What is Luxury?

 RHYS BOWEN: On Valentine’s Day my oldest grandson is getting married. Yes, I know it’s rather mind-blowing that grandchildren have reached that age (and he is only 25, which is very young to get married these days). So of course my major concern at the moment is trying to find the right dress for the wedding. This is made more complicated because the bride has sent out a color palette… sunset colors.  I don’t look good in bright pinks and oranges, so it will have to be a soft pink or very pale blue. I started looking online and found the most gorgeous dress. I showed it to my daughter Anne, who was staying with us. She agreed. Gorgeous. Perfect. The only thing wrong with it was that it was $800. That’s a lot of money for a dress I will wear once.  I know I can actually afford it but my frugal nature keeps screaming “Are you crazy?”

I suppose the problem is that I was brought up to be frugal. My early years after WWII in England were years of “make do and mend”.  Of doing without. Foodstuffs were rationed until 1953 so as a small child there was no question of going to the sweet shop and buying a candy bar.  I had a school uniform, one set of play clothes and maybe one dress for special occasions. That was it.  My family rarely ate out, unless it was to stop for fish and chips on the way back from an excursion. So for me a luxury at the time was to buy a Walls Ice cream from the ice cream van in the summer.

When I started working for the BBC in London luxury for me was going to the theater often. It was usually seats up in the top balcony but at least I saw all the new plays when they came out.

Which makes me think about what constitutes luxury. I suppose it equates to something you can’t usually afford to buy.  I’ve been to India several times. The first time the bill boards advertised transistor radios… the item ordinary people dreamed of owning.  Then it was a bicycle. And on the last occasion it was a car.  As people became more affluent their dreams became bigger.

So now I’m thinking what constitutes luxury for me today? I’m not the sort of person to drool over designer items. I’m never going to pay thousands for Gucci or Prada. But the one thing I treat myself to is business or first class when I fly. That is not only luxury it makes sense because I arrive feeling rested.

I do love going to a spa, getting  a massage, staying at a nice hotel, so I suppose luxury for me is an experience rather than things… stuff.

I don’t think I’ll buy that dress. I am, after all, only a grandmother, on the fringe of wedding photos. But I’ll keep you posted.

How about you? What do you consider to be luxury?

JENN McKINLAY: Oh, that is a lot for a dress if you’re not the bride. Maybe you can do an image search of the dress on Google and see if you can find it cheaper elsewhere or something similar but less pricey. Give it a go! I’ve had good luck doing that for shoes.

My cousin the economist calls me a “bougie thrifter.” I will buy designer items but they have to be in excellent condition, on sale, and retain their value so when I die, the hooligans can sell them for a profit. I don’t buy a lot of expensive things but when I do I look at them as investments. So that’s my take on luxury items - I’ll only buy if there’s a guaranteed return on investment - rather like being well rested after a long flight. LOL.

LUCY BURDETTE: Oh Jenn, I have to agree with Rhys on business class. You lose days of your vacation if you arrive exhausted and a wreck. Though I still shop for sales and the best deals. Rhys, I’m in the ‘buy the dress’ camp because this sounds like such a special occasion! Would it be something you could also wear to a conference?

HALLIE EPHRON: I grew up with money but I still have trouble spending it. On springing for business or first class airfare, I was up for it until I went to actually book a trip to Europe and saw the price difference. Thousands, not hundreds. No amount of but-but-butting will get me to spring for that. It’s much cheaper to arrive a day early and book an extra day in the hotel. Maybe it’s not so much for domestic flights.

I’m with Jenn on buying designer items on sale or used. Love the idea of a “bougie thrifter.” Jenn, I want to go shopping with you!

Wondering if anyone out there wants to weigh in on Lululemon - Worth it or not for workout clothes?? Uggs?? On the other hand I swear by LL Bean for quality if not so much for stylishness. But you can be sure that when you’re sick and tired of wearing it, it’ll still be in good condition for another bougie thrifter to snap up.

RHYS:  Hallie, my daughter and granddaughters swear by Lululemon. They last forever and if they rip Lulu will replace them. Since I don't wear leggings (I don't believe women of a certain age should reveal their shapes to the world) I haven't had to make a decision about this.

HANK PHILLIPPI RYAN: Oh, you know what I’m going to say: If you absolutely love it, buy the dress. Of COURSE. Will you have fun and feel wonderful and you can afford it? Absolutely.

