The Etiquette of Social Networking

JAN BROGAN -  Recently, I went back to my alma mater, Boston University College of Communications, to volunteer at an event to help soon-to-be  graduating seniors learn how to network.   Jodi R. R. Smith, a nationally recognized etiquette consultant, (founder and president of  Mannersmith Etiquette Consulting)  had a captive audience as she deftly highlighted the rules and the subtleties of social networking.

Listening in the back row, I had two thoughts:

1. This was the most valuable thing BU could do for its seniors outside of actually guaranteeing them a job.

2. Why oh why, hadn't I heard of any of this before I went to my first mystery conference.

Unlike nearly everyone else on this blog, I'm not a good networker. This is true, even though I'm pretty much an extravert. I overthink things and the whole idea of networking, talking to people with a goal in mind, troubled me.  I had also been traumatized by my very first mystery conference when another author trapped me in the elevator for eleven floors and gave me the hard sell on buying his book. Was this what I was supposed to be doing at conferences?  Because ----  eew, ick.

Anyway, all that is over  - because now I've got the rules.  Both funny and practical, Jodi Smith had been featured in numerous magazines and newspapers and has  appeared on of NBC Today Show, Good Morning America and the CBS Early Show. Jodi was such a terrific speaker that I knew she would have to have a terrific book.  Three to be exact,  and the latest, The Etiquette Book: the complete guide to modern manners, is just out and it is not kidding when it says "complete."  It touches on everything from baby showers to polishing your professional image to introductions via email.

So please welcome Jodi to Jungle Red.

JAN: How did you get interested in etiquette?
JODI R.R.SMITH:    I was horribly shy and found being shy to be rather dull.  I started reading etiquette books in high school to provide me with some context for interactions and found quickly that it worked!  (Here is the longer story: http://www.mannersmith.com/about/credentials.cfm)

JAN: What is the biggest misconception people have about etiquette?
JODI: People think that having good manners means being stiff and plastic.  But nothing could be further from the truth.  When someone has good manners, we enjoy being around them.  We say “Wow, that was great chatting with Jan.”  (Not “That Jan had such pleasant manners.”)  When someone has bad manners, such as chewing with his/her mouth open, that is all we notice.

JAN: What is the most asked question?
JODI: How long do I have to give a wedding gift?  (The answer, on or before the wedding!!!)

JAN: Do you have a pet peeve in the bad manners department?
JODI: Oh, where to begin!  Perhaps people who wield etiquette, when it is convenient, as a means of judging others.  There is an ethics quote that applies nicely to etiquette.  “We judge ourselves by our best intensions and others by their last worst act.”

JAN: And because I can't be the only person messed up about networking at conferences, could you please  give us five top tips for networking.
JODI:
1.      Know Yourself ~ Always be prepared to give a self-introduction. Your name only gets you halfway there. You should also include a tidbit of information about yourself. It is this bit of information that will help you start a conversation or help the other person ask you a question. (i.e. "Hi, I am Jodi Smith, sister of the bride." "Nice to meet you, I am Jodi Smith from Boston." "Hello, I am Jodi Smith, I teach confidence.")
2.      Be Prepared ~ Before going to any event, have a few back-up topics of conversation in mind should there be a lull in the conversation. There are many "typical topics" so be sure to choose ones that interest you. (i.e. current events, movies, plays, concerts, televisions shows, books, school/work, hobbies, family, travel, sports, pets, and when in doubt, there is always the weather!)
3.      Catch The Ball ~ Think of a conversation as a game of catch. You throw the ball, hold on to it for a few seconds, then throw it back to the other person, who catches it, holds on to it for a few seconds, then throws it back to you again. Repeat. Good conversations involve give and take. If you find that you are not talking at all or that you are doing all the talking, something is off in your game.
4.      Keep the Game Going I: Non Verbal ~ There are two ways to make sure your conversation continues to flow. The first is body language. Your body should face the other person, shoulders squared to theirs, open body stance (make sure your arms are not crossed and that your hands are not hidden in your pockets!), and good eye contact. In addition to body language, you should also be using listening cues. Listening cues might include nodding your head, or an occasional "um-hum."
5.      Keep the Game Going II: Verbal ~ The second way to ensure your conversation flows is through the words you use. Be sure to ask open-ended questions -- these are questions that require at least a sentence as an answer. (i.e. "How do you know the host/hostess?", "What makes you say that?", "What was your favorite vacation?", "Tell me about...")
6.      Practice, Practice, Practice ~ Like any other skill, small talk and conversations should be practiced. Whether it is the cashier at the local bagel store, the librarian, a fellow commuter, or someone also waiting in line, try having a brief conversation about the weather or current events. The more you practice, the more comfortable you will feel, and the better you will be at small talk. (Please note: manners matter, but safety first. Do not strike up conversations with strangers while alone, at night, or in a potentially dangerous situation!)
7.      Smile ~ I know, I know, it seems so obvious, but good conversationalists are also good smilers. Let's face it; we would rather speak to someone who is smiling that with someone who is not.
(Or if you'd rather, just give us your top tips for networking at conferences and skip all other questions except how you get interested in etiquette.

