WHAT'S IN YOUR BAG?

HANK PHILLIPPI RYAN:  During the height of the pandemic, (and even now from time to time) we have groceries delivered. I remember the first time it happened, I was so grateful I almost burst into tears. I still am in awe of the grocery delivery people. They are fabulous.

But one day, they dropped off a bag that was not ours. It just got mixed up, I guess.

It was just so clearly not ours!

It had oat milk. It had wheat germ. It had some weird kind of avocado oil salad dressing. It had sriracha. It had white rice. It had individual chocolate puddings. It had some kind of air freshener. Oh, and some kind of sugary cereal called Gorilla Puffs.

Except for the sriracha, I would never have purchased any of those things. My grocery bag would look more like lettuce, lettuce, lettuce, arugula ( for me, at least, JS is not a fan :-)) peanut butter, black olives, Siete chips, soy sauce, brown rice, salmon, broccoli, snow peas, tomatoes of all kinds, green beans. Frozen yogurt bars. When Pigs Fly cinnamon bread. (the BEST!) Pumpernickel. Eggs. Sliced turkey for lunch. Chicken. Too much chicken.

Now, I don’t know what else might have been in the other bags that the mystery shopper had purchased, but whatever. But I did get such an instant picture of who that shopper might be! A health-conscious person with little kids, don’t you think?

Anyway, I called and reported, and the grocery people told me just to keep it, that they could not pick it back up. (My grandson loved the Gorilla Puffs, the avocado dressing was okay, the oat milk and wheat germ went to our next door neighbors.)

But. It made me think about how identifiable our grocery bags are, and how much we could learn from what’s in a character’s grocery bag, right?

What would be in your grocery bag that everyone could identify as yours, reds and readers? Or what would be in your character's grocery bag?

JENN McKINLAY: Well, it used to be that my grocery bag would be identifiable by the cake, pie, ice cream, and cookies that were in it. *sigh* But my doc has me on a strict no sugar, no fat, no iron diet because apparently my body has decided to hoard iron in my tissues and that’s a bad bad thing. So, now my grocery bag has loads of fresh fruit and vegetables, low fat dairy (ugh), and no sugar or red meat to be found. I’m trying not to pout. I have discovered that fresh mango with a sprinkling of Tajin seasoning on top makes a solid sweet-heat bad breakfast choice, so there’s hope. As for my characters, well, if I have to go healthy so do they! I’m actually working on a sugar free cupcake recipe for the next cupcake bakery mystery - not sure how that’s going to work but I’ll give it a go...

HALLIE EPHRON: Great question! Whole milk. Because otherwise, why bother. Haagen Daz rum raisin ice cream. (Don’t say EW. It’s delicious.) Cheese. Eggs. Hard salami or corned beef or something fatty and unhealthy. Mmm bacon.

I wouldn’t ask for produce in a delivery because I’m too picky. Right now, for instance, our local farms are actually harvesting melons which we never get field-ripened otherwise. But I need to see (they get a little velvety sheen when ripe) smell (aromatic!) and squeeze (a little give, not too much) before I buy. Ditto the late summer corn and tomatoes… pick by look and feel. And satsumas are about to come in – some are sensational and some just feh.

JULIA SPENCER-FLEMING: I was just thinking of this, Hank, because I had to order groceries to go for my brother-in-law, who’s shut in due to his health (here, you have to pick them up yourself.) Canned chili, beef-a-roni, kiddie cereal and juice. Now I’m getting all sorts of weird recommendations when I log onto the grocery site!

Like Jenn, I’ve given up sugar - at least at home, please do offer me dessert if I’m having dinner at your place! - so there’s not much fun in my bag. “Not Much Fun in my Bag: The Julia Spencer-Fleming Story.”

