Pandemic Writing

Southernmost Point, Key West

LUCY BURDETTE: I was interviewed last week about how people are coping with the stay-at-home orders, and at the end the reporter said: “This will all be wonderful fodder for another book in your series!” And I thought, good lord, no, who will want to read about this once we’ve lived through it? I remember there were a spate of books about 9-11 and its aftermath, and I have the impression that most of them sank like stones.

But the reporter persisted a bit, asking how my Key West characters would react to pandemic conditions. So I imagined Hayley Snow buzzing around deserted Key West picking up takeout--though I couldn't picture her reviews getting any traction. And probably her mother, who runs a catering business, would be cooking for people in need. Houseboat Row, I thought, would probably stay much the same. The boats are in close proximity so the neighbors could still sit out on their decks (with masks?) and gab. Hayley would be super-protective of her 80-something roommate, Miss Gloria. But a murder during the epidemic? For what reason? Toilet paper hoarding? Inadequate social distancing? Counterfeit Florida Keys re-entry stickers?

I honestly can’t imagine wanting to write about this situation, nor can I imagine wanting to read about it! What about you Reds, can you picture any of your characters rising to this occasion? 

JENN McKINLAY: This is a very timely question since I’m writing about a character in next summer’s WAIT FOR IT, who is homebound for various reasons. Now that I’m in the thick of the manuscript, I have other characters thinking, Why would you settle for being stuck at home? Didn’t we get enough of that last spring? That is the complete reference I will make to this ver horribilis - to paraphrase Queen Elizabeth’s reference to 1992. I’m hoping it’s just the spring and not the whole year! I most definitely do not want to read about quarantine once we’re done with it. 

HANK PHILLIPPI RYAN: Such a deeply fascinating question--and I keep envisioning every writer crafting tales of murder mysteries in quarantine, and rom-coms where the people meet cute in masks and then have a big reveal, how facial recognition will be useless, and meetings missed, and people vanishing and no one notices, and and and and all kinds of plot devices ...but hey. if all goes as we all deeply hope, I’ve got to say I do not want to read that. 

I know of authors who are setting their books-in-progress in 2019, and that’s one solution, I suppose. I love Jenn’s one reference idea, because--we can’t ignore it.

But my upcoming book, THE FIRST TO LIE, which comes out in August, just saying, has no references, of course.

Thinking about this a bit more--the books I’m reading now were “before” and they don’t make me think: oh no, don’t shake hands! It’s the world of the book.

HALLIE EPHRON: I don’t know about my characters rising to the occasion when I’m barely able to do it myself. I keep thinking, “when will it be over?” And that’s not what you want a reader to be thinking while reading your book. 

Funny, what Hank said, because right now I’m reading your new Key West food mystery, THE KEY LIME CRIME, Lucy, and Hayley keeps hopping on and off her motorbike and toodling around town and I keep thinking, Wait, wait, she can’t do that… can she? And I love it that she CAN and I can follow her vicariously when in real life our wings are clipped.

RHYS BOWEN: I’ve already tackled this subject in last year’s book THE VICTORY GARDEN that was set in WWI and then the following flu epidemic. I hadn’t realized until I researched that the flu killed up to a hundred million people worldwide. It was harrowing to write about because the chances of surviving were slim. But my story was about rising to the occasion, how women took over tasks and did jobs they never believed they could do. I like to think that both Molly and Lady Georgie would not shirk from playing their part, going what was required. But as to writing about this…. I’m so glad my books are set in the past!

DEBORAH CROMBIE: I am thinking about this, too. My books have always floated fairly loosely in time, except for a couple that have concrete time references (which I now pretty much regret.) The WIP is set just six weeks after the end of A BITTER FEAST, so would that be November, 2019, or November, 2020, or some unplaceable autumn? I'm going for the latter, although by the time the book is finished I may have to rethink that. I can't imagine wanting to write about this time, and I rather like the idea of my characters' lives going forward in an alternate virus-free world.

JULIA SPENCER-FLEMING: I have the same reaction to Hank - I can see all sorts of plot possibilities to various aspects of the crisis. After all, there's a whole genre of end-of-the-world books. (They never, however, seem to feature protagonists sitting around endlessly binging Netflix - even the apocalypse in this timeline is the worst.)