JAN: What are you working on next?
JODI: An etiquette guide for young adults, updating all of my seminars, and playing with more social media options…

JAN: Ah, can't wait for that one. And to Jodi's excellent advice listed above, I will add what I learned from her at the BU event: Wear your name tag on your right, hold your drink with your left (to assure you have the open stance she mentions above and to easily shake hands.) Know your goal before you go to conference. Graciously end a conversation by asking for a business card, and whatever you do, don't trap anyone in an elevator and go for the hard sell. It's not about closing the deal, its 'll about  the follow up.

And if you tend to overthink things the way I do, make sure to get her book.

Jodi will be checking in later on today to answer questions.

The ABCs of Social Media - a guest post by Dana Kaye, Kaye Publicity

Book writing often seems to appeal to non-technical, introverted, one-foot-in-the-19th-century types. But book publishing (and marketing and selling) calls for high-tech, extroverted, 21st century thinkers. Bridging the gap? Publicists like Dana Kaye.

In addition to having published several short stories and articles herself, Dana is young, hip, and carries a heavyweight roster of clients like Marcus Sakey, Gregg Hurwitz, Michael Harvey, publisher Tyrus Books and on-line readers' community Book Country. Her list just got a little shinier: her client Steve Ulfelder is an Edgar Award nominee for Best First Novel and her client Tracy Kiely has been nominated for the prestigious Mary Higgins Clark Award (along with our own Hallie Ephron!)

Like all good publicists, Dana works with traditional media and speaking outlets, but she really stands out in the sometimes-puzzling, always-evolving world of digital social media. Today, she shares some of her expertise with us.

Social Media Basics

By Dana Kaye

The most common questions authors ask me pertain to social media. From the basics (What exactly is twitter? What’s the difference between a Facebook page and a Facebook profile?) to more advance questions (What’s the best way to translate your following into readers? How do you build a following through content?).

Today, I’d like to address the most commonly asked questions pertaining to Twitter and Facebook, from the basic to the complicated:

Should I make a Facebook Profile or Facebook Page? What’s the difference?

When Facebook first went public, authors were encouraged to have a Facebook profile. They became “friends” with their readers, posted book updates, and uploaded photos for their new friends to see. Most authors who got into the Facebook game early, have hit the 5000 friend mark (the maximum number of friends allotted).

Now I encourage authors to create pages. There is no maximum number of “likes”, you can create custom tabs for events, new books, or contests, and it serves as a more interactive website.

There are pros and cons to both a profile and a page, but right now, pages are more effective for authors. If you haven’t signed up for Facebook yet, start with a fan page. If you have a small following on your Facebook profile, create a page and let all your friends know that you will now be posting on the new page. If you have a large following (800+ friends) talk to your publisher or a social media expert about how you can migrate your friends over to your new page.

What should I post?

Whatever you post on Twitter and Facebook should be a part of your brand. This doesn’t mean that every post should pertain to your life as a novelist or the types of books you write. It means that each of your post should fall fit in with your online persona.

Before you decide “who to be” online (and don’t kid yourself, we all have or should have online personas), you should decide the type of audience you want to reach. If you write romance novels and your target audience is women ages 40-70, I don’t think posting about football or politics is a good personal characteristic to include even if you feel strongly about them. As yourself the following questions:

• What do you write about? I don’t just mean the tagline of your latest novel. What are the themes, conflicts, and subjects explored in your books? Do you usually set your books in small towns or big cities? Are they high-concept or ordinary people trapped in extraordinary circumstances? Are your characters trying to fall in love, trying to kill each other, or trying to find themselves?

• What are you about? Look into your background, the things your passionate about, the characteristics that make you who you are, and pick the ones that tie in to your writing. Do you have a passion for travel and write international thrillers? Do you write historical novels and teach history at a local high school or university? Are you involved in a charity, sports team, or other organization whose members might also read your books?