Box of spring greens, box of spinach, root vegetables (I love potatoes, squash and turnips; must be my German ancestry.) Pre-diced garlic, ‘cause I don’t have time for all that mincing. Three kinds of pasta, boneless skinless chicken breasts (again, time-saver) and lots of canned, diced tomatoes and olives to go into the pasta. I have definitely not given up carbs.

DEBORAH CROMBIE: Hallie, agree with you on the rum raisin–although I don’t actually buy it. And on the whole milk. I don’t think the amount I put in my coffee or tea is going to kill me, and it tastes so much better. Also whole milk plain Greek yogurt. Also really good Irish unsalted butter.

No sugar here, either, and pretty much no processed stuff. (Um, except for Rick’s potato chips…) Always too many fresh fruits and veggies. Lettuces, shredded cabbage, arugula (for me!), sometimes spinach, bok choy, sugar snap peas, haricot vert, cukes, radishes, grape tomatoes, avocados… berries, bananas. Figs! When in season. Apples, ditto. Mandarins, limes, lemons. No-additive smoked turkey breast for sandwiches. Hummus. Salmon, chicken breasts. Olive oil, brown rice, whole wheat pasta. Canned tomatoes, canned beans, cartons of stock. Nuts. Almond butter. It’s astounding how much money you can spend on all this healthy stuff.

We buy our bread from the bakery. My friend Gigi (who makes the Sunday bakery run with me) laughs at me because I can make one chocolate cherry scone last a week. (A little slice with my afternoon tea.)

PS I love watching what other people put in their carts. So interesting. And in so many cases, so horrifying.

RHYS BOWEN: My bag would come from Trader Joe’s or Sprouts and include avocados, tomatoes and plenty of fruits and veggies. European style yoghurt. Selection of cheeses. Sourdough bread. Cinnamon raisin bread ( my treat at tea time). Also always fish of some kind plus TJ frozen goodies like the frozen scallops and mushrooms and tarte d’Alsace. Plus the boring healthy stuff like olive oil, pasta, oatmeal etc (they don’t deliver Prosecco, do they?)


LUCY BURDETTE: Now Rhys and Hank have me craving raisin bread! I still have lots of pandemic habits, so I order meat once a quarter from Butcher Box (mostly organic chicken and a little beef), pet supplies from Chewy, toilet paper from Who Gives a Crap, and my new obsession, which is fast becoming an issue, Rancho Gordo beans.  Lots of veggies from the garden and farmer’s market, and that leaves whole and oat milk, great grains cereal, Rao’s arrabbiata sauce, coffee, cold cuts for John from the grocery store…

HANK: SO agree to looking at what other people are checking out. You can instantly know: Lasagna noodles, tomatoes, mozzarella, oregano, basil, prosciutto, melon etc-- Oh! party at your house! Or, for other baskets--YIKES! What are you EATING?


How about you, Reds and readers? How would we recognize you by your grocery bags?

On Nitpicks

LUCY BURDETTE: There is no doubt that we have some major, major problems in our country and our world—toxic politics, global warming, human rights…it’s easy to get discouraged. Those big things we can only chip away at. I have a few small gripes to pick with the Universe--nothing major, just things that make me say really?? Can’t someone fix that?

First is tags on clothing. What does this mean, can anyone tell me? why can't they simply say, machine wash cold, low dryer?? (Not that this is what they are saying here--for one thing, the symbols are so small...who could possibly read this? And for another, it’s in Chinese, isn’t it?)

Second is my dictation program. We've known each other a long time and it still can't get my names right? Case in point, I ended a recent email with xo Roberta. It came out xo your burger. forget the Isleib part--I know the thing won't even try that. And Lucy Burdette often comes out Lucy forgets or Lucy Bernadette or most recently, “They’re super dad.” Say what?

RHYS BOWEN: Having just returned from a book tour with one flight per day I've several things that drive me bonkers including people who stroll through the terminal at a snail's pace, dragging their luggage, on their phone and not looking where they are going. Or bring smelly food on board. Or let their kids kick my seat, fight or yell. Also people who talk loudly on their phones in public places, like in the Safeway checkout line ahead of me.