I also agree with Lucy - it's going to be a while before anyone will be able to get any traction with fiction about the pandemic. It takes time, sometimes a long time, to get enough distance to turn pain into art. But mentions of the pandemic? We'll have to drop them in, at least those of us writing in the present day. The great novel about the 1918 pandemic, Pale Horse, Pale Rider, was published 20 years after the events it covers, but countless novels written before that had men who had been in the war and women who had lost family to the influenza. 

So I can picture Russ recalling having to struggle to get his officers masks and gloves, or Clare telling someone about her church's efforts to keep the food kitchen going, but only if it's all safely in the past, and we can get on with a nice, simple, wholesome murder.

Reds, would you want to read about this pandemic in the future? And do have your copy of Julia's new book yet?

Lucy scores Hid from Our Eyes

Mysterious Weddings

LUCY BURDETTE: I love the idea of inserting weddings into the Key West mysteries—the possibilities for conflict are endless. Plus, Key West is in real life a very popular wedding destination. So we see every kind of ceremony, from two people who've stumbled off a cruise ship to get married on the beach to unbelievable extravaganzas ending with fireworks. The caterers in town are experts at setting up for a wedding and tearing it all down the same night so it looks as though absolutely nothing happened the next day. There are several bakeries specializing in gorgeous wedding cakes, and there are beautiful tropical wedding flowers and plenty of places to party. 

My good friend and wonderful character Steve Torrence conducts a thriving wedding business on the side of his police and church work—I think he did at least four over one weekend in April. When I started to think it was time for Hayley Snow to tie the knot, I realized that I've already had two weddings in this series--one took place at the Hemingway Home in Murder with Ganache (I absolutely love that cover!) and the other in Killer Takeout in a closet during a hurricane. There is supposed to be a wedding in A DEADLY FEAST, but I'm going to save that story for tomorrow when the book is out!!

Reds, do you put weddings into your books? Why or why not? 

HALLIE EPHRON: Realizing I've never put a wedding in a  book... except as back story. But it is the PERFECT setup for conflict, and talk about high stakes! Don't tell anyone but I'm about to celebrate my 50th wedding anniversary. What can I say, I got lucky the first time, and the truth is we were SO young it could easily have been a disaster. I did not have a wedding dress (never wanted one) but the one thing I did get at my wedding was great food. Big surprise, right? I'm stealing this from someone, but I do think what makes a good marriage is marrying someone whose annoying habits you find charming.

RHYS BOWEN : I have had a wedding in all three of my series.  If the series goes on long enough and there is a romantic interest then eventually you have to marry off the characters. Lady Georgie got married last year although enough bad things happened before the wedding that the outcome wasn't certain. But it was fun to write. As for a good marriage... I can beat Hallie by two years. I don't have a secret except be lucky enough to choose the right partner in the first place and to work at it... It also helps to be in the same page in the big things... Money, child rearing, religion. But Hallie I still find his annoying habits, annoying!

JENN McKINLAY: Lots of weddings here! All of my series have weddings. Primarily, because I start with a thirty-something character and after ten books and one or two relationships it seems to be the natural order of things. I haven’t written many books beyond the wedding in any of the series so I’ll have to see if it’s a series killer or not. Hmm...

DEBORAH CROMBIE: I've only had one wedding, Gemma and Duncan's, and it was very low key. I had a lot of worries that marrying them would be a series killer, but not so far! But, weddings as a source of conflict, that's brilliant. Somehow I've never thought of putting another wedding in one of my books. Lucy, you've given me ideas!

Oh, and I'm about to celebrate my 25th. Not too bad, considering this is marriage #2:-)

HANK PHILLIPPI RYAN: Didn't Shakespeare end all of his comedies with weddings? It's the perfect way to wrap up of loose ends and providing a moment to reiterate theme and provide emotion and  indicate to the readers (and listeners) that the characters' lives will continue. So--all good.

I had a wedding in FACE TIME, and I have to say I adored it. (Not Charlie's of course.)  It really was one of my favorite things I've ever written, and it even makes me weepy now to think of it. My mom said she'd cried at the scene, and my editor did, too!  Pretty interesting, considering it's a murder mystery.

