Children's Books We Hate

RHYS BOWEN:  Catching my breath after nearly two weeks of book events, one flight per day, lots of hotel meals and different beds. But one of the things I do is catch up on movies on longer flights. And one of those was DUMBO.  Have you see it? I HATED IT. It was dark and scary and if I’d been a child I would have demanded to be taken out of the theater immediately
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Which made me think of which children’s books I’ve always hated. Of course when I was growing up none of the books was too scary or violent. I remember talking to my grandson when he was about eight and asking him what books he liked. He said, “We’re listening to this great book in the car on the way to school”
“What’s it about?”  I asked.
“These children are brought to the city and they have to fight each other to the death.”
“I leaped to my daughter. “You’re letting him hear something like this?” I demanded. She said, “It’s a YA book and it’s very well written and they love it.” It was THE HUNGER GAMES.  I would have hated it. I hated, and still do, anything too dark, anything too sad.
Surprisingly, however, I adored the Harry Potters. Of course I was grown up at the time but I would have done so as a child. I certainly adored the Lord of the Rings. Maybe because in both the good guys won!

So other children’s books I’ve hated? The Wizard of Oz. Marking poor Dorothy go through all that and then finding she just had to click her heels to go home? Not fair! I don't like most of Roald Dahl. So many unkind characters and abused children.  And above all, THE GIVING TREE. That horrible little boy took and took from the tree and gave nothing in return and the tree was kind and forgiving until the last.
So, dear Reds, what were your least favorite children’s books?

HANK PHILLIPPI RYAN: Ha. I hated The Little Princess. How sad and depressing! No reason for it. But I do love Matilda, Rhys, and Dahl's Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, but I read it as an adult. But I SO agree. WORST BOOK EVER  is The Giving Tree. I mean--what on earth is that supposed to teach? Browbeat your parents, selfishly, until they kill themselves?  Our  darling little neighbor girl, Georgia, read it, and cried for literally days. And her mother warned me, "Don't even say the word "tree." It will set her off again.

LUCY BURDETTE: That's an easy one Rhys: any of the Grimm Brothers fairy tales that scared me to death! I also am bitter about all the horrible stepmother figures in these tales. Cinderella? Wicked stepmother won't let her go to the ball and makes her work like a scullery maid. Snow White? Poisoned by her stepmother for being too beautiful. Hansel and Gretel? taken to a witch and abandoned by their wicked stepmother.

I also have a hard time with books that are too sad, like Old Yeller and Bambi. And yes on the YA books--they are so violent and depressing these days!

RHYS: Lucy, I suppose, to be fair, that Grimm's fairy tales were not really written for children but assembled from folk history, stories to teach a moral, right? But I so agree with Old Yeller.

HALLIE EPHRON: Of course I loved Loved LOVED The Little Princess. Also the Wizard of Oz. Most of Roald Dahl, though Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, not so much. Loved the Grimm's fairy tales, the grimmer the better.

I made the mistake of trying to read some of the more recent Berenstain Bears books to my grandkids--the early ones were funny and irreverent. The new ones are preachy, too good for their own good. The first Olivia book was sublime, but it's been downhill ever since. And though I loved the first Eloise, the later books are disappointing. Ditto the later Madelines. Ditto Babar. And while the illustrations are great, do not try to read one of the Disney storybooks... the texts are execrable.

DEBORAH CROMBIE: Lucy, you beat me to Old Yeller. What a horrible book! I'm still traumatized how many ever years later, just thinking about it. Add to that The Red Pony--gah! And The Yearling. I suppose they are all life lessons, but most of us learn them soon enough on our own. I didn't mind the Grimms, or Andersen, although The Little Match Girl always struck me as unbearably sad. And why would they make a movie of that story? Why are so many of these books about orphaned or abused children?

I made the mistake of trying to read the updated Bobbsey Twins and the updated Nancy Drew's with my daughter and they were absolutely dreadful.

HANK: Oh, SO RIGHT! The Red Pony, and Old Yeller. WHY? And Match Girl. I ask you!  What was that supposed to teach? And the matches went out, one by one? NOOOO.  How about Ring of Bright Water? I have a pal whose mother read that to her, and left out the ending. When she grew up and went to college, she went to the movie. She called her mother afterward, sobbing. RING DIES! She wailed.They wrecked it. And her mom had to confess she'd changed the ending to protect her.

JENN McKINLAY: Oh, wow, great topic. I have NEVER forgiven my brother for insisting I read WHERE THE RED FERN GROWS. Dan and Ann, my heart. Much like the
Hooligans haven't forgiven me for reading THE RED PONY to them when they were young. Oops! I am not an angst reader. In fact, I think I was the only kid in middle school who wasn't into Judy Blume's DEENIE or V.C. Andrews's FLOWERS IN THE ATTIC. Comedy, people, it's all about the comedy. If I wanted to be sad and scared and angry, I'd live my own life. LOL!

RHYS: So which were YOUR UNFAVORITE children's books?
And now our new Monday feature.
 Monday shout out! Good news? Giveaways?