And Lucy, I was once sending a message to a professor saying "see you tomorrow' and auto correct said "See you, you moron."

JULIA SPENCER-FLEMING: Lucy, I don't use dictation for writing YET - probably headed that way, though - but my voice-to-text does the same thing and it makes me crazy. I have friends whose last name is Shambaugh, and despite using that name at least 50 times in the last three years I've had this phone, it still transliterates them to Sham Wow. Is the cleaning goods company paying off AT&T for product placement? Inquiring minds want to know.

Okay, I've got a nitpick that may be specific to my area - the rest of you will have to tell me if you've seen it, too. Every summer Portland hosts a wonderful chamber music festival, with amazing musicians from all over the country. The performances take place at Hanneford Hall in the University of Maine, a lovely mid-sized hall with a soaring, light and art-filled lobby. It's a bargain for classical music, about half the price of a Portland Symphony concert, but not, you know, cheap. Or free. But every evening I attended, I saw men there dressed like they were making a run to the transfer station. Tees, shorts, grubby sneakers, untucked shirts. Musicians: Long dresses or black suits. Women in the audience: attractive summer evening wear. Men: Slobs.

And these weren't college-age guys who might not know better. These were mature, gray-haired men. Now, Maine is a very casual place, by and large, and I certainly wouldn't expect anyone to put on a suit on a pleasant August evening. But really, how hard is it to tuck a collared shirt into a pair of clean khakis? The musicians are giving the very best they have; don't sit there looking like you just came inside from mowing the yard.

HALLIE EPHRON: Picking up on clothing tags, my nit is clothing tags. The ones that are stitched into the inside back using what seems more like industrial strength plastic fishing line than thread. Wear it and the pointy plastic ends dig into your skin. You can cut off the tag but just try to remove that filament or whatever it is and you end up with holes in the fabric. Seems like more and more garments now have that label information simply stamped on the inside. So much more sensible.

I'd add purist corn-shuckers. My Stop 'n' Shop frequently sells corn ridiculously cheap, and they have ears of it piled in a big bin with an empty bin alongside so you can shuck your corn right there in the store. It's a lovely convenience. Except for the people who shuck an ear and turn their noses up at a tiny bit of flattened corn kernels and toss it back in the bin. Fussy entitlement, if you ask me.

HANK PHILLIPPI RYAN: I will tell you exactly! You know those things you get in the mail, envelopes, that you have to peel off the perforations on each side first, or something, and then bend the top, or something, and then you open it, somehow. I can never ever do those. Never!

Sometimes they have checks in them, so you can’t just toss them, but I don’t understand why they have to make them so hard. They are impossible. 

This morning, I tried to park parallel park in a curved space. Forget about it.

And last night at dinner, I honestly ripped the label out of my sweater. It was stabbing me, mercilessly, between the shoulder blades and I had just had it. YANK.

Plus, one ply toilet tissue. Should be banned. You have to use much much more.

shopping cart by bestaiassistant

Oh, and I am horrible about counting the number of items in the person's cart in the "eight items or less" express lane in front of me . (Whole Foods says "eight items or fewer, which I love." But listen, bub, eight means EIGHT. And eight cans of tuna counts as eight things.

DIctation? Its a landmine. I love it, and use it constantly, so muchI hardly type emails any more. but you have to proofread!  Two faves. Once I emailed my editor: I hope you are enthusiastic. And it typed: I hope you are a doozy Aztec.  

I also dictated: I will send you the acknowledgments later.  And it typed: I will send you the knowledge mints later. 

I am still hoping for those mints. 

DEBORAH CROMBIE: So I'm standing on my front porch, and this person drives down our street throwing junk advertising newspapers in our front yard. Not only do I have to walk out to the curb in 100 degree heat to pick it up, but I then have to recycle the paper AND the plastic bag. Separately. Does anyone ever look at those things? And I'm not even talking about the people who drive by on the main street and throw their litter in our front yard...