Interestingly and now that I think of it : in domestic suspense, it doesn't feel so natural. Hmmm. Have to multiply that over.

Gosh, we are coming up to year...22! Amazing. Awww. It really seems so recent. 

JULIA SPENCER-FLEMING: Ross said our marriage was the best twenty years of his life...on our thirtieth anniversary. (Picture me with serious side-eye.) I guess it took me at least a decade to find his annoying habits charming, Hallie! My top priority for a good marriage (or really, any other relationship) is communication and follow-through. You have to be willing to sit down and actually talk about your feelings, expectations, issues, etc. And then both partners need to follow through with the agreed upon action. I remember vividly the point where I realized Ross was The One - it was the fact that if I said, "This is bothering me," he listened, gave his point of view, and then actually DID something about the thing that was bothering me. (Except for picking his socks up from the floor, And after fifteen years or so, that just didn't bother me anymore.)

Weddings: I've had two, described very briefly, because they were sweet add-ons to the main story, not the focus. I have seriously thought about doing a short -to- Novella length story about Clare and Russ's wedding, in part because I'd really love to see Clare's snobbish Southern Belle mother dealing with the fact the groom-to-be was a cop thirteen years older than her daughter. Plus, her mother drives Clare insane. You're so right, Lucy, that the possibility for conflicts are endless when it comes to weddings. Even if you don't throw a death in the mix, the combination of money, family, expectations and Pinterest-fueled delirium could drive a whole novel.

Lucy: Julia, we want the novella please! Hank, you are so right about suspense not lending itself to weddings...

For Red readers, do you like reading about weddings in your mysteries? 

On Deciding

LUCY BURDETTE: Remember Hank’s post on to do lists a couple months back? I saw an article online about decision-making recently (though sorry to say, I've lost the link...) The author’s main premise was if you don’t get good at making decisions, you are wasting a huge amount of time that could be spent better in your life. And that decision making takes a lot of effort, so maybe you’re better off making early choices rather than trying to choose the best choice. (The author gave the example of going to the grocery store. This man planned all his menus way in advance so he had no choice is to make while wandering the aisles.)

Here’s a fairly accurate transcript of conversation between me and my hub, John. In my defense, it was a complicated day and we had to fit a lot of things in. I was singing in the church choir, then off to the artisans market to sell books in the Key West Writers Guild booth. And we needed to purchase ribs at that same market, and they sometimes sell out early. And we have one car. I think that’s enough background!

by Conal Gallagher

Lucy: What if I ride my bike to church since I have to get there early. And you take the car and drop off the books at the booth so they’ll be there when I arrive after choir practice. But wait, how do I get the books back home after the sale?

John: I’ll come and pick them up. Fine.

An hour later, Lucy: or do you think it would be better if I take the car and you ride the bike. Except by the time I get to the market there won’t be any place to park.

John: Either way is fine.

Half an hour later, Lucy: Or would it be better…

John: do we have to decide this again today?

How are you at making decisions, Reds? Do you make them and then tend to change your mind? or you are once and done?

HALLIE EPHRON: Ha ha ha! I've had that conversation, too.

I tend to be pretty decisive. But in my writing, I can't leave a decision unchanged. I'm forever going back and second guessing myself, and it's almost always better after I change it. 

by Denise Krebs

When it comes to large household purchases, I'm terrible at actually making the purchase. The Internet opening up a vast array of MORE CHOICES only makes it worse. It's been literally years that I've been trying to decide on a new light for the dining room. And then every time I find something I like, my husband derails it. It's why I don't let him into the kitchen. We'd never eat because we'd be endlessly deciding WHAT to eat.

HANK PHILLIPPI RYAN: Don't even get me started on the dinner thing.  I keep saying--Just TELL me what you'd like and I will make it. Just don't make me have to figure it out. But that's different than deciding.  I have to say, in most realms, I'm pretty decisive, too. I think, I ponder, I decide. Even though I can see all the possibilities, the best (to me) answer still emerges. Maybe it comes from all these years in journalism. You've gotta be ready (and right!)  by 6 pm, when the news is on! So usually, I'm fast and fine with it.