Business class on airplanes, yes, and first class if I can bump myself up when someone else is paying for the basic  ticket. It is worth it to me not to arrive at events frazzled and frustrated. It;s an immense difference.

Luxury to me  is carryout food, isn't that ridiculous? Not having to make dinner all the time is so wonderful.  (A massage? No, that would be torture, argh) Having clothes I love in all price ranges, I love that. 

(Hallie, UGGS are the warmest things in the world, but to me they are ‘inside’ shoes. )

And “ONLY a grandmother,” Rhys? I don’t think that describes you at all!

JULIA SPENCER-FLEMING: I’m more of an “experience instead of things” person as well, Rhys. Staying in a nice hotel and ordering room service so I don’t have to get dressed and go out. Post shower hydration hour, where I wrap up in a long terry robe after slathering on nice-smelling moisturizer, and laying down with a Korean face mask to listen to one of my podcasts. Honestly, one of my favorite luxuries is absolutely free - slipping into a freshly made bed with sheets just off the line.

I classify buying really good clothing/footwear/outdoor wear under frugality. I’d rather have a $300 sweater that will last twenty years than a series of fast fashion versions. Of course, I’m a pretty staid dresser, so your mileage may vary.

And if I can add to the UGGS conversation - have you seen the UGGS slides? They’re basically flip-flops. Shearling lined flip-flops! Why?!?

DEBORAH CROMBIE: I say buy the dress, Rhys. It's a very special occasion and you are not "just" the grandmother! And surely it's something you could wear on another occasion, like a conference banquet when you are nominated for yet another award?

I'm with you on the upgraded air travel, although I can usually only do it when I can bump up my original ticket with mileage. Business class on a transatlantic flight can make the difference between a productive first few days on a trip, or exhausted misery. And I adore nice hotels. And restaurants. For the most part, I'd rather spend money on doing things rather than having them.

RHYS:  I'm still toying with the dress but also thinking of this one. What do you think?

I'm Walking on Air With My New Frigidaire, or, What Do Real Grown-ups Buy?

Flora Church won Maddie Day's WHEN THE GRITS HIT THE FAN and Susan won Edith Maxwell's CALLED TO JUSTICE! Please contact edith at edithmaxwell dot com!


JULIA SPENCER-FLEMING: I'm going to sound like a woman in an annoying commercial, but I've just bought a new stove and I love it. It was delivered yesterday. It wasn't the basic stove or the marked-down floor display model either; I got the stove I wanted, with all the bells and whistles I've been saying I've needed for a decade. 

Here's the thing: this is the first stove I've actually purchased. Our starter house came with a stove, as did our 200-year-old farmhouse. (It also came with a genuine 1950's refrigerator, but that's another story.) When the stove we inherited from the previous owners died, we were the fortunate recipients of a free stove from acquaintances who were remodeling. Which is why, at age 55, I'm buying my first ever stove. And let me tell you, it makes me feel very Grown Up. 

I don't recall feeling that way with other large appliance purchases. Ross and I are on our fourth dishwasher, third washer/dryer set and we'll be taking delivery of our fourth refrigerator. It could be because cooking seems like a serious business. I suspect it's also because for the first time, I'm not getting an appliance simply because it's the CONSUMER REPORTS Best Value choice (although you can bet both the new stove and the upcoming frig were highly rated by CU.) I find myself at the stage of life when ALL extra money doesn't automatically have to be routed towards my children, meaning I can purchase that double oven with warming tray and expanded range top elements! In stainless steel! Even the new frig, which is as basic as butter because of the size constraints in our kitchen, will be stainless steel. Yes! Only 17 years after the trend started! Look at me, adulting like a pro.

How about you, Reds? What are the purchases that made you feel like you'd finally arrived at adulthood?

INGRID THOFT: This raises an interesting question: Do I even feel grown up?  I suppose I do, mostly because I’m aging!  I’ve bought a house, a car, and trips to the other side of the globe, but I think the “purchase” that makes me feel most adult is paying taxes.  It’s not necessarily a happy adult feeling, but I do feel like a grown-up when I send in my return.  

