Bah Humbug!

RHYS BOWEN: Tis the season of goodwill to all men. But am I allowed to have just a little gripe?

Like everyone else I am in the middle of buying presents, and like everyone else, I buy many of them online. Easy peasy right? Remember the little verse I wrote one year:

Dashing through the web, googling sites like mad
Cyber Monday's here again there's bargains to be had

Click click here, click click there, buy it all online
Amazon and Overstock, Christmas will be fine

Click click here, click click there, bought it all online
Christmas done and packed and shipped. Have a glass of wine!

Well, it's true it is easy buying things from websites, but then comes the kicker. Immediately after I have clicked PURCHASE I get an email thanking me for my purchase and then ASKING ME TO TAKE A BRIEF SURVEY!

From time to time I succumb to one of these that claim to be TWO QUESTION SURVEYS.
I answer the two questions. Yes, the website was easy to negotiate. Yes the item was just what I wanted. But before I can hit SEND I'm directed to another page with a gazillion questions on it.

Everyone sends me a survey. I book a hotel. Survey on how was my booking experience?
I stay at the hotel. How was my hotel experience?
I take my car in for service. Survey on how was my oil changing experience?

And if I don't answer they keep on sending the surveys.
What is next? I go into the baker's and after the assistant has handed me a loaf of freshly baked bread she says, "If I could just ask you a few questions about your experience here today."
Or I come out of church and the priest is waiting outside to ask whether he fulfilled all my expectations.
Will it come to spouse or partner handing one a survey after sex? And how was it for you on a scale of one to ten?  ( Just kidding!)
Or how about that I turn the tables and survey you? How was I at my book signing today? (on a scale of 1-10) Did I smile enough? Were my jokes funny? ..
So that's one gripe.

Another is the whole matter of giving at holiday time. I give very generously all year. But every time I'm at the grocer's or Target the assistant asks "Would you like to give a dollar to the save the whales/children/redwoods/etc etc.
And when I say No Thank You she looks at me as if I'm an evil person.
Today it was the food bank. I am a year round star donor to the food bank. I get invited to their fund raising parties. An extra dollar means nothing to me but it is the principle of the thing. I come to a grocery store to buy groceries. I do not want to be tricked into giving something.

And when I do give in to my better nature and send money for Christmas cards that come from some obscure convent in the back of beyond what happens? I am deluged with cards/calendars/stickers from every convent in the universe. These Christian ladies SELL MY ADDRESS without a qualm.
I get dream catchers from every Indian school in the country because I once gave to one of them. It never ends.

So have I struck a nerve here? Or am I the only one who wants to shout Bah Humbug?

Brother, Can You Spare a Dime

RHYS BOWEN:

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I can always tell the holiday season is approaching, not only by the displays in every store that appear before Halloween these days, nor by the catalogues that have started to arrive, but by the begging letters from charities. I’m a generous sort of person. I give year-round to some charities. To others I like to give for the holidays. I enjoy sending the Heifer Project money to buy a goat in the name of one of my grandchildren, or paying for the education of a girl with Save the Children. I think it’s good to remind the grandkids how much they have and  how a relatively small amount of money can make a difference in the life of a child elsewhere in the world.

However I have now come to dread collecting the mail. It seems generosity now goes with a stab in the back instead of a thank-you. I send to one charity and they promptly sell my info to a dozen others. Case in point. I gave to a small Indian school. We spend our winters in Arizona and I enjoy getting involved in Native American education and arts. But now suddenly every single Indian school, cultural organization etc is sending me begging letters. I send to one religious charity and get letters from twenty more. And they send me things I don’t want. Calendars and dream catchers and note pads and stickers, thus making me feel bad if I don’t send something in return.

John and I have decided this has to stop. I want to feel that I can give to a charity on my schedule and my terms. Amnesty International lost my sponsorship when they kept calling with a crisis and could I spare another thousand/hundred today. We’ve tried sending letters back unopened, but the mailperson says they just destroy them, not return them. We even tried writing to many of the worst offenders saying we would no longer donate to them if they kept sending out unsolicited stuff and begging letters. But most don’t even listen.

This is rude, and worse than that, it is serious. In England this year we read in the news of a ninety year old woman who threw herself off a bridge because she was being deluged with begging letters and no longer had the funds to send them all money. I can understand how that would affect someone living alone and wanting to help. Shame on them.

Then there are the phone calls. We have tried putting ourselves on the do-not-call this but it doesn’t seem to apply to charities. John now keeps a whistle near the phone for the more persistent ones!

. I want to help, I want to give but I don’t want to feel pressured and harassed. How do you feel about a charity selling your name to others? So if anyone has an answer on how to stop this flood of mail, please share it.