My downfall is what to wear to a thing. (Until I decide, and then I am incredibly inflexible. You mean it's gonna be 90 degrees? Nooooo. I already decided! )  And sometimes I'm indecisive in a restaurant until the waiter actually asks me to choose. There's that moment when it's now or never. 

One thing I do, if I can't decide, is I make an appointment with myself to decide. I'll think--I don't need to figure that out until Tuesday. So I'll worry about it then.  

JULIA SPENCER-FLEMING: Hank, I love that idea.

by Max Naylor

JENN McKINLAY: I'm pretty decisive. I always assume that if I end up not liking like the kitchen counter I picked out, I'll get a better one next time. "Done is better than perfect" as Sheryl Sandberg says. On the extremely rare occasions where I can't make up my mind, I flip a coin. For example: Heads we go to Iceland in June. Tails we don't. If it comes up tails and my insides start screaming "But I want to go to Iceland" then we go. Conversely, if my insides sigh with relief then we don't go. Sometimes I just need an absolute to push my inner feelings to the surface.

HANK PHILLIPPI RYAN: I completely agree with that method, Jenn! And I do it all the time. Your gut and brain know the right answer. Sometimes you just have to fool them into telling you.

DEBORAH CROMBIE: I'm generally pretty good at deciding. And I do plan meals a week in advance because it makes grocery shopping a snap and then no last minute worrying about what to fix. On big items, I do my research, make a decision, and then am seldom unhappy with my choice. 

However, I learned as a child that I have a stimulus threshold--I call it "cafeteria syndrome" because whenever we went to Luby's I would burst into tears, overwhelmed by all the options and the pressure of having to decide RIGHT THEN. So, I don't eat in cafeterias, and I don't shop in department stores. Same principle--too much stuff! And I have to sequence errands ahead of time so that I know where I'm going in what order. Coping mechanisms for the easily distracted, I guess, but they work for me.

INGRID THOFT: I’m a big fan of the coin flip method, but it usually doesn’t come to that.  I’m decisive in most matters, and if I’m not, it usually means there’s some more significant issue niggling under the surface, like am I making a choice to make someone else happy?  My husband and I are excellent when it comes to big purchases.  We recently leased a new car, and after doing some research, we did a test drive and signed the paperwork on the spot.  We were in out of the dealership in about three hours.  Hallie, I’ll help you choose your new light fixture!

RHYS BOWEN: What to wear--that is always my moment of indecision. I've learned from bitter experience that I don't wear pastels to New York. But every time I have to appear in public I agonize: is this too boring, too flashy, too warm, too cool. 
John and I are really good about travel decisions. I say "Look at this cruise. It would fit would our time schedule." and John says, "Fine." and I say Deck seven and he says okay and an hour later I've paid the deposit. But other than that, he doesn't like change. When I wanted to repaint the interior of the house I had to approach it cautiously, make suggestions, let them sink in. Then let him think it was his idea!

JULIA SPENCER-FLEMING: I'm good but messy at making decisions, by which I mean I have to talk the possible permutations out. It sounds like Lucy's discussion with herself above, and it tends to drive my family batty. I'm trying to at least tamp it down at restaurants. No one wants to hear me debating the stuffed pork versus the chicken marsala with myself. 

I used to be bad at large-ticket items, like Hallie. I was afraid to buy because what if I found it cheaper elsewhere? Or a better quality? Nowadays, I research stoves, cars, fridges, etc. in Consumer Reports. Once I know exactly what I want, I comparison shop online and then go for the best deal available at that time. I bought my late-model used Honda Accord the day after first seeing it listed in Craigslist - and that included getting a pre-buy inspection by my car guy. 

How about you Red readers? Are you good at making decisions? Any tips for not wasting time?

What We Like About Fall

LUCY BURDETTE: Could those be the most amazing chocolates you've ever seen?? Fall-themed of course, and they come from cows on Thorncrest Farm in Goshen CT--you can actually go and meet the cows who made your milk that made your chocolate. They are called Milk House Chocolates, expensive but worth it for a special special occasion. 

