"Spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, lovely spam! Wonderful spam!"

HALLIE EPHRON: Recognize the line? It's from a Monty Python Flying Circus sketch. A waitress at a restaurant that serves food with spam in everything repeats the word ... over and over ... until the Vikings (there are Vikings) start to sing.

Apparently that routine is somehow connected with our use of the term SPAM for all those unwanted emails, though the connection is entirely too complicated for me to follow. I think you need to be British to get it.

But I do, actually GET IT. These days seems like my computer gets served a steady diet of the stuff. But it's like body odor -- if your computer no longer had it, it would probably be dead. And Spam has been known to inspire at least one Red writer (see: Hank's PRIME TIME for a secret message in spam).

I've gotten pretty good at spotting it. So, to the spammers of the world I offer some free (FREE! FREE! FREE!) advice. If you're trying to get me to open your email:

• DO NOT send me the same message four times
• I don't know anyone named Benny, Nick, George, Paul, or Wong Yong
• And avoid these subject lines:

Hi there,
Hello there,
Hello Good News
Hey Dude!
Congratulations
Awesome Offer
Hello! This is new and fresh and everybody wants it
Free
F.REE FR.EE FRE.E
C'ash Ca'sh Cas'h
Stunning
Beautiful bold lashes
Weight Loss
Sexy Girls
Russian Brides
Final notice

Do you have advice for spammers? What tips you off? Have you been fooled??

And if you're curious about the original Monty Python sketch, you surely aren't busy enough -- here you go!