RHYS BOWEN: So I’m currently in Scottsdale, home of more spas than any
place in the universe. Every woman in Scottsdale wants to look young forever
and doesn’t care what she has to do to achieve that effect.
I too would like to look young forever but the big difference
is that I’m a coward. I do not enjoy getting hurt. I’d never have been enticed
into Fifty Shades of Grey! So I am quietly searching for some kind of treatment
that lifts, tightens and beautifies my face without any pain.
Does this exist, do you ask? I’ve done a bit of research.
First there is the FACELIFT where a surgeon literally peels
back your skin (and yes, this is a true use of the word literally) and pulls it
up and staples it to the top of your head. Uh, no thank you. And what if it
went wrong and my eyebrows were somewhere around my hair line? And my lips were
up my nostrils?
Okay so less invasive. Heat treatment, maybe? Thermage or
similar. Your skin is exposed to heat and tightens and makes new collagen. That
sounds all right. I like being warm. Then I read the reviews. One woman had to
take enormous amounts of Valium, pain killers and rated the pain 5 on a scale
of one to five. Maybe also not for me.
So I’m checking out the micro-needling. In this a roller
full of tiny sharp spikes like a miniature medieval torture instrument is run
over your face and neck. The first review I read the woman cried and yelled.
Need I say more.
My dermatologist suggested blue light therapy to improve skin condition. You sit under a blue light for twenty minutes. That sounds easy enough. The only downside is that you have to drive home hidden under a heavy cloth and remain in a darkened room for days.If one stray sunbeam catches you you will continue to burn and pee. That sounds so inviting!
Then there are the injections, fillers, Botox. They will
take away my frown lines, are relatively painless BUT they last a few months.
And then they have to be repeated, and repeated and who knows how good it is
for your system to have several gallons of Botox floating around.
So I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m going to stay the
way I am, unless someone can tell me about a brilliant procedure they’ve just
had that was painless and made them look like Cindy Crawford, only better. If
the procedure made you look like Melania Trump, please don’t bother!