Another nitpick--being asked--no, nagged--to get an app for every single store where I shop!  I don't want a gazillion apps on my phone. And what if, for some unimaginable reason, I don't have my phone and need to buy something, or fill a prescription? And that leads me to--every single store asking for my email address. I don't want more emails, thank you very much. I'm usually nice enough to refuse politely, but sometimes I'm tempted to say, "Hell, no."

One more! I don't use dictation much, although I'm sure I should. But I usually use Gmail for my email, and the auto-type drives me nuts. I swear I've got carpal tunnel syndrome just from back-spacing. I don't need help to write a sentence!

JENN McKINLAY: Nitpicks. How much time do you have? My number one is turn signals. Why can't people use their blinkers? You're not giving information to the enemy, people! 

Also, the ticker tape that comes out of the receipt printer at the pharmacy. I bought three things - THREE - why is my receipt three and half yards long? What am I supposed to do with this? It's a waste of paper, ink, and my time. Grrr.

How about you Red readers? Any nitpicks you'd like us to address?

Lastly, here are our events, giveaways, etc., happening now:

JENN: We are in the final days of my publisher's Goodreads Giveaway - 15 copies of WORD TO THE WISE are up for grabs!

JULIA: You have six more days to get the first book in the Clare Fergusson/ Russ Van Alstyne series is on sale for only $2.99! Kindle: (link: https://amzn.to/2LXuDXk) amzn.to/2LXuDXk iBooks: (link: https://apple.co/2GGQHkB) apple.co/2GGQHkB  
Nook: (link: http://bit.ly/2YkAext) bit.ly/2YkAext  
Kobo: (link: http://bit.ly/32ZVmrD) bit.ly/32ZVmrD

Want a trade paper copy instead? Enter the Goodreads giveaway, also running until the end of August. 25 copies are up for grabs.

If it's Sunday, It Must Be--oh, Wait. It's Monday.

HANK PHILLIPPI RYAN:  Was it one of you who told me she had a stack of index cards in her bathroom, each one with a day of the week ? And she’d flip it every night before she went to bed so the next morning she’d know what day it is? I have to say –although I thought it was funny, I secretly thought it was brilliant.

So—however you figured it out. Happy Monday! And how did you spend your Sunday?

There’s a song from Flower Drum Song, remember ? “Sunday, Sweet Sunday, with nothing to do. Lazy, and lovely, my one day with you. HAH. Sunday? Do nothing?

Of course we read all the newspapers  Sunday mornings, the Times, the Globe, the Herald.  And we have a million cops of coffee, and a lovely breakfast. That is SUCH a treat.

But then—often after realizing that we have nothing for dinner—we go to the grocery. I do the laundry.  I work work work.

Funny how as working people we have feelings for each day, and those indicators are what make it easy to remember what day it is.  Monday is oh, dear, work day, gotta get up and GO. Tuesday is: okay, getting stuff done. Wednesday is: Wednesday! Oh, my gosh, switch into very high gear. Thursday, a good day. I like Thursday. Things get accomplished. Friday—fun! No matter what, it’s only a day til the weekend. And whatever is not done on Friday...won’t be done til Monday.

But as any author knows, there’s no such thing as “do-nothing” weekends. As someone who’d trying to juggle jobs, weekends mean trying to fast-forward on writing—not resting.  But I love it, you know? Sitting at my desk ,working on the book, it’s transportingly wonderful.

And I am constantly amused by the Dowager Duchess on Downton Abbey, who once said--and you have to imagine that plummy voice:  “What is a weekend?”  Because of course, upstairs, there’s nothing that makes Saturday or Sunday different from any other day. Right? It’s all just keeping up the estate and well, whatever else they do.

