"I Must Decline for Secret Reasons"

Think The Shawshank Redemption, 

only it's me planning a way out of a dinner party. 

— Amanda Kyle Williams

SUSAN ELIA MACNEAL: I made a few flights last month and one of the things the flight attendants always say during the safety talk is something along the lines of, "In the case of an emergency, put on your own air mask first. Then, when you're set, help those around you."

It's a good metaphor for taking care of yourself before taking care of others. Without enough oxygen, you'll just pass out and be no use to anyone — even a burden on others.

It's a hard lesson to learn, though. I think as women (or, OK, I'll just speak for myself, because I do know some men who have the same knee-jerk reaction) we're conditioned to put others first. We have trouble saying no, in order to carve out time and space for our own health, our own needs. I know from hard-won experience that if I don't get enough sleep, eat right, and exercise, I will get sick. Last year I battled four bouts of pneumonia. This year I'm healthier, but recently was diagnosed with extreme anemia and had to have a blood transfusion. The sad thing is, I was so used to being tired that I didn't even realize that anything was wrong before I had a blood test.

Since I'm already taking care of my health (see above), it's now time to cut some non-essential things from my schedule. I'm taking time off from volunteering at my son's school. (He knows why and is fine with it.) I'm saying no to writing most blurbs. We used to entertain a lot — but I've just stopped. There's too much shopping, cooking, and cleaning involved. Now, that's not forever — but until I start to feel better.

I was having a discussion with some other author friends about how to decline things politely, and we found an example that made us laugh. It's from writer E.B. White, known for the writing style guide, The Elements of Style (aka Strunk and White) as well as the children's classics Charlotte's Web and Stewart Little.

He writes:

September 28, 1956

Dear Mr. Adams:

Thank you for your letter inviting me to join the Committee of the Arts and Sciences for Eisenhower. 

I must decline, for secret reasons.

Sincerely, 

E.B. White

We were thinking that as mystery authors, we could start declining things "for mysterious reasons." So now if you ever see me use this phrase, you'll know why!

Dear Reds, how do you say no? Do you find it hard? (Or not?)

LUCY BURDETTE: Oh I love love love declining for secret reasons. Because who would have the nerve to push that? Since being diagnosed with Meniere's disease last fall, I've had to pare back too. I look at other authors flitting here and there and rounding up tons of new readers, and I do feel sad about what I'm missing. (Malice, for example.)

But like you Susan, if I don't sleep enough and eat my low-sodium food, and try to keep stress low, my symptoms get worse. It's like learning a new language--that I never signed on for! It does help to remind myself what's most important--keep writing, stay in touch with family and friends, and yes, the world won't come to an end if I'm not cooking and baking for big parties the way I enjoyed in the past. 

Here's hoping we all rebound with great energy, having learned some important lessons!

HALLIE EPHRON: I have a really hard time saying no, too, and I don't have little kids at home or anemia or Meniere's, just a busy life, deadlines, and it feels as if the finish lines keep moving further away and the bars keep rising. I remind myself to be grateful for this fantastic writing life, and to thank my lucky stars for all the lovely people who have said "yes" to me. 

RHYS BOWEN: Oh Susan, this struck a nerve. I'm the original for the song "I'm just a girl who can't say no."  When I've been invited to speak I always think they'll never ask me again if I say no. I'm flattered. I say yes. And then months later it hits me: I'm going to Dallas to speak at a luncheon! What was I thinking? But I am gradually trying to pace myself, to leave some space in life for just enjoying friends and activities.

However.....This year I have said yes to fabulous gigs that were just too good to turn down: right now I'm off to Europe to conduct a 10-day workshop in Tuscany. And in August I'm speaking on Mackinac Island, staying at the grand old hotel. And two visits to Sisters in Crime chapters, also fun. And conventions....Sigh. 

JULIA SPENCER-FLEMING: For me, the problem isn't so much saying no as not volunteering to do something that I'd LIKE to do, such as having people over to dinner. Most recently, I offered to help my friend out with the high school musical - she was two weeks behind in rehearsals and needed someone with a whip hand to get the actors into shape. I'm okay with saying no to requests, but if it's, "We must have someone to do X" and no one steps forward...there's something in me that raises my hand and volunteers. How can you not? That, of course, is the $10,000 question.

