RHYS BOWEN: On vacation with whole family a couple of weeks ago I volunteered to cook breakfast one day. Full English breakfast, or rather full English plus pancakes. Turn bacon before it burns. Flip pancakes. Take out toast. Fry eggs one at a time.And it occurred to me that short order cook is one of my nightmare jobs. Constantly under pressure to get a dozen things cooked exactly right and out at the same time in a hot greasy kitchen. So then I tried to think what other jobs would be the worst ever for me, I don’t mean the really awful ones like cleaning loos, or sorting through garbage, plucking chickens, killing animals in an abatoir. Okay-- army. I’d hate to take orders all day, to sleep in a room with a lot of other women, to be belittled and shouted at, have to run with a heavy backpack on my back and boots on my feet. And I wouldn’t want to fight anybody.
What else? Fire fighter? Too scary. Anything repetitive and mindless… fileting fish, shucking oysters, inserting bolts into something on a factory production line. And yet as a student I once worked in a testing lab at a big factory. Most of the time we were in our lab but some big tests had to be run on the factory floor and I was sent down to do them. The women who worked on those production lines, doing the same motion over and over, seemed quite cheerful. They chatted and laughed as they worked. They sang along with the radio. But it would still be a nightmare job for me.
So what would be your nightmare job?
LUCY BURDETTE: I’ve had a few nightmare jobs in my youth, and one of them was sewing leather handbags on an industrial sewing machine. It was so hard! Nothing like sewing on my Singer at home. And yet as you describe, the ladies working around me were cheerful, and very fast. I lasted 2.5 days. Astronaut, I would hate that. Feeling so out of control and away from everything I knew and loved, and afraid something would go terribly wrong, the craft would blow up and that would be that. Or even worse, float off course and you’d just be waiting to run out of oxygen. Yikes, I could go on and on. But how lucky I am to be a writer!
HALLIE EPHRON: A job I’m least suited for would be therapist. I can’t control my eye-rolls and I’m far too “directive” (as my husband would have said.) And I’d make a terrible restaurant chef. Though I love to cook, I only love to cook what I (right now) feel like eating.
JENN McKINLAY: Salesperson. I’d be terrible. Anything where I lived in a cubicle. Nope. Healthcare worker. I’d faint. Anything with numbers. Nope. Nope. Nope. For the good of all - seriously, no numbers.
HANK PHILLIPPI RYAN: Jenn, yes, healthcare worker, I would be crying the entire time. They are saints. Being an accountant, HA! What a terrible mess that would be. Horrific. And agree, NO way about astronaut: quickly, years ago, I applied to be the first Journalist in Space,and I really thought I had a chance. I filled out the application, thinking how it was DEFINITELY going to work, and then got to the ESSAY. Please tell us, it said,in 500 words, why you want to be the first journalist in space.
Okay, I thought, can do.
But once I started thinking about what to write, I realized: FORGET ABOUT IT! NO WAY I’M DOING THIS! And that was the end of that.
Also, any job where I have to drive. Hate that. I’m the world's worst driver.
JULIA SPENCER-FLEMING: Despite the fact I taught pre-K Sunday School for several years, I would run screaming from a job as an elementary or high school teacher. I barely had enough patience for my own offspring, I’d be erupting like JK Simmon’s music teacher in WHIPLASH with other kids. (I do love teaching at our community college, though - adults are great!)
Also, and I realize this sounds wussy, I’d hate any job where I had to be outdoors in the sun and heat. I do fine in cool or even cold weather - sign me up as a park ranger in Alaska - but I wilt when the temp gets over 80F/27C. Half my family is from Alabama and I spent many years in the south, but at this point I am totally acclimated to Maine (average summer temperature in the south: 70F/21C.)
DEBORAH CROMBIE: I would hate any job where I had to stand on my feet all day. Hair dresser, no way, and I'd be a disaster at waiting tables. But funnily, as it's most people's idea of hell, I could do sales–I worked traveling and doing cold calls and actually liked it. But add me to Julia's "stay out of the heat" club. I look at the landscaping crews here, always in long-sleeves with heads, necks, and faces covered, and I cannot imagine how they manage it. Ditto construction crews in Texas summers!
RHYS: Some of these resonate with me, some don't. I love teaching little kids, especially around second/third grade when they adore their teacher. I enjoy being outdoors except for the past week when it has been over 100 degrees. But nothing in space. I can't even stand roller coasters. And certainly no cold calling in a call center. I think everyone who leaves college should work at least one nightmare job before they go into a profession so that they get the feel of what life is like for many people just trying to earn a living.
Okay Reddies: your turn, Have you had a nightmre job, or what would yours be?