The happy adult feeling comes from making choices with my money: flying non-stop even though it’s more expensive; ordering in because I can’t bear the thought of cooking; buying a pair of earrings just because they caught my eye.  Here’s another thought, and it may seem morbid, but I think when I have to pay for a funeral (mine, ahead of time, or someone else’s) that I will well and truly feel like an adult.

HALLIE EPHRON: Funeral? Yikes, that is morbid.

Paying OFF our mortgage a few months ago made me feel... old. Writing a check for thousands for a root canal? Yup. Adult. And our Alaska cruise? Paying first class airfare for the first time EVER definitely made me feel, ahem, mature.


JULIA: Hallie and Ingrid, it's like that scene in FRIED GREEN TOMATOES  where Kathy Bates rams a car saying, "I'm older and have better insurance." The ability to pay for what you want is a definite plus of adulthood.

HANK PHILLIPPI RYAN: When I was going off to college, my mom took me to the department store, and told me she was going to treat me to all new makeup. (I know, different times.) When it was all piled on the counter, Mom said to the salesperson, "Okay, great, we'll take it". And--I remember this so clearly, I said: "Don't you need to know how much this all costs?" And Mom said, "Nope, and I don't want to know."  I thought--HOW can you buy something if you don't know how much it costs first? And now I do that all the time. (I eventually ask, but not first.)

Buying my first car? Renting my first apartment on my own! Going to my father's funeral. And doing responsible things, like the laundry, or making my bed when I really don't have to, but I do anyway.

JULIA: Oh, no! Going to a parent's funeral is quite possibly the worst thing about adulting. 

JENN MCKINLAY: The other day Hooligan 1 informed me that Kevin Hart was doing one of the voices for the upcoming animated Captain Underpants movie. I got so excited I achieved vertical lift. In my defense, I did a six year tour of duty as a children's librarian and the Captain is one of the most challenged books in the public library according to the ALA, which is ridiculous because if you want boys to read these are the books to give them, but I digress. 

Anyhow, the Hooligan looked at me with one eyebrow higher than the other and a voice full of sixteen year old wonder and declared, "I am being raised by an eight year old. It's all coming into focus now." So, yeah, still waiting on that whole adulting/grownup thing to kick in. Not gonna hold my breath.

RHYS BOWEN: I don't want to grow up, ever. I really don't. If I see a chain across a path my first instinct is to hurdle it. I have chased my grandchildren over the play equipment at the park to the dismay of other responsible adults there. I love swimming, snorkeling, wading in water. In fact play is important to me. But I have done my share of responsible things: paid off mortgage, buy sensible cars instead of Porsche I was lusting for. 

And with household appliances, I've found they always die in threes. If the dishwasher goes, the dryer and fridge die at the same time. It's a fact of life. But I have learned to treat myself lately: first or business class on long flights. Nice hotels in Europe. AND clothes that are not on sale occasionally. Oh, the sin of it!



JULIA: Rhys, that's exactly what happened to us! Our stove died, then the frig, and then we needed expensive repairs to the water heater. Fingers crossed it doesn't expand to the Rule of Four...

DEBORAH CROMBIE: Julia, there is nothing quite like picking out the kitchen appliance you actually want!! We replaced our ten-year-old dishwasher--which had never actually washed the dishes, but that's another story--a few months ago, and I still feel that huge sense of pride every time I open the thing.

But the first purchase that ever made me really feel grown up was buying a NEW (my cars were always used and mostly truly hated hand-me-downs from my parents) and totally unsuitable car. That was a fire engine red Honda Prelude, bought with my first big book sale money, and I absolutely adored it (at least until the warranty ran out and I had to start paying for parts and repairs...)


 
LUCY BURDETTE: So interesting to read what you women  have written! Is it a gas stove Julia? that is the ultimate! Hallie, hooray for you springing for business/first to Alaska. It's such a long trip--you will not regret a penny. And Jenn, you are hysterical--those boys are so lucky to have you as a mom... Debs, I always had the worst hand-me-down cars from my father too. Buying a brand new Honda Civic with a car payment was probably it for me. Though taxes, ugh. John's been nagging me to do mine. It's always worse anticipating than the actual work turns out to be.


JULIA: I wish it could have been gas, Lucy, but we're out in the country and it would have meant installing a propane tank and line. So, electricity for me. How about you, dear readers? Has there been a purchase that made you finally feel all grown up?