She meant it to indicate one day of gracious living simply and elegantly runs into the next.  We mean it like—work work work.

And at least it used to be you could tell the days with TV—Sunday was Ed Sullivan, and Thursday was ER. Now you can watch whatever you want, whenever you want.

But Sunday is now a night for viewing decisions--and I bet those of us who watch TV on Sunday will instantly choose a side:  Football? Downton? Good Wife/MadameSecretary? Other?

Which do you choose, Reds? And then tell us: How do you spend your Sunday days—and evenings?  

RHYS BOWEN: I'm hooked on Downton Abbey (naturally). I know it's soap opera, but I have to watch. I'm not sure what will happen on the evening of the superbowl because Downton is on at 8 p.m. in Arizona where I am at the moment. One of us will have to retreat to the bedroom.

I bought John a smart TV for his birthday and hope he'll get Acorn so we can watch all the British TV shows. But unless I set it up for him, it's not going to happen. And I need time...

JULIA SPENCER-FLEMING: I hear you, Rhys. I'm having a problem with my regular mail program (will receive but not send) that I KNOW is fixable if I can just find a couple hours to spend dealing with it, but I can't, so I've reverted to my gmail address for the foreseeable future.

Which means I could theoretically spend Sunday evenings upgrading my computer stuff, but do I? No! I love Sunday evenings, because the first half of the day is usually so busy for my family (church and youth group after, and then we always seem to have to stop at the grocery store on the way home...) What I like to do during these winter Sundays is put something into the crock pot at two (or better still, have Ross put something into the crock pot!) to be ready at six or seven - stew, or pulled pork on egg noodles, or a pair of soups. Then we all sit down in front of the woodstove in the family room and watch a movie together. When the kids were younger, Friday night was family movie night. Strangely, people in their teens and twenties seem to have other things to do on a Friday than watch THE INCREDIBLES with Mom and Dad.

Sunday TV shows? I catch them on Hulu.

HALLIE EPHRON: We watch Downton Abbey, too, if there's a new episode. The Good Wife? Didn't know it was on Sunday because I usually stream new episodes off their web site during the week... and regular TV shows seem to forever be on hiatus.

Mostly Sunday isn't much different from any other day since EVERY day is a writing 'work' day and what's available on TV is pretty much the same, too, since we got ROKU. The one extra: the Sunday papers. We get the NY Times and the Boston Globe and I usually save the Times book review and both magazines for Sunday night.


DEBORAH CROMBIE: For years we've had homemade (except for the crust) pizza on Sunday nights. We do deviate occasionally, but it's nice to have a routine. And I imagine you can guess that I've watched PBS on Sunday nights as long 
as I can remember! (Although there were years when PBS
had competition from the X-Files...)

SUSAN ELIA MACNEAL: For us, Sunday night is about getting Kiddo ready for school. Why is he seemingly allergic to showers? Why do I have to say "Wash your hair" and "WITH SHAMPOO!"? Then there's the gather-up of the homework, library books, etc. for the following morning — because I'm not a morning person and can't leave it until then. So generally we DVR shows and watch them later... Downton Abbey, of course. And Hallie has got me hooked on The Good Wife. And there's actually another show on Sundays we watched, but I'm too embarrassed to admit in a public forum.... However, if you guess, I'll come clean.

HANK: Tell us, tell us, Susan! “Watched” means—it isn’t on any more? Or you don’t watch it anymore?  

And how about you all? Guess what Susan watched…. And how do you spend your Sundays?

And this week some fabulous people and blogs: an author who is going ot be even bigger than she already is, how one author’s books got made into Amazon TV! And we’ll introduce you to a new little critter—and you’ll want one of your own.

************************

Congratulations “Candidly Susan,” the winner of the audiobook There Was an Old Woman. Susan, please email Hallie “at” HallieEphron dot com with your mailing address!

