HALLIE EPHRON: Can we talk about toilet paper? Before all this happened, if I’d asked you, “What’s the first thing people
will binge-buy and hoard during the pandemic?” would you even think toilet paper? I mean, seriously, why? And 14 weeks in, the stuff is still usually out of stock.According to a news article [https://www.good.is/Health/coronavirus-toilet-paper] the average person in the US goes through 100 rolls of toilet paper a year. How is that even possible? A roll every 3.65 days for each person? Am I nuts or does that sound ridiculously high, unless they’re using them for art projects as well as, ahem, necessities?
So I thought this week we could talk about life’s important questions when it comes to toilet paper:
- 1- or 2-ply?
- Scented or Un?
- Hang it over or under?
- How many rolls do you have on hand at this very moment?
- Have you EVER run out of the stuff?
- Are you having trouble replenishing your supply?
LUCY BURDETTE: I refuse to report my usage to anyone--that is no one’s affair except mine:). We are headed north soon and I know up there I have a big stash waiting for me (bamboo, good for the environment!), because I was on the waiting list forever at Who Gives a Crap! Here’s the link in case you want to check it out. https://us.whogivesacrap.org/
JENN McKINLAY: Over never under. At present we have about 24 rolls. We dipped to a low of 2 rolls at one point but I sent the Hooligans out on TP recon and they came back with a twelve pack.
I can honestly say this was not what I expected from the panickers. Usually, it’s milk, eggs, and bread, or is that just my New England hurricane upbringing coming through?
Honestly, this is the first time ever in Arizona that we’ve had an event that required us to stock up on anything. We only have two types of weather here - summer and hotter summer so sometimes ice is in low supply but otherwise ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
HANK PHILIPPI RYAN: Ah, well, used to be over, because back in the day when it had patterns on it, that made the pattern visible.. But now, with white, I do under, because of gravity. It makes the flap available without rolling it. Right? Do they even make scented? I think that’s bad for the environment or something.
On hand supply--maybe--2 twelve packs? Have we ever run out? Recently? No. “Before”? Huh. No. And crossing fingers and touching wood, but no problems. And I agree, it’s SO WEIRD!
But someone said it’s because everyone is at home, and all those people who had previously used the supply at their places of work are no longer using that. (Bizarrely, when this first happened, I bought...light bulbs. Because..sigh. It just seemed like they might vanish.)
DEBORAH CROMBIE: Over, absolutely! Under drives me crazy. You’re always fumbling for it. Plain white, unscented. And NO CHARMIN. Our sewer line is old clay pipe (cost for replacing is astronomical!) which tends to get root-clogged. We used to spend a fortune on plumbers until one really nice guy told us not to ever use Charmin because it doesn’t dissolve. No clogs since!
Our TP of choice is Kirkland brand from Costco, which is now (Yay!!) back in stock, so I got a 24 roll pack last week on a delivery. No toilet paper panic here anytime soon. We didn’t run out, have never run out that I can remember, but I admit I do feel relieved to have a stash now.
RHYS BOWEN: What do people DO with toilet paper. I make a roll last a couple of weeks. We have a 12-pack from before the outbreak. John always stocks up when he goes to Costco.
OUT! Always out!
JULIA SPENCER-FLEMING: Like Debs, I have an old house with old plumbing, so, sadly, it’s almost always unscented one-ply paper for us. I’ve been bending the rule during the quarantine, because you buy what you can find, but I’m sternly lecturing everyone to use as little as possible - not because I fear running out, but because I fear clogs.
Hank, I also read about the increase in TP usage at home being due to a lack of using the lav at work, at restaurants, while out shopping, etc. The article I read said 40% of our, um, flushing is normally done away from home - so no wonder we’re tearing through the TP. As a sidebar, I just got my electric bill for April-May and shrieked because it was five times larger than the same time last year. Then I realized, duh, there are four people living here instead of one, and we’re here all the time, instead of everyone but me leaving for eight hours a day to school and work.
Roll OUT - Hank, I’m sorry, but you’re very wrong here - and I am RICH in TP, thanks to our young friend who works for Whole Foods. In fact, I’m looking for suitors for my daughter, the Maine Millennial, and if you have an eligible son or grandson, she comes with a dowry of three twelve packs.
No flowers. No scents. No crocheted dogs to hide extra rolls!
HALLIE: Now I'm dying to know, what's Lucy hiding??
And what about the rest of you? Are you all stocked up or still stalking the elusive 12-pack?
And congratulations-- the winner of a copy of Esme Addison's A SPELL FOR TROUBLE is Grace Koshida. Esme will be in touch.
