Winter 2013 for the Fashionable Crone

Julia Spencer-Fleming: Here at Jungle Red Writers, we've discussed the problems of being a fashionista of a certain age. You can no longer manage spiky heels (bunions), your upper arms start to resemble Eleanor Roosevelt more than Michelle Obama, and no amount of spandex can hide the fact you've given birth. Even when you're in fantastic shape (as quite a few of my sister bloggers are!) there's that problem of looking like a superannuated teenager. Nobody wants to recreate that scene from STAR TREK where the men of the Enterprise think the woman is a hot young babe and then she turns around and:

This winter has some especially questionable looks for style-seeking fifty-something. Oversized coats, for instance, which look good on the .04% of the female population who are six feet tall and ninety-five pounds soaking wet. Over-the-knee boots, which can make even leggy young woman appear to be in business for themselves if you know what I mean and I think you do. Fairy-tale and fantasy inspired - please. My daughter can wear fantasy outfits and look like the Lady of Shalott. I, on the other hand, look like a deranged fortune-teller.  

So what to do when you want to be au courant? I'm glad you asked! I just recently got onto Polyvore, and as a result, I have four winter looks that are stylish AND flatteringly age-appropriate.

Winter 2013 - Menswear by juliaspencerfleming featuring a cable cardigan

Menswear is a big look this fall. Who doesn't look good in a Glen Plaid pants? Comfy shoes, a bag big enough to stash your stuff in and a cardi (perfect for hot flashes) complete the look.

Winter 2013 - Grunge Revisited by juliaspencerfleming featuring black tights

 That's right, grunge is back. Along with plaid (always a thing for fall/winter) and leather. This look combines all three and keeps you warm at the same time. You'll think you're headed for the Soundgarden concert instead of the garden club.

Winter 2013 - The Schoolboy Look by juliaspencerfleming featuring minnetonka moccasins

The "Academic" look is hot this winter. Avoid the schoolgirl style like the plague - you'll look like you forgot to change after engaging in some naughty roleplaying with your spouse. Instead, go for the schoolboy style. I'm totally stealing my son's Trinity scarf when he gets home for Christmas break.

Winter 2013 - Baroque evening outfit by juliaspencerfleming featuring Alexander McQueen

Baroque is big this winter, and if you and I were 30-year-olds in New York City, we might dress like the Empress Theodora too. However, we're not, so this ensemble is Baroque-lite, with all my signature style elements: comfortable shoes? Check! Warm? Check! Bitchin' bag the doubles as brass knuckles? Check!

What are you going to be wearing this winter, dear readers?