I've also been dealing with hypothyroidism and  severe anemia since this winter (it's the health issue of choice among discerning writers everywhere!) which has forced me to go into me-first mode. I haven't been accepting any appearance offers, I'm not doing blurbs (I know I let some deadlines just pass right by me while I've been ill) and for the first time in years, I haven't taken on any work at my church. For me, it's the family related stuff that's impossible to say no to...like you, Susan, I still have one minor child and my two older kids are (for now, sigh) living at home. 

DEBORAH CROMBIE: Oh, Susan, I'd love to decline things for "secret reasons." Being a life-long pleaser, I am terrible at saying no. I think it would be rude, or people will be disappointed, or that whatever it is is expected of me. And then I end up committed to things I not only don't want to do and don't have time to do, but that exhaust me and keep me from getting real work (writing books!) done. I am getting a little better at it, by absolute necessity. I've had to cut way down on conferences and speaking events, and I'm trying to be a little less demanding on myself on the personal front. Of course that doesn't mean I'm willing to give up sweeping the mounds of dog hair off my floors...

HANK PHILLIPPI RYAN:  We all seem to have the exact same problem. But really, it's a good thing. I love that people want me to do things, and the only thing worse than being over-scheduled is being NON-scheduled.  But like Rhys, some days I wake up and realize: I said yes to WHAT??  (I have already had to turn down things in 2017 because my schedule is filling. Yeesh.) And you are so right, Debs. I HAVE to write, and saying yes to an event is very writing-avoidance enabling.

Susan, with kids, and Julia--I do NOT know how you possibly do it. I can barely do laundry for two.

I had an event (so happy I said yes) with Wally Lamb, and he and I 

were discussing exactly t the same thing .He told me he has an index card taped to his desk phone. On it, in black magic marker, is a one-word reminder: NO. 

SUSAN ELIA MACNEAL: Lovely Readers, are you yes-sayers? Do you find it easy or hard to say no? When you do decline, what do you say? Are you tempted to start saying, "I must decline for secret reasons?" Tell us in the comments!

Books We Wish We Hadn't Read

LUCY BURDETTE: I spent a few hours volunteering at the annual book sale to benefit the Scranton Library in my Connecticut town last week. As I worked straightening the assigned rows, I saw many books I'd read. I know some people like to reread books, and I always save my favorites, thinking I'll want to read them again sometime. Truth is, I very rarely reread. There are too many new books coming out. And besides, I already know what happens!

But I can think of a few that I read with such effortless joy that I only wish I hadn't read them, so I could experience them for the first time again. Some that fall in this category are THE HELP, by Kathryn Stockett, THE STORIED LIFE OF A.J. FIKRY by Gabrielle Zevin, I KNOW THIS MUCH IS TRUE by Wally Lamb, SHIZUKO'S DAUGHTER by Kyoko Mori.
How about you Red readers? Are you a rereader? What books do you wish were new to you?

HANK PHILLIPPI RYAN: On, someone this very day told me she'd never read TO KILL A MOCKINGBIRD , and had just downloaded it.  ( I know, risky territory here).  I was so --almost envious! Imagine reading that for the first time!  But on the other hand, I do think *when* we read them makes a huge difference. I loathed AGE OF INNOCENCE when I was forced to read it in high school. Later I realized how brilliant it was.  I'd love to read WINDS OF WAR for the first time, and oh, BONFIRE OF THE VANITIES. And THE MURDER OF ROGER ACKROYD! And for thriller fun, DAY OF THE JACKAL. And CHARM SCHOOL. Oh, THE STAND! (For which, in 1980, I called in sick  to work when I was't sick.)  My favorite is WINTERS TALE, but you know, I'm happy with having read it when I did. 

DEBORAH CROMBIE: I feel like a heretic when I say that TO KILL A MOCKINGBIRD is not one of the books I'd choose to experience anew. I liked it, but didn't love it, and have never been tempted to reread it. And there are so many other books that left me buzzing with the joy and excitement of discovery--A WRINKLE IN TIME, Ray Bradbury's THE ILLUSTRATED MAN, THE CHRONICLES OF NARNIA, THE SHADOW OF THE WIND by Carlos Ruis Zafon, POSSESSION by A.S. Byatt. But you know what I would REALLY love to be just discovering? The Harry Potter books. Imagine being able to read the series for the first time without having to wait in between books!
 RHYS BOWEN: I am definitely a re-reader. I have my go-to old favorites for times when my brain is too overloaded to take in new material or I am too stressed to handle a difficult tale. I have every Agatha Christie and re-read the ones I can't quite remember (and always do remember in the middle). I too loved Possession and have read it several times, savoring the brilliant poetry. When I was younger I read THE LORD OF THE RINGS  every six months. I'm afraid the movies sort of spoiled that treat for me!  And how I wish that someone had just handed it to me and said "You'll enjoy this."  But would I love it as much as I did at sixteen?

