The Single Writer's Guide to Dating; a guest blog by Jill Edmondson

 JULIA SPENCER-FLEMING:  Jill Edmondson claims she's not acquainted with fetish parties, or brothels, or phone sex hotlines, all of which her PI, Sasha Jackson, has found herself neck-deep in. Uh huh. Okay. We'll ignore the fact that both Jill and her sleuth are into serious rock music, Toronto night life, and are looking for love (in the case of Sasha Jackson, sometimes in all the wrong places.) And we know Jill is serious about her work - you don't get glowing reviews from the Globe and Mail, the Hamilton Spectator and Ellery Queen by sitting on your duff ogling pictures of half-dressed men. (Although wouldn't it be nice if literary success worked that way?) So I'm prepared to believe Jill doesn't have a sexy cop tucked away somewhere - especially when she tells us the perils and pitfalls of dating while writing...

I have long brown hair and blue eyes. I like long walks on the beach, candlelit dinners, cuddling by a fire, and... Oh wait, wrong website. Or maybe not.

Since re-entering the dating world a while ago, I’ve become acutely aware of the fact that a lot of people out there don’t like to read. Also since re-entering the dating world, I’ve developed a new understanding of my relationship with reading and writing.

Let me be clear: This isn’t necessarily about my books. Usually, I won’t even tell a potential date the titles of my books; if anything I might say they’re mysteries and leave it at that. But I do try to make it clear upfront that writing and books matter to me. And yet... 

I can’t date a guy who doesn’t like reading, and thinks it’s a “boring waste of time” or something to do “when there’s nothing better to do”. Guys have said those exact words to me. Many different guys. It doesn’t seem to matter what the source of the date is - whether we met at a party, or on an internet dating site, via mutual friends, at a singles event... As shocking a realization as this is, a lot of guys out there aren’t into reading. Who knew?

One man I chatted with via an online dating service told me he would never read my books, but maybe his teenaged son would. Huh? I hadn’t told him the titles or given him so much as a synopsis of the story. I have no idea why he thought his son might want to read them, but why the man himself would not. I didn’t even bother going on a first date with him.

Then there was the dude I met via friends. We had gone on several dates, and it looked like there was some potential for this one, but... We were on a day trip, and along the way, I blathered something about book stuff. I think I was stuck on a plot twist, and I asked for his opinion, whatever. He muttered some kind of vague answer. I looked at him carefully and saw blankness. So, I asked him if the writing talk was boring and he said yes. Needless to say, the rest of the outing was awkward, and there was no kiss goodbye.

In another instance, I told a guy that I write mystery novels. He asked if they’re nonfiction. Ummm...

I’ve given a fair bit of thought to this. At times I’ve wondered if I’m being a bitch, or if I’m being too sensitive. But methinks not. My books are my passion. Writing isn’t just a fluffy little pastime to while away a Sunday afternoon. My stories aren’t just a cutesy little hobby to keep me from being bored.

Books and writing are a huge part of my life. As any author knows, writing the book itself is only one part of the gig. There’s also the promoting and social media side of things. At last count, I had done well over one hundred events in support of my first three novels, everything from store signings, to library readings, to meeting with book clubs. And let’s not forget the social media stuff. I blog several times a week, I tweet every day, I do promos on Amazon, and anything else that seems like a good idea.

If a potential date isn’t into reading and doesn’t get why writing matters to me, then what possible future is there for us as a couple? Is he going to think I’m wasting my time blogging? Is he going to roll his eyes when I say I have to meet with a book club? Is he going to yawn when I tell him about my afternoon signing at Chapters? In tandem with this is the fact that much of my social life includes author friends and aspiring writers (and often usually involves single malt scotch as well, but that’s another blog post). I also enjoy going to author readings and launches, and I look forward to annual events like Bloody Words. 

Then of course, there is the bookworm inside of me. Long before I ever even thought of trying to pen my first manuscript, I was an avid reader. I usually read between 50 and 75 books a year, and read about twice as much nonfiction as fiction. I love discussing my recent reads with people, sharing my thoughts on whatever book, eager to hear another’s take on it. I also love hearing what others are reading, what it’s about, why I might like it, how cool that plot twist is, and so on.

So, while I have tried to be flexible and open-minded, I’m going to dig in my heels. I have come to the conclusion that a lack of interest in books and reading is a deal-breaker for me. Maybe from now on, instead of asking “what’s your sign?” or “do you come here often?” I’ll ask the guy what he likes to do before going to sleep, or what’s on his bedside table. Oh, wait, that could lead the conversation in another direction entirely...


The fourth book in Jill Edmondson's Sasha Jackson PI series, Frisky Business, has just been released. You can find out more about Jill and read excerpts from her books at her website. You can catch more of her writing at her blog, friend her on Facebook, compare books with her on Goodreads and follow her on Twitter as @JillEdmondson.