I Feel Pretty

 By the time you read this I should have. been flying home from a cruise in the Caribbean. This was the same cruise that I had booked in March 2020, then tried March 2021, then March 2022 and now finally hoped to take it, only to be struck down with a horrible respiratory virus two days before..

When I caught the virus I was in the middle of packing. I received a list of packing recommendations that said 3-4 pairs of shorts, 2-3 sundresses, 2 evening outfits….. This is a seven day cruise, folks. How can one get through three to four pairs of shorts in seven days? Do people really worry that other passengers are going to whisper “Oh look, she’s wearing the same shorts she wore yesterday?” At very worst there is a laundry on board.  So my packing is always minimal. Things I can wash out in the sink if necessary. One fancy jacket for formal occasions. 

But when I was packing I suddenly thought JEWELRY! I should take jewelry to wear at dinner. Now I have to confess that I love jewelry. John loves buying me jewelry. I actually love buying jewelry when I’m traveling. I like looking at it in the jewelry case and thinking “oh this is so pretty!” But wearing it? Not so much. I had a friend (now passed away) who wore matching jewelry with every outfit. Every time I saw her she had earrings, necklace, bracelet, ring all in coordinating colors with the outfit she was wearing.  (And my mother had a closet full of handbags that she changed with her outfit).  Me? I wear the same gold necklace, the same little diamond earrings and gold bracelet for several months before I change them for similar items. If I have to attend the Edgars I wear a statement piece and enjoy it, but it never occurs to me, when I get up in the morning, to think what piece of jewelry goes with what I’m wearing today. Okay, it’s normally sweats. But I did think what a slouch I was when I was meeting a writer friend for lunch and realized I could have worn a nice necklace.

I suppose it’s because I don’t go out that much these days. Since Covid I’m out of the habit. We’ve entertained several friends and I haven’t dressed up. I did put on a good outfit for Debs’s launch at the Poisoned Pen, but apart from that it’s writer’s uniform. sweats. 

So I’m interested to hear from other Reds: do you wear much jewelry? Change your earrings regularly? Should I be enjoying mine more? Making an effort to wear those pieces sitting in my jewelry box?

JENN McKINLAY: I love this post, Rhys! I am the exact same way. I think I like looking at jewelry more than I like wearing it. And I do love looking at it but, yes, I work in jeans and T-shirts so not really jewelry worthy. It is a dilemma! Also, your post now has the song “I Feel Pretty” from West Side Story (Hank fixed my first guess at the musical) playing in my head. 

JULIA SPENCER-FLEMING: At some point during this interminable pandemic, I realized I hadn’t put on anything but earrings for well over a year, and decided to change that. So now I frequently add a necklace to my look, even if (usually) I’m the only person who will see me. I like looking in the mirror and thinking, “Sharp!”

I still only wear bracelets and rings when I’m going out, and even then rarely. It’s way too fiddly to work with anything attached to my hands. I also have way too many pieces, as I got the bulk of my mom’s jewelry (she had the same New England style as I, while my sister is New York and my sister in law is sporty.) I have no idea what’s going to happen to most of my stuff, since neither of my daughters had pierced ears. In fact, the Millennials and Gen Z kids that I know are not at all into jewelry, which means there will be a lot of good pieces hitting second hand stores in another few decades!

HANK PHILLIPPI RYAN: Ah, I wear the same rings all the time, I cannot imagine changing. And I don’t have pierced ears, so I have to be really careful about losing earrings.  For when I am on the road,  I have actually purchased several pairs of the same ones because I’m destined to lose them and might as well have backups. Necklaces have become more important on Zoom..I always have an eye out for zoom necklaces, because I always (as you may have noticed) we one of my billion black Petit Bateau t-shirts on Zoom because they always look nice and safe, and different necklaces make them, um, different.  

My darling husband always wants to give me jewelry, but I usually say no. I don’t really need it,  I’m happy with what I have, and how much can anyone actually use? I guess–I know the right thing when I see it.

RHYS: Hank, John always wants to buy me jewelry but I say "I only have one neck. How many necklaces can I wear?  I think he'd like me to be like Indian woman and wear my wealth in gold bangles!

