The Practice of Self Care by Jenn McKinlay

 JENN McKINLAY: Last week I was doing a Zoom chat with the chick lit book club. Invariably, the question of what my writing life looks like came up and when I mentioned I had three cozy mysteries, one women’s fiction, and two novellas to write in 2022, one of the attendees said, “Well, that seems like a lot. How do you get it all done and what do you do for self-care?”

Insert sound of a record scratch here while I blinked stupidly at the screen. I think I gave a very “Um…uh…I…well…” sort of non-answer. Honestly, no one has ever asked me about self-care  before, and I was completely unprepared. Frankly, I don’t even know what self care is. I’m a caffeine, carb and sugar loaded workaholic. I think more work is my version self-care, which is just sooooo wrong, and I think it’s time to change that so I’m asking you, my dear Reds, what do you do to take care of yourself? Asking for a friend – i.e. me – because I have no idea how to even begin.

Currently Jenn's idea of self care:

Showstopper Milkshake at the Hotel Valley Ho in Scottsdale
-- yes, that's a whole slice of cake and a cookie on top of a milkshake. 

LUCY BURDETTE: John’s website, Top Retirements, recently ran an article about Sanjay Gupta’s book on keeping your mind sharp. Guess what was #1 on the list? Yup, exercise. Like it or not. When the pandemic first struck, I started doing yoga most days. Now I have two regular sessions on Zoom with teachers I love. I walk 2 miles or more most days, and swim one day when we’re in Florida. Oh, and one session with weights and a trainer per week. That definitely helps! But also eating–I try for lots of vegetables, and everything else in moderation. 

Staying connected helps too. That’s where my Jungle Red family shines!

RHYS BOWEN:  My number one in self care is staying connected, Jenn. Before Covid struck I would have lunch with friends at least once a week. Since Covid it’s been lots of Zoom with family and most recently everyone together in person again. And daily contact with the Reds and online friends is important. I also exercise. We walk every afternoon. I swim/ deep water exercise most days. 
Also the small things : soaking in a hot bath, laughing at an old TV comedy, just taking time to sit outdoors and appreciate nature, eating a favorite meal. 

A good long hot soak seems to be a fave among the Reds.

HALLIE EPHRON: Jenn, isn’t it possible that work IS your version of self-care? Or at least part of it? I know for me, sorting and organizing is extremely calming and satisfying. AKA a form of self care?  Yes, walking but it’s sleeting here right now and that ain’t gonna happen. So I’ll get on the exercise bike which you canNOT convince me is a form of self care. It’s a chore.

YES YES YES to talking on the phone to my favorite people, something which a decade ago I would have told you I hated. Soaking in a hot bath. Sipping a hot cup of tea. 

So is “self care” something that’s “good for you” or something that “makes you feel good”?

Jenn: Good question, Hallie! I have no idea, but I think it's supposed to be both. Hence the workaholic thing I've got going is no bueno.

HANK PHILLIPPI RYAN: Self-care. Hmmm.  AH, I walk on the treadmill an hour a day, which also lets me read a book at the same time, and I really look forward to that!  (Hallie, could you listen to an audio book while you ride? That could really make a difference.) I am really careful about healthy eating, and have learned that half a cookie from time to time, or one bite of something delicious will be okay.  I’m a pretty solitary person, anyay, so I am so happy to get to be with my manuscript and enjoy the quiet–I spent the last 40 years in a very loud news environment, so peace is lovely to me.  

But I am on the same page (!) as you  Jenn, I love working-writing, and (usually) it doesn't seem like work, and aren’t we lucky about that? And I would not be “happy” if I stopped that.
So, yeah, is that bad? People always say–you should relax. And I think, hmm, I AM relaxed. I am just working.

JULIA SPENCER-FLEMING: Yeah, I need to be less about the self-care and more of a workaholic (or at least a work-a-like-it.) Like everyone else, exercise. I haven’t gone back to the Y, but with three dogs in the house, I walk a mile every day will I, nil I. Hallie, I listen to podcasts though my Bluetooth earbud, and it makes the time fly, even when I’m untangling three leashes.

Julia at peak self care

I practice a lot of hygge as well, which might not be as applicable to Jenn in Arizona. Sitting with a book in front of a roaring fire, wearing fuzzy socks and wooly wraps, drinking hot cocoa - these things just relax me.