Anyway, that photo in my inbox got me thinking about fall. I know there will be a few of you  who feel I have no business admiring fall when I skip the worst of winter by absconding to Key West. However, I remember loving fall even in my winter days. And here are a few of the things I love:

1. The beautiful color changes in the leaves (which is not to say I don't love those baby greens of Spring)
2. Arrangements of pumpkins and chrysanthemums and scarecrows
3. Cooler temperatures so the dog and I can take longer walks
4. Shorter days (no, I mean it. I like the feeling of being tucked in by the darkness after supper, as if not too much more is expected of me that day.)
5. The women's basketball season is coming!

How about you Reds, are you fans of Fall?

HANK PHILLPPI RYAN:  Sweaters. Boots. Soup.  I have to say, and it's not in the nature of a complaint, just a reality, my book deadline is now LOOMING and so is the launch, and there is very little that's more intense and stressful. (I'll be in Phoenix, and Minneapolis, and Pittsburgh and Denver and all over Florida..please please come see me! No pressure, it;s just my career. And I will say no more. :-) )  

We close the swimming pool, and I try to balance things--I am  so aware of time going by. I know in five months, the ducks will be back. And that's great!  But the time will have gone by, we're all changing and fall to me is the time that is the most poignantly apparent.
But, on the happy side, I get to wear black tights again.

RHYS BOWEN: Not a great fan myself. Like Hank I am growing more aware of the passing of the seasons and the ticking of the clocks and the looming of old age. Depressing, right? I am one of those people who is highly sensitive to light. If I awake to a bright sunny day and blue skies then all is right with the world. So far in California we haven't had a hint of fall yet. It was over 90 at the weekend. I did an event with Cara Black and afterward we sat outside at a restaurant until late at night, enjoying the balmy evening air.

So the moment the rains hit California I become swallow-like and retreat to our condo in Arizona where blue skies are guaranteed all year. But things that I like? I do like sitting by a roaring fire, reading or knitting. I like the way the slanted sunlight paints the trees and I like the spectacular sunsets. And the smell of wood-smoke in the air. AND when the temperature drops a tad I get to wear my new outfit that daughter Jane bought me for my birthday. Winter white turtleneck sweater and cool fur vest.  So not all bad after all.

Girl on a train (Hallie!)

HALLIE EPHRON: Yesterday we took the train from NY back to Boston at twilight. It travels along the ocean and the color of those vast stretches of marsh grass--red and orange and green--made me wish I could paint. On the other hand, we're back home and our brand new heating system isn't working and it was 50 degrees this morning.
 
I do love sweaters and warm socks and switching to our winter quilt and snuggling under it. Soups (just cut out a recipe for carrot apple sweet potato soup with curry!) What I hate is what comes next. Winter, Feh.

DEBORAH CROMBIE: Oh, I adore fall. I've always said it was my favorite season--at least until I'm really sick of winter blahs and can't wait for the first signs of spring... I love the crisp air and being able to do ANYTHING outside without melting into a sweaty mess, and I especially love taking walks with the dogs. I love soups and stews and sweaters and boots and getting out the down comforter, and most of all, the smell of wood smoke in the air and curling up in front of a fire with a good book or a movie. 

LUCY: And ps, if I feel I need a dose of winter, I can always reread Julia’s last book, THROUGH THE EVIL DAYS, or Ragnar Jonasson’s SNOW BLIND—coldest book I’ve ever read. Red friends, how do you feel about fall?

Hank and Lucy explain it all: How to Help Your Favorite Writers!

LUCY BURDETTE:  Since we have two releases in the next ten days on JRW, we thought you might appreciate some suggestions on how you can make a difference in a writer's success.

* Pre-order the book to let the publisher know how anxious you are to read it.

HANK: Yes, yes! I cannot believe there aren't authors out in the sheets, right? Yelling..please please..

LUCY:  * Leave a review at Goodreads, Amazon, or Barnes & Noble

* Tweet a link to the book with a few words of praise

HANK: Yes yes. Sisters in Crime did a big survey, and found the number one was readers learned about new books was word of mouth. It seems obvious, but it makes a HUGE difference. If you love something, say something!

Can we make that our Jungle Red motto? One kind book word a day. I'm in!

Susan's new Mrs. Roosevelt's Confidante--FAB!--comes out the 27th.

My new WHAT YOU SEE comes out Tuesday. (Aunt Agatha's Robin Agnew's review said it was "Flawlessly done." Whoa.

