The Hostess with the Mostest...cleaning to do

JULIA SPENCER-FLEMING: When we talked about our summer plans, I mentioned the kick-off for my season is hosting Youngest and the Very Tall Dutchman (they're coming over on KLM; does that mean I can call him the Flying Dutchman?) Of course, I want to make a good impression, and more importantly, he has allergies, so I'm attempting to remove as much dust/soot/cat hair as I can from the premises. It doesn't help that I burn wood all winter long and that the family room carpet is covered with a gentle sprinkling of bark and twiglets.

 

 

This isn't the first important guest I wanted to impress, of course.  Ross and I hustled like MAD when his father visited us at This Old House for the first time. It was a scorching hot day in August, and of course, we also had to deal with a two-year-old and a seven-month old while dusting, weeping, polishing, etc., etc. When Dad arrived, I dropping my rag and spray bottle on the kitchen counter, and yelled, "Honey! Come on downstairs!" Ros reaching the foyer just as I opened the door to greet my father-in-law -- and my husband promptly vanished upstairs without a word and didn't reappear for a good half hour.

 

He later explained he didn't want his dad to see him all sweaty and sticky. and he didn't understand why Victor and I kept laughing about his disappearing act.  (If you've heard people say, "There weren't any autistic people being born in the 1950s," let me introduce you to my husband...)

 

 

However, I admit I was even MORE frantic a few years later, when my mother came to stay for three days. (She never lingered longer than that, holding to the old adage about fish and guests.) I was so freaked out about the mess, and the dust underneath the mess, and the dirt under the dust, that we hired a professional cleaning service to come in and basically power wash everything. 

 

 

It was ridiculously expensive compared to our budget, but the peace of mind it gave me was priceless. I didn't hear a single critique while she was visiting! (Well, not about the house. She had a few things to say about my hair and my parenting.)

 

 

Of course, many of you will remember we were known for our huge Christmas dinners. We hosted twenty to forty friends every year between 2003 and 2019 (excepting '16 and '17.) It got easier prepping the house every year, as the kids grew older and were able to genuinely assist in the run-up. Also, since it was an annual affair, we all knew the drill. 

 

However, inevitably, there was enough "what the heck do we do with this" stuff to fill a basket or box, which would get stashed up in the attic. Did we ever reclaim those boxes? No, no we did not. I was in the attic yesterday, looking for old children's books to pass on to baby Paulie, and stumbled across a few. At this stage, I think it's best to not even look at what's inside; out the door and straight into the trash bin will be best.

 

Dear Readers, have you had V-I-Vs (Very Important Visitors) or a high-profile event at your party? How did you carry it off?

Swedish Death Cleaning for Very Much Alive Guests

 JULIA SPENCER-FLEMING: We've all heard about Swedish Death Cleaning, yes? I confess, I'm not sure how it got it's name - I don't suppose Swedes as a group get ready en masse for the end. On the other hand, we've all seen clips of Ingmar Bergen's The Seventh Seal, so maybe they are?

 

The goal is to declutter and organize, not just for you, but to make it easier for your family to deal with your home and possessions when you go toes up. But it's also an absolutely prime way to get your house more ready to put on the market. I'm not planning on either in the immediate future, but I am sick of having a huge house where I still can't comfortably have guests sleeping over because the bedrooms are still crowded with the kids junk precious things.

From Just A Girl and her Blog. My tubs, sadly, don't match...

At any rate, this spring, I decided to combine the traditional seasonal deep clean with a real deep clean, tossing bags and bags of old clutter from the kids' rooms, shoveling out the depths of a closet that went back thirty years (dear reader, I found perfectly preserved baby clothes there!) and finally sorting my Christmas decor by type, giving away ornaments that no longer sparked joy, as Marie Kondo says. It's so perfectly organized now, I plan on including 'The Christmas Closet' as a regular part of the house tour.

 

 If you have a keen eye, you may notice that I'm writing about this as if it's still going on, despite the fact we're in late August and getting perilously close to the Fall cleaning season. Yes! It is, and I am still working on it. But now I've run into a difficult contradiction.

 

This Saturday, my daughter Victoria is getting married! (You can read more on that this weekend.) Some of you may remember I've already referred to my daughter's wife, and mentioned their November trip to city hall in the comments. They're doing this European style, separating the civil service and the religious festivities. 

 

As a result, my house is going to be topped off with guests. Along with Spencer and Virginia returning to the nest, I'm putting up both Victoria's godmothers (plus one godmother-husband.) In addition, I'm having a dinner party Friday night!

 

The issue, of course, is that Swedish Death Cleaning involves careful consideration, organization, and sorting. Here Come The Guests cleaning involves putting everything into boxes or laundry baskets and shoving it all into a closet or unused bedroom where no one will see your shame. 

 

This will VERY MUCH not be me.

But there are no unused bedrooms! Heck, I'm putting myself on the blow-up bed in the family room. And I'll be darned if I'm going to sully those carefully emptied closets with yet more odds and ends. What to do, what to do? 

 

Dear readers, tell us your techniques for in-depth cleaning versus Quick! Guests! cleaning. By the time you read this, I will have hopefully succeeded in prepping for my visitors without disappointing the Swedes. Or Death. If not, I'll let you know in the comments.