Oh, and best self care? Taking my bra off at the end of the day. Woosh!

DEBORAH CROMBIE: You can't beat that for self care, Julia! 

I realize that I am also happiest when I'm working, so maybe I should do more of that, not less. But my biggest self-care thing since the beginning of the pandemic is my nightly bath. The only time I've missed my pre-bedtime ritual was during last winter's Snowmageddon, when we had no power! Twenty or thirty minutes soaking in my little clawfoot tub while listening to an audio book and I feel all is right with the world again, no matter what's happened during the day.

What about you, Readers? What do you do for self care?

A Mid-winter Warmer Primer

DEBORAH CROMBIE: We are inching towards March, but the days are still short, it’s still cold (although Rhys and Jenn are enjoying gorgeous Arizona February, I’m sure) and most of us are suffering from the mid-winter blahs. Here are a few things, however, that help me through the last doldrums of February.

A wood burning fire! I’ve spent the last two weeks camped out on the living room sofa, convalescing from meniscus repair surgery on my knee, and in that two weeks we went through at least half of our winter’s supply of firewood. But it was so comforting! Having that cheery fire in the hearth made the time feel more like a treat than a pain. 

In lieu of a wood burning or gas fire, I light candles. I think our need for a bright flame in the cold must go back to our primal ancestors…

I drink loads of hot tea! Not that I don’t love tea any time, but it really perks me up on a cold, gray afternoon.

Comfy quilts and good books--although these two pretty much go without saying for this bunch.

Fresh flowers, the brighter the better. I tend towards white blooms through December and January, but come February, bring on the hot pink tulips and orange roses. Sunshine in a vase!

I have a jigsaw puzzle on the dining room table, carefully covered to protect it from the cats. Not that I’ve made much progress on it, but it’s a fun little break to look forward to.

And as contradictory as it may seem, it helps to get outside for at least a few minutes a day even when it’s gray and cold. It reminds our bodies that no, we are actually not hibernating.

What about your, dear REDS? Any special tips for beating the last of the winter blues?

HANK PHILLIPPI RYAN: Blankets. I am so big on blankets! I have a wonderful chocolate brown and cream herringbone one that I wear around myself, wrapped like a towel. VERY attractive, I can tell you.

And I so agree--going outside is great. All Ugged and mufflered and mittened. We only have one car, which Jonathan takes on the days I work at home, and I try to still do my walks to the town center to the drug store and post office and bank. And the manicure place, nothing like bright red (or my new love, blue) fingernails!  It’s beautiful outside, the sky here can be an amazing blue. And I always have flowers--right now, yellow tulips. I forgot to get paperwhites this year-is there still time? And oh, our little white snowdrops are blooming out in the garden--so nice to see! 

And I am SO happy the days are getting longer. You can really tell, right? But I don’t like to wish the time away.

DEBS: Paperwhites! Hank, I saw them at Trader Joe's on Sunday. What a great idea. But I know what you mean about not wanting to wish the time away. And for us, spring is a harbinger of summer and HEAT, so I am trying to savor the cold and dark. 

READERS, tell us your tips for coping!

Your Perfect Snow Day

DEBORAH CROMBIE: I know some of you have already had more snow than you wanted to see this early in the year!! But we just got some of our firewood delivered, a cold front came through last night, and I'm thinking about how nice it would be if it snowed and I could curl up on the sofa in front of a roaring fire, with a good book and some hot chocolate. (If I didn't have to work, but this is pretend.) 

Snow days are a big deal for us in north Texas so we always try to make the most of them--a couple of inches and we don't venture out of the house! We got snowed in on Christmas Day a few years ago and it was the best Christmas ever.

Unfortunately, there's no snow in our immediate future, but I can dream! The fire, the books, maybe some movies with my hubs. Cuddles with the dogs and the cats. Hot chocolate, yum, a special treat! Popcorn. A good soup staying warm on the stove. I'd even listen to "Let It Snow." PS the photo above is somebody's else cabin in Austria. I can only wish...

What's your dream snow day? (No shoveling allowed!)

