The Inevitable, Sigh. Taxes

HANK PHILLIPPI RYAN: Every year, my thought processes are exactly the same.

January: Oh, taxes. I'd better start thinking about them. This year, I'm going to do them early, get them done, and be SO happy. But this is only January--this is too soon. I'll think about it later.

People in the 1920s doing their taxes--irrelevant but funny

February: Yikes, I have all my receipts in a nice file, but there sure are a LOT of them. I should organize them, and start adding them all up NOW. Remember? (I say to myself ) how HORRIBLE it is to wait until the last minute? How EVERY YEAR you wait until the last minute? This year, you're gonna be smart, and do your taxes way in advance. But this--this is too soon. Isn't it?

March: Oh, no. It's next month. Holy moly I have fifty million receipts, and all I need to do is add them up. DO it, Hank! But no, I don't do it.
  Tick, tock, March goes by.

April: APRIL! I blew it! Now I have to hurry, oh, yikes, where's the calculator, where's the paper. We have no calculator, and even if we did, it would be too difficult. Okay, this Sunday (two weeks before the deadline or so) I'm DOING it. Because our accountant will be so annoyed if I'm late.

April 7 or so:  I add up everything and send to my accountant. Grumbling and complaining. But whew.

Just so you know

May: This year, I'm going to be ORganized.I'm gong to get some sort of, I don't know. Computerized thing. And do it as I go. yeah. Definitely.

June: Plenty of time. (Stuffs receipts in file...)

Well, you get the picture. I NEVER learn. How do you handle your..sigh...taxes? Are you more organized than I am?

HALLIE EPHRON: Confession: I would SO MUCH rather do my taxes than write my new book. Taxes are mindless, satisfying, and there's only one more or less "right" answer. You know when you're done. So I get it started well in advance and I'm super-organized along the way.

Bo-ring, but there you are.

Mary Poppins:  First of all, I would like to make one thing quite clear.
Mr. Banks: Yes?
Mary Poppins: I never explain anything.
[exits]

HANK: Argh. Hallie, you know I adore you, and you are—what did Mary Poppins say about herself? Practically perfect in every way. And CONGRATULATIONS on making the Boston Globe bestseller list! Hurray! And now, Rhys.  I know how much you love taxes. ;-)

RHYS BOWEN: Taxes? Please don't mention the word. I'm just recovering from the shock of having bought a new stealth bomber for the US military and single handedly funded the invasion of North Korea. I have a set of file drawers and shove receipts into the correct one all year, but that doesn't make it easier. I try to estimate but I'm never right. And I do my own taxes. I consulted a tax lawyer a few years ago and the actual computation isn't hard, now it's on my H and R Block computer program, but it's the matching receipts to events in my agenda, adding up totals etc. And then the paying.... sigh.

ROSEMARY HARRIS: Well, I was pretty pleased this year - I spent less (work expenses) than the year before and that's a good thing. I keep a folder all year long and throw things in it. Every once in a while during the year I'll clip like things together. Then in January I hand it all to my husband and he hands it all to a nice woman named Nancy. If Nancy ever retires we could be screwed.

You can't see these, right? They're Stealth 

DEBORAH CROMBIE: Hank, you've been spying on me, right???  Rhys, I thought I had paid for the Stealth Bomber... Hallie, you can come organize me anytime. Every year I swear I'm going to get everything done on time. 

I just had a text from our accountant saying she's filing our extension.

Our Sue is the most patient woman in the world. If she ever retires--or gets totally fed up with me--I think I'll have to leave the country.

when it all started...

LUCY BURDETTE: Hallie, what say I send you my folder and you send me your book?? Hank described my process exactly: when I finally finish, it doesn't seem so bad. If only I'd make little envelopes for all the categories or type the stuff into a spreadsheet...but I don't. And now I'm once again in the season of dread...and John is waiting...

HANK:  Yeah, Lucy and Debs. Great idea!  Next year--we're ALL sending our receipts to Hallie! So how about you, dear Reds? Because the question is so nicely alliterative: when it comes to taxes, are you a Hank or a Hallie?