LUCY: * Use your Facebook status to leave a link or the cover

HANK: There must be some survey about how many times you have to see a cover or photo before it registers in your bran. Anyone know? How much is too much?

LUCY:  * Mention the book in your Facebook group or other online forums

* Go to the book signing or launch party!

HANK: Yes, Yes, mine for WHAT YOU SEE is Thursday Oct 22 at Brookline Booksmith. And a fab pre-party on October 21 at FoxTales Books in Atlanta! Y'all come!

LUCY: * Post the book cover on your Pinterest board

Hank. :-(  I am terrible on Pinterest. How about you?
 
LUCY: * Ask for the book at your local bookstore. If they don't carry it, urge them to pick it up and tell them how much you like it.

* Find out which local indie bookstore the author uses and request a signed or personalized copy

* Take a picture of the book you love in a bookstore and post it online. A picture's worth a thousand words on social media.

HANK:  Yes, yes, please! And tag the author. He/she will be so thrilled!

LUCY:  So if you love a book/author, tell the world!

But most of all, enjoy the book! We love writing them and we love to know you are out there reading. And we'd love to hear your suggestions...

And PS, speaking of the new books, Hank and Susan are visiting Mystery Lovers Kitchen today with two fabulous cocktail recipes and a double giveaway. Come say hello!

HANK: And don't forget to…well, you know. Happy Sunday, everyone, and Happy Bookday to all.

On Being Sick

 
LUCY BURDETTE: Over the past few weeks, most of the Reds have been struck with some kind of summer plague. Vicious head colds, fierce flus, brutal bronchitis, stomach ailments, even pneumonia. 



As I was lying on the couch snuffling and sneezing and watching Orange is the New Black instead of working on my book, it occurred to me again how much I hate being sick. Think of it. Supposing you have one cold per year over 80 years. Supposing you feel lousy for five days running during each cold. 80×5 = 400 lost days! And that's just one stinking cold.

Which brings me to a related subject. How do you feel about people going out when they're sick? Or you going out for that matter. Are you the kind of person who searches your memory for the vector of the virus as soon as you come down with it? Who was coughing at the dinner party? Who was snuffling at the theater? Who was hacking on the airplane? On our vacation, a couple of our fellow tourists developed horrible flus--this being Japan, they were given masks to wear as a courtesy. As the trip progressed, I could hear the cough spreading through the other vacationers. Not much could be done about it in this case, as we were all on a boat. But I had my hand sanitizer working overtime...

Should you stay home when you're sick? What if it's a special occasion like a wedding or a vacation?

 
HANK PHILLIPPI RYAN: I'm always saying--I can't be sick, I cannot be sick! I duck and cover when someone coughs around me, or has runny eyes...my poor Jonathan had an eye thing which I decided (after my many years of medical school) must be contagious, so I didn't even hug him, and made sure our pillows didn't touch. Poor man, Turned out it was not contagious.

Anyway.

When people come to work sick it drives me crazy. I understand the problems, I do, but it is so rude to subject everyone to those germs.  Last time I was on the train, there was a VERY sick person, and I'm not going to describe it, just imagine. And it was the quiet car. So anyway, moving along, the woman next to me in the train (a stranger!) and I spoke in hushed tones about our shared fear he had norovirus, and proceeded to essentially pour Purell on ourselves.
So I say--if you can--stay home! Nothing more frustrating and disturbing that sitting by a person who is snuffling.
(And whatever you do, do NOT check it out your symptoms on WebMD. It is always fatal.)

LUCY:  Ha, ha, Hank. John turned up with spots all over his body last winter. After looking online, we were CONVINCED it was deadly Dengue Fever. (Turned out to be reaction to sulfa drug.)
HALLIE EPHRON: I was down with a mean flu, REALLY down for 2 weeks. Every joint ached. Fever spiked. No choice -- I was not doing anything but lying in bed and moaning. Then 2 more weeks of feeling just so-so before finally feeling normal. (And YES, as everyone asks me, I DID get a flu shot last fall.)

