The Art of Gift Receiving

 

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Jenn McKinlay: Well, we've survived yet another holiday season. Phew! And now it's time to reflect upon the insanity of the gift giving season.

There is no evidence, at least none that I’ve found, to support my theory that people spike the eggnog during the holidays to get through the arduous process of gift giving and receiving, but I’m pretty sure that’s why they do it. Okay, why I do it. Unless you’re a miserable curmudgeon who refuses to buy anyone any gift ever -- and here I pause to raise my nog to you -- odds are you’re going to have to confront the reality of living in consumer nation and pony up some gifts.

Children make it so easy. I like shopping for kids. You get an itemized list of what they want and if you have a real overachiever on your hands, they’ve already price checked the retailers and will give you a detailed map of the layout of the best store with arrows walking you right to the coveted item or even better a link to the online store. Teens are nice, too. You have to love their clear cut need and desire for cash. Nothing says “I love you” to them more clearly than the notification of a Venmo deposit to their account.

It’s adults who make the whole gifting venture dicey, and unless you’re lucky enough to have only people who collect troll dolls or beer cans on your list, you have now entered the dance of “Do you think they would like this or that or these?”, which is as painful and repetitive as an eighties dance party where they keep playing the Electric Slide.

Gift giving is great if you happen to be the sort of person who enjoys finding the perfect gift for everyone on your list and then revel in  wrapping it in festive paper, decorating it with a snazzy cloth ribbon that you tie yourself and finish the whole thing off with the gift tag you hand stamped. You know who you are, and I can’t even be mad at you for setting the bar too high for me to reach, because, yeah, you just gave me the perfect gift.

The rest of us poor saps struggle through the gifting ritual, and it’s not because we don’t care. We’re just truly flummoxed when we walk into a store and get a Three Stooges double-eye poke at all the sparkly gee-gaws in front of us. Honestly, if you’re not a shopper (and I'm not - unless we're talking bougie thrift, but that's another post), it’s a bit like being a diabetic in a candy store.

So, why is gift giving such an anxiety maker? I figured it out many years ago when I eavesdropped on a father talking to his five children in the Providence airport while traveling for Thanksgiving. Don’t judge me; it’s an occupational hazard…really. 

The dad said, “Last year we gave you everything you wanted and it was the worst Christmas ever. This year you get four things; something you want, something you need, something to wear and something to read.” I wanted to go over and hug him for his genius, but I felt that might be awkward. Instead, I decided to implement his plan with my own hooligans.

It goes without saying that much debate ensued, as in “Isn’t something to wear and something you need the same thing?” For the record, no, it is not. That particular year, it turned out the much needed item was a duvet to cover up the rather well-loved Batman comforter that was too dear to be parted with but also too embarrassing to have on the bed anymore.

When one of my hooligans opened this “something you need” gift, I fully expected a bored look or a groan of disappointment. Instead, the boy went wide-eyed and said, “Oh, wow, I really needed this. Thank you so much!” He beamed at me, and I felt it all the way down to my toes. In that moment, I understood the responsibility of the gift receiver. It is that person who makes or breaks the entire gift giving deal.

Maybe you’re like me and gift giving makes you reach for the nog. That’s okay. You can excel in the art of gift receiving. Yes, this means you have to dig deep and be expressively pleased by all the gifts you receive even the ones where you’re not quite certain of what exactly it is. Yes, that has happened. Also, when you're gift bombed by an over-gifter. That, too, is a thing but also a post for another day because...oof!

And, sadly yes, you must express appreciation even for those passive-aggressive goodies, like gym memberships and self-help books for issues you don’t have. *SIGH* On the bright side, if the gift is well received, you can then re-gift their oh-so-thoughtful presents (because you loved it so much!) right back at them – on their birthday. Ha!

So, how about it Reds and Readers, are you a good gift giver, receiver, or are you just over the whole thing?

All I Want for Christmas....

RHYS BOWEN: It's that time of year again when I want to start shopping for Christmas presents. I have time right now and it would be nice not to feeling any pressure. But trying to pin my dear ones down to what they want is impossible. Or else it's so specific that they have to choose it themselves... "I need a pair of waterproof boots, but not too clunky etc etc."