When I look at my book shelves and see so many books that have given me pleasure I sometimes wonder whether I will get around to re-reading them or should just donate them all to the Friends of the Library sale. After all it's so easy to find anything on Kindle these days.

JULIA SPENCER-FLEMING: I'll agree with Debs and say the Harry Potter series. I actually did get to read them as they first came out, before they were on the big screen, because the Smithie and The Boy were exactly the right age as the books were first being published. I read the first three books aloud at bedtime, and by Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, they were reading on their own. It was wonderful to come to the story without knowing anything about it and without being influenced by the movie version.

Other books? Almost anything by Michael Chabon. John Cheever's short stories, which I read in college and loved. Pride and Prejudice - can you imagine reading it and not knowing practically every line? What a joy. Oh, and The Stand by Stephen King, for the pleasure of scaring myself to half to death like I did when I first devoured it - stuck in bed with a miserable cold!

HALLIE EPHRON: Me three on the Harry Potter series. And "Holes" by Louis Sachar, a YA novel featuring Stanley Yelnats (whose name works backwards and forwards) and the powerful stink of smelly sneakers. W. P. Kinsella's "Shoeless Joe" for those among us who love baseball and poetic prose. Carol Shields' "The Stone Diaries" celebrating a home-centered life (Carol Shields: "I didn't think there were enough novels about women who didn't make the historical record.")

SUSAN ELIA MACNEAL: Part of the joy of having a young kid around is sharing books you love with him. So, this summer, in addition to graphic novels, Kiddo and I are reading the Llyod Alexander books, starting with THE BOOK OF THREE, but I hope going on to THE BLACK CALDRON, THE HIGH KING, and TARAN WANDERER. Does anyone else remember these books? Such fun.

But in terms of books I could read fresh -- yes, PRIDE AND PREJUDICE. And POSSESSION. And THE SECRET HISTORY. Let's see, THE STAND, yes, Julia! And MEMOIRS OF A GEISHA, A WINTER'S TALE, NEVERWHERE, WICKED, THE LITTLE STRANGER, and EYE OF THE NEEDLE, PRACTICAL MAGIC, I CAPTURE THE CASTLE.... Whew! So many amazing books. Oh, and everything by Laurie Colwin.... But rereading in most cases is really almost as good.

LUCY: Yes, Susan, Memoirs of a Geisha belongs on my list and Laurie Colwin too. The lucky thing for me? I've only read the first Harry Potter (I know, I know!), so I have many more to go...How about you readers, which ones would you like to read from scratch?

FChurch, you are the winner of Jefferson Bass's The Breaking Point? Please email Debs through her website to claim your prize. And the winners of Sherry Harris's books are Libby Dodd and Jadedcup Schubert. Congratulations everyone!

Making a (Book) List and Checking it Twice — Books We're Giving this Holiday Season

SUSAN ELIA MACNEAL: One of my favorite books from childhood is Louisa May Alcott's Little Women. It isn't a Christmas book per se, but the first sentence is " 'Christmas won't be Christmas without any presents,' grumbled Jo.'

And I agree with Jo March. Giving people presents —preferably books — as gifts is one of my favorite parts of the holiday season. And, even though my life is somewhat head over feet with family and work these days, I'm actually on top of shopping this year! 

Here are some of the books I'm giving this year:

The Hubby — Nutcracker by E.T.A. Hoffmann, Maurice Sendak and Ralph Manheim. Not only are we both huge Sendak fans (both books and artwork), Noel MacNeal's newest show: Mouse King: The Untold Story of the Nutcracker is making its debut this holiday season in Miami. The book will make a great remembrance of this very Nutcracker-y and Mouse-y year.

The Kiddo — The current obsession is Adam Gidwiz's A Tale Dark And Grimm, and the last book in the trilogy, The Grimm Conclusion, will definitely be under the tree. It?s a fantastic series and one we've enjoyed reading together as a family. It's funny and irreverent, even while staying close to the original Grimm brothers' fairy tales. Not for the faint-of-heart, but perfect for kids who want a little humor and gore with their adventures.