HANK PHILLIPPI RYAN:  For  the past forty or so years, snow has meant I have to work grueling and freezing hours doing live shots as a reporter, eating granola bars and trying to keep my fingers warm. Now it's less likely, crossing (still warm) fingers. And I remember so well the very first day we had a huge storm and I thought--oh no! And then I realized: I can stay home! YAAY! 
So I'm easy:  my idea of a perfect snow day is when the power stays on, frankly.   When it's all pretty and snowy, that's great, but when you are freezing in the dark and fear to open the fridge so the food won;t spoil and you count the hours until your freezer self-defrosts, that's no fun.  So, yay. Electricity.

DEBS: Hank, our scary thing is ice. We seldom get enough snow to cause a power outage (although even half an inch can shut down our roads) but we get sleet and freezing rain. If enough ice coats the power lines, we're in big trouble. Hence, the newly delivered firewood. Always good to have, just in case.

RHYS BOWEN: Snow? Wait a minute--Oh, it's that white stuff that I see on top of mountains. But doesn't exist where I live, either in Northern California (unless I drive up to the Sierra to ski) or in Arizona. I have a confession. I don't like to be cold. I didn't mind when I still skied, which burns zillions of calories, but now that my pace is slower I'll look at snow from a distance. But I presume we'll have some rain days in Marin County where I've just arrived home for December. Rain days will probably involve putting on Christmas music and wrapping presents.

JULIA SPENCER-FLEMING: Rhys, I'm coming to stay with you in your Arizona guest house ALL WINTER. It's just the beginning of December, and I've already had to have my driveway plowed three times. I like a white Christmas, but a white week-before-Thanksgiving is a bit much.

That being said, I do love being cozy at home in a snowstorm (with Hank's caveat that the power stay on.) It's not quite a thrilling as it was when I had three schoolchildren and a teacher at home - then, snowdays felt like national holidays! It's the perfect opportunity to take things slow - no one is running any errands, you don't have to return local calls because no one's in any of the offices, and it's the perfect time to simmer stew for hours on top of the woodstove, which will come in handy if the power DOES go out!

HALLIE EPHRON: My ideal snow day is someone else shoveling my walk. The garden looks so beautiful with a gloppy wet snow clinging to everything. But it's a slippery dangerous mess and I do hate dealing with it. And being cold is not fun, either. First-world problems in an era when it's still cold enough to have snow. I'll stop complaining now.

JENN McKINLAY: Living in central AZ, this is not really a thing for me. But if I had a snow day, I would want a fire in the fireplace, soup in the crockpot and a loaf of bread in the oven, a pile of books by my elbow, and my family all safe and sound while making a ruckus bangoing in and out of the house for snowball fights, sledding, and, of course, building a snow family. Perfection.

HANK: WITH electricity, Jenn. Trust me. 

READERS, snowed in yet, wherever you are? Everyone okay out there? And the big questions--Hot chocolate, or mulled cider?

And just as a reminder that not every perfect snow day needs to be in a cabin in the woods, one of my favorite books.

And if you've never read THE SNOWY DAY, don't wait for snow, go do it now!
 

Debs Does Chalk Paint

DEBORAH CROMBIE: Since we've been talking about home/decor/lifestyle trends this week (hygge), have you heard about chalk paint? Let me start by saying that I am NOT crafty. I don't knit, or sew, and the wee bit of quilting I have done is only with huge help from my quilter friend.

But I had some very, um, "well-used" pieces of furniture that I didn't want to replace, and a much more house-crafty friend had told me about chalk paint, so I thought, "Why not?" 

And besides, it's VERY BRITISH. 

Anyone who has ever refinished an old piece of furniture knows what a huge pain in the behind it is. First you strip, then sand, then--if you are going for the antique look--you paint with oil-based paint, then sand a little more to distress, then finish with oil-based stain. Very messy, very smelly. A huge project that I just couldn't wrap myself around.

Then an English artist named Annie Sloan came up with a paint formula that can be painted right over stained furniture. No stripping. No sanding. No stinky oils. And I was lucky enough to have an Annie Sloan stockist (How cute is that? Stockist!) just a few blocks from me in McKinney. And once I started looking at the color charts online, and then went and looked at the paints in person, I was hooked. The colors are gorgeous!

So last Saturday, with the help of some crafty friends, I started on the first piece.

This was a little chest that belonged to my mom, one of few things of hers I kept. You can't see in this photo, but beneath the stack of books, the finish had been ruined by someone getting the surface wet and setting a stack of magazines on it. It had been sitting under my guest room window for three years, and I was determined to refinish it and use it as a bedside table in my guest room.