I sympathize with anyone who ends up with getting sick when they have to fly somewhere. I mean, sometimes you've just got to mainline cough suppressant and go. But when it's optional then I say stay away, and ask to wear a mask

while you're in the doctor's waiting area. And heaven help you if you happen to get sick on book tour. I mean what DO you do then?
 
DEBORAH CROMBIE: Oh, Hallie, I did get really sick! And not just on any book tour, but on book tour in Germany. I woke up in London on the morning I was due to fly to Munich to start the tour with a RAGING sore throat--the kind that will not let you tell yourself it's allergy, or post-nasal drip... By the time I got to Munich it was clear I had the flu. But I was booked in four cities, and it wasn't just me, but my publicist, a media personality, and a famous German actress who was doing readings from my book in German.  And all the events were ticket-only and sold out. So you just keep going. As soon as we checked into a hotel in a new city, my lovely publicist, Katrin, would take me to the nearest pharmacy for every cold and flu remedy we could buy. By the fourth city, I couldn't talk. And I did sign books for people, and felt terrible about spreading my germs, but had no choice. Washed hands until they almost fell off.

But under ordinary circumstances, I wish people would STAY HOME.

JULIA SPENCER-FLEMING: Ditto to the request that people stay home from work. I always point out to Ross that going in is counterproductive anyways - I'm convinced a good day's bedrest knocks a day or more off the cold's lifespan. If I have to go, say to a wedding or a book appearance, I try to medicate my more obnoxious symptoms and avoid touching anyone. I got a great idea from a very stylish mother-daughter pair who go to our church: when the dreadful swine flu was going around a few years back, they started showing up in adorable little gloves, the kind every woman wore in the fifties. They looked stylish (instead of paranoid) and they never got sick with anything that winter! Bring back indoor gloves!

What say you Red Readers? Douse yourself in Purell? Stay home all season? Take up Julia's new fashion statement?

Mothers In Law

LUCY BURDETTE:  I was clearing out some overstuffed folders on my desk when I came across this photo. You will see immediately why I had to blog about it. The dilemma became, is this a blog about mothers-in-law? Or hats? With Mother's Day on the horizon, I opted for mothers-in-law.

This photo is early in my relationship with Dorothy. John and I had each been married before--I know she was worried about whether I'd be good for him. Whether this time he'd picked the right woman. Two years after we were married, I invited Dorothy to a member-guest golf tournament at our club.  I was a very new golfer and nervous about everything. Would we get along? Would I play well enough to avoid humiliation? (Apparently I wasn't worried about the hat.)

That morning at breakfast we exchanged dreams. I dreamed that we got hopelessly lost on the golf course. She dreamed that they told her she was too old to play. We laughed and laughed. And then we were assigned to play with elderly twins, who were dreadful golfers but quite entertaining. We still love reliving that day--it definitely cemented our friendship.

She is almost 101 now (can you imagine) and still sharp as a tack. She keeps tabs on her seven kids and many grandchildren and great-grandchildren and has lots of opinions about life. (One of my other favorite memories was arriving at her apartment during the last presidential race. She was so relieved to have another Obama supporter in the room to help the president make it through the last debate.) I consider myself very lucky in the mother-in-law department!

What about you Reds, mother in law or even daughter in law stories? It's not an easy job either way...

HALLIE EPHRON: My mother-in-law, Freda, was a lovely woman and a terrific grandma to our two girls. Even in her 90s she could walk my feet off in the mall. She'd been quite a looker in her youth, and took a long time to settle down and get married. Her mother used to sew her outfits -- she'd bring her a picture of what she wanted and her mother would whip it up. Her mother was a terrific cook.

Neither cooking nor sewing got passed down to Freda. Her one culinary success was meatballs. Easiest recipe ever. 1 pound of chopped meat rolled into 1" balls. Put them in a sauce pan. Dump over them 8-12 ounces of canned Hunts Tomato Sauce, a good handful of brown sugar, and about 1/4 cup of vinegar. Cook slowly for about an hour and serve over rice. Yummy.

HANK PHILLIPPI RYAN: I loved my mother-in-law, Ida,  but she was truly fierce, and quite the piece of work. She was assistant principal at VanBuren High School in New York City, and also a licensed marriage and family counselor. (You'll see why that's funny in a moment.) Like all intellectuals at the time  (in the fifties), she and her husband flirted with Communism.  I asked her, fascinated, about the "meetings." Did they really advocate the overthrow of the US Government?" She said "Mostly the women made coffee." 