HALLIE: Most of my jewelry was somebody else’s- my mother’s earrings or my grandmother’s wedding band… or stuff I picked up at yard sales. And I cherish my opal engagement ring but rarely wear it. I do love nice jewelry… just not for me.

DEBORAH CROMBIE: I like good artsy jewelry but I don't wear anything but my wedding ring at home, and I went so long without wearing earrings in the pandemic that my pierced ears half closed up. Add that to my metal allergies and putting in earrings even for an event is a challenge, but I did give in to temptation and bought a beautiful pair of silver hoops from my favorite jewelry stall at Sky Harbor Airport on my trip to Phoenix! 

RHYS: Debs, my ears closed up during the pandemic but I suffered agonies to re-open them and now keep my earrings in all the time.

So what about you, ladies? Who actually changes her jewelry with every outfit? Who loves to buy jewelry?

Rhys on Tips and Tipping

Thoughts on Service and Tipping

We are in the middle of an extended European trip and I’ve come to realize that anything we budget for travel gets multiplied by the amount of money we have to tip. We tip the taxi driver and while we are tipping him the bell boy has whisked our bags into a hotel and wants a tip to release them again to another bell boy who will carry them upstairs and want another tip.

I was horrified to read the amount we are supposed to tip on our upcoming river cruise. Twenty dollars a day EACH? You are serious? So actually the advertised cruise price is $300 more because I am paying part of your staff’s salary.  The same is true for waiters in the US. They are paid a ridiculously small amount because the restaurant owners know it will be made up with tips. Thus one feels obliged to tip, even if the service is so-so.

How I love it in France where tipping in restaurants is a thing of the past. Just rounding up a Euro or two is sufficient, also in Germany. But isn’t the whole purpose of tipping a reward for good service? Am I supposed to tip the surly waiter who, when asked by my husband what beers they carried, replied, “You can read the list on the back of the menu.” And it was a good restaurant, at an outdoor table, with just a candle at our table, making it impossible to read anything.

Another gripe I have is waiters treating me as if I’m one of their buddies. We once went to a very expensive restaurant for our anniversary—you know, the type where you have to book way in advance? We were placed at at table directly under the air-conditioning. We complained and were told this was the only table available and other diners had said they were too hot. Also the waitress referred to us as “You guys.” I don’t know about you, but when I go somewhere special I want to be treated as if I’m somewhere special.  I am not YOU GUYS. I am ma’am.

 A few weeks ago I was at Amazon headquarters and taken to a lovely restaurant by my editor and author team. We were greeted as if they’d been looking forward to seeing us. We were escorted to our table in the window.  We were talked through the menu, questions on preparation were answered.  Each dish arrived at the same time for all four of us, the maître de came to explain what we were eating. When we prepared to leave someone was standing with our coats ready for us to put on, AND our car was waiting outside the front door. NOW, that is service!  It made us feel special and appreciated and that is what one wants, isn’t it?

When my son was in drama school in New York he was also a waiter at a restaurant on Time Square. I went to eat there one night and watched him working a table. He was attentive, witty, funny. He made each dish sound fantastic and he recommended pairings of alcohol with each course. I’ m sure he made them spend more than they intended to, but they were having a really good time. He had turned it into an experience. Toward the end of the meal they looked across to me, having been told that I was his mother. “We love your son,” they said.  Since he was a musical theater major he would also serenade people on their anniversaries and special occasions. They loved that too.

So what about you? What are your feelings on tipping? Do you wish it was completely abolished and we paid a little extra up front?

Traveling in Place: Armchair Travel with the Jungle Reds

SUSAN ELIA MACNEAL: Julia's post on running away from home reminded me of how often I look at travel web sites and travel magazines — not making any particular plans, just daydreaming about wonderful journeys. Since my real-life travel tends to be focused on World War II-related history and sites, in my daydream travels there are often no museums or monuments, just warm, white sand and turquoise blue waters. Thanks to Lucy, I'm obsessed with Key West (all those Hemingway cats!), the British Virgin Islands, and also the pink-sand beaches of Bermuda. 

Reds, in your daydreams (time away and cost no object) where do you armchair travel?


HALLIE EPHRON: My pipe dream travel: Hogwarts! Most definitely. And I am eager to get to Diagon Alley at the Universal park. I know, nutty. But there you are.