So this is what you do:

Step 1: Wipe it down, very lightly sand any imperfections, although you don't have to.

Step 2: You paint it with the chalk paint. And, yes, there are special brushes. 

Step 3: In this case, we wiped paint off the raised part of the carved design.

Step 4: Let dry over night.

Step 5: Now for the wax. This is one of the Annie Sloan secrets. First you brush on a coat of clear wax. Then, if you want a slightly darker finish, you brush on whatever amount of dark wax you fancy. While you are doing this, you can wipe excess wax with a cloth, and if you get too much dark wax, you can wipe and add more clear. (You need two separate brushes for this.) 

I discovered this means working fast, while the wax is still malleable. When you've got the combination you like, you let it dry 24 hours, more or less. While the paint is water-based and has no smell (can easily be done inside, unlike traditional refinishing), the wax has a lovely shoe-polishy scent. (You do, however, have to clean the wax brushes with mineral spirits.)

Step 6: You buff, using a soft cloth pad. The buffing brings up a lovely gloss, and, voila, you are done! Here it is, the new beside table!

The little Henredon chest was a nice piece of furniture, worth preserving. But the next project (and now I was fired up!) was a total piece of junk. This little vanity table we picked up at my hub's grandmother's estate sale when we first moved into our house more than twenty years ago and were trying to fill empty spaces. You might get $10 for this thing at a yard sale now. But the thing is, it perfectly fit our space and needs for our guest bathroom. So, why not try chalk paint???

Well, I quickly discovered that the chest was easy. The little vanity table, with all those spindles, was a job. 

But I got it painted (Duck Egg blue--isn't it gorgeous?) and then I got it waxed (hands and arms falling off from all the brushing, knees and back complaining from crawling around on the floor for hours.) On this piece I added a tiny bit of gilded wax for the last step.

And here it is, back in place.

Still needing new knobs, but pretty adorable, if you are into shabby chic, and a huge improvement over the before.

I have at least two (maybe three) pieces of furniture I still want to do, but they will have to wait until after book tour. 

I also have a few pieces of advice for anyone who wants to try chalk paint.

#1--Buy the real Annie Sloan brushes. Yes, they are expensive. But although I bought Annie Sloan brushes for the wax, I skimped and bought a generic brush for the paint. A big mistake. The quality makes a huge difference, especially on wear and tear on your hands.

#2--Don't do any of this at night! (Which I did.) Especially the waxing. The paint is VERY forgiving. The wax dries fast and you need to be able to see what you're doing.

#3--If you want to use the gilded wax, a little goes a LONG way. Be gentle and sparing. It also dries really fast so you have to wipe like the devil if you get too much.

#4--Watch Annie Sloan videos. Not other people doing chalk paint. Go to the source. They're short, well-edited, and tell you what you need to know. And, besides, she's very cool.

I am tired, and sore, but very proud of myself. I love the results, and I think I can now call myself CRAFTY DEBS. 


So, REDs and readers, who's crafty? Have you tackled projects like this? WOULD YOU tackle projects like this?

We Need HYGGE

DEBORAH CROMBIE: We all know what HYGGE is, right? The word is Danish, and supposedly there is no direct English translation. But "a quality of coziness that engenders contentment and a feeling of well-being" supposedly comes close.

So how do you pronounce this wonderful term? Hue-gah? Hoo-gay? Hue-guh? No one seems quite sure about this, either. But no matter how you say it, HYGGE has spawned hundreds of books and magazine articles and decorating trends. The Danes came up with the concept because they have very long dark winters and they needed to find a way to make those dark days fun instead of going out and burying themselves en mass in snow drifts or drinking themselves to death. So they concentrated on fuzzy hand-knitted socks and crackling fires and perfect pots of tea, and on candle-lit homey gatherings of friends and family around home-cooked pots of stew. (Do they use Le Creuset in Denmark, I wonder?)  Then, they throw in READING. Now that sound pretty hard to beat, and just the ticket for those of us who are feeling a bit battered by this last year.

Of course, it occurs to me that I have been making perfect pots of tea for years, and that I already have fuzzy socks, and that there are few things I love more than reading in front of the fire, or warm cozy dinners with family, or drinking wine in my kitchen with my very best friends gathered together.  But apparently the secret to HYGGE is that you should do those things consciously, with appreciation for the moment.