The Mother-in-law — Miss Edna, aka Grandmama, reads mysteries and thrillers from the library voraciously on her e-reader, so I?m not going to get her books. But I think the perfect gift for a crime aficionado is Mystery Scene Magazine. 

Established in 1985, Mystery Scene Magazine is the oldest, largest, and most authoritative guide to the crime fiction genre. Our lively, expert coverage ranges from past mystery masters to today's top talents and tomorrow's bright new stars. We report on novels, of course, but also films, TV shows, audio-books, kid's mysteries, short stories, reference works, and much more.

Can't wait to see what great reads it inspires throughout the year!

LUCY BURDETTE: Books are my favorite thing to give and get. I'm not going to give the particulars for fear SOMEONE might be reading, but here are a few I'm giving: Sujata Massey's THE SLEEPING DICTIONARY, Kristan Higgins, THE RIGHT MATCH, AN ASTRONAUT'S GUIDE TO LIFE ON EARTH, ORANGE IS THE NEW BLACK. There are others that I can't remember... and I'm hoping for the new Wally Lamb and Donna Tartt--oh the list could go on and on! Luckily my birthday comes in January so I can make another list:)

HANK PHILLIPPI RYAN: This is SO HARD. First, you're assuming I'm organized enough to have figured this out by now, which is--wrong.  I did get a signed Ken Follett for my step-son Paul. (He and Jonathan love to read spy books, who doesn't? So now they each have their own copy.)  For my Dad. I think I'll get that book on Beethoven's Ninth--even though my Dad probable knows just as much about it!  I'm drawn to the new Doris Kearns Goodwin book about Teddy Roosevelt..maybe for Jonathan? (Yeah, exactly, then I'll sneak it.) (In my spare time.) And I'm trying to decide just how pushy it is to send THE WRONG GIRL to far-flung relatives.  And I'm tempt to get that One Hundred Things That Changed the World book--is that cool? Or holiday hype?

HALLIE EPHRON: Books are a big part of every season at our house -- in fact, our collection of books is rapidly pushing us OUT of the house. My husband is the book buyer. He came back last weekend with the most gorgeous coffee table book of Steve McCurry's photographs of South and Southeast Asia. Spectacular color pictures fill each page. It's hard to get mad at him when he brings back a book like that. For him, best buys are beautiful illustrated children's books or anything about Brooklyn. And for my son-in-law, anything Star Wars or Hobbity-y. For my daughters, chewy women's fiction. Then I get to borrow them back.

RHYS BOWEN: I am a great re-reader of old favorites--all the Agatha Christies, The Lord of the Rings, Kate Morton... any book that gave me pleasure the first time around I will re-read when life gets stressful. I love giving and receiving books but I have to be quite specific if I ask John to put a book under the tree for me. Or I'll find the military history of WW II or something that HE'd like on the shelf.  Last year as a stocking stuffer I started my son-in-law Tom on Daniel Silva and he's read everything Silva has written, so this year I want to find a new writer to hook him on. Any suggestions?

JULIA SPENCER-FLEMING: Rhys, he might like Robert Ludlum/Eric Van Lustbader. Classic spy novels brought up to date for the post-Cold War world. Or, for a different twist, how about Barry Eisler's John Rain series? Lots of action, moral ambiguity and exotic locations.

As for what I'm giving - well, Ross and the Smithie read this site, so I can't give anything away for this year. In years past, I've often given Ross a matched series - for his birthday, I found an almost complete set of Winston Churchill's History of WWII in the original 1951 Book-of-the-Month club edition (yes, collectors, I know it doesn't count for collecting purposes.) For the Smithie, I tend to get a stack of paperbacks for fun reads or that One Special Book she wanted, signed. One year I got her the latest Sookie Stackhouse mystery signed by Charlaine Harris.

For The Boy, who rows for Trinity College (Hartford), a signed copy of FLAT WATER TUESDAY by Ron Irwin, who once rowed for Trinity College. Not a vanity project - the book was blurbed by Nobel Prize-winner J.M. Coetzee. For my sister's little boys, some fun science books from National Geographic (20% off when you buy three or more!) Finally, for my newest nephew, who joined the family by adoption after a long, long wait by his parents, THE SEA CHEST by Maine author Toni Buzzeo, illustrated by Mary GrandPre. It's a beautiful tale of a baby who arrives at a lonely lighthouse station floating in a sea chest and who becomes one of the family.

DEBORAH CROMBIE: Julia, I highly recommend Blood Over Water by James Livingston and David Livingston, for The Boy.  The brothers rowed in the Boat Race the same year, one for Oxford and one for Cambridge. Fascinating story.  I later found out that my English agent's husband rowed for Oxford the same year.