I approach twitter and Facebook posts as I do dinner party conversation: avoid the topics of sex, religion, and politics (unless those are directly related to your books) and always present the best of yourself.

I believe there are four types of posts:

1. Professional post – links to articles, comment on trends, etc.

2. Promotional post – encouraging followers to buy your book or attend a signing

3. Personal post – a tidbit about your personal life that fits in with your online persona

4. Interaction – replying or engaging in conversation with another user

Most people post heavily in one category. They only post personal things, or they only promote their books, or they don’t post original content and simply re-tweet or respond to other people’s post. Do your best to rotate through the 4 types of posts each day. It’s not a strict rule, you can interact more on one day and post more professional items on another. Just be wary of posting too much in any one category, especially self-promotion.

Will social media really help increase sales?

Though I don’t believe social media directly translates into sales, I know that the fringe benefits of social media will boost sales and name recognition in the long term:

• Discoverability – potential readers are far more likely to stumble upon your Facebook page than your website. You have many more chances to “meet” people on Twitter than you do driving around the country doing book signings and networking events.

An active social media presence also increases your discoverability by the media. When Lynn Sheene began her “A Debut In Paris” promotion where she’d post photos of her book at famous Parisian landmarks, we began receiving emails from French publications, bloggers, even a hotel owner in Paris who wanted to throw a party for Lynn and the book. Her social media presence brought the opportunities to us, rather than us spending hours researching and sending inquiries to new media.

• Provides Re-enforcement - I believe that people need to see a name or a logo three times before it sticks in their brain. When someone purchases a book online or from their local bookstore, most of the time, they have already seen an ad, read a review, heard a radio interview, or received a recommendation from a friend. Now, Twitter and Facebook adds to the reinforcement. If I hear a radio interview with an author, I may think the book sounds good and I may want to read it. But I’ll quickly forget. Then if I see people talking about the book on Facebook and Twitter, it will remind me and I will be more likely to actually buy it.

• Making Connections – As was mentioned earlier, authors attend conferences, signings, and other events in order to build their network. But now, much of that networking can be done online. I treat Twitter like the bar of any conference: people are casually talking, debating, and meeting new people. It’s an online conversation.

Facebook does a similar thing. When I see people I haven’t seen in a long time, we can immediately skip all the small talk because we know what we’ve been up to based on our Facebook posts. We’ve maintained our relationship online so there is less need for reinforcement. If you have a book out every year, people will require less promotion before buying your latest release because you’ve maintained a relationship with them year round.

Dana Kaye is the founder of Kaye Publicity, a full service PR company specializing in publishing and entertainment. Visit Dana’s daily blog, 365 Days of Book Publicity, follow her on Twitter, and “like” her on Facebook.

On Social Networking

JAN: When I was writing Teaser, I decided that to research social networking, I had to start using it, so I opened accounts at MySpace and Facebook. I bribed my two kids into friending me on Facebook and for a while they were my only friends.

Don't feel sorry for me. Eventually, all the other writers in the world joined Facebook and I started to worry it was taking too much time. So what did I do? I joined Twitter. And this is where my story starts.

The website asked me to invite my friends on to Twitter, but I couldn't figure out how to search my contacts on Outlook so I typed in one of the only people whose email address I knew by heart. My brother.

His reply. You think I have time for this?
Me: Just hit the button and follow me.
His reply: Why?
Me: I have no idea.

My Twitter account remained inactive for about a month. Then I got an email via Twitter that an old college room-mate, a woman I haven't seen in thirty-five years was following me. In Twitter speak, following is like friending except it connotes that you actually read the other person's daily and/or moment-to-moment updates on a semi-religious basis. I decided to give Twitter another try. I updated myself. I reread the messages in Dani's Blogbook tour Newsgroup blogbooktours@yahoogroups.com, to get a few pointers.

What was I doing?? Twitter asked.
Trying to figure out Twitter etiquette, I replied.

All of a sudden, five people I didn't know were following me. And I have to tell you, it was a thrill. I knew enough to know they were only following me, so I'd follow them. But I didn't care. I posted again. Under 140 words Or is it characters? I always have to edit down. Be briefer. But I'm a writer, right? It feels like I'm working when I'm twittering. I post again.

I check my numbers. Forty-two followers! Every few hours, I get more. I follow them, too, because it's only polite. I even go to a few people's websites. I join some new social network group on social networking. I'm not sure why. I'm tweeting away. Is it the brevity that's so addictive? Or the following?

