The Hostess with the Mostest...cleaning to do

JULIA SPENCER-FLEMING: When we talked about our summer plans, I mentioned the kick-off for my season is hosting Youngest and the Very Tall Dutchman (they're coming over on KLM; does that mean I can call him the Flying Dutchman?) Of course, I want to make a good impression, and more importantly, he has allergies, so I'm attempting to remove as much dust/soot/cat hair as I can from the premises. It doesn't help that I burn wood all winter long and that the family room carpet is covered with a gentle sprinkling of bark and twiglets.

 

 

This isn't the first important guest I wanted to impress, of course.  Ross and I hustled like MAD when his father visited us at This Old House for the first time. It was a scorching hot day in August, and of course, we also had to deal with a two-year-old and a seven-month old while dusting, weeping, polishing, etc., etc. When Dad arrived, I dropping my rag and spray bottle on the kitchen counter, and yelled, "Honey! Come on downstairs!" Ros reaching the foyer just as I opened the door to greet my father-in-law -- and my husband promptly vanished upstairs without a word and didn't reappear for a good half hour.

 

He later explained he didn't want his dad to see him all sweaty and sticky. and he didn't understand why Victor and I kept laughing about his disappearing act.  (If you've heard people say, "There weren't any autistic people being born in the 1950s," let me introduce you to my husband...)

 

 

However, I admit I was even MORE frantic a few years later, when my mother came to stay for three days. (She never lingered longer than that, holding to the old adage about fish and guests.) I was so freaked out about the mess, and the dust underneath the mess, and the dirt under the dust, that we hired a professional cleaning service to come in and basically power wash everything. 

 

 

It was ridiculously expensive compared to our budget, but the peace of mind it gave me was priceless. I didn't hear a single critique while she was visiting! (Well, not about the house. She had a few things to say about my hair and my parenting.)

 

 

Of course, many of you will remember we were known for our huge Christmas dinners. We hosted twenty to forty friends every year between 2003 and 2019 (excepting '16 and '17.) It got easier prepping the house every year, as the kids grew older and were able to genuinely assist in the run-up. Also, since it was an annual affair, we all knew the drill. 

 

However, inevitably, there was enough "what the heck do we do with this" stuff to fill a basket or box, which would get stashed up in the attic. Did we ever reclaim those boxes? No, no we did not. I was in the attic yesterday, looking for old children's books to pass on to baby Paulie, and stumbled across a few. At this stage, I think it's best to not even look at what's inside; out the door and straight into the trash bin will be best.

 

Dear Readers, have you had V-I-Vs (Very Important Visitors) or a high-profile event at your party? How did you carry it off?

Holiday De-Traditions

A LOT has changed since this was taken

JULIA SPENCER-FLEMING: There’s much talk, this time of year, about traditions. And why not? The traditions we hold to year after year are a vital part of making the holidays what they are. Unlike other events, we don’t crave novelty or uniqueness; we want the same decorations, the same songs, the same people. Even if you don’t particularly like Aunt Millie’s green bean casserole, you still make it. Even though your mother-in-law drives you bonkers, you still drive two hours to spend the day at her house. 

 

But, as author coach Becca Syme likes to say, what if you… didn’t?

As timeless as they seem, our holiday observances have to change over the years. We get married and have to accommodate our spouse’s dumb traditions along with our own beautiful and meaningful ones. We move out of state, and for some reason, Mom isn’t as interested in cleaning and cooking for us and our sisters and our cousins and our aunts (our sisters and our cousins, who number in the dozens!) The ice dancing show we always took the kids to now costs - are you kidding me? A hundred bucks per ticket?

Then there are the traditions you kick to the curb because you realize the work isn’t worth the payoff. I stopped making Christmas cookies the year I found myself sobbing in the kitchen at 2am, taking batch after batch of confections out of the oven. My kids and my husband would much rather have those white-chocolate-covered Oreos they put out this time of year; why was I killing myself over pfeffernusse? 

 

 

 

Or wrapping presents with fancy paper and bows and ribbons. Yes, it looks pretty, but you know who doesn’t care? Everyone else in the house except you. That paper is like Gypsy Rose Lee’s costumes: it’s just an impediment to the good stuff underneath. I, myself, switched to bags and tissue paper; now not only super easy - pop the present in, cover it with tissue, tie the handles with a bit of ribbon if you don’t trust the recipient  not to peek - but I also get to bask in the glow of righteous eco-saving, since they get reused over and over and over again.

The latest tradition that I suspect is about to disappear? Our Christmas Day dinners for twenty to forty. Obviously, we put this on hold during the pandemic, but in the years since 2020, there have been changes besides masking and hand sanitizer. Many of the now-adult kids of the families who would come have moved out of state, and our former guests are making their own decisions on where to spend the holidays. Some friends are less than enthused about being indoors in winter crowded together with people who, lets face it, could be carrying God-knows what kinds of germs. 

One of THREE tables for the big parties!

Most importantly, I've realized the sheer amount of work I need to do when I don’t have a husband and willing teens/college kids to pitch in. Thanksgiving dinner for seven felt like a LOT. It took me two days to clean up, and we didn’t even have any wine glasses to wash. (Sober celebration for the win!) Youngest really wants to resume the huge get-togethers, but I couldn’t help but notice that as I carried in plates and platters from the dining room and sorted napkins to be laundered, she sat in front of the fire and scrolled on her phone. 

This year, we’re only doing six for Christmas, and I feel fine with that. I’m thinking I can wait until Youngest has her own large house with lots of space, and let her resume the enormous dinner party tradition. I’ll be happy to show up with a dish and a smile, and leave all the rest of the toil and trouble to her. I might even bring Aunt Millie’s green bean casserole.

How about you, dear readers?

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner?

LUCY BURDETTE: Does it seem to you that big dinner parties prepared by one hostess have gone the way of the dinosaurs? I know I used to make more elaborate meals for bigger crowds, but life's gotten so busy...

Some five or six years ago, a group of friends decided to launch a supper club. Six couples meet six times a year for a big dinner. The hosts make the main dish and tell the others what to make. We're all competent cooks (a key I think) but only one of us, Tim, is a true gourmet. He's been known to cook with Jacques Pepin, and his son Adam is a professional chef (and a character in TOPPED CHEF!) 

While the rest of us might assign the others to bring a generic salad or vegetable, Tim's been known to hand out a particular recipe. None of us will forget the time he asked Cathy to bring green beans--not just any green beans, but Thomas Keller's green beans. Err, I should say Haricots verts, tomato tartare and chive oil salad. Among other steps it involved blanching, peeling, and roasting the tomatoes for several hours. We can't remember what the main dish was that night, but we all remember Cathy's stacked beans.  


This time, Cathy had the appetizer assignment, which we all agree is not that easy. These shrimp were wonderful--tossed in olive oil, salt and pepper, and roasted at 400 degrees for ten minutes, rather than boiled. (I'm sure I had three, maybe four...)

 




Here's the rest of our dinner--Scott made the pork roast, Sue the rice, Tim and Stacie the roasted veggies, me the pomegranate salad (recipe for the salad is posted at Mystery Lovers Kitchen), and Barbara, the pies. 

This makes the whole idea of entertaining so much more reasonable. And with our busy lives, it's great to know we'll be seeing our pals at least every other month--and eating well. 

There's only one downside to being the host and hostess...but we can handle the mess once a year!

How about you Reds, do you still throw dinner parties?  What should we bring??