My daydream travel is Luquillo Beach in Puerto Rico. THE most beautiful beach I've ever been to. Silky warm water. Quiet mid-week sunny day. I "go" there when I'm stressed. Which this winter means a lot.

RHYS BOWEN: Hallie, I've been on the Harry Potter tour at Warner Brother's Studio in London and Diagon Alley there was fantastic. My one big unfulfilled travel dream is a safari in Africa. But I also loved snorkeling on the Great Barrier Reef and cruising among the Whitsunday Islands in Australia. When I'm trying to relax and picture my perfect calming spot it's always Lake Como, looking at the snow-capped mountains and beautiful gardens. When I stayed there it took my breath away. 


DEBORAH CROMBIE: Ooh, Hallie and Rhys, I want to go to Hogwarts, too! Warner Brothers in London might actually be doable for me. Probably not this trip, as I imagine you have to book way ahead, but it's going on my list.

More on the pipe dream side is Hobbiton in New Zealand. I have this thing about Bag End. If I'm totally stressed I imagine myself sitting outside Bilbo's front door and looking down the hill.

Day dream destinations: The only time I don't dream of beaches is in July and August in Texas... And I want to go to Tuscany. And Montreux, Switzerland. (Rick thinks it would be a good place to retire. Maybe if you are a rock star!!!)

And lately I've been looking at Viking Cruise ads longingly. I have several friends who have done Viking cruises, including Marcia and Barry Talley for their 50th. Apparently they are as wonderful as they sound. But I would have to rope in my daughter or a girlfriend because I don't think I'd ever talk Rick into it. His dream vacation is to stay in a friend's cabin in Creed, Colorado, where the elevation is 10,000 feet. Not. 

JULIA SPENCER-FLEMING: Oh, Debs I'd be happy to run away to Hobbiton with you. Why some clever home builder hasn't taken to offering custom-built smials (eg, hobbit holes) I don't know. My hiking, biking, rowing dream travel destination: India, especially up in the northwest mountains - Himachai Pradesh and Kashmir. For complete personal indulgence, one of the all-inclusive luxury resorts on the beaches of Thailand or one of the hundreds of atolls of the Maldives (I am a bad person because I'd love to go there before the nation sinks beneath the waves, as seems increasingly likely.)

For being together with family and friends - well, that river barge cruise we've all talked about has a lot of appeal. Or one of those small sailing cruises, with just a small number of guests and an expert crew under sail in the Aegean. Or the Caribbean.  As long as the water's blue, I'm happy.

LUCY BURDETTE: Yes to the Jungle Red River Cruise! We get lots of travel brochures in the mail and it's fun to browse all the options. They make every trip sound great! John and I do want to go on safari too, Rhys. And Scandinavia--would love to see that. And now, since those lovely girls wrote me from the island of Sylt in Germany, I have a yearning to see that too. And New Zealand. The trouble is that getting to a destination is not fun these days...

HANK PHILLIPPI RYAN: When you said Hogwarts, I thought you meant the real Hogwarts. Like go to the station, and get on platform--what is it? 9 and 3/4?  I'm all for that. We also get so many pamphlets about those river cruises. I can't decide whether they'd be fabulously gorgeous and relaxing---or you'd feel TRAPPED for days on the stupid boat. I'd adore to go to Lake Como--my father says its the prettiest place he's ever been.  We have gone to Nevis several times-it's endless white beaches and no one is there. It is beyond fabulous, we sit on the beach and watch the pelicans, and we were actually (me on vacation!) thinking of going this year. But now it's ravaged by some Caribbean mosquito-borne horrible disease. Chikengunya. So we're staying home.  We can't get out our back door, anyway. They snow is too high.


SUSAN ELIA MACNEAL: Oh, poor Hank and Hallie and Julia in New England — it's been a hard winter. And I love how even in our armchair travels, our thoughts turn to imaginary lands — Daigon Alley, Hobbitton, Platform 9 3/4 (that would solve the issue of getting through the security line at the airport, right?)

Lovely readers, where do you travel in your imaginations?

(Also, who's up for a Jungle Reds Cruise? That one through Brittany looks amazing....)