Jonathan's mom

 She was a wonderful poet, truly gifted. She took classes in French (she was fluent)  and in Human Sexuality (no comment) at Hunter College when she was well into her nineties, and died at 94.

However. She could be so opinionated that after the weekend I met her, Jonathan's friends all called him to see if I had survived. Everyone knew about "Black Thanksgiving," after which, as a result of Ida's inability to see the other side of any question or to believe that she might be wrong, the entire family and a whole group of friends stopped talking to each other for a year. Once, when a family member (not me), failed to send her a thank you note, she also stopped talking to them. (I'm not sure the person was upset by that.)
When she first saw me, she said "My, you're a big one, aren't you?"  I absolutely miss her. 

Shirley Dale Wilson, dancing with Dr. Paul Kincaid Wilson.

DEBORAH CROMBIE: I've had two. My ex--former (?) mother-in-law is German, a war refugee who met my ex-husband's father after WWII when he was in the British army and she was in a refugee camp.  She was QUITE difficult and didn't like me at all.  I see now that she had her reasons, but it was a rocky relationship that eventually improved, then went south with the divorce.  She's 93 now, the same age as my mother would have been, and still sharp as a tack. In spite of past disagreements, I miss her, and have great admiration for the things she endured in her life.

Now, mother-in-law #2, Lee, I have known since I was a teenager.  I also envy the fact that she was incredibly glamorous when she was young! She puts up with the fact that I'm always busy and never have as much time as I'd like to spend with the family.  This Christmas, the first without my mom, she gave me a huge hug and said, "Deb, I'm your mother now."

RHYS BOWEN: I was terrified to meet my mother-in-law. I married John in Australia and then moved to California so it was over a year before I met my new relatives. But I heard enough about her--what a wonderful cook she was, how organized she was, what a gracious hostess--pictures of how elegant she looked when she attended high level functions around the world, and wintered in Barbados, and had ancestors who owned Sutton Place and various other stately homes. When I met her she turned out to be gracious but sensitive. They came over for the birth of our first child and she said, "Let me know what you'd like me to handle while you're resting. Shall I just take over the cooking and leave you time with the baby?"

And she was a fabulous cook. Absolutely fabulous. It was her raison d'etre. She had a housekeeper and so all her energy and creativity was focused on her cooking. For lunch she would make one sauce for the meat, one for the vegetables, brilliant desserts, little cakes for tea. My mouth still waters when I think about her food. And I have a big book of recipes that she wrote out for me.  I don't make them often because they are all complicated and require zillions of ingredients and hours of preparation.

It was only after she died, rather young, that I realized what a lonely life she led. My father-in-law had a distinguished career and was involved in a life that didn't usually include her. Her children went to boarding school. She had no real friends. No wonder cooking made her feel useful during those long days.  The other thing I discovered about her was that she looked so distinguished and upper class but she loved dirty jokes and had this barmaid's laugh.  She was also a lovely grandma, although she never let me really get close to her. 

SUSAN ELIA MACNEAL: My mother-in-law, Miss Edna, has had a difficult week, but is doing much better now. She says "Cheers, darlings" — and is busy reading Beatriz Williams's THE SECRET LIFE OF VIOLET GRANT.

LUCY: So glad she's feeling better! Cheers back at you Edna! xo

JULIA SPENCER-FLEMING: I've never had a mother-in-law. Ross's mother died shortly after he and I started dating - she had been in a nursing home due to her multiple sclerosis and passed on from pneumonia. But I did have the most fabulous father-in-law a bride could ask for. Victor was funny, opinionated, high-handed and generous to a fault. He loved me and his grandkids (and his sons, of course.)  Thanks to his desire to combine his two passions, family and travel, we went to Cancun regularly, to Key West, skiing in Montreal, on safari to Africa, and twice to Hawaii. When he died, too young, at 68, he didn't leave us much in the way of money or possessions. He had already given away what was most valuable: his time and his company. When I become a mother-in-law (someday in the future, I hasten to add!) I plan to model myself on Victor.