And, oh, Susan, I have the Sendak Nutcracker! It's one of my treasures (a bit battered, but well-loved.) That's a nice reminder that it would make a lovely gift. 

Last year (not for Christmas) a friend gave me the 75th Anniversary edition of The Hobbit--Rhys, if you don't own it, put it on your Christmas list.  It's gorgeous, and has the original Tolkien drawings. 

I love to give books--last year everyone who reads got The Twelve Clues of Christmas! This year I haven't made up my mind what I'm giving, but I think the new C.C. Bennison Father Tom Christmas book may go on my want list…

Are books a big part of your holiday season? Which ones do you like to reread? Give as gifts? Buy for yourself?

Muse in the Music: On the Poetry of Joni Mitchell

HALLIE EPHRON: It's hard to look at clouds without the lyrics from Joni Mitchell's "Both Sides Now" bubbling up, and with it the poetic images that are her trademark -- ice cream castles; feathered canyons; moons and Junes and Ferris wheels -- along with them the dark edginess that makes her lyrics as thought provoking as her music is inspirational. 



Now Lisa Sornberger and John Sornberger have put together "Gathered Light," an anthology of works by 56 contributors inspired by Joni's lyrics. We're delighted to welcome Lisa to Jungle Red. 



First I have to ask about the cover. It's a gorgeous watercolor of Joni, paddling away from a vivid, psychedelic sunset against horizon outlined by dark pines.

Lisa, tell us about that cover.



LISA SORNBERGER: I’m thrilled that you like Joni’s gorgeous painting that graces our cover. It fits in terms of the theme of our book, and the way we see Joni, a genuine explorer. Plus it's reflective of her First Nations heritage (Sami), which matters to her.

We hope readers like the way it ties in with the opening quote from Emily Carr, one of Joni’s favorite writers and painters, and our foreword. All of that came after the painting.

HALLIE: How did you connect personally to Joni Mitchell and her works?



LISA: Joni has had a profound influence on my life since I was fifteen years old. She opened my spirit to freedom, and helped validate the path of becoming a writer. She brought sustenance and joy, and, I think, taught by example, that (real) poetry serves an essential function in this world.

She writes her way through shadows and light, exploring the truth, about feelings and life, in ways that transcend the personal.

The idea of the project came to me on New Year’s Day, two and a half years ago, pretty much fully-formed: we needed to do this book, to honor Joni’s work as a poet.

HALLIE: What was Joni Mitchell's reaction to your project? 

LISA: She was happy, and gracious, and I think a bit surprised that we wanted to focus on her work as a poet. Also, that it wasn’t “mercenary”.



HALLIE: What do you think it is about her songs that have made them so iconic?



LISA:  Well, she is brilliant. She makes multi-level sensory connections. She has an incredible gift for translating visual images into artful, astute language.

Her poems are full of truth, and heart, and we believe anyone willing to take a look at themselves will find resonance in her words.

HALLIE: Who are some of your contributors, and can you give us a taste of what's in "Gathered Light "?

LISA: About half of our contributors are poets. Fred Wah is the Poet Laureate of Canada. Other prize-winning poets, including Cornelius Eady, Bessy Reyna, Patricia Smith, Colleen McElroy, Pit Pinegar, Beth Cuthand, Louise B. Halfe, Susan Deer Cloud.

We've got friends of Joni's, like her ex-husband Larry Klein, David Geffen, three of her female friends. Wally Lamb, the extraordinary novelist, is a contributor.

We love that our contributors are diverse -- age ranges from about 19-79; men, women; straight, LGB, T; Third Nations, Latina; white, black, red; Buddhist, Atheist, Jewish, Agnostic, Christian... The point being, Joni's poetry transcends artificial boundaries.

The “assignment” was to pick just one of Joni's poems (lyrics), and to write about how it sparked you, inspired you, spoke to you personally, politically, or from a societal viewpoint. Writers could respond in their genre, or another. Just write from your “heart and mind,” tell your truth.


HALLIE: Taking the cue from Joni herself. Thanks, Lisa.

Have Joni Mitchell's words and music touched your life? Of the artist whose music shaped you, whose poetry have responded to as much as much as the tunes? Joni Mitchell's on my list... along with Paul Simon and Bob Dylan and Carly Simon.


Lisa and John are offering a free book to one lucky commenter.