JENN: My publisher is having a back to school sweepstakes! Up for grabs are five library based novels, including WORD TO THE WISE! So fun!
https://sweeps.penguinrandomhouse.com/enter/back-to-school-library-sweepstakes

DEBS: My publisher is giving away 50 copies of A BITTER FEAST on Goodreads! The offer ends in 4 days, so don't miss out! (US residents only.)
https://tinyurl.com/yyvzrdhe

And, TO DWELL IN DARKNESS  is on sale in e-book format for $1.99 through the end of the month. Check it out on Amazon
https://tinyurl.com/y2979o6w
or your favorite e-book provider, and catch up with Duncan and Gemma before the new book.

HANK:  THE MURDER LIST is a CNN Ultimate Beach Read! 
PRE-ORDER The Murder List! https://us.macmillan.com/books/9781250197214
AND here's a free snippet of the fab Angela Dawe reading the audio book! https://read.macmillan.com/lp/the-murder-list-audiobook/

HANK's LAUNCH PARTY!  For The Murder List
Tuesday, August 20 at 7 pm at  Brookline Booksmith
Wednesday Aug 21  7 pm RJ Julia . Madison CT (With editor Kristin Sevick)
Thursday Aug 22 7 pm An Unlikely Story, Plainville MA
Saturday  Aug 23  2pm . Poisoned Pen Bookstore Scottsdale AZ (ticketed event with true crime writer Billy Jensen)
MORE HERE : http://hankphillippiryan.com/events.php

RHYS: Love and Death Among the Cheetahs is #10 on the Wall Street Journal Bestseller list and #15 on USA Today.
And Kings River Life Magazine is currently holding a contest and giveaway of the book. Here's the link:https://www.krlnews.com/2019/08/love-and-death-among-cheetahs-rhys-bowen.html 

Swag! Freebies! Goodies! What is wrong with me?

Jenn McKinlay

     Okay, I have a confession to make I love free stuff. I mean I really love free stuff, which is deeply at odds with my utter contempt for clutter. I swear it’s like I have split personalities about stuff. At a conference, I will vault over three other people and add a back handspring with a twist for a free pencil, but if the Hub or Hooligans leave their shoes in the middle of the floor, I will kick their shoes all the way to their bedrooms and if I’m really irritated, they will find them neatly tucked into their beds. Clutter makes me bonkers. Give me free stuff. These are my issues.

     Compounding my issues is the reality that I have developed a swag problem. It started so simply. “We’re going to make you a few bookmarks,” my publisher said. “Something you can hand out at conferences and signings.”

     That seemed smart. Then they offered to make postcards, too. Very nice. I felt like it was a sort of a business card for the books. I dutifully took them to events but then I noticed that other authors had even cooler stuff to hand out. Pens, sticky-notes, and sometimes key-chains, water bottles, and tote bags. In a blind panic of newbie authorness, I decided I had to up my game.

Because...TIARA!!!

     The darkness began with the book Sugar and Iced. Set against the backdrop of a beauty pageant, I thought it would be hilarious to offer up tiaras as a silly giveaway. Well, if the beauty pageant in the book was cut throat it was nothing compared to the rabid response I got from readers wanting to win a tiara. Seriously, bribes were involved! It just proves everyone wants a tiara, yes, even some dudes. I have to say, they were pretty sweet with real rhinestones on a metal base from a British import company and they only cost five bucks. After that, the madness snowballed into cupcake squishy balls, aprons, berets, library card swag, some of which was produced exclusively by the Poisoned Pen, you name it, we did it.

     I can hear you asking why even offer swag? Aren’t the books enough? I imagine every author has a different reason for offering bookmarks, bags, pens, or whatever. For me, I write several series so I’m promoting multiple stories, usually at the same time and this gives me a way to differentiate between them. For the current cupcake mystery out in April, I’m giving out measuring spoons. But then in May, I am debuting my first romantic comedy so it’s beach bags for everyone, okay, not everyone but the lucky ones who win a giveaway.

     Because naturally, as the swag mountain began to grow, my inner clutter hater reared her persnickety head, and I realized I needed to have structured giveaways to unload the loot.  So every Wednesday on my FB page, I have a giveaway of whatever crazy swag I have going, my book, or if I’ve signed with another author recently, their book. Why do giveaways? Well, mostly because in the beginning of my career I felt like every social media post was a pitch to buy my book, buy my book, buy my book. Bleh, I hated it! So, doing giveaways became a way of talking about the book or a friend’s book without talking about the book and it felt like an opportunity to say thank you to the readers, which, truly, I can never thank you all enough! So, here have a pen! LOL!

Leave a comment and be entered
to win this ridiculous giveaway!

So, Reds, tell me, do you like free stuff? Like a sweet Jungle Red Writers bookmark? What’s some of the best author swag you’ve seen? Readers leave a comment, telling us your preferred author swag (i.e. a book, a bag, a tiara, etc.) and be entered in a random drawing to win…well, free stuff! Because, of course, there's a giveaway!