Debs with fire, fuzzy socks, candle, and her furry friend, Chewbacca.

REDS, do you practice HYGGE?

INGRID THOFT: YES!!  How could I not, with a name like mine?  One of my nephews refers to his sweats and p.j.s as his "cozies," and the whole family has adopted the term.  I like getting into my cozies and curling up on the couch with a good book.  Even though I have the Danish blood, I think my husband taught me about coziness and a feeling of contentment more than anyone else.  I grew up with an inclination to always be productive, but early on in our relationship, he showed me the value of slowing down and recharging one's batteries.  I think a lot of cultures do it better compared to Americans when it comes to self-care and creating a sense of community.  I'm all for productivity, but much can be gained from taking it easy when given the chance.  Also, aren't the Danes one of the happiest groups of people on the planet?  Perhaps they're on to something.

Do you know how much I love Ingrid's photo???

HALLIE EPHRON: HYGGE? I'd never heard the term, but "slowing down to smell the roses" and being content in the moment and indulging in friends and good food and staying warm... high priorities for me. All year 'round. My favorite winter clothing: silky long underwear -- not the waffle weave cotton stuff that bunches up in your pant legs and armpits. That thin extra layer really works, and there are brands like Cuddle Duds that aren't expensive and feel great.

And I confess I'm into warm winter socks in a big way and sometimes, when it's really cold, I wear my Uggs boots around the house. They weren't cheap but one of the best investments I ever made... five+ years ago.

My favorite cozy activity does not involve friends... a hot bath. The original bathtub in our 1920s house is large and has a sloped end and I can submerge everything but my knees.  Mmmmmm.

Hallie's UGGs and fuzzy socks

HANK PHILLIPPI RYAN:  Jonathan and I say it all the time: Cozy! We have two cozy chairs--and either one may be occupied by either of us so we don't have "my" chair--and sweatpants and fleece tops and fuzzy blankets and watch some great movie with wine. Kidding me? Fabulous.
Also!  Jonathan makes coffee for me every morning. When I hear the sound of the spoon stirring in the milk, I know this seems silly, but I think, wow, I'm lucky.
I have fuzzy slippers, I admit, and Uggs? Are perfect. (Except if it rains.)
And how about that moment when you first get into bed, and the comforter and pillows are all puffy?

Hank--or Jonathan's--cozy chair

RHYS BOWEN: I am not a winter person! If I had my way I'd hibernate and wake up in March. I know this is wimpy because California winters are not harsh, but usually I escape to Arizona and this year John's health issues are keeping us in very wet and windy Marin County. So for the first time in ages I'm having to create my Hygge (I'd guess it's hooguh). I do love my Uggs. Brought them back from Australia in the days when I went back and forth all the time to my parents and now wear them in the house all the time (my, but they hold up well!).
Candles. I love candles on winter evenings and I've kept up some of the sparkly little lights. And I'm knitting scarves and I love mulled wine. And I'm making lots of soup. I'm lucky enough that two of my children live nearby and I really enjoy impromptu visits from them. And going to movies and having lunch with friends. I think we need lots of contact with people we care about to get us through the dark time of year! 

LUCY BURDETTE: Wish we all lived closer and could do Hygge together (not Hallie's bathtub though!) Of course in Key West, we don't have too much chilly weather. But when I am in a chilly patch, I have a very nice fleece blanket that I like for lying on the couch to watch TV. And animals help too! Especially a purring cat on my lap. They are having a cold snap in LA, where my sweet granddaughter Dorothea agrees
with the cat notion. (She has two kitties, this is Zuma.)

Julia practicing ultra-hygge

 DEBS: Oh, I am with Hallie on the bath. And with Hank on the puffy down comforter when you snuggle into bed at night. And candles and soup and friends for wine, and purring (or snoring, as the case may be) animals. I don't have to mention how I feel about tea... I make a perfect pot with a perfect cup every single morning, and it is a highlight of my day. You can't get much more HYGGE than that. Although I would certainly try. (Maybe we are transplanted Danes, although Ingrid gets first claim!) But what do the Danes do in the summer??

READERS, how about you? Are you into the cozy Danish HYGGE thing?

P.S. I love everyone's houses. How fun to see them!