the changing demographics of New York State: once one of the ten largest high schools in the state, Liverpool is now number 43, as the children of suburbanites have thronged into the cities their grandparents abandoned. I would encourage students, whether college-bound, entering the work force, or anything in between, to visit those cities for education and work, to get a better idea of what the US is going to look like everywhere by the time they are my age. I'd encourage them to visit a mosque and an African Methodist Episcopal church, a Spanish-language Catholic mass and a Buddhist temple.
A lot of stresses and strains in our country seem to arise when we have a certain idea of what "Americans" look and sound like, and I suspect one of the best things the young generation can do is break that down. I'd urge them to actively work to make the coming demographic change a positive one, by getting to know their peers of different ethnicities and religions, of working with them and welcoming them into their homes and neighborhoods. Finally, I'd point out that as a 17- or 18-year old brand new graduate, you're feeling about as top-of-the-world as you ever will. So take advantage of it! Use that empowerment for the greater good.
Oh, and always wear sunscreen.
How about you, Reds? What would you advise the class of '18?
HANK PHILLIPPI RYAN: Last pre-graduation, I had a talk with one of my interns who was about to take part in the ceremony at her college. She was terrified. I started giving her advice: Be curious, be kind, ask questions, be compassionate, be reliable and responsible, always make the choice to be good, trust your gut, don't cut corners, be open, be present. All that. Listen, listen, listen to people. And then keep learning.
Every door in the world is open to you!! I said, almost starting to cry.
I KNOW, she wailed. That's what scares me.
Not exactly the response I had in mind.
SO I think--one of the lessons of aging is that"you never know" is a fabulous thing, a reassuring thing. NOT a scary thing! You never know what wonderful thing is around the next corner--that's GOOD.
Then I kind of gave her some tough love.
I said, specifically--listen, kiddo. Your name is Yvette. (True.) You grew up IN PARIS. You are smart, you are beautiful, you are funny, you are kind. You are talented. Your parents love you, you have money, you did nog grow up in the slums of (I think I said Calcutta), you are not sick, you are not uneducated, you are not....AH, I said. Stopped myself from continuing the rant.
Count your blessings, I said. And go out there and be brave and give it a try and expect good and BE IN THE WORLD.
HALLIE EPHRON: This is so hard. What Julia said. What Hank said. And by the way what Hillary said.
I'd add:
Be kind, pursue what interests you, and don’t forget to flush.
And most important of all, in ways large and small act as if Planet Earth is precious and fragile, because by your own actions you can make a difference.
JENN MCKINLAY: Don't forget to flush! LOL, Hallie, it's funny but really so important, especially here in the frat house. Since I have a talking problem, I would likely speak them to death or until they were begging for my demise. Seriously, a captive audience? Are you kidding me? I would keep them there for hours while I overshared every thought I'd ever had - ever. LOL. I'm kidding, mostly. In truth, I would say, be true to yourself and remember that just because you're on a path that others don't recognize doesn't mean you're lost. Then I would quote Maya Angelou: “I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”
DEBORAH CROMBIE: Just a couple of months ago I spoke to a group of college seniors who were newly minted Phi Beta Kappas, so I was thinking a lot about what advice to give young people starting out in the world, whether graduating from high school or college. The gist was, "Be resilient. Be open to possibilities. For most people, life very seldom follows a pre-ordained path. Be prepared for those forks in the road, don't miss those opportunities that may take you in a direction you never imagined." I would add, be kind. Be brave. Remember that you are the future and that you can make a difference.
If I were the speaker I'd remind them that the journey is the destination. Don't go through life setting goals and saying "when I've graduated from college, got my first job, married, retired... I'll do this." Embrace the present and if you dream of doing something, do it now. The one thing you don't want is to look back on life with regret, murmuring "If only..." And don't go into any career because it pays well, it is expected of you, has prestige. You have an awfully long work life ahead and every working day should be exciting, a challenge, rewarding. Above all realize how blessed you are that you live in a country where you can vote, choose your own life path and make a difference.
LUCY BURDETTE: There are so many great ideas here, I kind of hate to pile on and muddy the waters. I love Hallie's idea of taking care of the earth--each one of us matters in this important work. Yes, ditto what Rhys said, your work should feed your joy and your soul. And it's okay not to know what you want to do with the rest of your life, because you'll probably make lots of unexpected turns, some of them related to your growth and some related to curveballs that life will throw. And yes, love the Maya Angelou quote about how you make people feel, and yes, count your blessings and give back more than you get.
My brother-in-law, Dr. Jeff Chanton, gave the commencement speech at Florida State University's graduation in 2017. I think he did an amazing job, with a big emphasis on being good stewards of our earth and the importance of science. Live responsibly and aim for sustainability. Such an important message!
INGRID THOFT: It’s very hard to add anything to the brilliant advice of the other Reds. The two pieces of advice I might offer are seemingly contradictory, but I think a sweet spot can be found between them. The first thing is that you don’t have to figure everything out right away. In fact, you will spend your life figuring things out—in terms of work, family, priorities, etc. The second piece of advice: This is it. You don’t get a dress rehearsal. Don’t live as if you’re only practicing for the real thing. So how do you balance those two ideas? I think the key is to be thoughtful in the choices you make, but remember there are very few things in life that can’t be redone or undone. You’re going to screw things up, and that’s okay. And my bonus advice: Exercise, but also have dessert.
JULIA: Wonderful advice from one and all! How about you, dear readers? What would you tell the graduating class? Or do you still remember something pertinent from your own graduation?