The grandkids are so easy. All they want is a gift card to their favorite store: Urban Outfitters, Sephora, Nordstroms (for my grandson who is obsessed with nice shoes). And these are easy to wrap too.  My husband John is the worst. He always says he wants and needs nothing. But obviously he can't sit there and watch everyone else unwrap gifts, can he? So we all try to find something that might excite him.  Every year he says "Don't buy me clothes." One daughter ignores this, buys him shirts and sweaters, and he always wears them!

I have reached the point in my life when I don't need anything, but I do like small surprises. One year I told John to surprise me AND he bought me Winston Churchill's autobiography. Useful and informative, yes, but not the same thrill as a diamond bracelet. I.'ve found if I want something I have to be quite direct with him. "Go into Macy's second floor, turn left, third rack, blue dress, size 10."
But that sort of takes away the thrill, doesn't it?
I think we've moved on to giving experiences. For our anniversary I bought us tickets to an evening of Malaysian cuisine with TV chef Martin Yan. That was fun. And we have Hamilton tix for next year.

Are your menfolk good at selecting gifts?.

I've just seen this year's Neiman Marcus catalog. The most expensive item is a solar powered 70 foot yacht, complete with helicopter pad, naturally. Yes, I wouldn't mind one of those but they are so darned awkward to gift wrap. And if you can afford that many millions for the yacht, would you worry about affording the fuel for it?

Or for $315,000 there is a secret agent experience including learning to jump out of a helicopter. Since I've been known to twist my ankle when walking down the sidewalk I think perhaps not.

The gift that did sound fun was a tennis experience, all four majors as a guest of Sloane Stevens , staying at player only hotels, lots of chance to interact with players... for a mere $550,000.

At least these selections seem better than the dreadful sofa in the shape of a hippopotamus last year!

I think we'll be settling for slippers and hand cream, unless you have good suggestions for an old cranky husband?

Mission Impossible: Shopping for the Guy who Wants Nothing

INGRID THOFT: Every year, when my husband's birthday rolls around, I'm faced with the same dilemma:  What on earth should I give him?  He's not a picky guy, nor is he hard to please, but wow, he's hard to shop for.

The problem is multi-faceted. Firstly, he doesn't have a hankering for stuff in general. Secondly, his interest in technology (he's a software developer who works in the area of augmented reality) means that I don't understand most of the gifts he might like, so he tends to buy those items for himself.  Thirdly, his other primary hobby—a salt water aquarium—is also something with which I have little familiarity.  I'm talented when it comes to choosing names for the creatures in his underwater world—a shrimp named scampi, a fish named poke (after the Hawaiian fish salad)—but I can't tell a protein skimmer from a sump pump.

Full disclosure: my husband and I are not big gift givers to each other.  We love to give things to ourselves as a couple, but we’re not fans of gift swapping on major holidays.  We celebrate our anniversary by making a purchase for our home or putting money toward a trip.  We don’t exchange Christmas presents, and our birthday celebrations are modest.  So each year I find myself wracking my brain trying to find a good gift.  Perfect doesn’t even enter the picture!

My family also struggles with this, which explains the greatest hits of gifts that show up under the tree every year.  He’s a dedicated New England Patriots fan (yay Pats!), but not one for wearing the team colors except on his hat.  He loves spicy food and has, therefore, been the recipient of a plethora of spicy sauces and marinades.  Don’t even get me started on the salsa selections!  One of the doodads that delighted him in recent years?  Unpopable (sp?) bubbles.  Seriously.

What about clothes, you might ask?  Everyone needs clothes.  That would qualify as a deal breaker in our marriage.  As a child, he received clothes for gifts, and since then has deemed clothes "not gifts!"  I'm with him on that.  Unless you're Tim Gunn or Carrie Bradshaw, clothes don't seem very festive.

Were money no object, I'd buy him that jet he has his eye on or maybe a private tropical island.  Nothing makes him happier than spending hours snorkeling and photographing the sea life dwelling on a healthy coral reef. In fact, maybe that's what I should be "giving" him: a donation to an organization that is committed to maintaining the health of our oceans and reefs.  Maybe writing this post will solve this thorny dilemma once and for all!

In the meantime, Reds and readers, I want to hear your experiences on the gift-giving front.  When it comes to presents, which loved one poses the greatest challenge?  Do you have a go-to gift?  Have you thrown up your hands in frustration and gone the gift card route?  Do tell!