The Grocery Store aka "The List"

LUCY BURDETTE:  I do realize that this is what we call a "first-world problem" but that said, here it is. When we are in Connecticut, John doesn't go to the grocery store. (I tease him about whether he needs directions on the few occasions that he does go.) I like to take my time (except for the deli counter--I loathe the deli counter), choose the right kind of milk, and cheese, and produce--oh, and cereal. Even if I gave him a list, I could never be sure what might come back in those bags.

But in Key West, there is a lot of construction and hordes of tourists carrying beers and pedicabs and conch tour trains between us and the store. It's not a fun drive. And then we live in a third floor apartment, which involves schlepping and lugging. So we go together, sometimes only every two or three weeks. But John has mentioned that he thinks I'm controlling in the supermarket. (Moi? Controlling?) He complains that I dole out one item at a time for him to shop for.

John with his list

Finally, it occurred to me that we needed individual lists. A breakthrough! Life-changing, says John, this could save our marriage.

So who shops in your family?

HANK PHILLIPPI RYAN: Hilariously,this is one of the things we always do together. We actually have fun, and it never takes too long. I get to say "What would you like for dinner" and Jonathan gets to say "You decide" and I get to say "I ALWAYS decide" and it goes on like that.  

The key is to--pssssst--send him away on a mission. "Go get some light bulbs,, okay?" I say. Then he's gone forever. Seriously, we have a good time and it's not a chore.

LUCY: Hmmm, Jonathan must be more pliable than my John, Hank. It was the sending him off on a one-item mission that started this lament:).

HALLIE EPHRON: My husband shops for groceries when I'm sick. And then only out of guilt. I also hog the kitchen.

If he comes to the store with me, it's because he's beside himself with boredom. He always disappears into something like the exotic foods section and emerges with something like a six-pack of something like guava juice. Or wander off into the natural foods and emerge with some new kind of granola.

Also I like to do my meal planning on the hoof -- I wander around waiting for ingredients to 'speak to me.' After ten minutes he's lost interest and is waiting in the car. (Never shop a sale at Macy's with the man.)

SUSAN ELIA MACNEAL: Fresh Direct (the online grocery delivery service, see freshdirect.com) became available right around the time my son was born in 2005 and has been a lifesaver, especially for us in NYC without a car. I sort of feel like Joan Jetson, using my computer to shop, but overall, the experience has been a good one. (Around the same time, our local supermarket started to charge for previously free delivery — so it seemed like a good deal, as well.) Of course, I still like to get my fresh fruits and veggies at the farmers' market!

RHYS BOWEN: Never shop a sale at Macy's with a man--so true, Hallie. Did it last week. He sat by the entrance and pouted. And checked his watch. But he loves to grocery shop. When he first retired he'd study the specials for the week, drive all over town to find the best produce and bring it home in triumph like a cave man lugging in a mammoth. He'd put it all on the kitchen table. "Guess how much?" he'd say. In my head I'd calculated 59$ but I'd say $75. "Wrong!" he'd exclaim in triumph. "Only $59".
Hey, if I haven't learned to outsmart a man by now, what have I learned? So now he does all the grocery shopping and it's bliss.

DEBORAH CROMBIE: Rick only goes to the grocery store if I am sick, crippled, or out of town. (I shudder to think what he buys--and eats--when I'm not here. In fact, I try not to think about it at all...) Well, that's not quite fair. He will go get ice, or a bagged salad, or dog food is specifically requested. But he wants a bar code for each item so that he can put it in his phone. He doesn't understand why I don't want a bar-coded list in MY phone. (I use a small spiral notebook, and make very organized shopping lists.) But I KNOW what brand of pasta sauce or salad dressing and I don't need a BAR CODE!

Did I hear someone out there say I was controlling????

LUCY: Okay Reds, we've told you all our secrets now, so your turn to dish: who shops in your house?

And tomorrow--big drum roll--Rhy's new book will be out and she's telling us all about it and giving away a copy! Come back and bring your friends!