I disable my cable connection, so I can't access the Internet during the afternoon. But at night, I go to YouTUBE to check out the videos. There's one on Twitter In Plain English, Twitter Tease, and Twitter Snobbery. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3zqI0baKB This last was from one of my new followers. I figure he knows the score.

I watched three different videos on Twitter dos and don'ts. Who knew there was this much education? I come across this video. It's called Tweeter whore. I thought it was hysterical, but I sent it to my 22-year old daughter, who spends a good deal of time online.

She wrote back. "I don't get it it."
And then: "What's going on with you, anyway?"

Apparently, I'm so immersed in Twitterland, that I've lost perspective. So if you know nothing about Twitter, don't bother with this. But if you've ever tweeted, or thought about it, take a look. I think its laugh-out-loud funny, but scary, too. It could happen to anyone.

Oh by the way, if you want to follow me: My user name is JanBrogan (no space). I'll follow you back. Tweet, tweet.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CwGzdbLweUI

On TEASER, the murder mystery

JRW: We can't resist. We want to interview our own Jan! (Here's a special photo of her.)

Teaser is out officially--today! (And here's the cover!) Congratulations. It's so scary, and such a cautionary tale. Just tell us a bit about it.

JAN: Thanks Hank! Teaser is about social networking going horribly wrong. Hallie (the fictional Hallie, my main character. Not our Hallie.) comes across a provocative video clip when she's trolling a chatroom and realizes the young teens are local. She convinces her editors that she's got a great story, a story parents need to hear. Her investigation leads her to some very dark places, and when girls start dying, it becomes a personal crusade -- especially when she loses the newspaper's support.



JRW: How did you decide to write about teenagers on-line?

JAN: Well first of all, I was a difficult teenager who did a lot of stupid things. I actually used to hitch hike just to meet guys and had to bolt from the car more than once. So I feel like I relate to teenagers and understand how easily it is for them to lie and to ignore their parent's warnings. In raising my own teenagers, I began to view the Internet as a sewer pipe, something that could pump really bad stuff into my own home.

JRW: Your four-star review from Romantic Times said TEASER could be ripped from the headlines...is it based on reality?

JAN: It was definitely inspired by two headlines. The first was in Rhode Island, when two young teenage girls posted naked pictures of themselves on MySpace. The attorney general's office did not consider this a teenage whim. These girls were prosecuted for child pornography. Also the Justin Berry series in The New York Times alerted me to how kids could get in really big trouble with a webcam.

JRW: As a parent....does it give you chills? What do you think parents don't know?

JAN: Although I know the Internet is incredibly useful, much of its traffic and revenues are driven by pornography and I think parents should understand that. There is an overwhelming U.S. demand for pornography that contributes to the internationl sex slave trade. And I think exposure all our kids are getting to pornography is changing the culture.

I think parents don't know how vulnerable teenagers are, especially around 13 and 14 years old. Or how lonely for attention or acceptance they can be.

And it was an eye opener for me to learn how adept and patient sexual predators can be at grooming kids on line. They take very small steps, the process is so incremental, it can seem non-threatening to a kid. I really don't think parents should allow teens, especially young teens, laptops behind closed doors.

JRW: This is the third Hallie Ahern mystery--was this one different to write?

JAN: It was a little different in that the teenage characters came easily to me. I didn't fuss quite as much with this book. The odd thing was I didn't think I dwelled as much on Hallie's gambling addiction in this book, but every reviewer seemed to note it more here than in earlier titles.

JRW: Your video is so...edgy. Here's the link, for anyone who hasn't seen it. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BJNye1b1FIM
What did you think when you met the "real" Hallie? And the "real" girls?
And hmmm....didn't we see a secret actress in one scene?

JAN: It was such a thrill to have my characters come to life. I walked around in a cloud for days afterward. And I felt strangely maternal about the actresses. I was oddly proud that Hallie was so pretty -- as if she were my daughter. They were so much my characters that I had the hardest time calling them by their real names. Jaime, Gillian and Alma. They were all terrific actresses. And about that secret actress -- I have no idea where she came from!

JRW: And now-- The BIG LIE! Tell us four things about yourself--only three can be true! And we'll try to guess which one is a lie...

JAN: Wow, I FINALLY get to play the Jungle Red game!! And you know what?? it's a lot harder than I'd imagined.

I tapped dance before an audience on stage when I was nine-months pregnant
George Harrison was my favorite Beatle
My great, great, great grandfather was a guard in the Tower of England
I'm part Native American