LUCY BURDETTE: Remember Hank’s post on to do lists a couple months back? I saw an article online about decision-making recently (though sorry to say, I've lost the link...) The author’s main premise was if you don’t get good at making decisions, you are wasting a huge amount of time that could be spent better in your life. And that decision making takes a lot of effort, so maybe you’re better off making early choices rather than trying to choose the best choice. (The author gave the example of going to the grocery store. This man planned all his menus way in advance so he had no choice is to make while wandering the aisles.)
Here’s a fairly accurate transcript of conversation between me and my hub, John. In my defense, it was a complicated day and we had to fit a lot of things in. I was singing in the church choir, then off to the artisans market to sell books in the Key West Writers Guild booth. And we needed to purchase ribs at that same market, and they sometimes sell out early. And we have one car. I think that’s enough background!
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| by Conal Gallagher |
Lucy: What if I ride my bike to church since I have to get there early. And you take the car and drop off the books at the booth so they’ll be there when I arrive after choir practice. But wait, how do I get the books back home after the sale?
John: I’ll come and pick them up. Fine.
An hour later, Lucy: or do you think it would be better if I take the car and you ride the bike. Except by the time I get to the market there won’t be any place to park.
John: Either way is fine.
Half an hour later, Lucy: Or would it be better…
John: do we have to decide this again today?
How are you at making decisions, Reds? Do you make them and then tend to change your mind? or you are once and done?
HALLIE EPHRON: Ha ha ha! I've had that conversation, too.
I tend to be pretty decisive. But in my writing, I can't leave a decision unchanged. I'm forever going back and second guessing myself, and it's almost always better after I change it.
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| by Denise Krebs |
When it comes to large household purchases, I'm terrible at actually making the purchase. The Internet opening up a vast array of MORE CHOICES only makes it worse. It's been literally years that I've been trying to decide on a new light for the dining room. And then every time I find something I like, my husband derails it. It's why I don't let him into the kitchen. We'd never eat because we'd be endlessly deciding WHAT to eat.
HANK PHILLIPPI RYAN: Don't even get me started on the dinner thing. I keep saying--Just TELL me what you'd like and I will make it. Just don't make me have to figure it out. But that's different than deciding. I have to say, in most realms, I'm pretty decisive, too. I think, I ponder, I decide. Even though I can see all the possibilities, the best (to me) answer still emerges. Maybe it comes from all these years in journalism. You've gotta be ready (and right!) by 6 pm, when the news is on! So usually, I'm fast and fine with it.
My downfall is what to wear to a thing. (Until I decide, and then I am incredibly inflexible. You mean it's gonna be 90 degrees? Nooooo. I already decided! ) And sometimes I'm indecisive in a restaurant until the waiter actually asks me to choose. There's that moment when it's now or never.
One thing I do, if I can't decide, is I make an appointment with myself to decide. I'll think--I don't need to figure that out until Tuesday. So I'll worry about it then.
JULIA SPENCER-FLEMING: Hank, I love that idea.
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| by Max Naylor |
JENN McKINLAY: I'm pretty decisive. I always assume that if I end up not liking like the kitchen counter I picked out, I'll get a better one next time. "Done is better than perfect" as Sheryl Sandberg says. On the extremely rare occasions where I can't make up my mind, I flip a coin. For example: Heads we go to Iceland in June. Tails we don't. If it comes up tails and my insides start screaming "But I want to go to Iceland" then we go. Conversely, if my insides sigh with relief then we don't go. Sometimes I just need an absolute to push my inner feelings to the surface.
HANK PHILLIPPI RYAN: I completely agree with that method, Jenn! And I do it all the time. Your gut and brain know the right answer. Sometimes you just have to fool them into telling you.
DEBORAH CROMBIE: I'm generally pretty good at deciding. And I do plan meals a week in advance because it makes grocery shopping a snap and then no last minute worrying about what to fix. On big items, I do my research, make a decision, and then am seldom unhappy with my choice.
However, I learned as a child that I have a stimulus threshold--I call it "cafeteria syndrome" because whenever we went to Luby's I would burst into tears, overwhelmed by all the options and the pressure of having to decide RIGHT THEN. So, I don't eat in cafeterias, and I don't shop in department stores. Same principle--too much stuff! And I have to sequence errands ahead of time so that I know where I'm going in what order. Coping mechanisms for the easily distracted, I guess, but they work for me.
INGRID THOFT: I’m a big fan of the coin flip method, but it usually doesn’t come to that. I’m decisive in most matters, and if I’m not, it usually means there’s some more significant issue niggling under the surface, like am I making a choice to make someone else happy? My husband and I are excellent when it comes to big purchases. We recently leased a new car, and after doing some research, we did a test drive and signed the paperwork on the spot. We were in out of the dealership in about three hours. Hallie, I’ll help you choose your new light fixture!
RHYS BOWEN: What to wear--that is always my moment of indecision. I've learned from bitter experience that I don't wear pastels to New York. But every time I have to appear in public I agonize: is this too boring, too flashy, too warm, too cool.
John and I are really good about travel decisions. I say "Look at this cruise. It would fit would our time schedule." and John says, "Fine." and I say Deck seven and he says okay and an hour later I've paid the deposit. But other than that, he doesn't like change. When I wanted to repaint the interior of the house I had to approach it cautiously, make suggestions, let them sink in. Then let him think it was his idea!
JULIA SPENCER-FLEMING: I'm good but messy at making decisions, by which I mean I have to talk the possible permutations out. It sounds like Lucy's discussion with herself above, and it tends to drive my family batty. I'm trying to at least tamp it down at restaurants. No one wants to hear me debating the stuffed pork versus the chicken marsala with myself.
I used to be bad at large-ticket items, like Hallie. I was afraid to buy because what if I found it cheaper elsewhere? Or a better quality? Nowadays, I research stoves, cars, fridges, etc. in Consumer Reports. Once I know exactly what I want, I comparison shop online and then go for the best deal available at that time. I bought my late-model used Honda Accord the day after first seeing it listed in Craigslist - and that included getting a pre-buy inspection by my car guy.
How about you Red readers? Are you good at making decisions? Any tips for not wasting time?
