Rhys on Tips and Tipping

Thoughts on Service and Tipping

We are in the middle of an extended European trip and I’ve come to realize that anything we budget for travel gets multiplied by the amount of money we have to tip. We tip the taxi driver and while we are tipping him the bell boy has whisked our bags into a hotel and wants a tip to release them again to another bell boy who will carry them upstairs and want another tip.

I was horrified to read the amount we are supposed to tip on our upcoming river cruise. Twenty dollars a day EACH? You are serious? So actually the advertised cruise price is $300 more because I am paying part of your staff’s salary.  The same is true for waiters in the US. They are paid a ridiculously small amount because the restaurant owners know it will be made up with tips. Thus one feels obliged to tip, even if the service is so-so.

How I love it in France where tipping in restaurants is a thing of the past. Just rounding up a Euro or two is sufficient, also in Germany. But isn’t the whole purpose of tipping a reward for good service? Am I supposed to tip the surly waiter who, when asked by my husband what beers they carried, replied, “You can read the list on the back of the menu.” And it was a good restaurant, at an outdoor table, with just a candle at our table, making it impossible to read anything.

Another gripe I have is waiters treating me as if I’m one of their buddies. We once went to a very expensive restaurant for our anniversary—you know, the type where you have to book way in advance? We were placed at at table directly under the air-conditioning. We complained and were told this was the only table available and other diners had said they were too hot. Also the waitress referred to us as “You guys.” I don’t know about you, but when I go somewhere special I want to be treated as if I’m somewhere special.  I am not YOU GUYS. I am ma’am.

 A few weeks ago I was at Amazon headquarters and taken to a lovely restaurant by my editor and author team. We were greeted as if they’d been looking forward to seeing us. We were escorted to our table in the window.  We were talked through the menu, questions on preparation were answered.  Each dish arrived at the same time for all four of us, the maître de came to explain what we were eating. When we prepared to leave someone was standing with our coats ready for us to put on, AND our car was waiting outside the front door. NOW, that is service!  It made us feel special and appreciated and that is what one wants, isn’t it?

When my son was in drama school in New York he was also a waiter at a restaurant on Time Square. I went to eat there one night and watched him working a table. He was attentive, witty, funny. He made each dish sound fantastic and he recommended pairings of alcohol with each course. I’ m sure he made them spend more than they intended to, but they were having a really good time. He had turned it into an experience. Toward the end of the meal they looked across to me, having been told that I was his mother. “We love your son,” they said.  Since he was a musical theater major he would also serenade people on their anniversaries and special occasions. They loved that too.

So what about you? What are your feelings on tipping? Do you wish it was completely abolished and we paid a little extra up front?

Rhys has a little Rant!

RHYS BOWEN: Okay sorry but this is going to be a minor rant.

I’ve just returned from a few book events around the country and something annoying happened to me on a regular basis: an agent at the airport or rental car center or hotel would look at me, then the man standing ahead or behind me and ask, “Are you together?”  When I go into an upscale restaurant I’ve been asked, “Are you waiting for someone?”  As if shocked that a woman of a certain age should dare to eat alone.

I bet.a man standing in line has NEVER been asked “are you together” indicating a lady standing behind him. I was once standing in line for a rental car. Although an agent appeared to be free I was not called forward. Eventually I asked if the agent wasn't free. "Oh, I thought you'd be with that gentleman," he replied. It never crossed his mind that I was alone, and was going to have the audacity to take a car out, by myself.

(And in case you think I look like a little old lady when I travel, here are some recent pix. With me in the fur coat is Robin Burcell)

As I’ve been watching the election and the Olympics and being bombarded with sexual stereotyping (Hilary raises her voice and she’s screeching. A male raises his voice and he’s being assertive). Female athletes have their appearance commented on all the time.. Do you ever hear the commentator say of a male volleyball player,  “He’s looking hunky today?” And what about the one athlete whose headline read “Wife of Chicago Bulls Player wins gold.” Never mentioning her name or her sport.

Well, I’ve decided not to take it any more. Each time I was asked if I was with someone I’ve replied, “ Is it now against the law for a woman over fifty to travel alone?”

And when they ask in that restaurant if I’m waiting for someone I reply, “Only if I get lucky” 

And I’ve found a way to make sure I get good service after that. I never take the first table I am offered, especially if it’s near the rear or the kitchen. I say “I prefer to sit over here, thank you” and walk over to the nicest table. And as soon as I sit I say “I’m on business and I don’t have long. Please send over the somelier with your wine list” and I order something unpronounceable (or at least something that I can pronounce and most people can’t). Then the word goes out that I might be difficult and the service is excellent!

So let’s take a stand, dear Reds of a certain age. Let them know that just because we are older women we do not sit at home crocheting, or go out playing bingo. And we don’t need a man to travel with!

Do share your stories! Have you experienced the same kind of put downs?

At least we writers have one secret weapon. When someone particularly annoys me I take a good look at them and think, "Careful or you'll wind up dead in my next book!"